Begin with the end in mind,

See death as the final destination

Someone who long for a rejuvenation of childhood innocent in this world of hypocrisy and irony... Someone who long for a touch of love in this cold and heartless strange land... Like a fallen angel, heaven seems to be so near, yet so far from me... Begin with the end in mind. Think death as the destination, As we edge closer to it everyday I love you

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

read this joke somewhere.
enjoy =)


Her side of the story
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his place, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me.

I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to leave and I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???


His side of the story
The Blues lost. Felt tired. Got a shag though.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Nat Tan

hi friends,

reproduced (with nat's permission) below is a personal account by Nat about his arrest. Nat is Cristabel's brother, and an active social activist in Malaysia. He was detained by the police using improper procedures, for allegedly violating the Official Secret Act (OSA). He was released after 4 days.

the blatant infringment of human rights and civil rights by the authority happens not only this day, not only in Malaysia, but in every day, every country,of different degrees of seriousness.

it's time for us to wake up from the slumber of ignorance and indifference, and join our forces so as to, quote sammy, "stop this madness".

P.S. nat plays dota too.







http://jelas.info/2007/07/19/statement-on-my-detention-eng-bm/


Four Days Under the OSA

I was arrested on Friday, the 13th of July at approximately 4.30pm in the carpark basement (B3) of Phileo Damansara I by about four to five policemen.

While originally being taken in for questioning, the police arrested me when I conveyed to them my lawyers advice that I should not accompany the police to their office unaccompanied by legal counsel.

From Phileo Damansara, I was taken to my house where the police confiscated my computer, some CD’s and some documents.

From the moment I was arrested until about 11 pm, I was not allowed to speak to anyone I knew, or inform anybody of my whereabouts.

I later learnt that this caused an immense and completely avoidable amount of stress and anxiety amongst my loved ones.

I was eventually made to understand that I was arrested in connection to accusations made on the internet regarding Datuk Johari Baharum.

The connection to me was based on a comment made on my blog that was made by an anonymous commentor on the 10th of Februrary, 2007.

It was prepostorous of the police to suspect me of publishing these accusations based on documents protected by the Official Secrets Act that were supposedly in my posessesion. There is absolutely nothing even remotely resembling proof to substantiate such claims.

Throughout my detention, the police employed various questioning strategies in what struck me strongly as a concerted attempt to make me admit to things that I had not done.

The police also subjected me to various rounds of questioning between about 5.30pm and 9pm by different police officers who all kept asking me the same questions. I later learnt that questioning at such late hours was in fact illegal.

One of the officers questioning me that evening who refused to identify himself threatened to slap me and throw me across the room.

Not having access to legal counsel, I refused to answer in detail any questions the police posed in their extremely suspicious manner.

The situation worsened on Saturday, the 14th of July.

Despite my repeated appeals to the police officers accompanying me to court to be produced before the magistrate for the remand hearing, they absolutely refused to notify my family or, more importantly, my lawyers that I was to be produced in court.

This caused in me a great deal of undue stress because I feared that I would be forced to face the magistrate without any legal representation.

Entirely by a stroke of luck, a lawyer at the magistrate’s court was able to assist me in contacting my lawyer, R Sivarasa. Had said lawyer not been present, I may have not been given the opportunity to be represented by counsel during my hearing, and my remand order may have been for fourteen days instead of for four.

Even after my lawyer arrived, the police made every possible effort to block me from consulting with my lawyers, denying me extremely basic human rights connected to judicial due process. This even included repeatedly trying to spy and eavsdrop on the conversations I was attempting to have with my lawyers.

After the remand order was allowed, the police continued to pursue the same line of questioning.

Having being advised by my lawyer during my remand hearing not to answer any questions or sign any statements, I refused to answer the increasingly combative line of questioning by the police.

On Saturday itself, a senior officer employed physical means in an attempt to intimidate me into answering their questions. This included shoving me into a chair while I was standing handcuffed.

Although I had stated my intent to exercise my right to silence, and despite my lawyer’s argument that the police had all the evidence they required to investigate me, the police’s insistence on holding me for all four days proved a complete waste of my time and of police resources. I was also made to endure unhygenic and pitifully substandard accomdations in the lockup throughout this time.

All other attempts to pressure and coerce me into providing information under adverse conditions failed. Finally, on Monday, I was allowed to see my family, who conveyed to me fresh advice from my lawyer regarding what information I could provide.

Armed at last with the knowledge that I had been seeking since Friday, I was more than happy to provide all the information I had available to the police.

The entire ordeal for both myself and the police could have been avoided if the police had extended some basic human courtesy and decency in allowing me to consult fully with legal counsel before cooperating with the police, which I was more than happy to do under fair and reasonable circumstances.

*

I fear greatly that my arrest despite the non-existent ties between the accusations against Datuk Johari and myself portend badly for Malaysia’s abilty to deal with true cyber crime.

The fact that I appear to be the best suspect they could arrest in relation to this case indicates that the police do not understand how the internet works, and are at a complete loss as to how to handle true cyber crime.

In my particular case as well, the government and police appear to be sending a signal that while irresponsible bloggers roam free, responsible bloggers who moderate their comments and put a name to their writing are more likely to end up as targets. This policy could not possibly be more ill formed and counterproductive.

Given certain statements in the press recently, I unfortunately cannot rule out completely that the substandard and rushed nature of this investigation is the result of political meddling and pressure in police affairs.

I am also gravely concerned because as my lawyer pointed out in the remand hearing, arrests should take place at the conclusion of an investigation, and not at the beginning of one. What happened to me is beyond doubt an absolute travesty of this principle.

If the police continue in their attempts to procur information from innocent citizens in bad faith and through questionable means such as by coercing information from individuals isolated from legal counsel and outside support, they will find themselves failing the public in their duty to protect Malaysians from true criminal activity.

*

This entire episode smacks of intimidation. Ongoing and unrelenting intimidation towards social activists, internet writers and opposition supporters.

The ranking officer in the unit investigating me even took the time to ‘advise’ me to emulate the example and career trajectories of individuals like Tan Sri Lee Lam Thye. The same officer also warned me to be considerate to my parents as I choose my career paths.

While I appreciate the advice, I wish to reiterate here that the causes I have chosen were chosen with due care and consideration, and after thorough analysis of the state of Malaysia’s social and political climate. I love my parents very much, and hate the fact that this episode has caused them such unhappiness. However, my responsibility is also to my future children, and the Malaysia they will inherit.

Any assumptions that my experience will dissuade other activists and citizens of conscience from exerting all our energies in upholding their responsibilities to their parents, their children, and to all of Malaysia are sadly, sadly misplaced.

My time with the police taught me that all the efforts by political parties and civil society to curb the excesses of the police and the government have proven extremely effective.

The police were extremely concerned that they might be portrayed in a bad light after my release, and took a number of steps to ensure that they did not do things that they knew would be taken up and publicised by activists. I am thus extremely grateful for the efforts of those that have fought before me to make Malaysia a more just and secure place for its citizens.

It is impossible to endure an experience such as mine without having one’s fears and discomfort increased, even in one’s own homeland.

The true mark of human strength however is the manner in which we deal with these fears.

I have chosen not to let my fears overcome me, and as a member of KeADILan and other activist groups, I have instead chosen to draw inspiration from those who have walked these paths before me and continue refusing to spare any effort whatsoever in our ongoing endeavours to uphold justice for all throughout the homeland we love.

*

Lastly, I would like to take this opportunity to express my deepest, most sincerely heartfelt thanks to every single individual and organisation who voiced their support for me throughout this difficult episode. I know this was especially difficult for all of my family and my girlfriend Soon Li Tsin, but despite their pain, they pulled through in every way imaginable to provide me every strength I needed to overcome.

I am not exaggerating in the least when I say the truly touching support I received carried me through the entire ordeal. To all my guardian angles, once again, thank you truly.

Nathaniel Tan
*

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

3 youtube videos about malaysia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cTqsSoV1SQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFt6BgrKMNs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d9tsC9UU20&mode=related&search=


enjoy

Friday, July 13, 2007

rambling

i haven't been thinking for a while.

since the beginning of the summer holiday i have unfastened myself from the manacle of fleeting abstraction and futile philosophization, to stay away from searching for truth and reason in this puzzling world, and to face the reality and to (attempt to) live as an ordinary layman.

instead, i have been occupying my mind with simple and worldly concerns such as work, TV, facebook, football manager, and a few trips. I resisted from reading, but out of impulse (again) i bought Tuesday with Morries. Been trying to read the book on the bus back home but always ended up falling asleep.

every weekday is work, every weekend is filled with activities.
all these while i let the knots inside my mind to untie itself, as the saying goes: do not cut what can be untied. and i extrapolate this thinking to: do not untie what can be untied itself.


so activities and activities whirl past me yet i continue to feel detached, like an unnoticed observer, looking at life in black and white and shades of grey. imagine opening up your arms wide, standing firm on your feet, while the breeze streams past you, under your sleeves, beside your neck.

a fact undeniable is, i enjoy every moment of it concretely.



attached to one, detached from all;
attached to none, the world is yours

My state of mind can be plotted as a graph of crests and troughs; and often I find I have higher crests and lower troughs than most: with the temperament of a poet but none of the talent.
i think that now i don't feel attached to anyone or anything, this is probably the most balanced state of mind i have ever had.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

you will meet friends everywhere, anytime. but you only have one family.

-from peter lee to me

Monday, July 02, 2007

to construct, you need to first deconstruct

i am so tired and sick of people defining themselves and others by the schools they go to, the scholarships they have, and awards they won. i can't believe that KL is filled with such people. and if the future of this country is counting on these"intellectuals", i am not coming back.


there is so much more to being a human being, and such shallow obsession with academic and career "achievements" really makes me wonder why are they not in the slightest bit ashamed of themselves.



Out of the college bubble, real life is such a bitch sometimes. Not that in a personal level i am unhappy or not enjoying myself, it's just that there are certain inherent and systematic problems with human being and with the society as a whole. sometimes i really wish i can stay in the ivory tower forever and not have to face real world.

yes, i am so not ready to be an adult, to face the society. cos i am still a full human being. every single bit of me.






i wanna go tibet+nepal+bhutan+mongolia (or maybe 1 or 2 of them) next summer as a trip to deconstruct myself. i wanna deconstruct what the society has imposed on me, and unlearned my perception about myself and the world all these while.

should be in end of may+early june, for a period of 2 weeks or more. if i am short of money then maybe i will try to get sponsorship from the school and "package" the trip as a travellog or historical cultural study. looking for 2/3 other travel buddies, hopefully who are interested and passionate about finding oneself in these spiritual places.


let me know if you are interested ;)

this is gonna be life-changing. who knows, i might just stay in tibet to be a monk, or wander around the mongolian plains with the nomad.