This Could Never Happen To Me

So I know, I am so bad about posting and I bet no one reads this, but I need to post for the memory. I was reading my email and saw the email from my Sister about her blog. I logged in to add her blog to my short cuts and then I got sucked in reading. I haven't been on for a long time. I read a post that I did back in June of 2009 "About A Boy" and thought I should share a recent trial. Sometimes I don't know what God is thinking, I wish I had more insight. I have had many insights to a little boy joining our family since the twins were four months. We finally made a BIG step and I removed my IUD on Dec 29, 2010. I had a cycle on the 31st and then never again. Everything seemed to fall right into place with my obedience to bring this little guy to Earth. My hours at work don't roll over, so it was perfect I could save all my hours for a whole ten months. I went to my first appointment and everything looked good. My Doctor told me he would get me a boy this time.

Well on March 17th, I worked a 12 hour shift and when I got home I was spotting. This is not normal for me. I knew some people spotted during pregnancy, so it probably wasn't anything, but I called the Doctor on call anyway. She told me to lay down and go to sleep early and to come in for an ultra sound in the morning. I was so worried. I remember praying all night, for peace and comfort and that everything would be okay. When I got up in the middle of the night to go potty, I wasn't bleeding any longer and I was relieved. I thought everything was going to be okay.

I went to work the next morning and called the Doctor to come in for an ultra sound. The nurse didn't seem to be concerned but I went in for peace of mind. When I got in I remember just looking at the screen and I knew. I couldn't see anything there. The ultra sound tech at that time told me, "I don't have good news for you" and I started to cry. She told me my ovaries look fine and that I had no embryo. I had gotten pregnant but no embryo ever grew from the fertilized egg. I was then taken into my Doctor office, his actual office, to wait for him to explain my options. I don't remember a lot that was said to me, all I knew was that I didn't have a baby. I opted for the D&C, as my doctor thought it was the best and my body probably wouldn't be able to pass it all. I was 11 weeks and 2 days. There was no way I was going to stay feeling pregnant for months while I bleed this thing out. I wanted it over with so I can get on with it and try again. I want my little boy, is all I thought.

I had my D&C on March 21. I thought that wasn't so bad. I only spotted after the surgery. I was having some pressure in my stomach and chest, a few days after surgery and it was making it hard to take a deep breath. On the 26th, Saturday, it seemed to be worse. I called the doctor on call and he told me to go to the ER, because I may have a blood clot in my lung. Well if you want to have no wait at the ER, tell them you are having problems breathing and you are in right away and have 5 people in your room, while you are still trying to get into a gown. I had an EKG, a GI cocktail (ya, my first cocktail), a CT and some ex rays and nothing seemed to show anything. The only thing they found was my liver enzymes were elevated really high. They sent me home. It gradually got better. I followed up with my primary doctor and everything seemed to be fine. The second I left the ER though I was bleeding heavy. When you haven't had a period in like six years and all sudden you have all this bleeding, wasn't fun.

Now I wonder, what is this for? I thought I was being obedient and bringing down the boy that has been waiting. I had to pay for a baby without the baby. I never thought this could happen to me. I am born in a family of breeders, we get pregnant easy and have babies like no other. I carried twins to 37 weeks, no problems and no bed rest. I had a 10 pound baby with no problems. All I know is that I don't believe in coincidences, everything is for a reason. I went to my post-op yesterday and everything checked out. I am starting to feel normal again. Maybe in a few months I will be with child again and everything will be normal.

Update of the Summer

Holy cow I have not posted in a long time. I have fallen off the blog bandwagon. I am not good at posting, I am off being busy on FB. So its Summer, we have basically lived at our pool all Summer. I actually have some what of a tan, for me anyways. Tabatha looks like she belongs on Newport Beach or something. The sun has bleached out her hair and she is really tan, plus the bright blue eyes help as well. She has a new friend that moved into the ward a couple months ago, named Aubry. They live across the street from us and it has been really fun for her. Aubry also has a little sister named Hayley who is Brooklyn and Bailey's age and they play together as well. Its nice to have a family in the ward/neighborhood that has kids the same age. We also like to go to the drive-in theatre in the Summer. We are there almost every weekend or when a good show comes out. We even took Aubry there to see Toy Story 3. We turn the back of the Tahoe into a giant bed for the kids, cody and I sit out on the chairs in front of the car, we bring dinner and goodies and have a fun time. Its a cheap way to go to the movies.

Brooklyn and Bailey will turn four on the 17th and we will be taking the family to Lagoon that day(praying that it doesnt rain). Tabatha gets to bring Aubry along and Aubry has never been, so it will be fun to see her excitement. Brooklyn and Bailey received their birthday from Grandma already because Grandma is in Canada with her firend Sharon. Grandma gave them a little tikes fire truck that you sit in and ride and it has a hose on the back that squirts water, they love this thing. The first few days they played with it non stop. They also got to go to Red Robin and see "Dispicable Me." We will be having a BBQ and pool party on the 21st for them as well.

I cant wait for school to start again. I have already bought the shopping list and I cant wait to take Tabatha shopping for clothes. That is something fun her and I can do together. I will be teaching the twins preschool at home, in the hour I get home from work and when Tabatha is still at school. They are really smart, they just need some practice at writing words, shapes and letters and then cutting. It should be interesting to see if I don't go crazy, too late!

Well that's all for now, hopefully I can stay more updated than 7 1/2 months. tah tah

Acne

Why do I find it amazing that I never really had a acne problem my whole life, until I got pregnant. Then it never went away. Now I know how it feels to be the pink elephant in the room, or at least I feel like it. Before I got pregnant everyone would say how glowing and beautiful my skin was going to be. Eh, correction, it was a pizza waiting to come out. You never feel more conscience when you have acne and I feel so ugly. The good thing is most people knew what I looked like before this happened.
After the twins I went to a dermatologist and he gave me my magic pills. Which helped a lot and my skin cleared up. I finally stopped taking the pills and just used a topical. About a year off the pills and my skin is as bad as it has ever been. Back to the dermatologist I go. I will ask him to make it all go away before I leave his office, ya right, but it doesn't hurt to ask right?
I would post a before picture, but I think I am too embarrassed. Maybe after the magic dermatologist makes it all go away, I will post a before and after picture. Plus half of you see me everyday anyway.

Thoughts on Death

Death-

How does one deal with death? A Mother, Father, child or sibling. Does it matter how old you are when these people die? A death is a death right? I am glad I know the truth about life after death, if I didn’t, my whole world would be turned upside down. When someone dies that is very close to you, I think it does matter on your age, just based on how mature you are to understand and deal with the matter. People will always say stupid things, but not on purpose. People are afraid to say things, they don’t know what to say, they just want to help.

If you take offense when no offense is intended, you are a fool. If you take offense when offense is intended, you are still a fool. Abraham Lincoln.

My dad passed away in April 2001. He was in China serving a mission, teaching English in the Xian Foreign Language College. I hadn’t seen him for 16 months. This was very shocking, since he was very fit and he was only 62 years old. I don’t know if I just push it down and haven’t dealt with it properly, but I just tell myself I will see him again and there is nothing I can do about this. This is the way it worked out in the big plan.

My Father in law passed away in April of 2006. I was pregnant with the twins. I was the only one home at my house when I got a disturbing phone call, from a neighbor of my in-laws, telling me of the news. My Mother in law was on a business trip in New York. My two Brothers in law lived in Idaho and Alaska. They had found my Father in law in his chair, watching TV. They believed he had been deceased for a day. I was then responsible for phoning my husband and my two brothers in law. This was very surreal. How do you tell someone their father is dead? It is very coincidental since my husband told me about my father. Again I just tell myself he is in a better place.

It is sad when someone dies, for us here in Earth, but it is happy for our Father in Heaven and all of the ones before them.

My Father was married before he married my Mother. He and his previous wife had three daughters. One of them has and still makes it known that she has a hard time with this. Can you blame her? She has different religious beliefs that I do and I really don’t know what they are, but she doesn’t believe in a big plan or that things happen for a reason. I don’t understand how people could not believe things happen for a reason. Why do some of us see it and some do not? Why do only certain people have experiences and some do not. I would just like to point out, if her Mom wouldn’t have died, I wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t know my Mom, she wouldn’t have any of my Sisters or Brother or more than half the people in my family. At the same time I lost a parent as well. I wasn’t three years old, but I still have lost a parent.

What is blaming God going to do for you? What is walking around saying “what if” going to do for you? What can you do about it, they are not coming back? God is a loving God, he didn’t take your loved one away from you, for you to be angry your whole life. He wouldn’t take them away to spite you and never let you see them again. No one is getting out alive, we all will die someday.

It is so amazing, to me, how we are all so different and how we deal with our problems differently. We all show emotions differently and are religious views play a major part in this.

I believe there is a big plan and everything happens for a reason. I have had revelations of my Father living after death and I know he is still alive, just not on Earth. I know that I will see him again when I die and that a family is for eternity.

Raisin Up the Nose

So I had a lovely three hours in Primary Children’s ER last night. At around 7:30-8, Brooklyn came downstairs and told me she had a raisin in her nose. I went upstairs to check it out and Bailey told me she had one in her nose as well. I took Bailey and started to look at her nose with the flashlight and I thought I could see it, but wasn’t sure with her squirming around. I took her in her room, so I could set her up on her changing table and have access to the bulb syringe. Tabatha and Brooklyn at this point were jumping on the bed. Brooklyn came over and handed me a raisin and told me hers came out of her nose. I then proceeded with trying to get Bailey’s out. I used tweezers, the bulb syringe, I tried to get her to blow her nose (she just kept sniffing), I covered her mouth and blew into the nostril without the raisin in it, I also tried to plug the un-raisined nostril and blow into her mouth. Nothing worked! After much debate with Cody, on the phone at work, I decided to take her to the ER. There was no way I was taking all three girls to the ER by myself. So I called my visiting teacher, thank God for Noell, she came over and stayed with Tabatha and Brooklyn. So we were off to the ER.

We arrived at 9:45 and were asked to put a mask on, because everyone has the swine flew, I was so excited for that. I hate hospital ER rooms! Now have you ever tried to get your three year old to wear a mask, ya doesn’t work so well. Later on I asked her if we should take a picture with her, with the mask on and show Dada, she said lets show it to Noell, so we put her mask on and took a picture and from that point on she left it on. If I ever tried to pull my mask down she would put it back up for me and tell me to keep my mask on.

So we waited for two hours and were finally put back in a room. A nurse came in and took Bailey’s vitals. Then the Doctor came in and used a scope to make sure the raisin was still there. Because Bailey was saying that it popped out, probably because she was scared at the options the doctor was telling me. He told me it was pretty deep in there. He then went to go get the ENT doctor to come look at her nose. Another person came in and took our information, charged me my $100 co-pay and then we were still waiting for the other doctor to come in. While we were waiting Bailey learned how to blow her nose and blew it out. Wonderful, my luck! I am glad they didn’t have to do anything to her, but I just paid $100 and have sat her for how long. The other doctor came in and scoped her nose to make sure. She said it was inflamed and to keep an eye on it, in case there was something still hiding. If it became stinky or pussy to bring her back in. We signed a discharge paper and left.

Cody called as I was leaving and yelled at me for not asking for my co-pay back. I told him they were not going to give that back to me. I took up space in there hospital, a couple doctors looked at her and I signed a financial sheet when I walked in. When I got home at 1:30am Cody informed me that he called and left a message with the administrative office about getting out co-pay back. I doubt that will happen, but I guess it can’t hurt to try.

Brooklyn's Adventure

So it all happened last Friday. I was at work on the Supervisor line, so not at my normal desk, where Cody can reach me. Thomas a co-worker of mine kept hearing my phone ringing over and over again. He called the number back to find out it was my husband. Thomas came and told me that I needed to call my husband right away. I called Cody and got this story.

Cody sets an alarm to wake up in the morning, when Tabatha gets up for school. His alarm had not gone off and Tabatha did not wake him up. Tabatha, Brooklyn and Bailey all share a bedroom, so when Tabatha gets up for school it is inevitable that she does not wake the girls up. Tabatha also has a chore to feed the dog in the morning and she gets the girls pop-tarts. At 8:30ish she is off to school, which is on street away from our house. At 9:05, on Cody’s alarm clock, which is fast, Bailey came up and woke up Cody and told him she couldn’t find Brooklyn. Cody got up, came downstairs to the front door wide open, the dogs were gone and Brooklyn was gone. He ran around our little townhome community to see if he could find her there. She was no where, but some guy seemed to mention that he had seen our dogs by our pool. Cody didn’t care about the dogs at that moment of course. He came back home and dogs came wandering in behind him. He put Bailey in the Tahoe and called 911. The police asked him some questions and they already had Brooklyn in their custody.

I am glad she hadn’t been hurt and she was found. Brooklyn is very independent and she is a DIVA. If she wants something she will find a way. She is also very friendly and will talk to anyone. Tabatha is supposed to lock the door in the morning when she leaves for school. This day she didn’t do that. She also is supposed to wake Cody up, if he is not already awake. Tabatha and I had a talk that day. I told her the story and then asked her what she could do, so that wouldn’t happen again. She gave me all the right answers, good girl.

The police said they had to report it to CPS because of her age. The Officer told Cody that she didn’t think anything would come out of it. Well the CPS Worker told me this was a waste of time, but it’s not his decision to open a case or not. Legally they have to meet with the parents and the child and try to have a conversation with the child. Brooklyn is three, you can only imagine how that conversation went. They even used a tape recorder on her and they had to ask her if she wanted her Mom to stay. I am glad she said yes, since she probably didn’t even understand what that meant. Hopefully nothing like this happens again.

Chewbaca?

So some of you are going to think I am crazy, but a couple weeks ago, as I was browsing the KSL free section, I found one for Airedale Terriers. This is one of my most favorites kinds of dogs. I looked at the ad and then ignored it because I thought to myself, we cant get another dog. So on my way home from dropping off Cody, he calls me and asks if I want to Llamas. What kind of question is that? I asked two llamas? and he said yes llamas. Then I asked him if he knew what it required to take care of a llama and I told him we don't have the means to have llamas. So then I told him of the add I found earlier and he immediately did a search for it and found it. He told me to go get it. I asked him, really? He called the people and called me back to go pick up the dog. Well I shouldn't say dog, because it is a puppy. So I went to pick up this puppy. He is so cute! He looks like a teddy bear, he actually looks just like chewbacca, so that is what we call him. I spelled his name tag wrong when I made it, so he is chewbaca to us. He is very smart. He still needs some training and I need to get him a shock collar for that. But Ego loves him and they play all the time. He is pretty much house broken, still working on perfecting it though.