Emotions

In a pensive mode today because I realized I've ceased sharing all my emotions with anyone. And even if I tell anyone I'm not feeling good, it'll take me just 10 minutes later to tell them I'm fine. When I'm not. It's so tough because they won't understand, and they have their own matters to deal with...

I lost people that I love, and gained people I'm starting to love. But….. What/how should I feel? It's so painful watching people leave. But I never ever try to hold them back. I don't even know why. I mean, I'm genuinely happy when I'm out laughing and joking around but when I'm home at night, that's when my nightmares come creeping up on me and I start feelings things I don't want to feel…

Oh God why is it so difficult to pen everything down now that I've decided to start. I will feel better soon. I need to. xx

Fifty shades of fucked up

Tossed and turned, just couldn't fall asleep. Just had..... too much on my mind. This melancholic feeling is overwhelming. Going through this same shit again. I thought to myself: "Why did I let this happen? Once bitten twice shy, but why am I still getting bitten for the second time? Why did I allow myself to get too attached to someone?"

The previous time, I admitted I was in the wrong too. I was too willful, too stubborn. But, this time, I don't think I made a mistake. What's wrong with wanting to keep you away from potential heartbreak? What's wrong with caring too much? Oh hang on, I guess caring too much is what is resulting in all these now.

I have no idea if I should feel upset or fucking pissed with you. It stings. It pricks. It kills. I can't even describe how I am feeling now. Been feeling lousy for the whole week because of one fucking matter. When all you are having is fun. How fucked huh?

Thank you. Thank you for showing me I shouldn't be nice to anyone. Thank you, really.

Irreplaceable

Hi babe, I know you haven't been in the best of mood and I bet you're bored of reading that old post over and over again. So here's a new one :) I hope at least it made your day. It's meant as a surprise so I hope you visit this blog the next morning so I'd give your day an awesome kickstart.

Well it's been more than 7 years, and we're still standing strong. No doubt. I don't think I can find another one like you. The telepathy that we have and all. We don't text everyday but we know we're here for each other. This doesn't mean that we only need each other when something bad happens. Y'know I tell you things that makes me happy too right? Vice versa!

Those days when we'd go over to bbt shop for honey wings and cup noodles.... Not the fantastic kind of food but it tastes exceptionally good when I'm with you. Ok not when I'm with you. When I'm hungry, that is. HAHAHAH. Kidding.

No one can ever measure up to you. The bond that we have, all the crazy things that we'd do together, all the ups and downs that we've gone through together. Thank you for always being here for me. For being able to stand my whinings and complains. Please do note that I'd pretty much do the same for you. So please don't ever keep your problems to yourself for at least a week before letting it out.

I know you're not good at surprises and all but I really appreciate your efforts to do something for me. Really. Like the failed Mcbreakfast surprise. The day when you wanted to get Mcbreakfast for me but you ended up texting me to ask me where's the nearest Mcdonald around. My birthday surprise, you totally got me. And wanting to send me food during my trainings. I don't usually tell you straight about how I feel and I would probably laugh at your 'stupid but cute' actions. But I'm touched. Really really touched.

You also know clearly that we hardly mention cheesy stuffs to each other. We get along with each other by arguing and calling each other bitch and all. But behind all these teasing, only the both of us know how much we mean to each other. I can confidently say I'd never give you up. Never ever. Not for someone, or even the whole galaxy. Because nothing/ no one can take your place.

And lastly, please do know that I always got your back. No matter what happens, I'll stand by you. Through tough and rough times. I'd never let you face anything alone.


I love you, my best-est friend of all
:)