Getting Frayed at the Edges

It's not working. It's not working!

Ah, dammit.

Don't tell me I've been chasing a distant dream all along.

I'll be waiting at the usual place

I can't help it.

Every so often, I'll end up waiting again.

Whether it's fruitful or not, I'll still end up waiting. I'm terrified of losing things. Just so, so terrified.

Even after telling myself that it's probably not worthwhile to be so worked up over everything, I still end up waiting.

Sometimes I get too possessive over some things. It doesn't help, but I can't help it.

Someone says, to be enlightened in life, is to understand how to let some things go. Not to give up upon it, but to let it go. Giving up doesn't equate to letting go. The responsibilities are still yours; you cannot escape from them.

Stubbornly holding on to things that you shouldn't isn't a wise approach, the same person says, that even in death, you still cannot let go. But this is just the willful nature of humans. Some humans, at least. I fear I might just be one of them.

Sometimes, I'm too afraid and too weary to do much but to wait, and hope.

the difference a little luck makes

I enjoy giving people pleasant surprises, despite being a rather predictable, unsurprising person.

And as much as I believe that few people are on my side, I sometimes find that help comes in the strangest of guises. Not from people who are certified on my side. And I suppose they aren't intentional either. A little luck at work, perhaps?

Nevertheless, I still appreciate it all the same. You never know, a little luck may go a long way.

Whut. whutwhutwhut.

Okay, I admit it.

I am a jealous person (by nature?), but this is too much.

I am jealous of a non-human, non-living thing which is merely a branch of physical and to some extent metaphysical, conjectural, experimental science.

And I think I'm spouting non-scientifically proven, politically-incorrect and nonsensical things thanks to my at-a-loss-ness. Whut, indeed.

Patience, I need patience...

Shades of Grey

I think I miss out a lot of things in life.

Very rarely do I get the opportunity to know others around me as well as I wish to. The result is the two-dimensionality which I view most people in. They are there, with a personal set of descriptions, and often, also assumptions to fill in the unknown, missing gaps with. Missing information is interpolated, extrapolated and perhaps even fabricated.

Two-dimensional figures, all around me.

Yet there are also those who have bestowed upon me valuable insights into their very person, be it consciously or unknowingly so, and gradually they begin to leave that two-dimensional space, finally attaining a three-dimensional form.

That three-dimensional form is so much more vivid, so much more functional and beautiful. It's a pity many don't exist in this way.

Yet I cannot blame anyone for not allowing to grow into a more complete person in my mind. I think I, too, am guilty of barricading myself to others' eyes. Especially so to those who do not seek and those whom I do not trust or are unsure of trusting.

A picky person, I am.

Lessons for the Learners

I am impatient. Far too impatient to wait, indefinitely.

I am dependent. Far too dependent to return to myself, alone.

And perhaps I also cry too much.

All this shall change in time, I hope.

Lazy Days

Somehow I want this plainness to stretch on. Stretch on and on. Not forever, because that would be too long.

Just this lazy feeling, with the sounds of the piano, and the rain, as accompaniment.

No verdant fields, butterflies or rainbows.

Just this lazy feeling.

themeless beauty of the present

October is conveniently skipped, only because time waits for no one.

Yet I find that I sit and wait far too often. It is time that could be better spent. But I might as well have no choice in the matter, judging by the way I end up waiting regardless.

The wait is worthwhile, I believe.

--

A couple days prior, a message received by a friend made me consider: what is the importance of words?

The sender of the message confides that she feels words hold more power than actions. Actions do not speak louder than words. Words form the basis for mutual understanding.

Is that so?

Perhaps I felt the dissent even before I recognised it so.

I, for one, know the power of actions. And words aren't that important at all, at times. A precious lesson learnt in recent days. But of course, there is one important factor in this conclusion.

It really depends on who's involved.