then there comes a time when you don't want to say goodbye

What is denial?

Denial is last Thursday, when I suspected that something was seriously wrong with Pip and I didn't say anything about it. Denial was when I chose to forget about the issue entirely and the refusal to even take a second look at him, at them.

Even after my Mum realised early on Saturday morning that yes, something is is Not Right.

Even after he was buried.

Till now, all of us remain clueless why and how Pip had died. It was around Wednesday night or Thursday morning, I suspect. It was completely unexpected as nothing out of the ordinary happened over the past week. And Pip's the youngest out of all of them. We have two other terrapins that are more than twice his age. It's strange.

I don't take a lot of things for granted, but sadly I think Pip was one thing I did take for granted. He's always been my faourite pet at home; I'm usually biased enough to feed him more than the rest of them. How can I not when I personally handpicked him - the cutest of the lot - when I bought him and when he was constantly so adorable even as he grew up? His antics gave us all a good laugh on more than one occasion. My family members had even compared the two of us a few times... I suppose we were similar in some ways. Like owner, like pet. Ha.

As a result of taking him for granted, I deeply regret not paying more attention to him when I could, especially recently. Ever since school began I have been neglecting them, only occasionally feeding them. I've always wanted to take photos of the four of them, the happy family, but I never did. And seeing how Oopy and Tommy have been around for more than a decade without much problem, even during those times when we left the country and they were left at home, I never did expect things to just crop up on a day just like any other. It was incomprehensible that Pip had died, so I tried my best not to think about it.

And apparently nobody realised it until Saturday. Imagine my nonchalance when my mum woke me up just to break the news to me. All I had was the dreadful sinking feeling upon confirmation that I wasn't hallucinating that morning due to pre-SPA jitters or something. It might be then that I realised that I've been secretly hoping and telling myself that it wasn't true all the while, that it's nothing for me to worry about.

But of course that didn't quite explain why I refused to step near their enclosure ever since Thursday. It's like denial, yet not.

I wonder how many people remember Pip. I hope everyone who has been to my house does, because he's always at the entrance to greet you. Even if he's actually hiding somewhere underwater. He's too cute to miss.

I think the remaining three of them are somewhat distressed from losing a family member. They don't sleep on time anymore. Just last night I heard them making a racket outside as though they want to escape from their enclosure. If they're trying to find him, I'm afraid they won't succeed. He's at terrapin heaven now, I hope.

Rest in Peace, Pip. I hope you know that we all miss you!