Designer: manikka
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Two years flew from the last post.
I am surprised to find myself back here.
But I am here to document something important.
Something, that I will look back and smile,
something, of an unforgettable experience.


Finally, I bought a DSLR.
I am sincerely happy, excited and fearful.
My happiness was way out of what I can express,
it's like giving me a candy empire when I have a broken lollipop all along.

The excitement.
The power of looking at the world in an entirely enchanting perspective.
This never fails to amaze me.
If there is one thing to learn,
it is to look,
through the lens of a camera.
By that, instantly I felt my world open up.
It is like exposing me to a whole new world of possibilities.
The adrenaline just rushes through the moment the thought crosses my mind.
The fear.

The fear of losing what is so precious.
To many who have judged me,
I believe the only proof to show you wrong,
is to do myself right.
That is enough said, action matters more.
'Dancing with my fear; The unexamined life is not worth living.'

though i cant see it yet,
i felt it already.
and really,
i'm appreciating it.
thank you <3

My Impractical 21st Birthday Wishlist

My first wish.


it's so sad, polaroids dying.
i want a polaroid 600
which doesnt make any sense
since the cheap films are spoilt
or the expensive ones are too expensive.
i wish i have my polaroid wall.

My second wish.
My driving license.


My third wish.

Travel trip to redang.
i miss the sun, the sea, and living like i'm part of them.

My 21st Birthday Practical Wishlist


iphone.
cos the whole world has it.
cos it's so bloody informative about anything.
cos it has everything,
except a long batt life.
realise i put a white phone up, cos i prefer white to black
regardless of how dirty it may become.

a bag.
any brand as long as it's a respectable bag for a 21st.
and my bag always doesnt last. so it's time.

digi cam.
my first digicam was a total mistake.
surprisingly. a digicam doesnt interest me as much now.
maybe,
not till i realise how awed i will be.

memory book
handmade stuff for a change.
cos memories are so esily forgotten.
they deserve somewhere better to be remembered.
hence, i DEMAND one. u know who u are.

otherwise, money will be fine. really.
I NEED MONEY.
cheque will be fine,too.

well,
til then

SURPRISE ME PEEPS :)

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/

so i got the urge to document something about my dad.

i miss being around him
and i like behaving like a small girl with him around.

i love him
but there's just so much he has to bear,
i'm so afraid he collapse one day

that day after his surgery,
i held his hand as long as i could,
cos he wished.
cos i wanted to.

he doesnt cry,
but i cant cry for him either.

happy father's day and i love you.
your daughter.
always.

i need a decision tree!




way complicated.
too much stuff on my plate.
waiting for replies is not fun.
and putting matters on hold
i wasted my time,
plain thinking about the implications,
and how all things get linked up.
so if all things get linked,
why don't they FIT.
things have a way of coming together,
unfortunately, all at once.

i can multi task.
but i have myself to blame
i'm just worried that at the end of the day,
there's nothing.
hence, the good wise me chose to take up
all new events new stuff.
but for now,
everything is just left hanging all over the place.

the puzzles that i thought were so exciting,
now seem so frustrating.
and i cant decide on anything. yet.
this sucks.

if i can get through all this..
i know i can. in fact, i will.

i actually made a mental note to write to you at least monthly.
i'm surprised i haven give up on you.


anw, i just wanna pen it here
cos i dun wanna to FORGET.

gosh the feeling is so overwhelming
right now i think i can cry talking about it

i couldnt help
i couldnt contain my happiness
when i finally laid my hands on YOU, finally.
i wanted to run to the beach and scream and dance

you dont even belong to me,
i dun have the slightest clue about which brand offers the nicest image,
or how to switch on the camera,
or how to set to the optimal conditions for a shot.

but
i just know it.
when the adrenaline rushes through me.
its like. ORGASM.
nah. corrected. IT'S BETTER THAN ORGASM.
it felt so good in my hands,
i dint want to hand over you to another

simply ecstatic.
felt that i haven practised enough in my life.
i want more. i din want to stop.

and when i did.
i did so cos i had to.
cos i know i was being selfish since it wasnt even mine to start with.
i need to be contented.
so i had to rest.
my hands were tired from all the carrying,
my heart wasnt.
and i wasnt contented.

at that point,
i felt i needa snap more photos to get better.
this isnt working out: it's just not going the way i imagined the photos to be.
truth was. i din take any great shots.
great disappointment.

i wanna take photos,
just that.
just thinking of it makes me sad.
and i am really genuinely sincerely touched beyond words
when i can really snap a good photo.
and the definition of good is for me to decide.
like.
the whole world doesnt exist.
it's only you and the camera conquering that image,
and it's just feels so awesome when you know you did it just the way you wanted.
i wanted to feel that way.
otherwise, i snapped more.
but nothing makes up for that lost moment.

god god god.
i'm so damn overwhelmed.
and tragically sad.

does anyone feel this way?