Proud of zhangrui

Ray is sooo zai. My idol of the moment. So happy and proud of her :) 5000 bucks cash and an A-star scholarship till PhD...salute Dr.Zhang! haha



anyway...today nothing much happened, but a lot of thoughts raged through my mind..

1) SYF is near..i m not sure how confident i am of the band..i dun have the full confidence yet...i am not very worried...but i want the band to do well

2) Existence of God

read abt "Show me God". was quite impressed...and it is really thought-provoking..shall post abt the details later...

3) Band Prayer..

this leads me into further muse over the existence of God. I must admit tt this is my first time joing the Christians in praying, and i felt a little unaccustomed. But nevertheless i felt more refresh and energised after it...and it is as though we have lent each other support...the act of praying aside, i m really enbroiled into this fervent thinking abt existence of God...later i looked into the far sky and asked myself, "is there God?" And i still am still uncertain of the answer. Elaine said tt the fact that i came across the book accidentally in the library b4 the prayer session is a message from God. Hmm...I have no idea indeed...i tried to ask some people abt it...but different people hold different ideas, and no one seems to be able to enlighten me completely

4)and she sent me syf encouragement sms yesterday at 9.10pm. It was a time when i was so exhausted physically and mentally, and i was so touched when the message came until i almost cried. really no kidding. (i m INFP..i bit hupersensitive..) it is sweet of her...nice...as a friend..a friend of cuz :)

cool quotes of the week

Cool quotes of the week:

1) "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty"


2) "The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."


3) "I think usually with my brain, not my heart. I don't usually feel stressed. Because one normally feels stressed when a lot of things pile on him suddenly. I would just solve the problems and do the tasks methodically, and would not feel stressed. I see no point in feeling stressed, as one's performance would be affected by stress" - Stefanie, Vice-President of 32nd student council of HCI during her Q&A.

Pity

Well..how free is speech? do you really think cyberworld is free, lawless and boundless and u can say whatever you like? think again...sigh for the liberty that Singaporeans enjoy (at least m'sian gov would not check blogs...wait...they need to handle microsoft wordz first) WHat a pity


Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. – Wendell Phillips

" Unfortunately in recent days, the price of maintaining the content which used to be accessible at this URL has become too high for the author to afford. AcidFlask thanks readers for their past support and regrets the inconvenience caused.

AcidFlask would like to apologize in particular to Mr. Philip Yeo, Chairman of the Agency for Science, Technology and Research (A*STAR), Singapore, for having hosted or made remarks which Mr. Yeo felt were defamatory to him and the agency that he leads. AcidFlask promises to not make such remarks again on this website."

class outing at marche

i do not want to put this in class blog, lest make some people unhappy. But i am really unhappy
我很不开心
when i asked around, everyone seemed ok with it. all said:"should be ok" and a lot of them never turned up. and they never even tell me that they couldnt turn up
and some said "see how first"...what a responsible answer. And even more responsible when they didnt tell me tt they cmi when they didnt come. Come one, when u say "see first", of cuz it is imperative of you to inform the organiser in the end if you really can make it or not.

SO much talk about 7A spirit. so much hooraa abt how sian JC2 life is and how much they desire to have a class outing. Not that many of you really have good reasons. Some even chosen DOTA over class outing. And some say broke. But when i suggested tt only yw and zichao reflected that to me. and in the end zichao even turned up! and teck, who has got parade until v late, even said sorry for not going for cls outing. really, these 2 great pple (zc and teck) make some other people pale in comparisons. True, characters are really something that are precious. And zichao and teck are real men with real characters. Timo also.

i know marche is ex. but when it was being proposed, only 2 guys reflected that. and i thought would have ard 20 pple turned up.

I have always believed, or tried to convince myself, that 04S7A rox. but i think i would no longer believe in this myth. it is only an illusion. an illusion that hurts. of cuz 04S7A is full of nice and wonderful people. but there are also some that are **-censured-**. the many ideas that are in my mind eg class trip, class video, class publication. I find no inspiration to execute them anymore. i have lost the passion for the class, though i still love the class. i find it no point to be trying to save the class spirit. No one cares. I will juz let nature takes its course...

and i would not organise class outing anymore. not in near future. i think i would not want to attend class outing also. it has become so meaningless...maybe except dota and kbox. i would prefer sleeping or reading in the library. there are so many things in the world that await me to explore and love, why waste my energy and passion on this class? i am disillusioned. i will juz keep and cherish the frenship i have with my good frenz in this class such as zc teck timo and etc...and for the others, i dun give a fuck

Illusion

i juz thought of this:

Illusion = inexplicable co-existence of cynicism and idealism in a person's mind

Cynicism:
Many pple tends to be cynical or try to be cynical, because it shows that you are more superior than the things (eg a system) that you despise and distrust. It reflects that you are more advanced than the things to see and know their shortcomings. People often criticizes, yet few are willing to take initiatives or give concrete ideas on how to improve and change...this is probably to show that they are cool and they dun bother abt such trivial and worldly stuff...

Cynicism is a negative energy, it has seldon uses except to extinguish the passions. Yet many people in the world choose to be cynical...i can't help but be a cynical person sometimes. I look at the world, and cant help but lament the imperfections of the world and the things around and in me. I would lash out in my mind at the society, the education system, the public policies...i would doubt the motions of every men (and esp. politicians and big-brother country like the America)...i would even doubt some friends (but there are some i wld never doubt like my malaysian brothers)...hmm...i dun like being cynical...it juz makes u feel smarter, while in the actual fact you are more dumb in this way....but sometimes i juz cant help it..

i am cynical...i am cynical of this world. i am cynical of the society. i am cynical of the way human relates and interacts...basically human relationship....human relationship is so insubstancial...and it is a pity that many view human relationship as an investment...but sometimes i am cynical and think that relationship is based on desire and sex. and sex, esp btw opposite genders. Sometimes i always relate everything to human nature and evolution...eg our society favours progress and competence and winner..this is so that our society can survive better, so the human race can survive...survival instinct...human nature...evolution..but i dun like this idea at all...i dun like to think that i am nothing but a "member" of the society...i am unique and want to be independent and free..i dun want to psychologically tied to a system from birth...i have my purpose in life...my purpose in life is not to serve the society's "greater" purpose..yes i m rebellious...i am myself

and i believe that nothing is eternal in this world. No achievements, no men would be remembered forever, maybe except for a few like einstein...so much hooha abt making an impact to the world, make ur life significant to others...but seriously, who cares abt others? Men are selfish in nature. Altruism is a virtue but not a necessity nor nature. everyone cares abt his own feeling, and there is nothing that matters more than it.

Idealism:
but i always believe in the greater kindness and greatness in human. i love to appreciate the beauty of the world. haha..that's perhaps why i m an INFP, the idealist. i m a cynist yet an idealist. i m unsatisfied and unhappy with the current way the society runs, but i am sometimes optimistic, or naive enough, to believe that it can change, and will change, for the better. i am a person of faith..i cherish human spirit and i hold hope for a better tomorrow always. But sometimes that tomorrow never comes, haha..

Dream

Does dream reflect reality? does dream reflect our thoughts and feelings in the real world?

I wonder...

I had a dream (or perhaps nightmare), that she is drifting more and more away from me...
and hmm, it might be a good dream, not nightmare...afterall, that's what i wish...but i dunno whether that wish is conscious or sub-sonscious...since when the silence between us had been so unbearable..the walk had been so quiet...disturbingly quiet....

i dun wish to go back to those days..i wanna start new, start a new chapter...i have been consciously wanting to get over this chapter, but being INFP, i instinctively and subconsciously could not give up and betray my heart.

But now, no matter what, i shall let reason rule over my feeling. Shall be T instead of F for a while.

&
Singapore is building 2 Integrated Resorts. I have no doubt about Singapore govt's ability to fight the side effects of having casinos, but I do question whether the IR(s) are strong enough an appeal to pull visitors here. Who would wanna come this concrete jungle for resort? who would resort to that? (pun intended :P) I would have gone to more natural places like Maldives if i want to spend my holiday. And SIngapore govt shd well aware of its limited resources...building 2 megaresorts might seriously affect the business of Orchard, JBP, Zoo...so the net earn is still zero.

Get over it

i need to get over it to have a life...and happy birthday to keeloon, juz now tt gathering was fun :P and kang kena forfeit...our plan worked well :)

4 blogs in a row

4 blogs in a row...no i am not mad...i m juz letting the INFP side of mine to show

HURT

It hurts. Just as a knife that pierces through my heart.

I wanted truth. But i am hurt;
I wanted lies. But i would not believe them.

Why bring up such issue? my rhythm for the week has been good, has been steady. Now you disrupted this. Do u understand how much force do i need to exert to have a change of momentum?

Men is a self-contradictory species. They want truth. But only truth that they want to hear.
Sometimes, men would rather live in self-delusion...well...Einstein said b4 tt perception is reality...how true


I can't live, if living is without you.
But how come a life without you was much more peaceful to me?
The rare moments of joy, of sharing, are nothing more than i want.

"If there's a will, there's a way"
What an old lie that perpetuates our society, lulling the innocents into believing that we can all shape our own destinies. There is NO law is this world. Randomness is the only force of continuity.

Recall 2005

Now let me recall all the memories of 2005 (till now)
















































Yes. Blank. This year has passed so fast, i have been so busy, that i cant recall anything memorable about this year.

Ok, that was an exaggeration. I remember quite a lot. But juz that i dun remember them vividly, with deep emotions. They are only like a passing events. They did not trigger my amygdala activity, aka i dun feel much abt those events. I can recall wat happened, but not how i felt.


This is not right

Freedom to choose

Do we all really have the freedom to CHOOSE??


I read about 2 theories:

1) Determinism

How we choose, how we make choices, is in fact determined, before the actual act of determining. There are many factors that determine our choice. We don't make our choice. We only manifest those factors(input), computing the results(simple computing, not analysing or thinking), and come up with a decision (output)
So, the environment and the people around us do make our choice. We are but a body that exhibit the output.

2) Reductionism

The way we think, the way we process our mind, all up to the electrical impulses in our brain. Is the chemical reaction and electrical transmission in our brain due to our thinking, or our thinking due to the impulses? It can just be that when our body receptor receives a stimulus, it triggers an automatic message relay system, bringing about a set of automatic reactions and impulses that causes our thinking?



SO, in conclusion, do we really have a say in making our decisions? Do we have the freedom to choose?

Perhaps we have...we may still exercise our choice limited by the pre-determining factors...eg if we are pre-determined to enter science stream, then at least we may have a choice to choose between triple science and BCME (but again, another pre-determining factor, that is whether u are born to like Econs principles, comes in).

But, is the freedom of choice an illusion? is it self-delusionary and self-deceptive? Do we really make a choice? or do we THINK that we made a choice?



Freedom of choice, a cause that many great men have died for, is but an illusion. But more often than not, men prefer illusion than reality.

The Meaning of Life and How to Live it.

The Meaning of Life and How to Live it.

It is about time that I engage Myself in a conversation with Me - the
Internal Dialogue.

Since “I” has strong egocentric connotations, I will leave him out of the
following conversation.

Self : Hello. Did you call me?

Me : Called you? No … who is this?

Self : This is me. I heard your thoughts. So I thought I will chat.

Me : I do think a lot. It leaves me uncertain about life. I am
rather busy
now. I am in the midst of doing something.

Self : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me : Don’t know. But I cannot find free time. Life has become
hectic. It’s
rush hour all the time.

Self : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you
results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me : I understand. But I still cannot figure it out. By the way, I
was not
expecting you to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

Self : Well! I wanted to resolve your fight for time by giving you
some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through
the medium you are comfortable with.

Me : Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

Self : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it
complicated.

Me : Why am I then constantly unhappy?

Self : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has
become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.

Me : But how can I not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

Self : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me : But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

Self : Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me : If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

Self : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be
purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but do
not
suffer. With that experience their life becomes better not
bitter.

Me : You mean to say such experience is useful?

Self : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives
the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me : But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can’t we be
free
from problems?

Self : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial
Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes
from struggle and endurance not when you are free from
problems.

Me : Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don’t know where we
are
heading.

Self : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.
Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you
awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me : Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in
the
right direction. What should I do?

Self : Success is a measure as decided by others …. Satisfaction is a
measure as decided by yourself. Knowing that the road ahead
is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You will work
with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me : In tough times, how do I stay motivated?

Self : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you
have to go. Always count your blessings, not what you are
missing.

Me : What surprises me about people?

Self : When they suffer they ask, “Why me?” When they prosper, they
never ask “Why me?. Everyone wishes to have truth on their
side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me : Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here? I cannot get the
answer.

Self : Seek not to find who I am, but to determine who I want to be.
Stop looking for a purpose as to why I am here. Create it.
Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me : How can I get the best out of life?

Self : Face the past without regret. Handle your present with
confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me : One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered
.

Self : There is no unanswered prayers…… At times the answer is NO.

Me : Thank you for this wonderful chat with myself. I am happy to
start a
new day with a new sense of Inspiration.

Self : Well. I’ll keep the faith and drop the fear. From today I will
not believe my doubts and doubt my beliefs. Life is always a
mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. I’ll this day
trust
myself. Life is indeed wonderful if I know how to live it.
“Life
is what I make of it, always has been, and always will be.”