How much does it
take for me
to see how much I have
exactly, how much
that I don't need to turn with hope
to others, that
I don't need to wish too much
and when
I don't have to dry anyone's
tears
Mine
Soft rustle of leaves, unheard
amongst the pattering
too of rain
Shine of the sun, soundless
fighting, breaking though
triumphant, in
the midst of dense cloud
Wash of the water, clean
too far to be felt
Their smiles, silent
that do not go unnoticed
The joy, clear
resounding in the air
Along with laughter of a
colour, a vibrant red
hue not found in rainbows
there
The adventures, embarked
in my dreams
but by others
-watch, learn, feel-
Are better than any
way that I would have it
happen.
How much does it take
for me to see, just
what, exactly, what
is it that's me
I think,
Just this.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Postscript
Though after that post I just made two days ago, I feel that there is one particular area where I've failed truly, utterly, completely.
- He's just too smart for me.
- He's just too smart for me.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Is there always a reason to smile?
I realise that even with the workload piling high, with blocks (and thus impending doom) looming over me, a music exam barely two days before blocks and barely two days from now and all other flail-inducing factors, I simply do not have any reason to be grumbling about life and all else in general. I shouldn't need to feel moody, frustrated or even angry. There are much worse things in life, and all that I've mentioned above aren't candidates for that.
And thus, I'm pretty glad that, well, I haven't been moody, frustrated or angry at anything. Yet.
But well, I couldn't stay that wee bit sense of insecurity, inferiority and "I fail at everything!" kind of feeling.
Okay, I admit, it's not a "wee bit". It's huge enough to float an island on.
But that's only because I seem to be suffering from some severe brain information organisation problem. Now in addition to my usual short term memory, I seem to be failing even in organising my thoughts. But I'm still pretty clear about "ah, what nice rainy weather. I want to sleep now..." types of thinking. It's just that when it comes to notes and notes and more notes, the brain takes leave and goes on a holiday to some place not experiencing strange monsoon weather/storms/global warming/etc.
It even takes me so long to think up what to write in the next paragraph over here, when I clearly had something to say not that long ago.
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes. I was just thinking of expressing my realisation that most of us could do a little more in feeling happy. (I could too, that's why.) It's alright if you're like me and burst into chants of "I'm so dead, I'm so dead, I'm so dead..." under your breath whenever something gets you all flustered, so long as you, like me, don't actually believe that it's the end. There's always a way out, somewhere, so long as you haven't been actively making sure that you don't have a way out.
What a convoluted way of saying things.
All I wanted to say was: be happier, be more optimistic! Happiness is contagious in most cases, and I guess the best way to make everyone happy is to be happy yourself. But remember to share the happiness, and the love.
That's mostly a note to myself too, of course. My pessimism never seems to abandon me entirely. It keeps coming back for more (more what? I dunno.) but I shall write this in my rarer, more hopeful times, in attempt to extinguish most of the pessimism that lie in wait to pounce on me in the most crucial times. One of which would be coming up very soon.
Besides, what about my goal to bring happiness to the people around me? I guess it has to start with filling my glass of optimism not only half full, but entirely full! It's quite a long shot, but it's a goal! It's something to work towards. If goals were as easy as snapping your fingers - hey wait, I can't do that- I mean, if goals were as easy as ABC, then it wouldn't be a goal anymore I suppose. We all need a little bit of ambition as motivation sometimes.
With all that said, I guess I shall head back to studying. Or sleeping, considering that it's no longer Wednesday night but Thursday morning. And I have to wake up early tomorrow, to meet a friend! Hopefully two brains are better than one and I'll actually get around to assimilating information effectively into my brain tomorrow. Hopefully!
And thus, I'm pretty glad that, well, I haven't been moody, frustrated or angry at anything. Yet.
But well, I couldn't stay that wee bit sense of insecurity, inferiority and "I fail at everything!" kind of feeling.
Okay, I admit, it's not a "wee bit". It's huge enough to float an island on.
But that's only because I seem to be suffering from some severe brain information organisation problem. Now in addition to my usual short term memory, I seem to be failing even in organising my thoughts. But I'm still pretty clear about "ah, what nice rainy weather. I want to sleep now..." types of thinking. It's just that when it comes to notes and notes and more notes, the brain takes leave and goes on a holiday to some place not experiencing strange monsoon weather/storms/global warming/etc.
It even takes me so long to think up what to write in the next paragraph over here, when I clearly had something to say not that long ago.
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes. I was just thinking of expressing my realisation that most of us could do a little more in feeling happy. (I could too, that's why.) It's alright if you're like me and burst into chants of "I'm so dead, I'm so dead, I'm so dead..." under your breath whenever something gets you all flustered, so long as you, like me, don't actually believe that it's the end. There's always a way out, somewhere, so long as you haven't been actively making sure that you don't have a way out.
What a convoluted way of saying things.
All I wanted to say was: be happier, be more optimistic! Happiness is contagious in most cases, and I guess the best way to make everyone happy is to be happy yourself. But remember to share the happiness, and the love.
That's mostly a note to myself too, of course. My pessimism never seems to abandon me entirely. It keeps coming back for more (more what? I dunno.) but I shall write this in my rarer, more hopeful times, in attempt to extinguish most of the pessimism that lie in wait to pounce on me in the most crucial times. One of which would be coming up very soon.
Besides, what about my goal to bring happiness to the people around me? I guess it has to start with filling my glass of optimism not only half full, but entirely full! It's quite a long shot, but it's a goal! It's something to work towards. If goals were as easy as snapping your fingers - hey wait, I can't do that- I mean, if goals were as easy as ABC, then it wouldn't be a goal anymore I suppose. We all need a little bit of ambition as motivation sometimes.
With all that said, I guess I shall head back to studying. Or sleeping, considering that it's no longer Wednesday night but Thursday morning. And I have to wake up early tomorrow, to meet a friend! Hopefully two brains are better than one and I'll actually get around to assimilating information effectively into my brain tomorrow. Hopefully!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
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