DR. HARLINA'S SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS / INTERNS - Tip no. 1 - 45

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 1 - Set your intention right. It's neither about the money, the highly respected position and the power. It is about PUBLIC SERVITUDE, serving those who are in need of healthcare. Only after you have served well, then only you could deserve the rewards, privileges and rights allocated for medical practitioners! Welcome on board!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 2 - Have the right attitudes. Being the most junior officer in the team, you really have a lot to catch up and learn. Never pretend that you know all. Never hesitate to admit that you do not know, to ask questions and assistance. Respect those who are more experienced than you. People with the right attitudes are welcome wherever they go, always...all the time!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 3 - Put on your best smile and outstanding manners. Greet everyone with a cheerful salam. No matter how busy you are, don't forget to move your temporo-mandibular joints and carve out a big smile. It will stimulate a fountain of endorphins in your neuron synapses, and aha...the feel-good feeling will set in. Don't believe this? Just try....just do it.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 4 - Work extra hard to convince people that you are reliable, responsible, accountable and able to complete tasks and meet expectations - within the first two weeks! Once people know you're committed, you'll gain their trust, respect & cooperation. Just mark my words!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICER : Tip no.5 - Refresh your inner self with daily, constant and effective spiritual input. For Muslim, don't ever neglect your 5 times daily prayers, no matter how busy you are. You really need that 5 -10 minutes regular breaks. It acts as a cooling oasis for you to rejuvenate.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no.6 : Mend your bruised heart and dented self-esteem, quickly and effectively - each time you received unpleasant reminders of your incompetency & shortcoming from your seniors. It's a part and parcel of the job. Admit your mistakes, but PLEASE, try hard not to repeat them. To err is human, but to keep doing the same error is a major blunder!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no.7 : Keep in touch with your loved ones - parents, spouses, close friends, teachers etc. Don't shut out your life, which mainly linger around your wards, call roster and private room now. There is more to life out there than just work or crashing into bed to recover from sleep deprivation.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no.8 : Make friend with the nurses. Never ever be their enemy. Life would be much easier if you know how to win their hearts. Dr Meena (Paeds MO) gave me this very precious advice : Harlina, be nice to these people (nurses). They will decide whether you will have your meals or not during your calls. Yesss, I later realized how true that advice was!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no.9 : Forgive those who raised their voices at you. They might be angry patients, stressed-up MOs, overwhelmed colleagues, frustrated consultants, irritated nurses etc. Nobody had ever shouted at you before,eh? Being a HO, anticipate your first experience here. Forgive them, forget them and live on. After all, we're all just humans living in the same pressure cooker!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no.10 - Thank God for the honour of being His instrument/tool of Mercy to mankind. A great opportunity is at your doorstep to catapult your good self to be bigger than life. Grab that opportunity and seize the golden moments. Nothing compares with the feeling of satisfaction whenever your patients & relatives say : Thank you, Doc !

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 11 - Handle yourself well when dealing with difficult people. Feeling victimized, bullied and discriminated? After reflecting on yourself, I suggest you pluck some courage to meet face-to-face. Clarify, admit your mistakes and make peace. InsyaAllah, things will be fine.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 12 - Treat your patients as if they are your own parents/relatives. Just as how you would like any doctor to treat your parents, that's exactly how you should treat your patients now. Remember, what comes around, goes around! Motivate your patients always, you'll feel the positive energy seeping into you too.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 13 - Express your love to your spouse everyday, using his/her love language. Let him/her know how much his/her support & understanding means to you. Share your ups and downs, laughter & tears. Thank Allah everyday for sending you this special person. Those who are still unmarried, what's keeping you, guys?

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 14 - Be sincere in treating your patients, be gentle and caring. Control your anger and frustration, avoid explosive emotional outburst in front of your patients. If you really need to release the steam, do it in the washroom with the tap running (peace, Mother Earth)- I consider that as an effective form of anger management!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 15 - Keep abreast with what's happening around you - medical & non-medical, locally and globally. Read the papers, journals & magazines, listen to the news bulletin, engage in general discussions. Have your own opinions. You're a doctor now! People wanna know what's going on in your brain.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 16 - Always extend a helping hand to your peers/colleague HOs.That's the only way to ensure help comes your way the next time you desperately need one. Less of `Me, Myself & I', please! More of `We & Us' now. Be a sporting team member, will ya!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 17 - Make effort to remember names esp. your patients'. Address them appropriately. If you're greeting them for the first time, use `Encik, Cik & Puan' instead of `PakCik, Makcik, Pak Aji, Apek, Aci, Akak, Abang, Adik'. Make quick glances at the patient's file and pronounce his/her full name clearly. Just see how impressed they will be!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 18 - Endure the disappointment when you discover the realities of the system. Witnessing unprofessional, unethical conducts - far from what you learnt in med schools? Feeling upset, angry, demoralized? Good, at least I can count on you to be a future committed agent of change!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS: Tip no. 19 - Learn to read your consultants'/specialists' minds. What do they want from a HO? Dedication, commitment, eagerness to learn, willingness to be corrected & guided. Give them those, and they won't make your life miserable.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS: Tip no. 20 - Keep your room in the HO quarter clean, tidy & cheerful! Hire a keeper if you could afford one.Throw away all the rotten left-overs. Buy an air-freshener & some flowers. Pull up the curtains, let the sunlight in. It's supposed to be a bedroom, not a cave!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS: Tip no. 21 - Spend your salary wisely. Share your first paycheck with your loved ones. Pay up your debts / credit card bills. Recall your financial planning lessons. Avoid weekly shopping mall rounds. Window shop with your stomach full, you'll be able to control the cravings

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS: Tip no. 22 - Push the `pause' button, get out for some fresh air, watch the sunrise/sunset. Reflect & contemplate. Remember, you just a small part of a very complex design. Put your perspectives back on track. Inhale & exhale - be grateful to Allah for everything you have.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 23 - Volunteer to help arranging the call roster.Experience the pain in accomodating all requests and dealing with unhappy colleagues who could not get their wishes. Best time to learn how to give & take here!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 24 - Be friendly & mix around with everyone. Do not reserve your greetings only for the bosses & VIPs. Greet the staff nurses, PKs, cleaners, security guards, gardeners etc. Drink your coffee at the pantry. Stop being choosy & selective. Snobs are lonely people.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 25 - Pray for your patients' well-being. Support their emotional & spiritual needs. Listen to their stories. Don't be afraid to be close to your patients. You will learn how to detach your emotions & rational thinking while looking after patients - so you'll remain objective and professional.Learn the balance to keep the ideal distance between you and the patients.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 26 - Surprise those who look down upon you by exceeding their expectations. Impress those who think highly of you by exceeding their expectation too. Whatever it is, do your level best. Be brave to take up challenges, be humble enough to ask for assistance and be ready to receive feedback - Recipe for a satisfying career!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 27 - Do not allow self pity to consume you now. Never curse yourself. Regretting your life choice of becoming a medical doctor, feeling envious with those friends who are enjoying life, free to do whatever they like? Well, I bet they're envious of YOU too! Just hang on there, persevere & be strong.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 28 - Admit your mistakes and try to redeem yourself. It takes a lot of courage, self-esteem and confidence to own up for your shortcomings. At the same time, do not boast around and inflate yourself. If you've really done good, let others acknowledge. You do not have to keep reminding others.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 29 - Enhance your medical knowledge thru' revising textbooks/notes ( I hope you haven't sold all textbooks to the juniors in med school!). Get answers to questions ASAP. Experience medicine with accurate knowledge/information, not simply following orders like zombies -without critical thinking.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 30 - Let the deaths of your patients serve as gentle reminders/ tazkeerah - that you will also face yours, sooner or later. Treat the dead with respect, whoever they were. Look at those cold, still bodies - now separated from their souls. Pray for them. Convey your condolences to the mourning relatives... they'll appreciate that.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 31 - Keep in touch with your emotions, but avoid being overwhelmed. Acknowledge the anger, sadness, frustration, confusion etc. Don't simply brush them off, what more trying to stiffle them! Manage those emotions - you're a human being, not a robot! Ventilate, it helps clearing up your lungs & mind.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 32 - Promise yourself that you're gonna make one person smile today! He/she might be your patient, colleague, MO, consultant, staff or spouse & parents at home. Simple rule of life - if you wanna smile, make another person smile, if you wanna be happy, make another person happy, if you want people to appreciate you, appreciate others first!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 33 - Commit yourself to life long learning from your surroundings. Your patients are your best teachers. Learn how they handle bad news, manage their emotions, ask for help and accept their fate. Despite all the pain & sorrow, they still tell you how much they appreciate what you've done for them.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 34 - Master the negotiation skills, otherwise life can be so inflexible and stressful. No matter how busy, there is definitely time for short prayers, quick meals, brief naps & shower time. The secret? You just have to know how to negotiate with people around you.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 35 - Start scribbling your life journal / log book. You're facing new challenges everyday, it's too precious to simply let them pass by without any acknowledgment. Write down the lessons learnt. You will have to share those with others one day.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 36 - Agree to disagree - the best way to handle difference of opinions. Speak your mind out, share your concerns & input. Don't be a YES-man all the time, people won't notice that you exist! Learn to say ` I beg to differ' as a subtle way to say `No, I don't agree with you!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 37 - Observe your consultant's leadership style closely - emulate what is exemplary, avoid what is not impressive. Do not get involved in power play. Be principle-centred. At times you have to disagree with your friend if he/she is wrong and compliment your enemy if he/she is doing the right thing

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 38 - Be professional - what does that mean in simple term? Doing the right thing when nobody is watching! Three elements of professionalism - self reflection, self regulation, self correction. You're expected to give your best and place patient's interest above self! How's that?

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 39 - Put aside some money for charity. For Muslims, start saving for your Hajj pilgrimage. Make time to open Tabung Haji account, if you haven't done that yet. Share and be generous. Enjoy the feel-good feeling of sharing your wealth with others.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 40 - Try to perform one task extra than what is expected of you each day. This is to avoid boredom out of routinized activities. How about volunteering to push the patient's trolley to the OT, buying lunch at the warong for the ward staff or helping a patient to the washroom? Yes, it is not YOUR job, I know. I'm just suggesting. Don't be angry with me!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 41 - Ask yourself these questions time and again: `Is this world a better place because I am around?' Do I make a difference?' Human beings need to have answers to those questions. It's our spiritual need : self-actualization in Maslow's Pyramid on Hierarchy of Human Needs.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 42 - Always end your conversation with your patients with this magical question : ` Is there anything else that you would like to know from me?' So many questions can spring out from the patient's mouth - worries, concerns and misunderstanding which need immediate attention & clarification. Now you know why so many patients did not turn up for their follow-up visits, eh?

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 43 - Visualize who you would be in 10 years time. It's not too early to apply creative visualization techniques now. That's the first step towards your success. Come on guys, you shouldn't just barely survive this housemanship, you have to succeed!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 44 - Keep holding to your principles, even when nobody seems to bother. Be the only one doing the right thing, tho' everyone else seem to favour & do the opposite. Truth will always prevail, sooner or later. You have to be strong to be a person of substance & integrity.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR HOUSE OFFICERS : Tip no. 45 - Be an outstanding team member. Always be helpful, considerate and committed. Be ready to take up leadership role whenever necessary. At the same time, don't be bullied around. Defend your rights, stand strong on your ground. You'll be liked and respected, just mark my words!


Loves,
Dr. Har (( Alumni HO ; General Hospital KL - August 1991 to July 1992)

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DR. HARLINA'S SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS - Tip no. 1 - 30

( I am a blessed mother of three beautiful living children and a deceased son since 1993 plus thousands more medical students since 1997. I started writing these tips as FB page entry since June 29th, 2011. If you can benefit from these, let's share them with as many parents out there)

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.1 - Strive to be the best role model to your children. Make them proud of you first before you can expect them to make you proud. How about asking this question to your adolescent kids today : ` Have I ever made you proud, son/daughter?' Reflect on the answer, if you're gonna get one.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no.2 - Display your commitment, affection and love for each other (as parents & couple) for your children to see. Put on your best smiles the moment you step into the house, no matter how bad things are at work. Make your home as the sanctuary & heaven on earth for the kids. Keep it warm & cozy with your prayers and unconditional love for everyone.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 3 - Avoid degrading or talking bad about your spouse in front of the children. Remember, it is their father/mother you're complaining about. Don't try to win them over & make them go against your spouse. That's not win-lose, in fact, it is definitely a lose-lose!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 4 - Appreciate every single deed and help you received from your children. Thank them, praise them - loud and clear for everybody to hear. Put on your best smile while thanking them. You have just made up their day

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 5 - Practice what you preach. But don't preach every time you talk to the children. It might sound like a good sermon to you, but to them, it is simply a nag! Don't ever begin your sentence with ` When I was your age,..'. If you do, just watch their eyes rolling up & their ears turning deaf.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 6 - Provide spiritual guide to your children - they need the framework & structure. Never neglect spirituality in everything you do. Pray together as much as you could. Read the Quran and reflect on its meaning. Convince them, spiritual health is as important (if not more) as physical, mental & emotional health.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 7 - Apologize for your mistakes and shortcomings, tho' sorry is the hardest word, esp. for parents. We can be wrong too. The children need to be reminded that they're being raised by HUMAN BEINGS, not angels. Try hard not to repeat the mistakes. This might be the most difficult tip to practise!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 8 - Allow some space for your adolescents to make decisions and guide them from there. Trust them. Who else will if not you, the parent who raised them up! Don't doubt your parenting. Avoid suffocating them with your over-protectiveness. Let them learn from their mistakes.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no 9 - Introduce your children to your friends/colleagues. Exhibit how much you appreciate them & proud to be associated with them. Only then you could expect your kids to introduce their friends to you!


SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 10 - Learn about your children's love languages. Each has a different, dominant type, tho' they might come from the same womb. Manage the diversity. Adapt the best parenting method for each of them. Get feedback - that's the only way to improve.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 11 - Thank Allah everyday for selecting you, of all the parents in the world, to be THE parent to these beautiful children. Feel honoured by the privileges of being a parent. Enjoy your parenthood - despite the hardship, pain, worries and sleepless nights (not mentioning the big bucks). Cherish your role - show how much you love being a parent!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 12 - Treasure your own parents, and let the children realize how much you love them. Visit their graves (if they are no longer alive) & tell the children amazing stories about their deceased grandparents. If they're still alive, allow the children to spend their holidays together. Allow grandparents to occupy a special place in the children's hearts & lives.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 13 - Involve the children in making plans for the family - renovating the house, buying a new car, selecting gifts etc. Best time to teach them about family value & traditions. Let them suggest, however indicate who's the boss. Be fair, sporting and reasonable - this is when the children learn the rules of the game.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 14 - Instill love for books & knowledge into your children's lives. Hang around in bookshops & never miss the annual book fair. Being digital natives, introduce them to e-books, digital readers & tablets. Read together as a family. You're enriching them with a legacy.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 15 - Be fair in showing off your affection to each of your children. Deal with sibling rivalry - do not just ignore it. Make time to understand the dynamics, address the dissatisfaction, attend to each complaint. Put yourself in their shoes - they always see things differently!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 16 - Learn to say NO to your children, esp. on matters of principles. Do not compromise your values to accommodate their demands. Provide guidance, framework & structure. They need those to lead a successful & meaningful future.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 17 - Avoid calling your children `problematic' - esp when you can't handle them. Let's rephrase - they are children with `difficulties' - varying degrees, of course. Some quite trivial, some really massive! They need your help & assistance. Do not give up or abandon them now!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 18 - Support each other in your parenting process. Display solidarity, restrain from open contradiction on parenting styles. Kids tend to be manipulative if they know you both have disagreement. Single parents, engage others (family, close friends) to support you. You shouldn't shoulder these duties alone!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 19 - Instill sense of belonging among your children. Train the young ones to respect the elder siblings, vice versa. Keep them closely knitted.Treat them equally, avoid favoritism. Express unconditional love. Everyone matters & has a special, dedicated place in everybody's heart.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 20 - Befriend your adolescent kids - if possible be their best friend . Avoid being their worst enemy. No doubt parenting adolescents can be most challenging, but they're also facing the most difficult phase of their lives. Friends are not judgmental, loyal and keep secrets well, while enemies despise & couldn't stand one another.Which one is you?

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 21 - Respond appropriately when others complained about your children's misbehavior/misconduct. Do not take it personally. Do not stage war or threaten to take legal action against the complainant before investigating thoroughly. It takes the whole world (not just a village) to raise a child these days.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 22 - Make time to read the Quran together with your children, especially the adolescents. Ponder on the translation. Help each other to memorize some parts of the Quran. Each child should have his/her own Quran (+ translation) hardcopy, besides a mobile phone @ laptop!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 23 - Raise your boys to be caring, thoughtful and responsible men. Never humiliate them in front of others, esp the siblings. Be a good listener and mind-reader. Listen to his silence. Read his body languages. Your teenage boy is sending out a message : SOS, help me survive this rapids of adolescence! Anybody listening out there?

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 24 - Engage in intellectual discussion with your spouse - on issues of environment, politics, socio-economics. Include the children in the discourse, get their opinions. Avoid gossiping about the neighbours/artists/politicians​. Stop quarelling over petty matters. Enlighten your home with rays of wisdom and virtues.

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 25 - Play with your toddlers ( below five years) - that was what Saidina Ali ra proposed. Dads, carry them over your shoulders - give them the chance to see the world from where you stand. Rasulullah SAW did that to his grandsons. The child psychologists agreed that is the best way to carry your toddler!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 26 - Pay attention to your adolescent girl. She really wanna know whether she inherits your beauty, Mum! She desperately needs to know whether you think she's pretty and presentable, Dad! Assure her that in your eyes - she is the most beautiful and charming. She needs that affirmation to face the world of fake beauty outside!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 27 - Discipline your children (esp those between 7-12 years of age) with love. Sound familiar,eh? How can that be possible? If you really love them, train your children with discipline, self-restraint and strong will. Instill consistency and high standard of self-management. Unfortunately, it all has to start with you first!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 28 - Watch your children sleeping. See how innocent and peaceful they are! Thank Allah for trusting you to look after His beautiful, tender creatures. Promise Allah that you will seriously take good care of them. Keep to your promise - never ever forget that!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 29 - Listen to your children. I really mean it. LISTEN to their stories, laugh at their jokes and answer their questions. Give your undivided attention if they need you to listen to their worries, complaints etc. Look into their eyes. Once they're assured that you care enough for them, they are ready to face ANY challenges out there!

SURVIVAL TIPS FOR PARENTS : Tip no. 30 - Groom your children with good manners - train them to say`Please', `Thank you', `Excuse me' etc. Teach them the right body language, facial expression and voice intonation that goes along with those pleasant words. Explain what rudeness means, make them aware of social norms & cultural values surrounding them.


With all my love,
Dr. Har

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Suratku untuk Suami Muslim yang Mulia - oleh Dr. Muhammad Badi’ Murshid Am Ikhwan Muslimin. (terjemahan Ustazah Maznah Daud)

Hayati surat dari Murshid Am IM ini yang ditujukan khusus utk semua suami Muslim yang dikasihi.

Loves,
Dr. Har

Assalamu’alaikum wr.wb.
Aku suka memanggil kamu dengan nama di atas. Ia bukan satu panggilan tradisi, sebaliknya ia satu panggilan yang disukai dan digemari Rasulullah s.a.w.. Aku akan beritahu kamu selepas ini dengan izin Allah, kenapa nama ini dipilih.
Adapun sebab aku menulis surat ini ialah beberapa aduan daripada akhawat anggota jamaah IM telah sampai kepadaku. Begitu juga aduan daripada akhawat yang bukan anggota IM. Meskipun aku rasa bertuah kerana diberi peluang hadir di muktamar akhawat yang diadakan beberapa minggu yang lalu di dewan muktamar university al-Azhar di bawah slogan: al-mar’ah al-Misriyyah… min athaurah ila an-nahdhah (Wanita Mesir.. dari revolusi kepada kebangkitan memajukan negeri), dan aku telah berbicara kepada mereka tentang kewajipan wanita di peringkat individu, keluarga dan masyarakat, tetapi kita mesti tahu bahawa di sana terdapat hak-hak mereka daripada lelaki yang merupakan tanggungjawab aku dan tanggungjawab kamu.
Sesungguhynya aku memilih untuk berbicara kepada kamu secara langsung, mengingatkan kamu peranan yang dipikulkan Allah ke atas bahu kamu, yang dipesan oleh Rasulullah s.a.w. kepada kamu ketika baginda berada di ambang kematian. Ia merupakan wasiat terakhir yang paling berharga pernah diungkapkan oleh orang yang berwasiat.
Tuhan yang memiliki kebesaran berpesan kepada kamu supaya menjadikan hubungan kamu dengan isteri kamu bertunjangkan mawaddah dan rahmat, dibaluti kesedaran akan masuliah (pertanggungjawaban). Maka kamu adalah pengemudi bahtera keluarga. Kepimpinan kamu adalah kepimpinan yang berupa pertanggungjawaban, bukan penghormatan. Tuhan kamu berpesan supaya kamu jangan lupa kerana jika kamu lupa, kamu akan dilupakan. “… dan janganlah pula kamu lupa berbuat baik dan berbudi sesama sendiri. Sesungguhnya Allah sentiasa melihat akan apa jua yang kamu kerjakan.” (Al-Baqrah:237). Al-fadhl ialah kamu memberi lebih banyak daripada kamu meminta, kamu mengambil hak kamu lebih sedikit daripada yang sepatutunya.
Dia berkata kepada kamu, bahawa kamu melindungi isteri, anak-anak daripada kemudaratan dan perkara yang membahayakan sama ada dari aspek kebendaan dan maknawi, juga usaha kamu membawa manfaat kebendaan dan maknawi kapada mereka merupakan tanggungjawab yang diletakkan di atas bahu kamu sejak mula dijadikan ayah kamu Adam dan ibu kamu Hawwa sebagaimana firmanNya yang bermaksud: “Maka, Kami berfirman: Wahai Adam sesungguhnya Iblis ini musuh bagimu dan bagi isterimu; oleh itu, janganlah dia menyebabkan kamu berdua keluar dari Syurga, kerana dengan yang demikian engkau (dan isterimu) akan menderita.” (Ta Ha:117)
Dan Rasulullah Musa a.s. telah merealisasikannya secara amali, sebagai mematuhi tuntutan Ilahi yang penuh dengan hikmah yang sangat mendalam maknanya “Ketika dia melihat api, lalu berkatalah dia kepada isterinya: Berhentilah! Sesungguhnya aku ada melihat api semoga aku dapat membawa kepada kamu satu cucuhan daripadanya atau aku dapat di tempat api itu: Penunjuk jalan.” (Ta Ha:10). Ayat ini mahu menyampaikan bahawa Musa seoalah-olah berkata kepada keluarganya: kamu tunggu di sini! Aku akan meninjau keadaan sekitar untuk mengelakkan kamu daripada bahaya dan perkara yang memudaratkan. Dan aku akan bawa kepada kamu perkara yang bermanfaat dari segi maddi dan maknawi.
Dan Allah juga telah menjadikan ikatan hubungan suami isteri ini dengan aqad yang kukuh yang diikat sendiri oleh kamu. Kamulah yang wajib memeliharanya. Allah akan menghisab kamu faktor-faktor yang menjadi ikatan itu kekal kukuh atau terburai “Dan bagaimana kamu tergamak mengambil balik pemberian itu padahal kasih mesra kamu telah terjalin antara satu dengan yang lain dan mereka pula (isteri-isteri kamu itu) telahpun mengambil perjanjian yang kuat daripada kamu?” (an-Nisaa’:21)
Adapun kesalahan wanita atau keaipan mereka, ia seumpama keaipan kamu dan kesalahan kamu. Kedua-dua kamu perlukan kesabaran untuk merawatnya. Namun tali kekangannya tetap berada di tangan kamu agar kapal ini hanya dikemudikan oleh seorang individu sahaja. Urusan keluarga bukan tempat untuk berebut kuasa atau beradu tenaga untuk jadi ketua sabagaimana yang cuba dilakukan oleh musuh-musuh Islam dan musuh-musuh kemanusiaan untuk mencarikkan ikatan yang suci ini. Mereka cuba menyalakan api pertentangan antara lelaki dan perempuan dengan mengunakan setengah kesalahan yang dilakukan oleh sebahagian suami dan mengaitkan kesalahan itu dengan sistem Islam, syariah rabbaniah yang telah meletakkan tanggungjawab kepimpinan di bahu lelaki, semua lelaki ke atas semua wanita, demi memelihara kesejahteraan masyarakat.
Sesungguhnya al-Quran telah menyatakan dengan ringkas dan padat semua sistem-sistem yang diperlukan oleh manusia. Semua itu tersimpul di dalam beberapa ayat yang sangat ringkas. “Demi malam apabila ia menyelubungi segala-galanya (dengan gelap-gelitanya), Dan siang apabila ia lahir terang-benderang; Demi Yang menciptakan (makhluk-makhlukNya) lelaki dan perempuan, (jantan dan betina); (Maksud al-Lail:1-3)
Malam dan siang, lelaki dan perempuan, saling bergandingan, lengkap melengkapi. Bukan berebut dan bersaing. Tiada kelebihan yang satu ke atas yang lain kecuali dengan melaksanakan peranan masing-masing.
Sebagai contoh, lihat isteri Firaun. Firaun mendakwa dirinya sebagai tuhan. Namun dakwaan itu sedikitpun tidak menjejaskan iman isterinya. Sebaliknya dua orang wanita lain yang menjadi isteri kepada dua orang nabi yang mulia, tidak mendapat apa-apa kelebihan di sisi Allah di sebabkan keingkaran mereka. Dan Maryam pula, seorang wanita solihah yang tidak bersuami. Jadi setiap individu mempunyai kedudukan tersendiri di sisi Allah. Ia dihisab secara berasingan daripada pasangan masing-masing. Setiap orang mempunyai masuliah fardiah yang tidak boleh dipikul oleh orang lain.
Ketika Nabi s.a.w. menyebut bahawa wanita seperti tulang rusuk yang bengkok, itu tidak bermakna keaipan bagi wanita kerana wanita tidak menciptakan dirinya sendiri. Dari sisi lain kita dapati tulang rusuk yang bengkok itulah sebenarnya bentuk yang paling baik dan paling ideal. Kalaulah tidak kerana tulang rusuk itu bengkok, jantung tidak akan berada dalam keadaan yang selesa dan tidak akan dapat menjalankan pungsinya membekalkan darah ke seluruh anggota. Sepasang paru-paru juga begitu. Jika tulang rusuk tidak bengkok, seluruh tubuh tidak dapat bernafas, insan tidak akan hidup sihat dan sejahtera, tidak akan mampu melaksanakan tugas dan tanggungjawab yang diamanahkan ke atasnya.
Justeru, Allah Azza wa Jalla berkata, ketika kamu tidak suka kepada sesuatu perkara yang ada pada isteri kamu – kesempurnaan itu hanyalah milik Allah jua - kamu juga tidak terlepas dari kekurangan dan kesilapan. Dalam kontek ini Allah berfirman maksudnya: “… Kemudian jika kamu (merasai) benci kepada mereka (disebabkan tingkah-lakunya, janganlah kamu terburu-buru menceraikannya), kerana boleh jadi kamu bencikan sesuatu, sedang Allah hendak menjadikan pada apa yang kamu benci itu kebaikan yang banyak (untuk kamu).” (An-Nisaa’:19)
Rasulullah s.a.w. pula telah menghuraikan perkara ini dengan terperinci dan praktikal yang kamu boleh laksanakan dengan segera. Kamu yang mesti laksanakan, bukan dia (isteri kamu) kerana kamu adalah pengemudi, kamu yang bertanggungjawab. Baginda bersabda maksudnya: “Janganlah seorang mu’min itu (suami) membenci seorang mu’minah (isterinya) kerana boleh jadi dia tidak suka pada sesuatu perangainya, dia suka perangainya yang lain”. Maksudnya di sini, jika kamu melihat sesuatu yang tidak ada kaitan dengan prinsip-prinsip iman, maka kamu mesti mengubah mood kamu sendiri, sehingga kamu dapat melihat dan mengiktiraf kelebihannya dari aspek yang lain yang pastinya terlalu banyak yang kamu sukai. Maka dengan itu perasaan benci dengan segera akan bertukar menjadi sayang.
Aku ingin mengingatkan kamu satu maklumat yang simple yang kadang-kadang kita lupa. Tidakkah zakat fitrah isteri kamu, anak-anak dan khadam kamu yang bayar walaupun isteri kamu seorang yang kaya raya? Itu merupakan lambang pertanggungjawaban yang dipikulkan ke atas kamu kerana itu bukan zakat harta. Zakat harta yang dimiliknya adalah tanggungjawab dia sendiri. Dia yang mesti tunaikan secara berasingan daripada kamu. Awas kamu! Jangan ambil sedikitpun daripada hartanya tanpa izinnya dan jangan halang dia berbuat baik kepada keluarganya mengikut sukanya. Jika kamu berbuat demikian maka hisab kamu di sisi Allah amat sukar. Allah mengharamkan kezaliman ke atas diriNya dan menjadikan kezaliman itu haram ke atas sesama hambaNya.
Jadilah kamu orang yang sentiasa setia kepada isteri kamu kerana Rasulullah s.a.w. sentiasa setia kepada isterinya Khadijah r.a., kesetiaan yang sungguh indah sehingga selepas Khadijah meninggal dunia. Ia menjadi contoh bagi seluruh umat manusia. Begitu juga baginda tidak menyembunyikan perasaan cintanya kepada Aishah r.a. ketika baginda ditanya siapakah manusia yang paling baginda cintai. Maka dengan spontan baginda menjawab dengan terang dan tegasa: “Aishah!” Lalu sahabat berkata bahawa mereka bukan tanya tentang wanita, dan sekali lagi baginda menjawab: “Ayahnya!”. Baginda tidak berkata “Abu Bakar”, sebaliknya berkata: “Ayahnya”. Ia memberikan gambaran hubungan mesra dan intim antara baginda dan Aishah dan secara tidak langsung menggambarkan kedudukan Abu Bakar di sisi baginda.
Adakah kamu fikir ada ungkapan yang lebih indah daripada ini bagi menggambarkan rasa cinta seorang suami kepada isterinya? Unggkapan yang begitu tulus lahir dari bibir suami pastinya mampu memadam apa-apa kesilapan dan perselisihan antara kamu berdua.
Seandainya masalah yang kamu hadapi, na’uzubillah, sudah sampai ke tahap bercerai, dan cerai adalah perkara halal yang paling dibenci Allah, isteri yang diceraikan itu berhak tinggal di rumah kamu, hak yang ditentukan sendiri oleh Allah, agar dengan keberadaannya di rumah itu, hati kamu dan hatinya akan jadi lembut, dan perselisihan yang berlaku sebelumnya akan lebur. Tidakkah kamu nampak, dalam keadaan yang begitu genting sekalipun, Allah tetap menghendaki kamu melaksanakan tanggungjawab dengan sebaik mungkin. Perhatikan ayat-ayat berkaitan dengan talaq, kebanyakannya dibasahi dengan ciri-ciri kelembutan dan kebajikan. Lihat surah at-Talaq ayat 1 hingga 3.
Akhirnya jangan kamu lupa wasiat perpisahan kekasih kita s.a.w. “Hendaklah kamu berpesan agar berbuat baik kepada wanita…”. Sungguh mengkagumkan, wasiat ini digandingkan dengan wasiat supaya menjaga solat. Tidakkah kamu rasa bahawa ia merupakan suatu perkara yang sangat penting?
Justeru, wahai saudaraku para suami, di manapun kamu dan dalam keadaan apapun, maka setia dan setialah kepada isteri kamu! Berbuat baik dan berbuat baiklah kepada isteri kamu! Beri perhatian dan beri perhatianlah kepada perasaan isteri kamu! Berbakti dan berbaktilah kepada keluarga isteri kamu! Bantu dan bantulah isteri kamu untuk berbakti kepada keluarganya. Bawalah isteri kamu memikul bersama kamu beban keluarga dan beban dakwah. Jadikan dia sandaran belakang kamu supaya dia dapat berjalan seiring kamu sambil membawa risalah dakwah yang diwajibkan Allah ke atas kamu.
Awas dan awas daripada mengambil hartanya tanpa kerelaannya. Adapun jika dia rela, Allah telah jelaskan hukumnya di dalam firmanNya yang bermaksud: “… Kemudian jika mereka dengan suka hatinya memberikan kepada kamu sebahagian dari mas kahwinnya maka makanlah (gunakanlah) pemberian (yang halal) itu sebagai nikmat yang lazat, lagi baik kesudahannya. (An-Nisaa’:4)
Ingat neraka dan neraka! Selamatkan isteri kamu darinya. “Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Peliharalah diri kamu dan keluarga kamu dari Neraka…” (At-Tahrim:6)
Ingat syurga dan syurga. Bawalah dia bersama kamu serta anak-anaknya. “Mereka dengan pasangan-pasangan mereka bersukaria di tempat yang teduh, sambil duduk berbaring di atas pelamin;” (Ya Sin:56)
Dan ingatlah juga bahawa orang yang terbaik dalam kalangan kita ialah yang paling baik kepada isterinya. Dan sesungguhnya Rasulullah s.a.w. orang yang paling baik kepada isterinya dalam kalangan seluruh umat manusia. Maka adakah kita mencontohinya?
Akhirnya, Rasulullah s.a.w. menamakan kamu suami yang mulia (zauj karim) selama kamu melaksanakan wasiatnya yang bermaksudnya: “Tidak memuliakan wanita kecuali orang (suami) yang mulia, dan tidak menghina wanita kecuali orang yang tercela!”. Maka jadilah kamu wahai saudaraku suami muslim yang mulia. Semoga Allah berkati kamu pada isteri kamu, harta kamu dan anak-anak kamu. Semoga Allah rahmati ibu bapa kamu dan ibu bapa isteri kamu sama ada mereka masih hidup di dunia ini atau telah berpindah ke alam abadi. Semoga Allah himpunkan kamu berdua dalam kebaikan dunia dan akhirat. Semoga Allah berkati zuriat kamu berdua.
Sesungguhnya aku telah berbicara kepada para isteri dalam muktamar lepas dengan membawakan satu Hadis yang menjamin pahala untuk mereka, iaitu seorang wanita yang melayan suami dengan baik pahalanya menyamai jihad, solat jamaah, solat jumaat dan mengiringi jenazah. Dan redanya kamu kepada mereka merupakan pintu untuk mereka masuk syurga.
Aku berharap kamu tidak lupa kepada kami dalam doa-doa kamu yang baik-baik.
Was-salamu’alaikum wr.wb.

Saudara kamu,
Dr. Muhammad Badi’
Murshid Am Ikhwan Muslimin.

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Penghormatan terakhir buat seorang teman seperjuangan

Pagi tadi, Alhamdulillah, Dr Har sempat bergegas ke Masjid Al-Akram Kg Dato' Keramat bersama Ketua Jbtn Pendidikan Perubatan UKM Prof Dr Nabishah Mohamad dan Dr Norlaili Tauhid, pensyarah kanan Jbtn Perubatan Keluarga menaiki teksi dari PPUKM utk memberikan penghormatan terakhir buat Allahyarhamah YB Dr Lo'Lo' Ghazali.

MasyaAllah, ramai sungguh Muslimin dan Muslimat yang hadir, dijangkakan lebih 2000 orang. Presiden PAS, Datuk Seri Tuan Guru Abdul Hadi Awang mengimami solat jenazah. Bersama ribuan jamaah, Dr Har menjalankan tanggungjawab seorang sahabat, mendoakan kesejahteraan rohnya - semoga Allahyarhamah tergolong dalam kelompok solehah, muslehah dan mujahidah yang berada dalam perlindungan Allah SWT.

Dr Har sempat bertemu dgn anak sulong Allahyarham, Mawaddah menyampaikan takziah bagi pihak keluarga, warga JIM dan IKRAM. Bertemu jua dgn DS Dr Wan Azizah, Ustazah Noridah mantan Ketua Muslimat PAS Pusat, YB Dr Halimah Ali EXCO DUN Selangor, Hjh Mastura Mohamad mantan Ketua Nisa' Pusat dan ramai lagi.

Airmata bertitisan membasahi pipi bila melihat keranda diusung menuju ke permakaman. Tiba-tiba rasa jadi sayu dan rindu, dalam terpaksa menerima hakikat ditinggal pergi seorang teman,kekanda senior dan role model yang selama ini menjadi pembakar semangat. Mengingati keikhlasan Allahyarham dalam pengorbanan yang tidak langsung menuntut sebarang ganjaran material, melainkan keredhaan dari Yang Maha Esa.

Hiba mengenangkan, terjangkaukah diri utk mengukir amal bakti sehebat Allahyarhamah? Kekanda Allahyarhamah Dr Lo' Lo' sudah mengotakan janjinya kepada AllaH SWT. Wajar dan layaklah Allahyarhamah berdiri seiring dgn Allahyarhamah Ibu Yoyoh yang baru meninggalkan teman2 PKS di Indonesia untuk menghadap Ilahi.

Bagaimana dengan diriku, ya Allah........Moga terus dibekalkan kekuatan dan kudrat utk terus menambah amal kebaktian seikhlas mungkin buat-Mu, Rabb.

PS : Mohon izin dari Malaysiakini atas gambar yg disisipkan.
Loves,
Dr. Har

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Al-Fatihah for YB Dr Lo' Lo' Ghazali

Last night at 10.38pm, 17 July 2011 – I was informed of the departure of a very beloved and dear sister, Dr. K.Lo' Lo' Ghazali.

I would like to extend my deepest condolences to her family members and PAS for the loss. In fact, Malaysia has lost one of the few `serikandi' (outstanding women) today!

An exceptionally special and unique person, she had lived a very fulfilled life that made her name, which means `pearl' in Arabic, glows forever in the hearts of everyone who have known her personally as well as those who have ever heard of her.

A dedicated servant of Allah, an ardent follower of Prophet Muhammad SAW, a special daughter and sister to her family, a loving wife to Prof Dr Aminuddin for more than 30 years, a wonderful mother to her children & grandchild, a caring medical doctor whose healing hands had touched the lives of many, a committed politician who served her constituency with guts & determination, a very good & loyal friend, an outstanding Muslimah role model – those are merely a small fraction of what this pleasant woman had always been and will always be.

K.Lo' Lo', I am surely going to miss your beautiful smiles, sweet voice and soaring spirit. Yet I know, you will be looked after by Allah SWT now, who had been your only destination all these while.

K.Lo' Lo', I recalled how worried you were over the `little' deeds that you could only manage to do – when I visited you three weeks ago. And I will always remember hugging you then, and whispered these words to your ear : ` Of course, it's quite natural to feel that what you've done are not enough. But let me be your witness in front of Allah on the Day of Judgement, that you have done so much for so many people!'

Good bye my dear sister, for you deserve this ultimate rest and may you harvest all the fruits of your deeds. Jazakallah for everything that you have done. You had left behind a legacy for us to emulate and a benchmark quite challenging to match.

We are just waiting our turns to follow you – sooner or later.

I pray to Allah SWT to grant you with His Jannatul Firdaus.

I pray to Allah SWT to provide me strength to follow your footsteps in serving the ummah.

I pray to Allah SWT to bestow me with courage and determination which had been your trademark all thse while.

Till we see you again, in Jannah InsyaAllah – as neighbours, I hope and I pray....Amin

Loves,
Dr. Har

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Alhamdulillah, UKM PPD module won award in World Education Summit 2011

Salam
Alhamdulillah, received a great news today. UKM PPD Module has won `The Best Jury Award for Innovation in Vocational Education and Skills Training' at the World Education Summit 2011, held in New Delhi from 13-15 July 2011.
Personal & Professional Development (PPD) was introduced in UKM integrated curriculum since 2005. I am the Head of PPD Unit since 2007, and I must thank every single person who has contributed - no matter how small in the success of this module - the SGDs, outdoor camps, forum, seminar, career carnival etc!
May this achievement be the driving force for us to do better.
Loves,
Dr. Har

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