New Hair

I really have a deep loathing for my blonde hair. Always have had. My first experience dying my hair dark brown came when I was 16. It was met with huge success. And after I graduated from college in 2007, I started dying my hair dark brown on a regular basis (and loved it!). However, I lost interest in the upkeep when I moved home in April 2009.

Now, the interest is back. And I'm growing to love it again. It's a tad darker than I had originally planned, but that's just how it goes, I suppose. And I have way too many red undertones in my hair, which makes it look like I wanted a dark auburn, but that's ok. I'll get the right shade in the coming months. I'm just happy to avoid the bleached blonde locks that normally creep up on me during the summer months!

So, here's hoping I don't get frustrated in a month and decide to forget it all together. My roots would be horrific! :)

Fear is Justifiable

Back in October 2010, I wrote a little post called "Fear". I wrote some very personal feelings about relationships and I have been overwhelmed at the vast number of hits it's received. And I feel that I need to add a bit to it because it seems to be the most visited/searched blog post I have yet written.


First, an update to that... "Wyatt" actually came back into my life when I thought he'd disappeared and didn't just come meandering back, no... he came back like a gale force wind. He swept into my life and it was all consuming. For several months, it was like an emotional roller coaster. Just when I thought everything was going well, he would turn around and do something that hurt me. But, as soon as I had decided to step away from him, because it was hurting me, he would swoop back in and smooth things out again. Finally, about 3 months into this, somehow this gale force wind of a man was swept away and not heard from again. And I was... in a word, devastated.


I still think of Wyatt everyday and wish that things could be different. But, the question I ask myself is WHY? Why do I still feel like I need to have him in my life? What is the point? He will just hurt me again. He's proven that. It's like his calling card. So, why the emotional pull?


I've come to a conclusion. I think that not only do I fear being in a relationship because I know I will get hurt, but I also fear it because when I get into a relationship, I jump headfirst and without pretense. I fall completely and totally immerse myself into making the other person happy, however possible. Then, when the other person pulls away, I can't turn that off. It's not like a switch I can flip and it's over.

The fear that I will also immerse myself into someone else's happiness (and knowing that I won't get that same consideration in return) and then not be able to pull back out of it when I need to... that's what makes me not want to jump into the pool of piranhas. Forgive me, but I have yet to be proven wrong in this.

So, I have come to the realization that while I wish I were able to have children of my own, being the awesome Aunt, really is the best situation for me. Because, to be candid and honest, I DON'T want to be married. And I'm independent enough that I'm OK being alone. I know that it really irks many of the people who love me, but I'm happy just being me. I don't have to fear if I'm alone. So, I am no longer looking for that spouse person (like I mentioned in the previous post), I am now looking for a career. And this new place I am in life, I'm good with it. Really. Because fear is justifiable. It keeps me safe and sound. So, good luck in my job hunt, eh?!

"You're a Natural!"

I have to say, May's new and different was such a success, I may have to make it a permanent fixture in my life. I love trapshooting!

Below: My dad showing me how it's REALLY done

Below: My dad teaching me how

Below: My dad still helping me with little tips to hit the clay just right

Below: I hit that sucker and it exploded! Yeah!

Below: Laura making my Dad and I laugh

Below: Don't ask. I'm retarded. :)

My dad and stepmother are both avid trap shooters and serve on the board of our local trapshooting club. He has been trying to get me to shoot guns with him for as long as I can remember. And, for a girly girl who was (in the past) a bit of a high maintenance gal, the thought of using a gun was both terrifying and to be honest, a bit redneck. I adamantly refused. Until now...

When my sister and I arrived at the club that afternoon, I was a little nervous, but I was mostly excited. The last time I'd shot a gun was well over 2 years prior to that and it was for a very short time. That time, I had been shooting a 22 rifle and only shot a couple rounds with some friends. I had done fairly well, but that was the only other time in my whole life I'd had anything to do with guns.

We started with Singles, shooting the clays out in a straight away and I did fairly well from the 16 yard line. That is fairly average and the easiest you can do. I only missed a few and I wanted a bit more of a challenge. So, we turned the clay machine on so that it rotated. This meant that when I shouted "Pull" the clay would release, and go in whatever direction the machine was pointed and, as the shooter, you have no clue where that is. Still, I seemed to do well. I wanted to see how difficult I could go, so I stepped back to the 27 yard line. This is the hardest you can go in the singles. And guess, what? Yea, I hit the second clay I tried. I did a pretty good job here too. So, of course, I wanted a bit more of a challenge.

We were then told that my dad's Doubles round was starting in a few minutes, so Laura and I were invited to watch. Suddenly, the idea came to me: "I want to try it!" Sure enough, as soon as my dad's round was over, he taught me what to do.

Doubles is when you have a double barrel on your shotgun, two bullets.... and TWO clays you have to shoot in the same amount of time that you would shoot a single. The trick is to figure out exactly where the clay is going to crest the trap house and shoot it as soon as it clears the house, then forget it and go for the second clay. Doubles doesn't have a rotating option, thank goodness, so the first part was pretty easy. The hardest part was trying to swing the gun around to hit that second shot without over swinging the gun. I found that it was nearly impossible to get control of the gun in just enough time to shoot that second clay.

Guess what? I still did a good job! In my dad's words, I'm "a natural".

It was so much fun and I loved every second of it. I can't wait to do it again. And since I've got the connections (Dad and Des) that shouldn't be too hard. I guess I don't have to be too afraid of guns after all. Huh... go figure!