3-29-2010

3-19-2010

Dear Family,

The one thing about challenging situations, is that it makes you feel like a champ when you live through it! After the Dr. visit I just had, (and now that it’s naptime!) that’s just how I feel for surviving! I was supposed to have my 6wk check-up today, but rescheduled after being up all night w/ Anne and her high fever.  I was somewhat relieved we could just take it easy, and try to catch up on our rest.  Anne slept in well (though Lucy, of course, was awake all morning), but when I got her up, her eczema-ridden feet were gathering pus, and were red, hot, and swollen-and even a patch on her leg (sans eczema!) was puffing up red.  At this point, I chucked our nap plans, got Spencer his lunch, and loaded up Anne and Emily for the Instacare a block away.  Unfortunately, Anne thought we’d be taking a walk in the stroller—one of her favorite activities right now, and when I forced the carseat, she fought back w/ tyrannical screaming, and didn’t stop until we got there.  She finally calmed down when I got the stroller out for her to ride in (20 ft., from the car to the bldg.) and I almost laughed at how we must’ve looked, my carrying a carseat on one arm, and pushing a stroller w/ the other.  Though our copay had gone from $25-$40, at least Anne wasn’t screaming, nor did we have to wait very long.     Then, as I got Anne out to go back to be seen, she started a new screaming fit (that must be one comfy stroller!), and held it full-force through the nurses’ checking, and Dr. exam.  We all just looked around her, and tried to kind of read lips over her tantrum to communicate, and left w/ an antibiotic prescription, by which time she was calming down enough to ask for a sucker on the way out.  Thank goodness Lucy picked that hour to forget she was colicky!

Last nnight, I was, of course, not completely coherent and somewhat concerned.  I remember (again) that feeling I had when Spencer was a baby, and he’d had digestive problems/rotovirus for 9 months straight, and then I had lice, and w/ no sleep and so many contagions flying around, death seemed pretty imminent.  That’s about how I felt last night, though not quite so panicky, having felt it (and lived through it all) before.  Besides, Anne’s fever seemed tame and normal next to the concerns we’ve developed the last few weeks over what we’re pretty sure are some OCD tendencies in our dear Emily.  It keeps me up at night, and gnaws at my insides like nothing has since our unemployment phase, so I guess it’s about time for one of those stretchy trials again.  She really is doing fine, and if it is diagnosed, it is REALLY mild, and in early stages, etc., so the prognosis is excellent, and very surmountable, but it still aches and weighs down—and more than ever in such a sleep-deprived state.  I AM grateful it’s not worse, and so grateful to have felt prompted to go tuck her in one night, when she happened to recount to me some of her concerns that clued us in.  I’ve read tons, and am in the middle of a very good and oh so hopeful book, and we’ve set an appt. for her to see a psychologist in about a month.  It probably doesn’t help much, that I’m in the middle of a book on the Bubonic Plague right now J.  And, though I have to keep commanding my stomach to unclench and let me sleep and eat, it is always amazing to me how these times we’re stretched taut make us more exposed to heavenly help.  Almost like fasting leaves us relying on spiritual nourishment, these very worst times keep us always looking up. 

We blessed our Lucy yesterday, and after we scheduled it, we found out they were changing our bishopric, and after that, we found out Brian would be in it as 1^st counselor to our new bishop, so it was quite a red-letter day, and very nice to have family here (from North to South):  Dad & Kathy, Great G&G M,  Nate & Stacey, Sarah & Dean, and Nick & Laurie.  As I sat there, a bit wrinkled w/ my own experiences and struggling inside, it felt quite paradoxical to the blissful, orderly family we must’ve appeared to be.  Our life is so rich and blessed, but I still felt inclined never to think we know each other’s situation, whether to be jealous or judgmental, or in any other way hasty.  Life is certainly ALWAYS a combination of ups and downs, whether we see everyone else’s or not. 

Still, it was a wonderful day.  Lucy’s blessing was very tender—including to posses the virtues of womanhood, a burning desire to choose the right, power in being a missionary and good example to others, and developing charity.  She is a dear, and esp. so since she has been sleeping 6 straight hours now, almost daily! We enjoyed a ham dinner here after church, and the great company of family. 

I spent most of the week getting food ready for Sunday, enjoyed a stake RS dinner, got my hair cut!, went VT, on RS visits, and enjoyed a school holiday w/ the children on Monday—taking them to the library and the McDonald’s playground (when our park plans froze).  We met another family there, so the children could play a while, and Brent asked on the way home, “Mom, what’s up with you doing all this fun stuff with us now?” Pretty sad life we’ve had, I guess! I tried to blame pregnancy, but I think I need to rethink my freetime priorities a bit! We all enjoyed Princess and the Frog that night for FHE. 

Besides his new calling, Brian was voted a county delegate at our Caucus Mtg. last week (we had a HUGE turnout, and he gave a speech and everything!), and he is, as I write this, reading his first case in front of the Utah Court of Appeals—which is reminiscent of all his spare time in law school—he LOVES appeals court, so he was quite antsy in preparation. 

Maddie and Brent participated in an Achievement in Music Competition on Saturday, after getting Excellents (M) and Superiors (B) in the Federation Festival last month.  I wish the teacher would prepare them a bit differently, but I’m trying to be patient since, 1)-I don’t know of any better teachers around here, and 2)-she’s new at it herself, but more than willing to change and grow.  Maddie also had her Jr High orientation last week (YIKES!!), and Brent finished his County Project and 4^th grade Utah program.

 (4th grade program--my zoom wasn't focusing, and there was a tall girl in front of Brent anyway, but I was there!)

Emily is finally having a few more playdays, and birthday party invites (that’s she’s envied Maddie of for a while).  She just finished the first Harry Potter (quite a feat!), and barely finds a moment to stop talking! Spencer is finally leaning towards reading a bit—he even spent a half hour reading the first page of Harry Potter himself one day during reading time—he sounded out a lot of words, and then recited most of what he remembered from the 2^nd movie, as having taken place in that page J.  Otherwise, he cannot play w/ Abbie (our kindergarten neighbor he rides to school with) ENOUGH, ( or her Wii) and Abbie can’t play w/ Maddie enough, so they all just hang out together as much as we allow them to.

Our basement’s been excited too, as we finally broke in our ping pong table last weekend by having a few couples over to play and share snacks.  The Spackman’s and 2 Porter families came w/ their children, and it was a fun night! We also had to replace our TV down there (much to Brian’s flat-screen searching disappointment!) since it was rolling the picture not just some of the time anymore.  We got a nice 32” Vizio from Sam’s, and it is snazzy! (If only we could heft the other one out of the basement now!).  We’re doing well now, and while the kids are still at school, and BOTH little ones are napping, I’d best join them while I can! Love, Charlotte

 this is what Anne thinks a smile looks like these days--she's also started a phase of wanting to wear dresses every day--thank goodness the weather's starting to warm! (though I'm not sure if it's just that she wants dresses, or she thinks that what "dressed" means!)

Anne in one of her many oatmeal baths (her eczema's flaring up again--hence the infected foot!)--it's supposed to help itching, but she keeps itching in the bath, so who knows?)

 This was Lucy's first full Sunday at church (in dress made by Great Grandma Stewart) RSV is RAMPANT out here, and keeps us not only homebound, but wishing for spring/summer babies in the future!)

 

Did I mention that not only is the colic abating, but our Lucy is now smiling!!!-even long enough and often enough to get a picture of it now and then.  Happy Day!

one month old!

 

March 11, 2010

Dear Family,

            Our Lucy is nearly a month old!! and we are gradually settling into life with her.  Brian’s parents stayed until Tuesday, when Mom would fly in.  They were so good to play with the children, taking them shopping or to cousins’ (thanks Stacey!!) and keep us well fed and tended to.  Mom came on the 16^th and stayed for a week, allowing me endless lie-downs, while she tended to all other 5 children’s needs, cooking, cleaning, game-playing, and homework doing with more energy than I could dream of.  It was SO nice to have so much help, and all the rest made SUCH a difference in good recovery.  As I laid down for one (of many) naps, to the smell of dinner cooking, I knew it wasn’t much of an eternal principle, but it sure felt like Heaven would certainly include moments of Mom cooking dinner. The rest of the week after saying goodbye to Mom was definitely the hardest chunk.  

Having a baby does a bit of turning you inside out, it feels like, and having your heart and insides all exposed like that makes everything a bit starker.  Dropping off Mom at the airport felt about the most opposite thing to Heaven I could imagine, and the fits of sobs took about a week to wear off! It probably didn’t help, that after feeling so recovered, I tried getting back to more activity, and saw a downturn in my progress, physically.  But the sisters in our ward brought dinner, and more dinner, lasting the rest of the week, and more than once they soaked up my tears just like Moms do, and made life seem much more liveable.  Gradually, that inside-out feeling goes away, as my heart and other parts seem to find their ways back to where they belong, and I can enjoy sweet Baby Lucy AND the world around us.  I also saved a Shannon Hale book to read for that week I knew would be harder, and it was like salve to have such heartspeak to turn to.  I really loved the beginning, about a girl being born to a mother, who after 6 boys, yearned for a  daughter whose soul was cut from the same cloth as her own.  This baby girl also hated to be separated from her mother, even as a baby, so the Ma would just tie her to herself as she did her work.  And THAT is just what I now do with Lucy.  The last few days Mom was here, Lucy started to be a little more awake, and what she does with her awake time, is CRY! For one day, I thought it might be a fluke, but after more than a week, I started rolling the word “colicky” around in my mouth.  Fuss she does…”Is it like this all day?” Brian asks after watching her an hour or so while I’m out, to which I reply, “Oh, no—just while she’s awake, and luckily she sleeps a lot!” BUT, there has been a miracle of a solution in putting her in her sling! I had sewn one for Anne, that wasn’t quite right, which I used while I ordered another one online (I had on my pre-baby list to make another one, but it kept getting shuffled to the bottom, and I purposely kept my list longer than my baby-wait).  My mis-shapen one still worked, and when my happy ebay purchase came in the mail, it was perfect.  From heart-wrenching sobbing one minute, to perfect calm then next.  A few minutes of walking around, and she’s out! I’m just so happy to have an answer! Brian’s still happy patting her back while she’s on his lap at the computer, but I love, love, LOVE this sling!! 

And today was real progress, as I took a non-screaming baby shower, while she was awake! Between that, and finding Land’s End overstock pants for under $20, and with hidden elastic in the waistband, I’ve been on cloud 9 for a few hours! ALSO, I have to rejoice that

1-she doesn’t spit up very much, like Brent, who was also quite colicky (I would say that she never spits up—it still feels like that in comparison to some, but there was one day I was kissing and loving her and telling her how great it was that she didn’t spit up on her mommy, when WHAM!!—she gave me a huge shower!!—it was perfect timing!).  and 2-that as fussy as she can be during the day, she will only eat and sleep at night—I can nearly always soothe her back to sleep with just milk in the darkness, which I am terribly grateful for. 

Still, she is a delight, and we all love her to pieces.  Spencer, who expresses his feelings best, without ANY inhibition, says all through the day, or at least every time he looks at her, “OH, I LOVE LUCY!!! I just need to kiss her, Oh, her is just the cutest baby ever, I love, love, love her!!!—can I hold Lucy? I LOVE her!!”She does have a few minutes after being fed, of being VERY alert, and looking with very wide eyes all around.  She has held up her head so well all along, and the other day (at 2 ½ wks old), she was on her tummy, holding her head up so high, that she rolled over!!—she did it twice! And she smiles all over in her sleep (showing me she really is a happy creature, beneath it all), giving us her first real awake smile at 2 weeks! I’ve gone back into good recovery mode—taking a nap w/ her and Anne every day, and really doing quite well (as long as I have no plans, which I really don’t yet).  We scarcely let her leave the house, with the RSV scare still alive, but thank goodness for Maddie, so I can run to the store or library when needed in the afternoon.  Maddie even babysat (and fed Lucy her bottle) last Friday night, while Brian and I went to our ward’s progressive dinner, and they all did GREAT!! We were gone for 2 hours, but just in the neighborhood, where I could leave at any time, so it was ideal practice, and VERY refreshing—just proving again, that in many ways, #6 is easier than #2 was!

Clearly, my world is pretty small, currently, and it can be an exercise to get up every day to so few plans, but life is going on, and as they say, “IN OTHER NEWS…,”

Maddie, Brent, and Emily participated in Piano Federation (aka “Festival”) where they played a couple of songs for judges.  It was a first for them (and their teacher), and thankfully, Mom was here while they practiced to give a few extra pointers.  They were all very brave though, and just glad it was a small room w/ only 3 judges—they all pictured (I found out later) a recital hall full of judges!

Brent also has been a real cake expert lately—making, most of all, “Celestial Cake” from the Priday cookbook, and a Scout Birthday cake for the Blue and Gold Banquet.  (Mom also made him into an ironing expert, so he’ll survive his mission, as long as you can live off of chocolate cake for 24 months!).  He’s also become really adept on his ripstick (have to get a photo later), which is what Brian calls a cumbersome skateboard, and I walked a mile w/ him last Saturday to the park (w/ Spencer on trike, Lucy in sling, and Anne in stroller) to watch him do tricks on the skate ramps! It was a beautiful day when we left, and I kind of forgot how far the park was, so it was plenty cold and late by the time we did get home, and I was a little more than the refreshed I was after.

Maddie is getting ready for JR High Orientations and registrations, Emily is finally having more playdates w/ friends and LOVING Activity Days (that she thinks Brent should surely be jealous of), Spencer is finally getting on top of all of his homework and even over-achieving (did I mention Mom got us on a great schedule, and was never late to anything?), and Anne, who I was a bit worried for to be honest, has been a lot of an angel in a lot of ways.  She now LOVES to run to Daddy, but in general, she is just cheerier and even more independent, and quite enjoyable!! With her ringlets falling out of her pony tail, and wanting to wear dresses almost every day, she’s as good as a Jane Austen novel! She also giggles quite a bit, and has happily been reminding all of her siblings of their missed cousin Rosie!

Brian had another big trial a couple of weeks ago—complete w/ reporters and everything! His client was accused of a gay hate crime, and he set about to prove that the other side got together to frame the whole idea, and that their lifestyle actually had nothing to do w/ it! He got 2 out of 3 of his stipulations, which he saw as a victory, but the news article we were ready to frame was more lack-luster.  Still, he is making a good name for himself, and he does love trial work! He’s also filling his time w/ garden plans, now that Spring is poking through.  He’s bought enough wood to build more boxes for our square foot gardening, and drawn up all the plans for that.  We also enjoyed being able to go through his Mother’s Cedar Chest w/ his dad and brother a few weeks ago, where they were able to each take away some memorabilia from her life and handiwork.  Since the cedar chest went to our niece (as the oldest grandchild), Grandma Duncan chose now to hand down a tapestry from Germany that Brian’s dad brought home from his mission.  It is great, AND fits perfectly over the huge blank wall in our living room—over the stairs.  I was relieved, b/c after seeing the baby quilt Mom brought Lucy, I thought that’s what I would love to work towards doing for that wall.  I knew it may take a while though, (like many years), and Laurie can be relieved too, since we try to keep telling her she could do a painting for us just that size.  Anyway, we just found a perfect frame to hang it from (I’m becoming an ebay fiend!), and it’s on its way, so pictures to come! Oh, and also, I finally sold the smoky dresser on KSL.com, and we sold the van the day Lucy was born, and I posted that Friday morning, before going into labor! Hooray!!  Stacey also introduced us to a local food co-op they do right here in Syracuse, so we’ve been loving the huge basket of fresh produce each Saturday morning—delicious, healthy, and great deal!—and I had to learn how to cook chard last week!  Lots of good around, and it’s SO good to have a taste of Spring in the air.  Between that, my sweet baby to kiss, and good books to read during all this home time, I think life really will resume.  We do have so much to be grateful for (as my endless pictures attest!) Love, The Duncan’s

 Lucy's first bath (at home) sweet moment now, but I still remember how scared I was w/ Maddie!

Grandma's quilt for Lucy!

Emily's Penguin poster for school (she drew the big one next to her herself!)

Poor Lucy!--she's in pj's all day every day, so when we got her dressed for the Dr, I thought I'd grab a picture--but she didn't like the idea...

then she fell asleep!

Anne is always going over to just love "Baby, baby"--the others worry she's going to mash her, but I think she really has good intent MOST of the time :)

visit from Great G&G Mildenhall

GOODBYE VAN THAT WE LOVED!!