我有何德何能值得你珍惜

蝴蝶
作詞：陶吉吉/娃娃 作曲：陶吉吉

當這世界已經準備將我遺棄 像一個傷兵被留在孤獨荒野裡
開始懷疑我存在有沒有意義 在別人眼裡我似乎變成了隱形
難道失敗就永遠翻不了身 誰來挽救墮落的靈魂

每次一見到你 心理好平靜 就像一隻蝴蝶飛過廢墟
我又能活下去 我又找回勇氣 你的愛像氧氣幫忙我呼吸
我又能呼吸 我又能呼吸 你就是不願意放棄

生命充滿亂七八糟的問題 像走在沒有出口的那個迷宮裡
oh no 一次又一次只會用藉口逃避
怎麼你從來沒對我徹底的死心 我有何德何能值得你珍惜
為何你對我有求必應

每次一想到你 像雨過天晴 看見一隻蝴蝶飛過廢墟
是那麼的美麗 就像一個奇蹟
讓我從倒下的地方站起 Woo....只要一靠近你
就覺得安心 你看著我的眼沒有懷疑 你對我的相信
讓我又能重生 不管世界多冷我還有你 我有你
愛我這樣的人對你來說不容易 我的痛苦你也經歷
你是唯一 陪我到天堂與地獄 每次一想到你
像雨過天晴 看見一隻蝴蝶飛過了廢墟
我能撐得下去 我會忘了過去 是你讓我找回新的生命
yeah.. 每次一見到你 就心存感激 現在我能坦然面對自己
我會永遠珍惜 我會永遠愛你
在我心底的你的位置沒有人能代替 yeah 你就是那唯一



This song is about David Tao's relationship with God. If you listen
with your heart, you would be touched by the intensity of emotions
in this song. A song that can heal the soul. Just the song i need now.
I feel very fortunate and blessed indeed whenever i look at my life
over that past 18 years. Though having a life that is full of ups
and downs just as everyone,it seems that I am always blessed by Lady Luck
and always able to brave through a crisis, coming out strong. I feel
very happy indeed for my life, and for who i am, my identity and my
personality. Whatever the path that lies in front of me is, whatever
my future turns out to be, I will live my life as meaningfully and as
fully as I did in the past 18 years. Thank you everyone who has come
into my life at any point of time.

no doubt

yuling exclaimed in joy that 7A rox. i do have my doubts, though it is full of wonderful people.
over the past few weeks, i have reaffirmed my belief that this is not a class that i would miss much.

never been more certain


the doomsday is finally here. no one can stop the wheel of time. the day i dread the most. the day when my brothers start leaving. lak is the first one, and instantly his departure brought a void directly to my heart. i dunno who would be the next one.

what i can do now is just to make myself busy and look forward so that i won't think about it.

Goodbye is the most heavy word. and divergence of 2 paths is inevitable. and painful.

jaded

jad·ed Audio pronunciation of "jaded" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jdd)
adj.

1. Worn out; wearied: “My father's words had left me jaded and depressed” (William Styron).
2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: “the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes” (John Simon).
3. Cynically or pretentiously callous.



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*double middle fingers high up in the air*
angry youth? adolescent angst?
diu

This confirms that Bush the Republican SUX

You are a Social Liberal (61% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Voltaire and his quotes

These are some quotes i extracted from Jaspar's entry. The reason why they are brilliant is because they resonate with reasons.



"The Eternal has his designs from all eternity. If prayer is in accord with his immutable wishes, it is quite useless to ask of him what he has resolved to do. If one prays to him to do the contrary of what he has resolved, it is praying that he be weak, frivolous, inconstant; it is believing that he is thus, it is to mock him. Either you ask him a just thing, in which case he must do it, the thing being done without your praying to him for it, and so to entreat him is then to distrust him; or the thing is unjust, and then you insult him. You are worthy or unworthy of the grace you implore: if worthy, he knows it better than you; if unworthy, you commit another crime by requesting what is undeserved. In a word, we only pray to God because we have made him in our image. We treat him like a pasha, like a sultan whom one may provoke or appease."

"Use, do not abuse... Neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy."

"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
Yes to a certain extent. If God does not exist, then He is a necessary creation of humanity

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue."

haha, no comment

"To pray to God is to flatter oneself that with words one can alter nature."
Maybe people who pray need to understand that praying is a good gesture by practise, but not by principle. It is the strength one gains from praying, and not the realisation of a prayer, that truly matters in reality.

"If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor."


"Let the punishments of criminals be useful. A hanged man is good for nothing; a man condemned to public works still serves the country, and is a living lesson."
if you are a criminal, would you rather be dead or be working and serving? Humanity or individual right to live or die in dignity? should we consider the rights of criminals?

"In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other."
Agree

"Man ought to be content, it is said; but with what?"

prease

please.

please don't breach this trust i have in you.

please don't spread this blog.

please don't expose this harbour of mine to the scrutiny of public.

for now, i don't want my enemies, my admirers, or those who wanna check me out to know about this blog. that's why i only tell those whom i trust. it is an honour, a trust. if you found out this blog by accident, then perhaps it is fate. but DON'T SPREAD. the more people who know about this blog, the more unwilling i am to share my honest views and reveal my true feelings

and i don't like it when people talk about the content of my blog openly and blatantly.

you might be wondering why don't i keep it in a personal diary if i want certain privacy.
well, sometimes i juz wanna share. and sometimes i think that people around me should know how i feel. to understand me better.

after all, i am considered a "guai lan", "eccentric", "crazy" person, by normal standard of this society. i live by my own rules, and i am happy about that. i do what i like, and i say what i like. when i am very happy, i will jump around and tell everyone that i am happy. is that not normal? i juz feel that i am in fact much more normal, much less self-repressed than others. and i am who i am . i am who i show. no facade. anyway, why should i give a damn to pretend to be a person that the world likes, why should i put a mask and not be proud of my own face.

i like my inner self. my original self. i like myself.

that's why i like Osho. go read about "The Book of Man" by Osho. make great sense, juz that you might find him a little extreme.


"My vision of the new man is of a rebel, of a man who is in search of his original self, of his original face. A man who is ready to drop all masks, all pretensions, all hypocrisies, and show to the world what he, in reality, is Osho perceives man as becoming increasingly alienated from his inner self, gradually losing his natural innocence and creativity in the mindless quest for worldly power and success. To appear strong, the average man suppresses his innate qualities of love and compassion, thus widening the chasm within. For Osho, the ideal man is Zorba, the Buddha?a perfect blend of matter and soul. Inherently rebellious, this `New Man' experiences no division between the outer and the inner self. And, because he lives naturally and consciously without any guilt or conflict, he can claim the whole world as his own."
Osho






Reflections
When I look at my reflection
Do I see me or dishonest rejection
Is this what I am supposed to believe
Or an image I want to perceive

Do I know and love my life as me
Or do I pretend to make fallacy
Why can't I believe in what I am
Is there a love I don't understand

It shouldn't matter what they think
I must never let myself sink
I do many things for everyone
Shouldn't I do more, for my fun

Treating myself with a little affection
Will brighten my own reflection
The time for me is today
I'm changing to do things my way

Life, it seems to reflect on
It creates images coming on the pond
Is it important for me to reflect clear?
I really care and that's why I'm here
~~~~~~
Donovan - 1990

On a lighter note, i like this photo

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
~ Mother Teresa

There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more. Someone taught him.

Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :

"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love.

Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :

"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" The one you think of is also someone you love.

If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.

In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover.

If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.

In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. If you are willing to tell someone your happiness, I am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you.

But it shouldn't stop there. If that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.

Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very important position in her heart.

If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?


Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
~ Cathy Carlyle


Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

DR Symphony of Silence No.1

Here's my maiden attempt to write a poem. 献丑了.
I dedicate this poem to LeJun (those who know her should know why). And please do not read too figuratively. juz take the words for their literal meanings. And don't puke blood :)

I crave you,
I long you,
I lust you,

Yet I detest the sight of you
For it causes drools to fill my mouth like Lake Kenya,
And lusts to well up in me like a St.Helen volcano.

You’re my weakness
Tempting me with your gentleness,
Seducing me with your tenderness.

To ignore you,
To block you,
To hide from your endearing aura,
I forbid you, but
My Puritans resolve eventually succumbs to your lusciousness

How would I ever forget the times, when
Your presence solaces my loneliness,
Your elegance shelters my frailty,
Your delicateness unseats my anxiety

You brought meanings to my life, and define who I am.
I love you, more than I dare imagine,

My pork chop, my forever desire.

Done by

Diego Ryo
09/11/2005
0015

I came across the entry below. and i found that what is said about S'pore political and social apathy is very true. Everywhere else in the world, Universities are grounds for student movements, student-organised protests and demonstrations. but but the uni here seems to be more of a professionals-churning/skills-upgrading centres than a place for students to learn and live and grow up. It is a holy bastion of knowledge, one that does not tolerate nonsensical student movements. The decision to build casinos didnt even cause an uproar or great concern in my frens. For most, the mentaliy is: "Oh, well, that's govt's decision, and out govt is always prudent in implementing policies, so i am not worried at all." There is just too much trust for good.


http://saltwatergiggles.blogspot.com/2005/05/letter-to-mr-brown.html
exceprt:

In a university of 40 000, I often see members of the student body giving out flyers of varying content; from anti-war protests to a social justice forum with activist John Pilger to gay and lesbian parties. However, the real eye-opener was the revelation that the students in my university were actually politically active.

Two days ago there was a rally involving hundreds of students from universities all over Sydney, gathering together in protest of the possible clamp down of student unions by John Howard’s liberal government. On a makeshift podium stood the president of the Student Representative Council of my university, delivering a fiery speech against a voluntary student union (VSU). There was a roar of support from the student-protesters. You could sense the genuine passion in what they stood for. I know their voices will be heard by John Howard and his liberal government.

It is all very refreshing. I think about the day where students in Singapore will rally in protest against a particular university/government policy (or just even for the plain sake of rallying in protest), and I wonder if that day will ever come. I am not calling for anarchy or revolution. I just want the voice of my generation, and of future generations, to be heard.

In this university I see students who willingly engage in a heated debate about why Mark Latham should have won the election. I see students who are environmental and social justice activists. However, this is not to say that the entire student body consists of radical neo-Marxists and dreadlocked tree-huggers, there are plenty of students who are indifferent to the dirty affairs of politics and whatnot, myself included. What I find commendable and worthy of mention is the number of students who are actually not politically apathetic and who are not afraid to let their voices be heard.

新加坡人笨？

Articles:
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=9&artid=200510020728
http://www.zaobao.com/yl/yl051109_502.html


http://www.zaobao.com/yl/yl051109_506.html
this article has a more accurate and balanced view

香港人壞、台灣人可愛、中國人不可測、新加坡人笨

香港人無情，台灣人無恥，新加坡人無知

虽非人人如此，但天天忙碌的人，
有大条理由只关注眼前及身边而不愿再关心其他。
知识层面欠缺广度和深度，
殊不知深度与广度的知识在融会贯通后往往才是解答人生的参照。

Are Singaporeans stupid?

What a simple yet revealing question. The recent hoo-ra on this question indirectly brought about by李敖 is not something new. Besides, to many other Chinese in the world, this is not a question. It is a commonly acknowledged statement for long. A statement that is as accurate as the statement that Singapore is a prosperous city.

Personally i find that this statement is not without ground. Among my singaporean friends, there are very few (and among these few, most are female) who do read and keep abreast with, and reflect on, social and world issues. Few venture beyond reading academic notes, personal blogs, jokes and lame stories. It is very worrisome, considering that i am in one of the top school, and the people around me are gonna be the leaders of the future, in one way or another. So much about "teach less, learn more", but what is the "more" that needs to be learned in this society? skillglobalisationentrepreneurshipupgradehubhubhubknowledgeITskillknowdledge?

no wonder my friend told me that most of the intellectuals are in humanities stream. science students think much less, but practice more on drawing alpha helix structure and full displayed formula of cellulose (sorry, i have a particular dislike for biochem).

Well, what i said above is mainly the stereotype. a stereotype is, after all, only a stereotype, albeit a prevailing one for this case. Besides, Singaporean youth is not alone in this lack of intellectualism and general apathy in social issues. Malaysia does not have enough critical thinkers too. Even though i personally feel that Malaysian youths are more in touch with social issues (it is true!), not many think the right way. Racial prejudice is a major hindrence if we are to progess as a nation. But generally, a large proportion of my malaysian friends are able to engage in political and social discourse and most generally form their own opinions (whether skewed or not). You might argue that this is because i rub shoulders with elites from my country since most are scholars. But hc is supposed to be a school full of elites, leaders of tomorrow for singapore, yet few students in this school are intellectually aware and curious. This is not hard to see even at another end of the Earth. In Stanford U, there is an active malaysian group who form the Standard Malaysian Forum, for which Malaysian civil servants are invited to give a speech to the Malaysian students in Stanford. Sadly, its Singaporean counterpart has no similar activity

Perhaps because there is no govt ministries to spearhead such activity? maybe this is another sideeffect of having a paternalistic govt. s'poreans are fortunate to have a gd govt who is willing to lead and spearhead in all directions. Youth Changemaker (YCM), eg, is supported and sanctioned by MCYS. (i'm not too sure whether it is initiated by MCYS or by active youths tho.) In Malaysia, such initiatives and other social organisations do exist, but they are mostly self-funded and not overseen by any governmental authority. perhaps it is this difference in the way the 2 countries run that leads to the disparity in the social awareness and attitude btw the youths at the 2 ends of the Causeway.

Another difference is in the kind of topics that youths talk about daily. other than jokes, my msian frens and I do exchange views on social, world, philosophical issues. the conversation among the guys in my class mostly revolves around lame jokes, girls, dota, and schoolworks. Behind the ephemeral laughters and fun, there is nothing much for us to take home and think about it. Men's talks are sorely dull and bland, which involves asking the same old questions over and over again. Among us guys, the number of pple who do read (other than notes and New Paper and newspaper) can be counted by less than half a finger. maybe we can attribute this to different lifestyles and different choices they make in their lives. but i am afraid some of them do not even realise this concern, and the significance of this concern.

maybe they are just not exposed enough to an intellectual envt as most are too caught up in daily life and A lvl. Or maybe they find no cause for them to be active intellectually, since life in s'pore for most is so well air-conditioned that it does not provide a fertile ground for intellectual debates and thinking for most ordinary people. sheryl once told me that she was impressed by the participants from other ASEAN countries for an ASEAN youth forum she took part in. the depth and breadth of social knowledge that they possess, and the kind of patriotism that radiates from them, is rarely seen in s'porean youths today. the difference may lie in the fact that these countries are more tumultuous, and the youths have a cause to be more concerned. does that mean that s'porean youths, living in a blessed world, should not and need not be concerned about the world outside their own?


but is it not sad that a person lives in a society, yet being unaware of and uninterested in its development? where is the passion for the society then? or does it not matter to some people? living in their own happy world is blissful and meaningful enough a life for them? well, everyone has different takes in life...different people find meaning in different things..


all in all i would say that general singaporean youths are more ignorant and unexposed than stupid. they are not heartless, they are not snobbish, they are not stupid. juz that they are not immersed in an intellectual envt. personally i find the atmosphere for arts here pathetic too as a lot of students were too busy mugging tutorials during breaks to tour around the inner plaza and admire some decent art works from their peers.



i think that my arguments above might not be comprehensive and balanced enough, and may attract some backlashes from my s'porean friends.

we should fear no criticism/comment, but the lack of it.


Do comment on it, and let me hear your views. If you have one, that is.

let me end this entry by a quote that resonates in my heart:

平生只有两行泪,
半为苍生半美人.

too caught up in life?

3am 6th November

i fell asleep at 10, and woke at 1, and trying to sleep from 1 till now. and now is 3 am. during this period, lots of thoughts and emotions raged through my mind. It is one of those moments. One of those times. when i reflect on my life. I guess it is a healthy thing to do, to take a step out of the sphere of life, and to see, and feel yourself, your life.

despite that i am still very unprepared for "A", i will not compromise such times for more mugging or sleeping hours. Talking about "A", i always thought that it would be a breeze, having survived (literally so) ruthless HC exams. A lvl would be a breeze, only if you have done your revision. ya don't have to be at your peak, but need to at least know the facts. and hell A lvl is a lot more regurgitation as compared to HC exam.

ok. i was thinking abt the future. near future. the days that i would have to say zai jian (see ya) to my brothers and my frens, even though deep down i know that there's not much a chance for us to meet again. all my frens occupy a place at my heart. they form my emotional landscape. i cannot imagine the day when i have to part with them.

i realise that what Dalai Lama said about human relationship in The Art of Happiness is very true. you can deepen your relationship with another human being, anyone, by seeing him/her as another person who is the same as you. someone who longs for love and warmth; someone who has his aspirations, desires, dreams; someone who has his fears, anxieties, and a certain degree of uncertainy, no matter how strong that person appear. someone who has his own thoughts and feelings. having this view would transcend any worldly and physical differences btw u 2, and u can really open your heart to the person, and hold empathy to what the person experiences. that is how you can connect with another human being, despite racial, religious difference, difference in lifestyle and practises.

human relationship gives the feeling of warmth and love, and these are exactly what a human being wants and needs. most of the times, when we are too caught up in life, we are not mindful enough to see the importance of human relationship, friendship. we might have neglected that some of our frens might be facing insurmountable problems in their lives and that your concern might just have given them the little strength and courage that they need. we might have forgetten to maintain the relationships with those who matter to us. sometimes there are just too many pressing day-to-day issues we have to deal with to find that little time to connect and care for our frens. sometimes we are too concerned about achievement and winning, that we have no time for ourselves and our friends.

day-to-day matters are urgent. but we must not forget that relationship is more important, and is not negligible. i am always too caught up with life that i might have neglected my frens often. not being there when they might need me. when i am focused on a task, sometimes i would forget to see the larger picture. similarly, when we complain about schoolwork here, we might not be mindful that there are many out there who face more formidable problems in life, eg poverty, diseases. we seem to think about these unfortunate people, and the Africa, when we do cip, when we read articles abt them. they seldom appear in our lives, because we are too caught up in our own agendas. probably this is the reason why Africa today is still plagued with so many problems. politicians and people in the First World are too caught up in their own local issues to really think about helping others. not that they do not want to help. not that all of us normal people are not sympathetic. it is juz tt we are all too caught up in our lives to be concerned about the others. this statement is true for both international and personal cases.

perhaps it really takes a lot of strength and beliefs to make something happen. not everyone can be Mrs.Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi. they are ordinary people with extraordinary beliefs and faiths in their causes. a lot of people actually hold the same beliefs as them. most of the Blacks, and not a negligible portion of the Whites, were disgusted by the racial segregation. many burmese embrace democracy too. but few stood up like them. and this made the differences.



For humanity. For love.