Jokes Of The Day

Wife : Dinner kia ??

Husband : Dinner kia ??

Wife : Office se kab aye..

Husband : Office se kab aye..

Wife : whats wrong with you ?

Husband : whats wrong with you ?

Wife : okay lets go Shopping ...

Husband : Ya... I have completed my Dinner...

_________________________________________________________________________________

Girl- i love you
Boy- i love u too..
Girl- kitna pyar krte
ho tum
mujhse?
Boy- Jitna tum karti
ho
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl- kamine iska
mtlab tu bhi
sirf timepass kr
raha ha..

_________________________________________________________________________________

1 engineer ko job nahi mili toh usne clinic khola or bahar likha:
Rs 300 me elaj karwayen
Elaj na hua to 1000 wapis
1 admi ne socha ki 1000 kamani ka acha mokka hai.
woh clinic aaya or kaha mujhe kisi bhi cheez ka zaiqa nahi aata.
Dr: Box 22 se dawa nikalo or isko 3 drops pilao
nurse ne pila di
Mareez: Yeh toh petrol hai
Dr: Mubarak ho aapko taste mehsus hogaya lao Rs. 300.
Admi ko ghusa aaya......

Kuch din bad woh phir gaya ta ki Dr. se purana paisa wapis le.
Admi: Dr. saheb meri yadasht kum ho gai hai
Dr: Box 22 se dawa nikalo or 3 drops pilao
Marez: Lekin wo dawa to zuban ki taste ke liye hai.
Dr: Yeh lo tumhari yadasht bhi wapis aagai
lao Rs.300.

Jokes Of The Day

Boy : What is 143.
.
.
Girl : i love you
.
.
Boy : no.
.
.
Girl : i miss you

.
.
Boy : no.
.
.
Girl : i need you
.
.
Boy : no.
.
.
Girl : i kill you
.
.
Boy : no.
.
.
Girl : phir kya hai ?....
.
.
Boy : one hundred&forty three
.
pehle jaa k numbers sikle gawar
______________________________________________________________________________
Santa roti ka 1 tukda khud kha raha tha aur 1 pass baithi murgi ko khila raha tha...

Banta: "Ye kya kar raha hai?"

Santa- "Chicken ke sath roti kha raha hu.

Navratra chal rahe hain na... 
_________________________________________________________________________________
एक हैदराबादी परिवार में
बेटा स्कूल से रोता हुआ
घर आया|
मां : काईकू रोरा ?
बेटा : टीचर मारी मेरेकू
मां : काईकू मारी चुडैल
तेरेकू ?
बेटा : मैं
मुर्गी बोला उसकू
मां : अरे ! काईकू
ऐसा बोला रे ?
बेटा : काईकू बोले तो?
हर ईक्जामा में
आंडा देरी मेरेक 

Jokes Of The Day

Teacher :- iska arth (meaning)
bataiye..
.
Blue Eyes Hypnotyes Teri Kardi
Hai Mainu I Swear Chhoti Dress
Me
Bomb
Lagdi Mainu...
.
.
Student :- prasang me ye panktiya
hamari
pathya pustak "Yo Yo Honey
Singh" me
sankalit Kavita
'BlueEyes' se li gayi hai...
.
Jiske rachaita "Shree Yo Yo Honey
Singh ji"
hai...
...
Is Mein kavi kehna chahate hai...
Hey Balika..!

Teri neeli ankhe mujhe sammohit
karti hai..
Mujhe vishwaas hai ki...
Tu in chhoti vastro mein
Visphotak samagri k samaan lagti
hai....!!
. ___________________________________________________________________________________
Ek ladka, ladki dekhne gaya..
usne English me baat karne ki sochi aur bola: English chalegi na??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladki sharmate hue: Soda, Namkeen aur leg piece saath me ho to DESI bhi chalegi...

Jokes Of The Day

Teacher to student Aaj tune fir homework kyun nahi kiya..
.
Student : sir, light nai thi..
.
Sir : to saale mombati jala leta..
.
Student : sir, machis nai utha sakta tha..
.
Sir : kyu.. ??
.
Student :sir, puja ghar me rakhi thi..
.
Sir : to uthayi kyun nai.. ??
.
Student : nahaya ­ -nai tha sir..
.
Sir : saale nahaya kyu nai tha.. ??
.
Student : paani nahi tha sir..
.
Sir : paani kyu nahi tha.. ??
.
Student : sir motor nahi chal raha tha..
.
Sir : ullu k pathhe ab motor kokya hua.. ??
.
Student : sir aap admi ho ya pajama,
saala kitni baar bolu light nahi thi !!!
________________________________________________________________________________
Ek Enginiar 2 cigaret pee raha tha. 
. 
. 
Girl - 2 cigaret kyo pee rahe ho. 
. 
. 
Enginiar - dost ki yaad aa gai ek dost ke liye or ek mere. 
. 
. 
kuch din baad Enginiar ek cigaret pee raha tha. 
.
.
Girl - ek cigaret pee rahe ho dost ko bhul gaye.
.
.
Enginiar - nahi pagal, mene cigaret peena chod diya......Ye to dost ke liye

Jokes Of The Day

Bhikari: kuch khane ko Dedo.
SANTA - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari - roti dedo
Santa - TAMATAR KHAO
Bikari -l ao tamatar hi do
Santa ki Mumy - ye totla h,keh rha h,
KAMAKAR khao.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Santa Qabristan Me Charas Pi Raha Tha

Police=Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?

Santa=Abbu K Liye Dua,
Police=Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai

Santa=Abbu Bachpan Me Hi Mar Gaye The.....................................
___________________________________________________________________________________

Santa Ne Car Se 4Logo Ko
Daba Diya
Judge-Tumne Sarab V Nai Pi Thi Fir V Ye Q kiya?
Santa-Sir
IDEA Walo Ne Kha Tha Ki
Is Gaane K Liye 4Dabaye

Jokes Of The Day

Early one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “Awww Mom! I don’t want to go to school.”

MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”

SON : 
“One, all the children hate me. 
Two, all the teachers hate me.”

MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”

SON : “ OK. You give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?”

MOM :

One,
you are FIFTY-TWO years old,
And should understand your responsibilities.

Two.....

You are the PRINCIPAL of the school "
_______________________________________________________________________________
Never force children to Pray.
At
dinner, ...

A little boy was ordered to lead in prayer...:

BOY: But i dont know how to
pray.

DAD: Just pray for your family
members, friends and
neighbours, the poor, etc

BOY: "Dear Lord.."
he started

Thank u for our visitors and
their children, who finished all my cookies and ice
cream.

Bless them so they won't come
again.

Forgive our neighbour's
son, who always remove
my sister's clothes and wrestle with her on her
bed.

This coming Christmas, please
send clothes to all
those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry!

...and also provide shelter for the homeless men who use
mom's
room when daddy is at work!

AMEN

………Dinner was cancelled!

Jokes Of The Day

Girl - What are you doing ?

Boy- I was doing a job with TIMEs
OF INDIA..
but now I left job.
Girl-Oh God why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy-kaun sala subah subah uthe
aur paper
daalne jaaye..
____________________________________________________________________
Santa Ke 7 Bachhe The Aur Unme se Ek Alag Hi Dikhta Tha

Usko Apni Biwi Pe Shak Hone Laga Tha Ki Wo Alag Dikhne Wala Bachcha Kisi Aur Ka Hai.

Par Santa Mein Biwi Se Ye Baat Puchne Ki Himmat Nahi Hoti Thi.

Isi Soch Soch Mein Vo Beemar Ho Gaya.

Jab Uska Akhri Waqt Najdik Aya Aur Vo Akhri Saanse Le Raha Tha To Apni Biwi Ko Bulaya

Santa : Dekho Tumhe Meri Kasam Hai,
Sach Sach Batana Ki Ye Alag Sa Dikhne Wala Bacha Kiska Hai ?

Wife : Ji Ab Aap Mar Rahe Ho Aur Marte Hue Aadmi Se Juth Nahi Bola Jata,

Main Aapko Sach Batana Chahti Hun...

Santa Dukhi Mann Se : Kya ?

Wife : Wo Sabse Alag Dikhne Wala Hi Sirf Aapka Bachha Hai...
__________________________________________________________________________________

Pappu:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala:hai,
Pappu:acha vala hai,
Lala:hai,
Pappu: achi quality ka hai,
Lala:ha bhai hai,
Pappu: thik hai hath dho kar 1kg aata do..

Jokes Of The Day

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO Maa- Bhagwan ki kripa hai
Papa- Beta kiska hai
Dost- Chal daaru Pite Hai
↓↓↓
ReSULT AGAR BURA HO:-
Maa- Aag Lage Is Mobile Me Papa- Laad Pyar Ne Bigaad Diya hai
Dost- Chal Daaru Pite Hai
↓↓↓
B.DAY PARTI PAR:-
Maa- Jug-Jug Jiye Mera Lal
Papa- Hamesha Aage Badho Dost- Chal Daaru Pite Hai
↓↓↓
LOVE ME FAIL HONE PAR:-
Maa- Beta Bhul Jao
Papa- Are Mard Ban
Dost- Chal Daaru Pite Hai ↓↓↓
MORAL OF STORY:-
Duniya Badal Sakti Hai Par Sachche Dost
Nhi...
↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓
__________________________________________________________________________________
Pappu ne air-hostess se kaha,
“Aapki shakal meri biwi se bahut milti hai”.
.
.
.
Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske gaal pe mara…
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
Pappu fauran bola : “Aadat bhi bahut milti hai”!!!!

Jokes Of The Day

Ek aadmi ek khatarnaak Sherni khareed kar ghar le aaya.

Padosiyon ne poochha – “Bhaai ye sherni kyon le aaye ?”

Aadmi ne udaas swar me bataaya – “LAST MONTH meri WIFE gujar gai naa … toh ab uske bina ghar badaa soona-soona lagta hai mujhe … !”

______________________________________________________________________________

Santa kee nai-nai shaadi hui thee phir bhi use ghar jaane ki koi jaldi nahi hoti. Woh der tak office mein hee baitha rahta.

One day Boss asked – “wife se jhagda chal rahaa hai kya ?”

Santa replied – “no no sir … aisee koi baat nahi ! baat ye hai ki meri wife bhi job karti hai isliye hum dono mein jo bhi pahle ghar pahunchta hai, khana use hi banaanaa padta hai !”

_________________________________________________________________________________

Santa ke lips jale hu the Banta : kaise jale santa : wife ko raliway seteation droop karne gaya tha. Banta : To ? Santa : kushi ka mare train ke engine ko choom liya

Jokes Of The Day

A Husband makes a call 2 his wife from his idea phone.
He dials wrong number. Another woman picks it.

Both talked for long time and fell in love.
Moral of the story: An idea can change your wife.
______________________________________________________________________________________एक दिन चित्रगुप्त ने ब्रह्माजी से प्रार्थना की –
“प्रभु, ये ‘करवा चौथ के व्रत से सात जनम तक
एक ही पति’ मिलने वाली योजना बंद कर
दी जाए !”
ब्रह्माजी – “क्यों ?”
चित्रगुप्त – “प्रभु, मैनेज करना कठिन
होता जा रहा है … औरत सातों जनम
वही पति मांगती हैं लेकिन पुरुष हर बार दूसरी औरत
मांगता है … बहुत दिक्कत हो रही है समझाने में !”
ब्रह्माजी – “लेकिन यह स्कीम आदिकाल से
चली आ रही है इसे बंद नहीं किया जा सकता !”
तभी नारद मुनि आ गए. उन्होंने सुझाव
दिया कि पृथ्वी पर श्री संता सिंह नाम के एक
महान विचारक रहते हैं. उनसे जाकर सलाह
ली जाये.
चित्रगुप्त श्री संता सिंह के पास गए.
संता सिंह ने एक पल में समस्या का समाधान कर
दिया – “जो भी औरत सातों जनम
वही पति डिमांड करे … उसे दे दो. लेकिन शर्त ये
लगा दो कि यदि पति वही चाहिए तो “सास”
भी वही मिलेगी !!!”
____________________________________________________________________________
SANTA Ghar Ka Darwaza Ukhaad Ke Kandhe Pe Rakh Ke Ja Raha Tha.
Kisi Ne Puchha: Oye Kahan Ja Rahe Ho?
SANTA:Chabi kho gyi h Taala Khulwanay ja rha hun..........

Jokes Of The Day

Girl : What are you doing ?
Boy : killing mosquitoes
Girl : how many did you killed?
Boy : 3 females, 2 male, total 5 !!!
Girl : how did you know that?

.
.
.
Boy : 3 sitting on mirror, 2 near beer..!
________________________________________________________________________________
Ek shaitan baccha unknown number
se call karta hai..
.
.
ek aadmi uthata hai..

Aadmi:"Hello..

Baccha:" Ullo pullo kullo !!

Aadmi:"Kaun
hai
be ??

Baccha:" Ek Insan

Aadmi:" Wo pata hai naam bol??

Baccha:" Main ek ganda bacha hu !

Aadmi:" Teri to esi ki tesi Kahaan
rehta hai tu ??

Baccha:" Prithvi pe..

Aadmi:" Wo to pata hai, phone kyu
kiya ??

Baccha:" Tujhe pareshan karne ke
liye...

Aadmi:" Ruk saale..
apne baap ko bula! Chhakke ki
aulaad..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Baccha:" Hello papa, main pappu...
___________________________________________________________________________
Pati: Tum hmesha mera- mera krti rhti ho..
Mera beta
Mera ghar
Meri car
Tujhe hmara kehna chahiye...
Ab Almari me kya dhoondh rhi hu..??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wife: Hamara peticoat..

Jokes Of The Day

Girl - Mat kr Picha Mera 1din royega,
.
.
.
Bahar College k Tu Samose ki
dukan kholega.
.
.
.
Boy - Tu mt Thukra Mera Pyar,
.
.
.
1Din Pachtayegi Usi dukan pe
Bartan Manjti Nazar ayegi...
.
Girl socked boy rocked..
____________________________________________________________________________
Ek din ek ladke ko uska
teacher kehta hai..
.
Kal 3 fruits ke name learn karke lane hai

.
Ladka uncle se:" 3 fruit Name Batao..
Uncle:" Tere Bakwass ke liye mere pass time nahi hai.

Ladka Likh leta hai..
.
Ladka Brother se 2 fruit Name Batao Bro:" GirlFriend Ka Phone AA Raha Hai Jaladi Dhafa Ho Yaha Se..

Ladka Likh leta hai..
.
Ladka Chota Ladka se:" 1 FRUIT KA NAME Bata chota ladka:" Tu ek pagal hai..
Ladka LIKH LETA HAI..
.
AGLE dIN TEACHER YAAD kARKE aaya ??
Ladka:" Yes Sir
.
Teacher:" Suna..
Ladka:" Tere Bakwass ke liye mere pass
time nahi hai..
.
Teacher:" Time nahi hai ?? chal PRINCIPAL ke paas..

Ladka:" Girl Friend Ka Phone AA Raha Hai Jaldi Dhafa Ho Yaha Se
.
Teacher Tune Mujhe Samaj Kya Rakha Hai.

Student:" tu ek pagal hai.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Mom-Beta Khana khale
.
.
Child-Maa abi bhukh nahi hai
.
.
Now
.
Child-Maa khana de do bhukh lagi hai
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mom-Ruk add aane de serial chal raha hai.

Sahi hai nah .. Bataoo ??

Jokes of The Day

Pappu Jab Chhota Tha, Tabhi Se Vo Kuch Jyada Hi Smart Aur Chalaak Tha

Jab Vo Nursery Class Mein Thha To Vo Ek Ladki Ko Kiss Kar Rahe Tha,
Achanak Se Madam Aa Gayi,

Madam Gusse Se Boli: “Kya Kar Rahe Ho?”

Pappu: “Mam, Isne Meri Vaseline Laga Li Thi Wahi Main Wapis Le Raha Tha“
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ek admi chabi se apna Kaan khuja raha tha..
.
.
.
.
Pappu usse dekh raha tha...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kuch dair k baad pappu bola: Bhai sahab agar ap start nhi ho rahay ho toh dhakka lagaun

Jokes Of The Day

Wife : Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan
kahan se aaya?
Husband : Mein khud paresaan
hu nishan dekhkar.
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi.
______________________________________________________________________________

Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di
Banta : Kyun?
Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film
dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge
_____________________________________________________________________________

Wife : whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it,
I don’t know what to do?
.
.
.
.
Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them…

Jokes of The Day

Jo dete hai ladki ko tohfe,

Wo late hai unki shaadi me sofe,

.

Jo jate hai unke piche,Wo 

aate hai caro ke neeche,

.

Jo kehte hai JAANU,

Wahi bante hai baacho ke MAMU!!!

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Maa-Nalayak Kaha Thi Itni Raat Tak?

Beti-Boyfriend Ke Saath,

Maa-Kar Aayi Na Muh Kala,

Beti-Toh Kya Hua Maa Fair & Lovely Hai Na. . ._____________________________________________________________________________________


IDBI-Itna Dhan Bina Income

SBI-Sab Bhikari Idhar

HDFC-Har Dum Fakir Chand

HSBC-Hum Sabse Bade Chor

Bank of Baroda-Bank Of Bhangis

Jokes Of The Day

Biwi Market se Loti
Pati: "Mera Andaza yeh keh raha
Hai
Ki is Box Me Koi Khane Ki
Cheez
Hai..
.
.
.
.
.
Patni: "Are wah mere Pati -
... Parmeshwar Aap Ne Bilkul
Sahi
Andaza Lagaya
.
.
.
.
Is Me Mere Sandal Hai. 
______________________________________________________________________________
Aajkal ke bacche.
.
Maa - Beta, Kya Kr Rahe Ho?
.
.
Beta - Padh Raha Hu..
.
.
Maa - Wah Excellent...!!!
Kya Padh Rahe Ho..
.
Beta - Aapki Hone Wali Bahu Ke
__________________________________________________________________________________


Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.

Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?



Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

Jokes Of The Day

Aajkal ke bacche.
.
Maa - Beta, Kya Kr Rahe Ho?
.
.
Beta - Padh Raha Hu..
.
.
Maa - Wah Excellent...!!!
Kya Padh Rahe Ho..
.
Beta - Aapki Hone Wali Bahu Ke
Messages   
_________________________________________________________________________________
Boy Jab Fail Ho Jaye To....

Maa 3 Words Kehti Hai " Aur Jaa Ghumne "
.
.
Gf Bhi 3 Words Kehti Hai "Sharam Nahi Aati "
.
.
Aur Dost Bhi 3 Words Hi Kehtehain But Dil Jeet Lete Hain
.
.
.
" Abe Tu Bhi " ..  
_________________________________________________________________________________

Jokes Of The Day

Boy Jab Fail Ho Jaye To....

Maa 3 Words Kehti Hai " Aur Jaa Ghumne "
.
.
Gf Bhi 3 Words Kehti Hai "Sharam Nahi Aati "
.
.
Aur Dost Bhi 3 Words Hi Kehtehain But Dil Jeet Lete Hain
___________________________________________________________________________________
Ek chor - chori kar ke,
Ghar se ja
raha tha
ki ... bacche ki aankh khul
gayi ...
.
.
.
.
aur baccha bola -
.
.
.
.
School bag bhi le ja
Kamine, varna
shor macha dunga .. 

Jokes Of The Day

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha –
Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji
_______________________________________________________________________
Ek ladka school der se jata hai
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
Principal :"Late kyo hue ??? .
.
.
.
.
. .
Boy :"Bike kharab ho gyi the
.
.
.
. .
.
.
Principal :"Bus mei nhi aa skte the
.
. .
.
.
.
.
Boy :"Maine kaha tha sir .
.
.
.
.
.
par apki beti k nakhre khatam ho tab na.
________________________________________________________________________________
Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

Jokes Of The Day

Proposal of 4th class boy to 12th class girl
.
.
Boy - I love u.
Girl - Stupid I am older than u
Boy - I am mad in your love,
Girl - Get lost
.
.
.
Boy - Didi plzzz.. set ho jao
______________________________________________________________________________
Shaitaan Beta...
Beta: papa Aapki Chain Khuli Hai....
.
.
Papa: Sabke Samne Chain Nahi Makeup Box
Bola Karo...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Beta: Acha! Papa Apna Makeup Box Band
Karlo,
Lipstick Dikh Rahi Hai.
___________________________________________________________________________
Two girls are traveling in a train...
.
.
Girl-1: Tujhe kaisa pati chahiye?
Girl-2: Mujhe Crorepati chaiiye.
.
.
Girl-1: Crorepati na miley to?
Girl-2: 50 lakh ke 2 pati chale�ge.
.
.
Girl-1: 50 lakh ke na miley to?
Girl-2: 25 lakh ke 4 pati bhi chale�ge
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
UPPER birth pe soya hua Pappu bola:
JAB YE 1000 RUPAYE
PE AAYE TO MUJHE UTHA DENA..!!!!...