Sunday, November 16, 2008
decisions
after the first week of pure elation and the second week of denial, i finally stopped running away from the decision making process and sat down to think long and hard about the pros and cons of working in nyc vs. singapore over the weekend. and sadly, the answer that surfaced in the most obvious manner seemed to be singapore. and hence the confusion when the heart is still apparently siding with the former.everyone usually goes into university not knowing what they want to do when they get out of school; trudging by each day conquering exams, projects, smart and competitive foreign students and then finally, just before graduation, start thinking about where their lives should be headed too.
but i am different (or so i thought). when i came to cornell, i had great plans and big dreams. it has always been a dream for me to stay on in new york city until i graduate, work on wall street until i grow tired, and then move on to another big city in the world with you before we get sick and tired of getting stuck in the rat race. but what is perplexing is the fact that these dreams suddenly evaporated over night.
as i sit here with you peeking over my shoulder as i type this, we all know that the answer to my choice will not exactly be most ideal for both of us. but still, having a job is better than being jobless even if it means being separated thousand of miles away. as we try to convince ourselves that this is going to be the best for me and us, in reality, alot of things will change.
i will miss having the chance to live alone on my own for the first time; to be able to decorate my apartment and then keeping it spick and span. to be able to wake up every day to the honking from taxis downstairs. to shop along 5th avenue's h&m and soho every weekend. to eat at jing feng, the chinese restaurant which we strangely visit everytime we are there even though the dim sum is soo substandard.
as my undergraduate life at cornell draws to at end, i feel sad that all the good things i have experienced over the past 2.5 years are going to come to an end. seems like for us, for me, and my future, i have to give up our dream for now for a larger dream in the future.
as i slowly walk away from my life now, we both know that this is the best way out of the entire situation and that everything will work out in the end.
but 1.5 years from now, whether this dream can be fulfilled, is something that we won't be able to tell for now.
ilovetotwirl at 7:21 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
autumn
amidst those crazy weeks of interviews, prelims, gatherings and trips down to various cities, we managed to take some time off to take a breather and check out the lakes at skeanateles, which is a 1.5 hours drive away. we had really yummy (and sinful) fish and chips + rootbeer float (omg) that i haven't had since the A&W at clementi closed down. good times!
and then, the bestie flew in all the way from ann arbor and had to endure flight delays and long cranky bus rides to get into the ulu town of ithaca. we did some phototrail along the gorges and waterfalls around the school and did random stuff like eating desserts at the best italian restaurant at town and supermarket shopping at wegmans. haha.
and there was just one day when we simply got too bored from studying and the nice weather beckoned so we just had to go out on a date and the plantations where we ended up playing with 2 cute doggies :)
next, to update about my trip in boston (finally i feel so on task with all the recent string of blog entries). AND i'm going to head off to disneyworld in 1.5 weeks time for thanksgiving. woot woot!
ilovetotwirl at 10:52 PM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
crossroads
exactly one week ago i was really happy. happy that i can finally get out of cornell without having to worry about my future or about the Plan A-Zs that I was plotting if i couldn't get a job.but fast forward to today and nownownow and i'm really troubled and confused.
so this is what the entire hiatus has been about: my future. for the past 11 months, there's always this nagging feeling at the back of my head that even though my life has been pretty smooth sailing, deep down inside i always feel worried and scared about how uncertain my future may be. in between searching for jobs and reading the wall street journal everyday about the worsening market conditions, i've been studying for my CFA qualification, thinking about grad school in UK (and thus forsaking the bf), doing a hospitality mgmt masters in cornell, waitressing in nyc until i can get a job at a bank etc etc. and so, there hasn't been any motivation for me to blog, to call home, to keep in contact with people over the summer because my life simply cannot move on if i couldn't get out of college without knowing what was laid ahead for me. so i lived day by day, studying for each upcoming prelim and tried to be as optimistic as possible.
and so those were the gloomy days of the past 11 months.
i recently applied to confirm my early graduation so i guess i shan't be hiding in school any longer than i should and graduate just as planned in may 2009. which seems really soon because 6 months will really go by in a jiffy. and now i am really confused as to where i want to be in 6 months time.
the main reason behind my choice to study overseas was because i really wanted to 'see the world' and live my own life abroad after i finish school. which is why i have been desperately finding for a job in nyc over the past year. it has always been a huge part of my dream to have my own exciting adventure halfway across the world instead of being stuck in narooma road and waking up to a comfy life of familiar faces and good food. but somehow, this entire job hunt thing has made me feel so jaded that i might have lost that burning desire to live my american dream.
and suddenly after being dejected for the longest time, my luck has changed all of a sudden and i've been offered two options: to either stay in nyc or go back to singapore. both jobs are with great firms with competitive salary packages and each have their pros and cons. should i stay in nyc and do asset management or head back to singapore for consulting?
out of the two, the consulting offer with bain is definintely more prestigious, offers a greater learning experience BUT things are always too good to be true and so the caveat is that i have to give up my the lifestyle that i have living in over the last 2 years if i choose to return to singapore. and also ck who is going to be working in nyc, which im even afraid to think about. its a huge sacrifice knowing that i will be passing up an opportunity to work with the brightest and nicest people to do a less exciting job with blackrock. then again, should i take this risk and work in nyc and wait for the markets to recover before doing something else that is more ideal 1-2 years down the road?
for the next week, i will have to ponder hard (again) about my future. no matter what the outcome is, i think there will be some sort of heartbreaking sacrifices to make and a huge dose of optimism required to convince myself that it is the right choice for me.
ilovetotwirl at 10:29 PM
Thursday, November 06, 2008
the hiatus
yes i've noticed the void in this blog (my life) that has long been awaited to be filled. the past 11 months (in particular this week) has been a long roller coaster ride which has finally ended. i can FINALLY step out of my shadow and move on.for now, the 2 prelims beckon and i shall go back to the mugging.
more about the hiatus in a jiffy.
ilovetotwirl at 10:46 AM
