i've got a phone :) thank God.



"I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world."
-George Duhamel

persona

i am tired.
physically stretched.
emotionally drained.

and the last thing i want,
is for everyone to tell me to smile and not to frown.

do i have to smile and be the joke-provider all the time to be considered the "normal me"?
can't i feel jaded for once and not talk for just some moments?

no i am not stressed. i have a very high stress tolerance level. i rarely bow down to pressure. i am strong. as strong as my facade. i am my persona. believe it or not.

i

am

just

jaded.


j j j j jaded.



and i will move on.

the end is the beginning?

the beginning is the end,
the end is the beginning.

but i know, there is no end and no need for a beginning.



thanks perl han, for listening to me when i feel the weakest, for showing me a guide when i feel lost, for extending your arm when i just need someone to hold me.
thanks for sharing with me your story. tonight i just wanna cry. i will not forget tonight.
thanks for reminding me that to love is not to possess. thanks for rekindling my love for her which lay lumber in me lately.

a few more days you would embark on your journey. i know to love is not to possess, that's why i let go. I know you will fly and soar. you are the most special girl in my life. the most. may you always be blessed =)


the end does not signal the beginning.
it doesnt have to be.

letting go doesnt mean i have to move on.



fuck it i should just be a monk

hmm. quite true

Intelligence Intelligence is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You like to be able to talk about everything that is on your mind, and if your partner can't keep up, well, you know. You are very attracted to someone who can challenge you, and make you see things in a whole new way. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

quite true, i have to say..

sometimes when i am silent, and saying that i'm okay, i am actually meaning that i am not okay and i need someone to talk to me.


but you have to be the person i wanna talk to

Conundrum

Conundrum

Conundrum

Conundrum


when it comes to such matters, i am only an infant at best. without noticing it, i find myself once again in a spot. a dilemma. a conundrum. an inexorable predicament. so strong is my wish to pull myself away from this centrepetal abyss, to avoid me hurting, and/or hurting the other party again, that i have been trying to desensitise and immunize myself against this unrelenting poison of amour. But it just seems that my previous lessons learnt havent totally been internalised yet. Or perhaps, the pervicacious Diego Ryo in me has chosen to emancipate himself from the manacles of worldly caution and prudence, from the shackles of fear and passivity.


on a sidenote, i am learning Italian in school and Japanese from my friends. and Thai. and Hokkien...

Allegro :) Mamma Mia! E' Vero?

Soka !?!


but the most interesting course has got to be the Philosophy of Love. You can check out the syllabus at http://erosresearch.blogspot.com/
Awesome, isn't it?

and how ironic that an imbecile in love has chosen to enrol in this class. maybe it's time for the imbecile to move out of his idealistic and naive view of love.


and more than 2 weeks since my arrival, i am already tired of greeting and introducing myself to new friends or old friends who have forgotten my wonderful name. I agree with what ray said. Neither am I that extroverted and energetic to socialise with every human being i met on the street. Lately i have been doing it with just a smile and a nod. an implicit and unboisterous greeting. a tacit mutual recognition. silent and beautiful.

in this foreign land, i am grateful that i can still call call/skype my friends every now and then. Talking to them has never failed to make my days. Just wish that time and distance would not dilute our beautiful friendships. at least not too much.

even though i have been here for merely 9 days, i have already been to 4 parties (5 if you include the crossdress party)
Drink, Music, Dance, Hangout, Chill.

it feels a little decadent to lead a lifestyle in this way. and sometimes i'd feel an inexplicable sense of loss and loneliness, finding myself losing my own self in the midst of a bunch of wriggling dancers, in the constant bombardment of deafening music. And there are moments when i felt like the entire place was swirling and spiraling around me so furiously that i couldnt seem to hold my feet and stand firm.

is that not how we feel in our lives sometimes, finding ourselves fighting and losing this solitary battle against the world and against ourselves?


and when you can fight no more,
the only way out is to lose yourself in drinks and dances.



"rains and tears are all the same but in the sun you have to play the game"
-lak

i am no body
but an acquiantance of convenience to you;

the wheel of history is unstoppable,
as repeated folly and resultant disillusionment continues to discolour my heart and dictate my destiny;

and one day when bubble is tricked and not re-formed again,
hopefully the Diego Ryo lay slumber in me would be awakened;





i want to immerse myself in this land of liberty, to pursue the true essence of liberal arts, to explore the wondrous beauties and infinite possibilities life has to offer. liberal arts education is not for you to conform and confirm, but to challenge and shed light on the blind spots we have.

this is Wesleyan.

by the end of 4 years, i hope you all would find a real neo-modern man in me.





Love is overrated when all u need is companionship
~Richard Chong Hong Leong (Gaylouz No.5)