Begin with the end in mind,

See death as the final destination

Someone who long for a rejuvenation of childhood innocent in this world of hypocrisy and irony... Someone who long for a touch of love in this cold and heartless strange land... Like a fallen angel, heaven seems to be so near, yet so far from me... Begin with the end in mind. Think death as the destination, As we edge closer to it everyday I love you

Sunday, April 30, 2006

ramblings

been reading a few books lately:

1) "The End of Faith" by Sam Harris, a philosophy graduate from Stanford
it's a very critical account on religion, though a little verbose and repetitive sometimes. Highly recommended for those interested in the subject of religion and philsophy, for ardent religion fellowers, for hardcore atheist, and also for agnostic and other who lie somewhere along the line. highly religious people may not like this book, but i find his arguments critical and plausible. This reminds me of another classic which i would love to read - "Why I am not a Christian" by Bertrand Russell.

2) "The pursuit of happiness" by Bertrand Russell
a must-read for all modern men and women who seem to find happiness unattainable and elusive in this society

3) "The Book of Man" by Osho
yes i re-read it. but still havent finished it. this book reminds me of what is a new modern man

4) "What is Man" by Mark Twain
a humorous yet critical attempt to answer the question: what is man, what are the intrinsic and acquired qualities and characteristics that make a man

5) "Economics" by John Sloman
i am starting to read on econs to see whetehr i really love this subject. i forgot tt this book is timo's and i brought it back to KL. holy!


7) Kuala Lumpur Public Transport Guide
ok i am kidding.
public transport is non-existent in KL.

7) "Lee Kuan Yew- The Beliefs Behind The Man" by Michael Barr
i read with particular interest on his view on elitism. The author brought out a very good point: of all the great men with great achievements, there is one common point between them - self-confidence. indeed self-confidence is a pre-requisite to achieving greatness. with strong self-confidence, one will set high target for oneself, and hold high ambition and expectation. His actions and thoughts will then naturally centre around his ambition. In order to dream big and achieve big, one needs a self-confidence that can hold this dream, whether it is an inflated ego, a queit self-belief or an accidently-bestowed confidence. Lee KY is described as somewhat cocky by his former classmates: "ambitious, forceful, a little cocky, but not consciously arrogant and condescending" I believe that a lot of us will find this natural cockiness in some of the high achievers even though they have never consciously felt that way.

i think that i have a strong self-confidence that can accommodate my big dream. well, i certainly hope it is not an inflated ego haha.

aniway, i quite agree on his view on elitism. with great ability comes great responsibility, i believe that elites should lead the society. however i do not agree that this responsibility should be exclusive to only the "elites". political egalitarianism, a founding principle of democracy, should be practised and advocated. even though some may find it idealistic, it is an ideology that we should uphold at all cost because it would be sad if a person is born and told right away from his family background that he is not among the "elites" and is not "supposed" to be a minister.
think Gattaca. think Brave New World.
and i still cannot believe that Mr.Lee would openly support cutural eugenics.

don't get my wrong. in theory, the idea of elitism and social eugenics make perfect sense and do strick a chord in me. however personally i feel that these are some things that a leader or any person with influence should not have expressed publicly and explicitly. we need to understand and be sensitive to the feelings of those non-elitists, those socially, structurally and genetically less favoured brothers and comrades.

"For all of Lee's supposed empirical reasoning and his theorising, his elitism and geneticism looks suspiciously like the conceit born of a pampered and privileged childhood."


Mr.Lee, sometimes, the end does NOT justify the means. you cant build a society on elitism and social eugenics. even though you have established a highly productive and efficient system politically, socially and economically, you should understand that it takes more than (and perhaps, less of) these efforts to build a real nation. there was a great article in the Straits Times by Sumiko Tan on the social echelons and distinct classification in every aspect of Singapore. to be frank, i have never seen a society that is so clearly and distinctly classified. HDB vs Landed; express vs normal; scholars vs non-scholars; overseas vs local; there are more examples, only if you can just be more critical and observant of it. i am able to do that coz' i do not grow up, i do not live in singapore. it's easy for me to see the structural problem.

most s'poreans are always too concerned about their bread-and-butter issues to think about this more grave and less-bread-and-butter issues. i mean, take a look at singapore General Election. the campaigning is so peaceful, the issues raised are so mundane and bread-and-butter, the outcome is so predictable. i think a tourist who tour singapore during this period would not know that the election is coming.

but i dunno. i dunno whether singaporeans do concern about this whole thing. or is it that political stability and economic prosperity matter more than anything else to the extent that cultures, spirits, and other social fabric of a society are insignificant?

ignorantly happy. does this end justify the means?

(
i hope i would ellicit some vigorous response or even death threats from my fellow singaporean friends. at least that has some passion in it.)

http://www.sfdonline.org/Link%20Pages/Link%20Folders/Human%20Rights/barr2.html
http://www.fareedzakaria.com/articles/other/culture.html


ok i intend to take part in the following clubs/associations. at least once in my four years in uni

Students for a Free Tibet
Underdog Music Consortium
Wesleyan Dharma Study Group
Silence
Queer Social Club
League of Extraordinary Virgins
Interfaith Justice League
Freeman Asian Scholar Association
Fellowship for a Financial Future
Chinese Speakers Association
Buddhist House
Amnesty International
Alliance of Progressive South Asians

Monday, April 24, 2006

my identity. my root.

1) kangchiat just walked in to my room and shaked hand with me to bid my farewell. he did this cos tmr he needa leave for work early and would be back late, so wun be able to see me off tmr.
at this moment, deep in my heart, i feel the sincerity of a fren whom i have known for 6 years. i am sorry for being mean to u at times

2) i msned Lim at 3pm yesterday. and he came down all the way from Johor to meet us for steamboat, and for a few last games for me :) this is friendship at its purist form. i am deeply touched. u r my fren for life.

3) Lai and Kai. really thankful that i get to know u 2 much better after these few months living and working together. great men you 2 will be. i m sure of tt. keep in touch. thx for juz being there for me when i need frens. stay gay haha

4) kin ee. all the best for everything. call me when u feel down, though i know u r an exceptionally strong person in character

5) WJ juz shook my hand too :) Kane, thx for being a fren with whom i can be totally at ease. you two rox, pls continue to gay around haha

6) ET, my roommate for years. still rem all our touch-knee-talk-heart, aka heart-to-heart talk at nighttimes. we really share everything, our fears and insecurities, our hopes and dreams, and sometimes even clothes and others haha. i have the most meaningful frenship with u. take care. be a doctor. dun dao me...tho u have gf and choir frensssss

7) Lak, u r a great fren. i like your act-wen theory. i like ur humour. keep in touch and chat more in msn.

8) yingting, we still have time together. keeloon, all the best for INTI. richard, i will find u in msia. perlhan where r u?

Friday, April 21, 2006

i am a...

agnostic humanist
Kant-ist
Kierkegaard-ist

Monday, April 17, 2006

when i read abt all my previous entries
when i see all my photos taken these few years
when i read all the cards and letters from my frens


i realise that, i am truly blessed.

and i feel rather sad that i have not been proactively trying to keep in touch with some of the friends who have left a footprint in my heart over the years. i am too caught up with my life that i forgot. and gosh i feel bad for missing a K outing.

i have only one week left to say goodbye to all my friends.
and to catch up with them.

i am really a terrible person. spending most of the time online stoning or playing dota and not chatting and catching up with frens. i hope i can salvage the situation.

the tide of time can dilute a friendship. but it certainly will not wash away the memories and the fond feelings. singpore is a great land not because of LKY, but becoz of these friends who have greatly shaped my adolescence and boyhood. and all of a sudden i feel heavy to leave, and feel a sense of uncertainty thinking that i am going america, new place, new friends, new emotional landscape. :/

Saturday, April 15, 2006

gg

leaving end of nxt week. hmm...

it will be a sad day for all the ladies in singapore,
but definitely an occasion for celebration among singapore bachelors

my fren asked me whether i 舍得leave this place. of cuz i 不舍得.
but i dont want to let my emotions rule over my decision-making.
i think that leaving is the right choice for me. or maybe i shouldnt say "leaving"
i shd say moving forward to another phase of life. to a new environment. to a new grp of frens.

leaving my boyhood frens, leaving my emotional landscape,
and moving on to face the world. brutal. ruthless. cut-throat.

yucks.
i dont like that.
i fear. i hesitate.
but that's the right thing to do.

i hope it's right.

P.S goodbye my dota kakis. playing with you guys have given me more joys and comforts than any other things. the kind of brotherhood, team spirit, common understanding among us. the sensational times when we held our hands together in triumph after a good win. equally sensational were the times we played bball. our gay tricks. our team spirit. i love you all, gaylouz. i really hope that u guys can get the uni and scholarship of ur choice. even if everything goes against ur plan, dont lose heart. call me.

fuck.
my tears..

Sunday, April 09, 2006

leaving

i think i am leaving singapore this month. time to say goodbye to frens and tchers who are part of my emotional landscape here.

the steps ahead are still full of uncertainties. but no matter what, i still have to move forward no matter what.

goodbye singapore, a land that i will always remember with fondness. here i have lived my entire teenager years. here i have met frens and bros close to my heart. here i have tasted life at its highests and its lowests. here i have met you.

haha and i dont think i am gonna organise a kiss-gdbye-we-love-youyinhow gathering. i will leave juz like that:

悄悄的我走了,正如我悄悄的来,我挥一挥衣裳,不带走一片云彩.

that is if i can be that 潇洒.



it's hard to say goodbye.
my fren, wld u say goodbye to me?


song of the moment: Me and Mrs. Jones (this' a sexy song)


shouldnt say too much. sekali i am not leaving singapore in the end haha.

Monday, April 03, 2006

life is so much more wonderful when u're around.

i finally realise ur absense is the reason of the void in me. for a few months i thought you're gone from my mind. and only now then i realise that i have been suppressing this passion that once soared like a volcano.

and i have never feel more certain about this feeling. it is a consistent fire that lights up the darkest corner in me. thank you, for giving me the highest proof of beauty and love in this dark and directionless world.

even if this passion hurts, i would not have lived otherwise if given a choice.