Sincerely, Natalie

How to be sincerely grateful?

There is an anecdotal story of a king who asked for counsel that would help him remain humble in prosperous times and hopeful in perilous times. That counsel which was inscribed on the inside of a ring was, "This too shall pass."

We live in a world of opposing dualities. When asked, "How was your day?" or "How are you doing?" I find it harder and harder to give a simple, "Good" and feel satisfied with being both polite and honest. I feel that it is vital to happiness to learn to be grateful. However, in trying to explain to my students in my class what that means, the simple explanation that I gave them later tortured me. I told them being grateful or thankful means to recognize what things you like in your life. This tortured me because it is so much more than that. Being grateful to me is really being cognizant of all in your life and seeing God in all of it. That to me, is the purpose of expressing gratitude. To put what we have in perspective of who we are, where we are and what is around the corner for us.

I found some quotes which piece together meaning for me as 'words to live by' in my quest to be grateful for ALL that I have and am.

"Those of us who have been around a while—and Elder Wirthlin and I have been around for a long time—have recognized certain patterns in life’s test. There are cycles of good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness, and times of plenty as well as scarcity. When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: “The best is yet to be” (“Rabbi Ben Ezra,” in Charles W. Eliot, ed., The Harvard Classics, 50 vols. [1909–10], 42:1103). We can’t predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come. (2008 October General Conference, Let Him Do It with Simplicity, Sat. Morning Session - L. Tom Perry)

I do believe that the best is yet to be, even when I do not feel it burning in my bosom. I believe that good people who honestly do their best and turn to God, that for them good things keep on coming. Another quote...

"Sometimes it is hard to move on, but we must. And moving on doesn’t mean forgetting friendships, forcing memories to fade. It means opening our hearts to even more happiness and more experiences." (Oct. 2012 Ensign, Good Things Keep On Coming, Caitlin A. Rush)

I can honestly say that I am grateful for all of my experiences. I haven't always felt that way, but I do. I feel that Michael dying has provided a breadth and depth to my life that I would not have achieved in any other way. Is it blissful... no! Worth it? Yes! As Mitch Albom puts it, " “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Do I understand the ins and out of my marriage and subsequent and recent divorce? Am I grateful for it all yet? Not yet, but someday I hope to be at that point. I do already see the value in an experience such as this. I am stronger, more certain of who I am in some ways, more open to understand others, and just as stubborn in what makes me fundamentally ME.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
― George Bernard Shaw

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I am finding my way out of the depths and learning to be grateful for those depths.

"Change is the Lord’s way. He wants us to be happy and growing, to be excited to move on with our lives. Life is a journey, and while still enjoying the present and preparing for inevitable challenges, we must move forward, remaining optimistic, our hearts open to the experiences and good things that are undoubtedly on their way." (Oct. 2012 Ensign, Good Things Keep On Coming, Caitlin A. Rush)

So much to say, so little time...

It has been FOREVER since I have posted anything. The longer I go without writing a post, the more urgently I feel the need to write a post yet here I am blanking on where to start.

Let's start with today. With the snow and the change in weather added to the stress of my wonderful (although all-consuming and incredibly challenging) job my auto-immune disorders have really flared up. This translates to me sleeping lots with increased fatigue when I am awake and being in considerable more pain than is typical for me. Yet. I don't want to complain or really talk about it too much. I do want to acknowledge that it is there and affects me. I want to be someone that deals with life's challenges gracefully. I think this includes health challenges. Part of being graceful includes being grateful for ALL that you have. Not just the parts you enjoy. I am grateful for my health, which I suppose in some measure, means I am grateful for the achey, painful, tired portions along with the working, able body and mind portions.

That being said, I didn't wake up when my Mom called me three times this morning. My mom calls me every morning and talks to me on her way to work. At the beginning of the school year it was so that I would wake up super early so I could go to work and be prepared for school. On the days I still need to be up early I wake up, otherwise I go back to sleep and wake up to my alarm. Some mornings I forget to set my alarm though. Today was one of them. I still woke up with plenty of time to get to work on time (albeit I was rushed and didn't look as nice as I could have). Days like today when I wake up without an alarm I really believe that Heavenly Father wakes me up.

On to my job. I love my job. It is by far the very best part of my life. I love my team, although certain members can be difficult to work with at times. I love my students, although figuring out how to reach them and measure their progress in terms of data, keep up with paperwork and everything else keeps me on my toes. If I am not careful I can get very discouraged, but it isn't worth it. I know I can be better and I want to be better. I also know I am doing my best right now with the energy and experience that I have.
It was a crazy day but a good day. I was missing a couple of students and this changes the dynamics of the whole class. It was really a pretty quiet day all in all.

For FHE we went to Temple Square and had a cooking class at the Lion House and played Family History Jeopardy at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. It was really a good FHE. During the cooking class, the Chef explained that while we thought it was a cooking class, it was really a dating class. He asked what date was, and I said, "Paid for, paired off, and planned." He asked my name, if I was dating anyone and if he could embarrass me. He then asked the guy next to me (who is in my ward and IS dating someone-ahem, the girl who was sitting right next to him) and myself to come up. He had me smash garlic and add it to this yummy alfredo pasta dish he was showing us how to make. Then he had this guy "teach" me how to chop it up (by putting his arms around me, etc. etc.) in front of the whole group. He then served up two plates and set a table for us in front of everyone and we got to go on a little date as a visual aid for his cooking/dating class. This was both amazing (because of the food, I was not feeling well- a little faint even and this really helped me feel better) and super AWKWARD. Because this guy, my elders quorum president went on a "date" with me in front of his girlfriend (and 50 other people). Also because, this amazing food that everyone got to see and smell... I ate in front of them. I felt bad all around... but also very grateful for the food.

So that was my day. Pretty interesting.