today *** left church early, leaving us behind.
he has been very mean recently...
when we came home, mommy asked casually, where in the world did *** go?
and BOO muttered, "check if it is ****'s off-day...." but loudly.
I told her she was way too loud, but alarms went off in my head.
I called ** and pretended that i was bored, but i wanted to know if **** was at home.
** told me she was out celebrating her cousin's birthday and would be home around 6.

I asked how come **** had so many off-days, and she said, well, since she is rather good i just go easy. Combusting blood boiling sparks flying in my brain and heart (you don't know anything!). Jesus. deal with *** please. take him away. we could all do without him. i don't want to care.

-

one more thing. 

after this other episode (that has to do with school), i think something changed deep in me.

i guess it's for the better but i'll never know immediately.
All i know right now is that i hope it stays, all this passion and determination and a renewed interest in my education and getting my life straightened out.

after that incident where i met ms k at the library, i felt shaken. idky but it affected me so much that i was in perpetual shock and i tried to suppress it but it kept leaking out... even the following day in school i had to try so hard not to cry the entire day. I couldn't even look ms soh in the eye when she was reassuring me. each time i determined myself to be strong and to take it all in bravely, something/one would come by and mess my emotions all up again.

anw the point is. i thought i could keep it in still but the minute ms k opened her mouth and said "i'm not trying to upset you" i just burst into tears (IN SCHOOL) and cried like i've never ever cried before. embarrassing. but cathartic nonetheless. GOD PLEASE HELP ME. 

I flipped open the music book, and finally saw the things I've been wanting to see since forever

Last night I had the nicest sweetest dream ever, which only made it harder for me to accept when I woke up, that it was just a dream. I sat in my bed for the longest time and stared into the void and felt a sense of great loss and despair.
Why couldn't it be real...? If I really really thought I didn't, but still keep on dreaming almost every night that I did, then what does that even mean?

Sick of all of it.

Texting K tonight was different.. It made me so upset because when I told him how ytd was like, suddenly all of the sadness was so much more acute, comprehensible, tangible. & then it somehow managed to heighten again when I talked to Porky.

Today was such a good day until yesterday came back again. If I were compared to a Housekeeping character, I really won't ever be Sylvie. I can't live for the moment and I can't transcend boundaries and not be influenced by societal expectations. i cant live as a drifter or dwell in the present without the past infusing it either & I can't even cope with impermanence for that matter. People like Sylvie are something different/special.

today I kinda got my first A ever in JC (I think) for my math MSA. I feel so upset that this doesn't even have any effect whatsoever on me anymore.

I lost my wallet today, and only realised so after math. During math I found a chinese dictionary under the desk. I returned it to the general office, and I found my wallet there as well. C:

Today, even PE was canceled cos of the lightning alert. :}

just saying, today MIGHT have been completely perfect and lovely

But it just wasn't.

& I just decided that when it comes to people(friends in particular), permanence and perpetuity are completely Out-of-the-Question, and we just have to learn to live with it that way.

DREARY

I wanna post the photo of Tiger and us here, but it's not uploaded yet!

Anyway I'm gonna come to school late again tomorrow.
Will there ever be a week where I come to school on time all 5 days?

pink slips are my enemies because I hate the dread that comes with being sent to see the principal and hoping she's not in. So I'm gonna skip H1 tomorrow and Laremy's lesson too if I don't manage to do my tutorial on time.

I hate Math tests/examssss. They make me so preoccupied because I end up living around Math a few days before the exam, that I become completely dysfunctional.

& Team Corrine (which is my team even though I got suspended) won Cup Champion for our Blacks Fun Touch Tournament on Sunday!  I got a medal even though I did nothing, heh. ^^

I really really can't wait for tomorrow's Math MSA to be overrrr. Sigh
And, I can't wait for 12th August because someone gets to come back home to me! :}

I never wanna see you unhappy

I did something terrible and I will probably regret it forever. Learning to be wary of my many emotions. Don't indulge!

Tonight marks the worst night of the month

Tonight, I am so upset about so many things I can't even feel anything anymore.
Paroxysm of sadness just overwhelmed me.

Other than the sadness of tonight, I really enjoyed our friendly match with Sam's team(missed her so much!). We mass hugged Sam after our second game. ^^
btw I keep splitting to the wrong side when I'm doing my dumpsplit. I feel quite upset about that.
Also, Ms Soh(my fav teacher in the world) gave us lollies and the bubbly balloon-y thing to play with during ME. <3 br="">I really hate being a sad mope-y person because even when I think of all the happy things that happened to me, I don't feel happy anymore about it. At all.
as if Sadness stole something precious from me.

yeah. :'(

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

Yay, I'm in the bus on the way to school now! I love going to school at this time (LATE) because I get to wake up late or do my own revision, and I don't have to take a cab to school cos I'll be in time for the bus(which will be so empty, like!). Teehee ^^

I'm so happy right now. And the fact that there's no school tomorrow is like icing on the cake. : )

Btw, I got suspended from touch rugby but it's okay cos I have time to study now(I hope), and not retaining > going for touch rug anyway.

Teehee, gonna alight nowwww. I hope mr yoong will be nice today because I didn't do my second tutorial, and I hope Annie Tan will be nice because I haven't bought the TYS for the class yet.

can't wait for history class with Jiamin and Corrine and Val. ^^

: )

Today, I came to school at 12.30 (and got a pink slip, but worth it anyway) and left at 3 for Sakae with Charis, Simin and Joey!!! we had so much fun + Joey had a bursting skirt, hehe.

Btw, Joey and I get to go to school together from now on cos her dad's gonna fetch me, wahaha.

I love this week so much!!! : ) )))))))) ) ) )) )

And this morning when I went back to sleep I had the best dream ever. I mean it so much I even wanna find someone to share it with. Someone who actually won't think it's bad that I dreamt it & someone who will actually understand exactly how it makes me feel. I even wanna tell the person to whom it concerns so it'll be clear I haven't forgotten.

I decided I don't believe in pink slip punishments anymore cos every time i go to the general office to see the principal for counseling or whatever, she's never in and she never calls back.
Andddd I got 23 rank points. Super horrible i know, but then I don't even feel bothered by it at all. Okay maybe only a teenie weenie bit.
It does make me half-sad though that I'm gonna get suspended from training. :(

Recently I keep thinking about stuff again

I dislike school suddenly.
I wanna go home right now.
I don't even wanna think of tutorials and other shit.
Plus, I didn't bring my Richard III text today. And there was a reminder sms to bring it.
I don't like the idea of being in the same lecture theatre as Ms K without my text. There's that feeling of vulnerability and susceptibility to punishment. Tsk.

And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.
I miss watching O.C!

Oh well.
Bobo Seah didn't come to school today.

Awww. :)

I had the best going-home time everrr.
First because Charis and Joey were gonna take train and I was trying to convince them that bus > train, and in the end they didn't believe and so I ignored them and I alighted at cityhall to take my favorite bus home.

Then immediately when I got out of the station I heard explosions in the sky and I thought it was thunder but then when I looked up I saw pretty pretty lights(fireworks)! ^^
(imagine if I took a train all the way home, then I wouldn't have seen it. therefore, bus > train )

& after that while I was sitting in my favorite bus my shuffle started playing my happy song that my favorite person in the world told me to listen to on msn last time.

Oh heehee. I'm such a happy girl right now. Any sadness was negated by a flurry of fireworks, a familiar bus ride home on a favorite bus, and a favorite song by a favorite person.

Bursting with joy. :}

Hello sunshine, come into my life

so my brother says I need to really really do well for promos (>50 a least ) so I can promote, since I screwed up my CTs.

I'm already expecting to get suspended but I think it might actually be a good thing.
What is most frustrating is how I really did study for math and still didn't even manage to get an S! Ungraded is too much for me to handle. :(

But right now I'm kinda excited for the seniors' farewell party~
So excited that I don't even feel like doing anything else. Including EoM, hahaha.

There are a lot of important things I need to do by tonight.
Like my math assignments 1-6 (so I can get 5%), my housekeeping assignment, EoM and my gp AQ/summary.

 I should totally stop skipping school and cutting classes whenever I feel like it. Please motivate me to study guys. And not think about touch rugby or movies or shows or facebook or twitter or msn every single second of my life. Seriously.

Pfft I wanna just go to sleep right now.

:}

Beep test wasn't even that bad (but I didn't even reach level 10).
Today wasn't even very bad. At all.
^^

Chapel is just getting weirder for me each time.

Today Mrs Annie Tan looked so much like a penguin I couldn't help liking her a bit more. She's been growing on me a lot these days. Like how she sticks her head out of the staff room window and threatens to lock us out of class and doesn't like me to be so happy when I go to see her. She's so endearing it's really hard to dislike her anymore.

Anyway I guess I'm so happy because I realised how i don't even have to lose anything anymore if I really don't want to.

I like how having Jesus makes every concern I have become so trivial and unnecessary, and how having him sustains me, also how having him is all that I will ever need.

Today was the worst day ever.

And to top it off, I got a U for my math.
I did all my tutorials dutifully and still..


I'm so worried about so many things & I just want to sleep.
It makes me irked with annoyance, just thinking about myself and the things I'm nowadays capable of doing.

Remember your creator in the days of your youth.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

& simply for that reason, I have no more cause to let despondency overwhelm me.
 still I should have taken heed from the start.

Composure

I really liked meeting C. I never even realised how much I missed her.
Somehow I rediscovered so many things and she restored my sanity, in a way.
I've never felt so stifled and constrained before. Ever.

I think it is completely safe to conclude, that some people bring out the best in you, and some people.. Well, they just don't.

Oh dear.

I think I just watched the most beautiful oc episode everrrrrr.

Title

Summer > Marissa, like even though Marissa is obviously prettier~~~
And I like that I like Summer > Marissa, & Blair > Serena, & Silver > whats-her-name.
I like it even more that they all have black hair and they aren't the lead leads.
HEH. ^^
The best part is I found out today that Joey thinks exactly the same way. HAHA.
I like Robin from HIMYM also and even she has black hair too. I really really like HIMYM so muchhhhh. I love the way Barney says "WHAT UP!" and all his legendary stuff and I like Lily and Marshall and Ted and the way their friendship is so special and I just like that everyone in the show has some sort of personality. I think I still like HIMYM most of all.
The only thing sad about it was when the season ended. It was so sad that I felt as though I lost something precious and it made me feel so empty and hollow for a while.

& I can't believe how I am only watching O.C now when it belongs to the previous decade. HEE. But I really like it. ^^
I like Sandy and Kirsten and their relationship, and I love the way the name Kirsten just rolls out on your tongue, and I really like Ryan even though he isn't so handsome, and I think Seth is just self-absorbed but then he's just being Seth so that makes everything alright, and I really really think Marissa has no character to the extent that she really annoys me sometimes but she is so pretty I feel i could melt, & I even like feeling resentment toward Julie Cooper(seriously, how can someone as amoral as her exist!) for not getting any form of comeuppance for all her misdeeds, and I really really like Ryan's poolhouse & the infinity pool. (omg this is a really long sentence)
But I think mostly I like the way things go between Kirsten and Sandy, and I really like Summer for who she is.
And, I like how O.C never ever makes me wanna cry because in the end you know everything will work out fine after all the mishaps. :)

Oh. I just like it all a whole huge lot!

assurance

Omg my nose feels like it is about to drop off.

 every single person needs some sort of assurance, but it's about how they get it & choose to get it. & how often they need it as well.
Sometimes it's just nerve-wrecking hair-pulling frustrating to have to deal with them.

Anyway I wish it would rain. And that there would be wind and clouds and rainbows and no humidity/heat.

I finished reading a book today and usually I get torn when I read books like the one i just did, but today I could only focus on finishing the book and getting on with my life, & so I did, & so all the things that used to matter in a novel and all the things that make stories become more beautiful suddenly became insignificant and unspecial.

I totally regret allowing the novel to be spoilt like that. :(

but it's too hard to say

Yayyyyy, I had so much fun during sleepover. The sand was so cool and inviting and it made everything so much more ^^ and cheery. BUT I am really outraged at the honeystar-stealer!!! He/she who stole our honey stars and our sandcastle building tools and our cheesecake and strawberry box and plastic bags and BALL.
So annoyed thinking about it right now I feel I might faint.
The honey stars was meant to be our breakfast. Besides, it wasn't any puny little honey stars pack; it was the ECONO pack. >:(
what a mystery!!! But at least we got to enjoy the beach at night. :)

I actually liked not having my phone with me.
Sometimes having a phone around you is like having hundreds of buggers around you.
The best part was that I actually had my phone but just not my number/SIM card.

Today, Bella and I sat at Guthrie House in coffee bean until 9 and did a lot of math. I got so fed up trying to complete my normal distribution tutorial I felt as if my head was about to explode. After that I looked at my binomial and poisson distribution and I got confused all over again, and I gave up, and so we walked across the road for some Astons.

tired excuses

I realised how much I really really don't right now.
At all.
I also realised how much everything that happened last year was so much more genuine and so absolutely real and heartfelt. & I mean under all the ambiguity of so many things even.
And sometimes I just wanna have it all back so I could have made something more of it.
To prove that things I thought I had/was really existed, that maybe that spark was really something significant in relation to me.
Anyway it all just came flooding back today.
& somehow because I suddenly grasped the meaning of unmeaningful and procedural in Right Now, despite all else, I can't go any further and I don't even think I want to.

~

I want very hard to be better to so many people.
But I can't.
I can't I can't I can't.
Where is the meaning behind all this?
It's not anything,
it won't last.
(Transience)

I just packed all my worksheets and my files, and realised I have so much work to catch up on.
Makes my head ache.
And I realised, I can't learn math by myself when my lecture notes are half blank... Sigh. GUINEVERE. I don't know what I do in school and during lectures and tutorials.
I need to pay more attention to my studies.

Anyway our team won 2 matches yesterday for our Barclays girls-under-18 tournament!!! HEHEHE. And we were third in our pool!
Turf City was so flooded yesterday. Damn gross but fun. The lightning was so near that the tiny tent we were hiding under trembled when the lightning struck. All of us were squatting on the grass and we must have looked comical cos the refs started snapping photos of us crouching from the lightning. lol. And. I'm burnt. again.

Last night after my match Elsen fetched me home!
& Cheryl Poopie came over with dinner packed for me. teehee.
So much love. Today I received a word in church too. :)
I like hearing from God.

Happy contented sigh teehee. :)
I was so glad to meet Cheryl last night.
I am so glad for Elsen.

Birthday Post

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
:)

Who Am I- Casting Crowns

I likeeeee. :)

just-in-case

"For need can blossom into all the compensation it requires. To crave and to have are as like as a thing and its shadow. For when does a berry break upon the tongue as sweetly as when one longs to taste it, and when is the taste refracted into so many hues and savors of ripeness and earth, and when do our senses know any thing so utterly as when we lack it? And here again is a foreshadowing-the world will be made whole. For to wish for a hand on one's hair is all but to feel it. So whatever we may lose, very craving gives it back to us again. Though we dream and hardly know it, longing, like an angel, fosters us, smooths our hair, and brings us wild strawberries."

I think I might actually like my text afterall.

I still don't like assignments.
I never will.

How much I need God,

is incomprehensible and unfathomable in every way mentionable,
I hope you see that too.

Because it was your birthday somewhere around now I suddenly remembered in amusement
that four years ago I was quite -.
and that even three years later, people still have the capacity to make you feel belittled again.

There are very bad days and there are very good days in school. School destroys us in a way. I know I've changed a lot ever since going to JC. & it isn't only me. I think so many of us have transformed into characters that are completely unrecognisable from whatever we used to be.
Is it even supposed to be like that?

Anywayy. Today was okay but I am tired and I miss Poopie and Bella and green club a lot!
(saying 'green club' still makes me feel a bit silly. HEE.)

But the worst thing about jc (so far) is pw. I am still stuck at my PI draft!

FYI (*important*) Poopie said today that she loves me most and no one loves me more than she does
hahahaha be jealous teehee.

Not even realising how it isn't over yet

I don't even know whether this is what I really want and whether this is something I actually deserve.
After so many months it is still the same problem in the same magnitude.



Poopie! This is specially for you, for giving me The (same) Look that night when you were trying very hard to be pissed off with me (impossible) before we both ended up in our usual fits of laughter.
Hehehe I LOVE U.

Awry

On the way home I ended up thinking about so many things and I just wanted to say, there's something inside(actually many many things) nagging for change. Because everything is so seemingly happy that it even convinces/confuses me a lot about my current state of mind.
Anyway, I just wanted to mention it is actually quite bad, and even more so to live in the pretext that it is non-existent.
(don't even talk to me about this)

I was just thinking about attending morning worship.
By the way I realised also that it really annoys me to hear people criticising my religion so often and then find out that I lack enough knowledge of my beliefs to refute them and justify Everything.

I need an mc. I really suck at trying to get mcs!

Lastly my papa used my computer until it spoilt! SERIOUSLY..
Finding out now how much it sucks not to have a functional computer.

JEALOUS.

OKAY. I have never felt so old before. Even when I stand and sit and just walk and do tiny tiny actions my legs and butt and shoulders and stomach and chest and back ache like crazy. :(
 Touch camp was good and meaningful though, in a way. :)
Other than the fact that I totally wasted my fun-o-rama ticket and I missed 4E2 class outing and I had to leave early because of concert and church.
I really love the touch girls! Hee. :)
I'm home and I half wish I was still at camp actually.
and we watched the Thai Shutter and I left during the show and anyway I only caught *scary* snippets of it because I'm such a scaredy cat and so I covered my ears.

favourite person in the whole world

Cheryl called me and told me, "I love you!"(the next part is a secret because I think people will get jealous. Lol).

Anyway my favourite Porky Post is the Teehee one on Monday. SO CUTE!
Lastly, today is my papa's birthday! And lastly-for-real, I'm home and happy, even though school was super T.T today. The only :) thing about this week is there's no pe! really hate pe after touch rug days, especially so after touch rug days when we have fitness.

I love you too, Poopie!

Already gone

Yay I like this one! But it's a little bit sad though.


Porky owns Photobooth! I like the second one best :}
(Cheryl and I totally suck at this)




seeeeeeee.
(so unglam some more)

Yucks I don't want to go to school tomorrow. And I haven't done my math & lit tutorials yet and I don't even feel like doing.
I think Charissa is right about school being stupid/superficial. My only grace in school is actually the fact that C and Porky and Elsen and Gramps are there also. Actually I think my class is really really nice also.

Anyway i just thought it was unethical but I don't even know how else i should react, other than act as if it is completely insignificant to me now, or as if I really really do feel like that, since I don't even know what I want actually.
:/

Inseparable

All the poems we're doing in lit tutorials make me think of how so many good things might actually be transient and volatile and unpredictable, and because it's as such and also unchangeable, sometimes it even becomes scary and sad.
Anyway. nowadays overly melancholic and woeful people get on my nerves (A LOT!) especially when it's because they're wallowing in self-pity. STOP.
But then, I didn't even use to mind it at first. :( Where is my empathy.

Bella cut her hair. Very pretty pretty pretty now.
HAHA! ^^

So I'm still in touch rug.
And we're having a stayover after the J1 party yay!
And on Saturday I'm going to meet so many favourite people, including Poopie (who stole my marks&spencer, that horrible girl) and Elsen and Porky and many many more.
And also self-proclaimed pretty boy, even if just for a little while. :)

Yayyyy.

Holidays are half over already. And because I can't even go for fun-o-rama because of touch rug camp.
I was almost sad today.
I was quite happy in the end.

teehee

Poppie you're so boring cos you don't use special names when they are so cute.
And calling you poppie online sounds weird.

I skipped school today and the doctor charged me $27 for an MC probably because he knew I was feigning an illness so he purposely prescribed a lot of pills for me to eat.

Anyway MSA sucks and I can't wait for March holidays I hope there's no school camp or stuff like that. If not, i'll be so ?:(

Anyway I wanna share what Poppie just smsed me:

"So bay beh are you free tmr? Hehe! Do i sound cool?"

Good heavens we need some enlightenment here.

Sonnet

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, 'There is no memory of him here!'
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

my current favourite sonnet because it is so emotive and melancholic but so lovely and sweet, and it lingers around in a stale cold way.
I like "In the Park" a lot also!
There must be something about sonnets that makes everything work better.

I might skip school tomorrow cos I don't feel like going.

Last night, I dreamt I was contemplating whether to do something not very right, and Claudu gave me her *tut tut* look and told me, "nooo, be good, Guin bull!"
Lol. Anyway I was enlightened by my dream. Weird.

Looking back at prom photos and how ugly my hair and make-up was but Elsen said was enamoured, teehee. Actually I was *~* too when he came up the escalator HAHAHAHA i just played it cool. Poppie and I are good at doing that (i.e. playing it cool).

To think the whole time for the past two years we were teasing Elsen about Charissa. My sweetheart keeps his secrets a teeny bit too well. I love you. Just don't call me baby!

raisin bun

My friends are really old.
I'm old too actually, ha ha ha.
It's just super strange that I am past 16 now. Imagine how old...
Anyway there are people in my cg who aren't that old. Like me and Siuli and Russell.
Siuli's is on 31st dec, and Russell's is on 30th. I think Russell finds it cool to be older than someone finally cos he keeps calling me '94. hahahaha
But I think I'll be sad if i ever find people younger than me.

(right now) touch rugby kind of sucks. fell down a lot yesterday and I kept touching down when I was supposed to PASS THE BALL. omgosh. Imagine how much more irritated I would feel if I were someone else other than me.

Bella.
I'm glad for you and I love you and *yay*!
I suddenly remembered about your "Dear Baby" off-key singing when we were having steamboat HAHAHAHAHAHA. Laugh at you forever. HEE.

Anyway I can't slimy people!
Hard to love anyone in SAJC just yet.
But I really love Fuhua people so much. :(
Like Poopie and Porky and Elsen and Gramps and Bella and Claudu and Shoes and Bimbo and C and Darren Lee.
I just realised Elsen doesn't have a special-cute name yet.

Poopie love

it is tough to juggle between the loves of my life. One of course is Poopie and the other is Elsen. He is newly inducted!

Today, just before MSA Gramps was cracking jokes about salami tactics coming out and it really came out. what nonsense I didn't even memorise the salami part. :(
No wonder Elsen saw the paper when we flipped it over and laughed.

 today I went home early for once. Elsen usually sends me home when he has no band, and because he is an A* boyfriend he brings me all the way to my door but he always goes back down before I go into my house because he is shy (teehee)... but when he was gone, I realised I had no key. :(
Sat outside my house for a very long time and it was so hot. and I was cranky cos i wanted to sleep and I came home early for once but couldn't go home so it made me very mad. And Elsen was gone!!!

After a very long time, I decided to do Cheryl's reminders part 2 since I had nothing to do at all, but then all I could think of was, "go talk to the wall la", and then when I was getting frustrated, i suddenly heard noise from inside the house.
So I decided to ring the doorbell, and in the end my korkor(oldest) was actually home the whole time I was sitting outside my house looking pathetic.
-.- (i don't even like this unrealistic face cause only porky can do it right in real life)

Anyway, my little brother smsed me during MSA and embarrassed me. But, his sms was soooo cute.
"Hi guinyvere, what does a blister look like? I think I got one. :("

Also, I want to appreciate my sweetheart! Today it hit me that the water in his bottle always tastes drinkable! :o I asked him and found out he has been quietly filling his own bottle with Ice Mountain (the only water I drink), because I always forget my bottle and am constantly thirsty. How shall I meet another thoughtful soul. <3 nbsp="" p="">

:)

Elsen and I meet at the benches behind the drink stall everyday and we watch people walk by and sometimes I think they notice us holding hands under the table. Teehee. 

Side note: he sometimes has sweaty palms!!! 

I miss Cheryl a lottttttt.
I find it annoying too, Poopie. Can't stand it, even though it makes us quite mean.

And I miss D. Please come and visit me soon.
I have 1000001 things to tell you :) :)

Uh no, I don't miss Bella..
hee.

YAY. Touch rugby is super fun. Elsen is either very sweet or very infatuated, or both hahahahaha. He sits at the gallery and watches me play and sometimes he sneaks out of the band room and stands by the field, and I catch him from the corner of the eye. It makes me self-conscious so I can't decide if I want to encourage this behaviour! But :)


Right now I just want to pull a comforter over myself and sleep but then I have so many things to do......
I'm super tired because I had to sprint all the way from the junior school to the JC side on the way to school, with my super heavy bag and my file and shoebag, and I only just reached the gallery right on the dot.

Training today was super tiring also  am gonna be skinny and fit soon.

Last time, my family created an acronym (F.A.S.T.) for my little brother cos he always ran so slowly, which actually stands for Fat And Slow Teong.


Today on the train, a malay uncle suddenly tapped Chengyi and said, "Hi Saint, do you know how to get to St. Andrew's Cathedral?" So we explained to him, and after that he exclaimed, "do you know I was actually a saint too!" and then he got excited and started singing the school song and school hymn to us, and when we said byebye, he went "okay study hard! Up and On!"
HA HA HAA. He was so cute. :)
And the china exchange student that did the introductory speech was sooo cute and clumsy.
And Sean, the little boy from junior school from loy fatt is SO adorable.

Finally: thank you Cheryl Huang for being so nice to me, despite... many things. I can't even say how much I love you.
:')

not allowed to delete.

HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO
heehee. OKAY. I'M A MUSHROOM. END OF STORY .
If I delete this post, please slap me 8 times. And smack me upside down. Thanks a lot.

School is still fun and funny but.

A huge part of me wishes I were in my pink stomach classroom in Fuhua sitting next to Claudia Ong and passing rubbish to Shoes & Bimbs and gossiping with Khoo & Chienwei and laughing with Bella and going for lit lessons with the Ferts and going for recess/lunch with Molly and Melly and having math class with Cindy and Darren lee and YY and going to eat yoghurt and haunt Harris with Charissa.

:( just thinking about it.

Again

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
(and cny)

Today I stayed over at my grandma's specially to learn to make cookies. And I made a tray of heart-shaped cookies but I am sad cos they all(except one quite pretty one) got burnt underneath. I spent sooooo long trying to shape them properly. I gave the nice ones to Elsen and we played majhong at porky's heart and he gave me flowers.
I wish I had a cookie cutter.
All the rest are round. and small. and boring.

Anyway I am really really sad about the Heart-Shaped Cookies. I had to throw all, except the pretty one, away.

I made biscotti also but the nicer, thinner batch got burnt because I forgot to watch the oven.

SIGH I can't bake very well.
I really tried quite hard.


POOPIE!
Actually I only typed your name out so I can put your label up. <3 i="" love="" you.="">

uncertainty

A little upset because everything that was before keeps fading progressively. Disappearing. And it can't even be created again. I don't even know anymore why it all happened. I don't even know why I got so carried away. I wish I didn't now. I want to cry especially, because I lost it somewhere, and subsequently I feel lost now that it is gone.
What if it had stayed? I really really hoped that it would stay, somehow. I knew it would go soon but I really needed it to stay that way.
At least I used to have articles to prove all of this which actually means so much to me really actually definitely existed. But I lost it all.
I don't even know what to expect of so many things, now that everything that happened last time became uncertain.

now my heart is torn between a looming something and a gripping past. the correct option is very obvious!

oranges are not the only fruit.

i wish that some things only consisted of a single thing and not many. I don't like to choose and i don't like to be made to choose even more. I don't like it most when I end up choosing the wrong thing and it becomes to late to redeem myself.

Cheryl is sick. She just fainted and hit her head so hard that it has a bump and that is worrying.

& i thought it would actually be hard to terminate something that has been eating at me for months but apparently it wasn't and I'm caught by surprise(in both a good and bad way) at the ease of my own acceptance that it was actually over a long time ago.
Deleting some of my archives when I find time because I decided that some things in there aren't even worth remembering anymore.

"Er, for that question you haven't ask(ed), it's a yes."

post title is Cheryl-inspired! She is so funny. When she said that to me, I laughed for a long long time and laughed some more just now when she said it to me again personally.
Hehe.

I learnt new political terms! Teehee. And I decided I should just finish reading Villette since I bought it even though mommy totally ruined my book and it has severe cracks in its spine.

I just remembered something funny. One day Bella and I were planning our steamboat and I asked her, "do you know how to prepare the food?" and she said there's nothing to prepare and I asked "huh? How about the fish? you have to prepare the fish at least!" and she said there's nothing to prepare again so she was actually planning to throw the fish in WHOLE. I don't even....

And there was one day Bella was telling me how crab ought to be barbequed and then she was mentioning the body parts of the crab and she called the pincers PICKSERS he he he she's the cutest.


& Cheryl and I saw this pasted on a lamp post while walking to my house.

this person even took a picture of his jacket before he lost it! He is paying forty dollars to whoever finds it, so Cheryl and I have made it a mission. Teehee. Anyway we stood there and laughed for a long time. It is super ridiculous. I'm still so amused up to now.

Yay yay yay cheryl is taking me out for lunch now!
Teehee.

---

Okay continue.

I had a dramatic night of assuming stuff and feeling weird vibes and then bursts of sunshine - my poor jumpy heart. Hehe. I am living in a real-life Korean drama.

Christmas!

This completely depicts WHY I probably won't do so well for Os. :(
Because when I was supposedly working hard and having study dates I was actually taking pictures and talking and doing everything except studying.
And I regret it now(I used to regret even there and then but then lack of self-discipline...) because I am so worried right now and I have been dreaming of Os results for four consecutive nights and in one dream I almost got 26 but luckily I didn't because it turned out that the teacher who announced results purposely said 26 because she thought I was snobbish and I decided to take it in her hands to make me humble by embarrassing me in front of the whole school?! BUT I actually got 9 and not 26!
My subconscious is crazy.

Cheryl and Guinevere would like to wish one and all a merry christmas!

 I have church tomorrow morning and my papa asked me "why not invite cheryl to church?"(after I showed him The Book of Cheryl and Guinevere) but I forgot till now which is kind of late, so Cheryl (if by some rare chance you aren't sleeping already and you happened to pass by and read this), do you wanna go to church tomorrow?
Hee. :)

NOW: I am going to mail something to my buddies over in japan.

Piggy Porky Pork.

:(

I am a little sad tonight because I just realised how badly it sucks to be forgotten.

Actually, make that very. I'm very sad tonight. :(

Pop it Lock it Polka Dot it

By the way I'm stuck here at my grandma's for a week cos her maid went home and she needs to be taken care of.  I am going to spark things up a bit while I am around and make my mama happy

aunty mary is a bobo! She made me watch over her cafeworld so her food doesn't get burnt while she went out. -.- All she does on the computer is play cafeworld! Also, I took one of my photos from facebook and saved it on her desktop as "Your favourite pretty niece" for her and she changed it to "my vain niece". I had a good laugh.

I think pit is really cool cos it's exciting and thrilling and funny even though it's like really noisy and makes you rowdy.

I feel a bit handicapped without my whitish lousy camera which is probably not being used very well in Israel. I think my parents are a little bit fumbly with electronic stuff. (fumbly isn't a real word by the way)

"CHERYL ROCKS MY CHRISTMAS SOCKS"

My favourite emote on msn is :L but too bad it doesn't show here.

I am still looking up words that end with y for my poem. It's a little bit difficult since I can't check the dictionary unless you know one that bunches all the words ending with a letter instead of words starting with a letter together. If only I said, 'I am going to make a "yyyy" poem where everything STARTS with "y"' instead.

Speaking of "said"/"saying". Sometimes I say things and I regret.
(but most of the time I don't say things & I regret)

Okay. Rambling ends here goodbye

clever me.

Today I was thinking that I'll blog about something really serious for a change but then I realised my life has been very dense so far. Nowadays I don't think about serious issues at all! I just think a lot about ways to entertain my very bored self and my life is completely devoid of substance. But then is that actually good or bad? Cos it means that I don't feel very troubled but then maybe it's good to feel occasionally troubled just to inject something more into my life.

Anyway, it's complicated!

I miss my papa a little more than my mum. Last time I used to miss them the night that they would leave but nowadays like now for instance, even when they have been overseas for over a week, i still live happily enough without them. Perhaps it's all part of growing up, that you get detached from your mama and your papa and become this anti-family monster. Well actually I don't think i'll ever become like that even though my family is kind of screwed up.

And I realised I like to say a few words more than others. Like 'anyway' and 'okay' and 'yay' and the best part is I drag the y so it becomes anywayyyy and okayyy and yayyyy and I actually really drag my words like that in real life so I decided I really like words ending with y and my next mission is to make a "yyyy" poem where it consists of only words that end with y! Hehe.

It's Porky day today so Happy Birthday!

Too much to look forward to

I'm a little bit apprehensive about my GGG now that I think about it. Since the group is quite diverse and not everybody knows each other and stuff. Besides, I haven't even booked the pit. What was I thinking to suggest all this! & I am most bothered about the sleepover part because my house is in a state where it looks as if a hurricane just went through it so yeah.
I think when people like Suen, Shuwen, Claudia and Charissa come to my house, they will get a complete shock. But luckily Bella and Cheryl are seasoned visitors(haha, what a term) so I think they can handle the mess by now!

It's really difficult keeping the house clean and tidy when you live in a house with 4 monkeys(3 of which are guys) and two parents who always nag at us to clean up but then are actually messy themselves. -.-

Ah well. I shall work it out tomorrow when my mind is clearer.

I AM MOPPING MY FLOOR NOW. I will do a major operation called spring cleaning tomorrow/wednesday/tonight.
Heads up, please don't gasp too loudly when you come into my house, thank you.
I wonder how I am going to find enough mattresses for the seven of us. Perhaps you all should prepare some sleeping bags, just in case.

Sparking off spring cleaning starting with my room. Ask Cheryl how bad it is and you'll know I am totally not exaggerating.

If i can successfully book the pit tomorrow, I think I shall be very very excited! Yayyayyay.

I'm really annoyed now, because it just dawned on me last night when I was going to bed that last time when you said you couldn't find out what it was worth in the end, you actually didn't try to at all and it's a little upsetting, but I think I can handle it.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

over so long ago

I'm quite stupid at handling things like that so I'm going to try to avoid getting myself into sticky situations again. I don't think I feel anything about getting over everything, which makes it quite stupid for me to type it out since it's actually nothing.
Anyway I hope you don't have some stupid computer screen that makes people look fat and ugly like mine does, but if you do then please refrain from looking at my photos. Hahaha.
If you do lit and read my handwritten notes for AMND you will get A for sure! TEEHEE.
I think it'll be so sad if I don't get A1 for lit because my points are substantial which means the problem will lie with my style of writing, which would suck.
I think I may just get A1 for lit still; I'm really banking on this A in particular.
If there is one thing I feel I can be proud of, it would be some sort of proficiency in lit.

Huan zhu princess

Papa: Oh look!! -points to this sign saying "Yuhua Secondary School"-
(Momentary pause: everyone stares at the sign and becomes puzzled at what is so fascinating and then looks at my papa for an explanation)
Papa: Yuhua Secondary School!
(prolonged pause and silent "huh?")
Papa: Your school, right?
Dyan, Huiwen, Cheryl, Bella & I: Uh no..?
Me: Our school is FUhua not YUhua! TSK.
Papa: Oh. okay. So you all are not drunk?

-
My papa is quite funny sometimes.
He is quite fat and has a moustache and smells nice and Bella and Cheryl are scared of him and think the way he laughs is funny.
Anw that scene was on the way home from prom when he came to pick me up and gave them a lift back home. Lol.

I like to wear his shirt to sleep because he smells nice and it is big and baggy and comfy!
I hate it though when he fights with me for the computer because I don't like to use the lousy one in the dining room because I can't watch my Huan Zhu Princess.
I think he reads my blog. Secretly. He is capable of spying on me like that.
Hi dad.

Ahhhh. I'm so tired and my nose is burnt. Only my nose, which makes me look a bit like an ugly rudolf. And I still have to go fishing tomorrow- another of Bella's queer ideas.

See you!

YAYYYY IM SO EXCITED NOW COS I'M GOING TO CHERYL'S HOUSE NOWNOWNOW

-refer to Saturday, August 8, 2009 archives-

BYEBYE!

OH WELL.

I have so many things and people that are a lot to me but then I think if I had none it will be better. in a way.

my papa is quite cool because he plays frozen throne(not made for 50-year-old men) and on MY computer(yes this is the uncool part). he was hogging it the whole day and I couldn't watch my huanzhugege, which is a sad thing. But I just finished part 1 so Cheryl, being amused by the bearded man with the weird brows, wants to borrow it tomorrow. doing my nails tomorrow with her which makes me kind of happy.

also i think if my bestfriend marries my boyfriend's twin, it will be wayyyy too cool for me to handle hehe.

I am so worried about my Os now because I don't want to go to a crappy school. :( but anyway I've been praying very hard and i know no matter where i end up it'll be somewhat okay I guess. God gave me a recurring verse throughout the year

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."(Jeremiah 39:11)

Lastly, I miss so many people! How is it that some people can completely forget you just because you are slowly disappearing from their daily lives? Even if I don't see them I still think about them a lot.

Hoping that when I go and see my heels again later it turns into this ugly thing that I hate so I won't want to buy it anymore.

=(

I don't want the world to end in 2012 and I don't think it will.

I still have to go to uni, marry some hot guy, have cute kids, take care of my old parents, take a guinevere + cheryl old fat woman photo...

It's strange how this year went by just like that. & it may be even faster next year or the year after that and soon i'll be old and wrinkled and uncool. I don't even remember time passing by this fast and I DON'T LIKE IT.
But then again it's tiring to live also because life just becomes a stupid monotonous cycle after awhile. You wake up, eat, shit, sleep, see the same people, fall in love, fall out of love, try to find yourself, try to achieve, try to be someone/something.
I think growing up saps something out of you.
It's something like the Little Prince story- how adults can't see that the "hat" is actually an elephant who was just gobbled whole by a boa constrictor. Really don't want to end up seeing just the hat as I grow up.

Everything just gets tiring eventually. But then I'm not bored yet and I don't think Life has the capability to bore me to death by 2012.

Actually. the truth is I think I just want to live till i'm old and fat enough to be able to take The Cute Granny Photo with Cheryl Huang. Hahahaha.

Meanwhile I need to focus on the present, which is mostly nothing because I have no aims now. I think i will pick up spanish this holiday! I like the way spanish sounds so much!

"¿cómo está usted?"

Heehee I actually don't know anything about spanish, and I babelfished the last sentence which is actually "how are you?"

I need to set up a schedule for the holidays! I think I'm going to play tennis a lot now since I wanna join tennis.

Buonas noches!

Sideways rule

And I'm very sad, because the school magazine is very ugly cos ____ and _____ and .
Anyway Claudu brought us to see Janice and Fiona (they have cerebral palsy) today so we played and after that I went to the airport alone, and waited for my mum for 3 hours with nothing to do!!!

Usually I'll be fine alone, because I have a book to read in my bag, but then I forgot to put it in today(of all days!) so I had really nothing to do.
I ended up looking through the school magazine 10000 times.

And then, I rummaged through my bag and all I could find was my chem notes.
And so, I ended up READING CHEM NOTES.
Final day of Os, and I was reading chem notes.
Oh well.

Anyway the patch at the side is Fiona's finger, haha. Love it because it depicts their lumpish cuteness at doing things like taking pictures and stuff.

Janice said I was "NOT TRUSTWORTHY!" That's because I kept saying the wrong things accidentally :(
& I think Claudu is really sweet to befriend them. And I'm happy we celebrated end-of-Os with them!



Ugh. Prom makes me kind of mad. I have had two buggers offer to buy my tickets. What the heck it irritates me so bad. I have my own money! I'm not that kind of girl!

how it is

which really don't complement each other.

What makes me really angry is that I didn't start it, but I didn't get to end it either.
And it's not only anger, it's a lot of things mixed together. I don't know what to say.
I'm just a bit resentful NOW. It's a different feeling every time.

schizo

today I did a paper one and I got 76/80!
i have never never gotten so high before!!! :D



this pic makes me laugh! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.


i am trying to work very hard. But, it's getting progressively harder to work hard!
At least I'm feeling less despondent now.
I'm really irritated with chem. I worked so hard for it and then when I start doing the papers I suddenly find out that I still don't know how to apply everything. Especially salt questions. And calculations. Equations. etc.

Drives me nuts. :(

At least I finished humans, hehehe. Venice, bonding Singapore, globalisation, communist russia, nazi germany, fascist Japan, WAR IN ASIA-PACIFIC, and i even did Northern Island and tamil tigers just in case!
I feel so relieved about finishing humans. At least writing all the notes.

In the end I still did both japan chapters, even if I complained so much, even if Suen influenced me so badly to just drop it. Hahahaha.

I haven't even started at all on physics and lit AMND(aiming to get A1 for both).
And i haven't gotten back my ez-link from mr Govind since prelims! Was actually scheming to get it back after I graduated so i don't have to do detention/run/whatever nonsense.
BUT THEN I NEED IT FOR Os!

God Bless everyone. We need it.

I could cry.

Recently i've been very distracted. I was studying Northern Ireland and I accidentally wrote "Northern Island" as the header, and then I laughed for awhile and cancelled it and wrote again, but then I rewrote "Island" again.
So I smsed Suen and told her but then it turns out she's as blur as me(actually much much more blur). Teehee.



I like people to piggyback me! don't have to walk or sweat or whatever and I can just let them do all the work. HAHAHAHAA.
Cheryl used to piggyback me everyday, until she started attempting to throw me into a bin every time I jumped on her. Horrible.

And byebye for a very long time is absolute nonsense. But I did do my work and I'm meeting Bella tomorrow to get whatever notes I can lay my hands on and then study with her in the library.

I'm still really distressed about my missing handwritten notes cos I'll have to spend hours redoing them and there just isn't any time left. Will need to improvise a lot. :((((((((((((


SIGH.

And I just received a whole set of SCGS notes as thick as history textbook for WHALE RIDER from Salome. It's really good compared to what we get at school.
if you want you can take and photocopy.

"GUIN IS A GOOD TEACHER."

-quote from cheryl-

OKAY BYE.

(for a long long time)!

sec one.

We were so cute. Back then.
And Dion Leow is there too! I used to sing the "favourite things" song and the "irritating" song with him everyday in class. (I wish he'd see this somehow) still remember his very very long lashes and accent, and when I saw his profile in facebook, his long hair made me laugh!
Anyway, I missed him when i saw him in the photo. I think all of us do.
HE IS SO FAR AWAY! In a better place probably.
:(((
I love lower sec so much.

And i found my lower sec pictures!

we rock. \m/

HAHAHAAHAHAHA

I am really really bored.
I went and entertained so many people with my woo(which I got from SK), but in the end only Pork and Jianxing and Darren Lee entertained me for awhile.
I've decided to skip school tomorrow.
Which is terrible, actually.
Because I think it will irritate Mr Lee. And Mrs Yip will be so mad because she expects to see me tomorrow for remedial. The worst part is that tomorrow is the last PE session in my whole life! :(
Okay, no.
But then! Gosh.
It is all Suen's fault for influencing me to skip school.
Anyway, Ms Cheong gave me permission to skip school so.......
Decisions.

But I want to have PE!!! :(

Claudia Ong is very lame. She made me call Hiangwee Lee "willy".

You know what. I'm just going to go to school tomorrow.

BYE.

SPENT.

Today, I walked into class dead tired and I saw nearly everyone with their heads on the table. We're all really burned out and I don't see how the remedials until 4.30 help at all. I'd rather go home and squeeze out time for self revision. I don't think we need to be forced to stay back anymore. Anyone who really cares about their results will be proactive about seeking teachers' help(if they DO need it), and for the people who don't care, why should the teachers spend concerted, futile efforts on them?
This is really a bad decision on the school/principal's part. And even after we graduate next friday, we STILL have ongoing remedial EVERYDAY until the O levels commence. Nonsensical. My inward rebellious streak is rising. Lol. I might skip school tomorrow and as many days as I wish. I hope someone does something to boycott the system. Why should we abide to rules and systems that produce negativity!!!

I cannot wait to graduate anymore! Will probably give the after-graduation lessons a miss. I have no real obligation to show up for lessons once I am graduated.


The Merlion



"I wish it had paws," you said,
"It's quite grotesque the way it is,
you know, limbless; can you
imagine it writhing in the water,
like some post-Chernobyl nightmare?
I mean, how does it move? Like a
torpedo? Or does it shoulder itself
against the currents, gnashing with frustration,
its furious mane bleached
the colour of a drowned sun?
But take a second look at it,
how it is poised so terrestrially,
marooned on this rough shore,
as if unsure of its rightful
harbour. Could it be that,
having taken to this unaccustomed limpidity,
it has decided to abandon the seaweed-haunted
depths for land? Perhaps it is even ashamed
(But what a bold front!)
to have been a creature of the sea; look at how
it tries to purge itself of its aquatic ancestry,
in this ceaseless torrent of denial, draining
the body of rivers of histories, lymphatic memories.
What a riddle, this lesser brother of the Sphinx.
What sibling polarity, how its sister's lips are sealed
with self-knowledge and how its own jaws
clamp open in self-doubt, still
surprised after all these years."

"Yet...what brand new sun can dry
the iridescent slime from the scales
and what fresh rain wash the sting of salt
from those chalk-blind eyes?"

A pause.

"And why does it keep spewing that way?
I mean, you know, I mean..."

"I know exactly what you mean," I said,
Eyeing the blond highlights in your black hair
And your blue lenses the shadow of a foreign sky.
It spews continually if only to ruffle
its own reflection in the water; such reminders
will only scare a creature so eager to reinvent itself."

Another pause.

"Yes," you finally replied, in that acquired accent of yours,
"Well, yes, but I still do wish it had paws."

Alfian Bin Sa'at

Problem with local literature like this lies in the fact that Singapore is too young to have a proper grounded heritage, and feels like all these poems about Singapore losing its heritage lack a certain essence in some way because we aren't really losing much to begin with.
Meh I just hope local poems don't come out for Os.
Anyway I think the first and last line of the poem really reflect a common attitude a lot. Hahaha. how we listen to people reason with and refute us logically and then insist on our own baseless ideas and totally disregard them.
 I'm so tired.
:((((((((((((((

I feel totally stupid when I go for alumni band. :(
And my tone. It is so airy and so concealed and so flat. I just have to play for five minutes before my diaphragm and mouth start throbbing.
I miss my clarinet, but it isn't mine anymore. :(
Still, at some point in time it was, and I miss that clarinet and not the one that isn't mine anymore.

My mood has been turbulent today.
Mr lee was really mad at my section C and I was really really upset because I don't know at all how I managed to run out of time for PHYSICS? And I missed one whole 10 mark question! :( don't even/ever talk to me about prelim results.

the high road

I really like studying for lit :)

"All literature and art are bottomless, in that their meaning cannot be quantified, cannot be understood solely through the mechanisms of reason or logic. Instead they must be experienced, must be felt, an interchange that happens between a reader and a text."

Every time I reread Midsummer Night's Dream or Whale Rider, it is always a wholly different experience.
I liked our essay question yesterday and how it questioned whether anything in AMND should be taken seriously.
This exam I tried to derive my own interpretation of AMND when I was studying it, and I stopped trying to remember phrases from the guide. So I wrote my essay in a completely different style and personalised it, and now the problem is I don't know whether it'll work or whether my marks will drop dramatically. But either way I feel happier being more original with my writing :)

I laugh a lot when i study for lit because AMND is really very very funny?! Especially the part where the mechanicals enact the "Most Lamentable Comedy and Most Cruel Death of Pyramus and Thisbe".

Anyway Cheryl came over today and we cooked pancakes~~~












We are very very happy today! And we ate udders (it's almost customary to eat udders now if you come to anywhere near my house).
whee. :)

Cheryl is a cheater. Don't believe her when she says she is "never going to touch the computer". She only doesn't touch HER computer. She still goes online with her phone, and with MY computer.

And I came to school so early for exam yesterday! I even woke up extremely early just to force myself to take a bus! >:(
So incredulous.. But it is still funny, because I was really ridiculously upset when I found out exam was at 10.15 actually and I felt like crying and called Cheryl and Gramps and did a lot of stupid things. HAHAHA. And I wanted to go back home and sleep. But in the end I went back and went out again with C and nearly died of heatstroke.

Why are you like that?

WHY.

tied down

When anything overwhelms me, most of the time I end up walking away.
It is so wimpy to do so, but it is so wimpy to face it as well.
Actually it isn't wimpy to face it all the time but just this once it is.
Like if my books are overcrowding me I still have to get down to studying, like if my thoughts are cluttering up my head, I'd still go ahead and think about them.
But just this time round, it'll be so wimpy to do something about it.
I know I sound very conceited(and perhaps I actually am but I don't really care) saying this but well,
it is really beneath me to react.
I am feigning nonchalance even if I am actually conscious about 24/7.

just a sub-thought, I think it is actually okay to be conceited? Just that it isn't okay when you show it, or when you let it affect innocent people. In the way that if your attitude affects people who deserve it, I think it's okay, good-job kind of okay.
.

I really really wanna change my phone. It is in crap condition even though it's less than a year old because I have butter fingers and drop it everyday. The only reason why I would wanna keep it is because my smses are so precious.
(Privilege of being around nice people who send nice smses)

Anyway I had something else to talk about, something more interesting and less me, but lol I forgot the whole crux of the issue.
(it was very very funny!).

Since I forgot what I wanted to say initially, part 3 of the david blaine parody is so much more funny?!
Lame. I am going to study I have been studying since I woke up at 8 in case you think I am being lazy just because I blogged twice in two days.
I am not, was not.

bYeeeee.

do you really?

I almost fell off my chair laughing at the David Blaine parody! Omg HAHAHAHAA.
I love the way he does the stupid staring face, with his eyes the size of a basketball and his neck craned to an angle.







I don't usually watch silly stuff just that I am supposed to be studying but I don't feel like it just like how it is proper to type in sentences with punctuation but I can't be bothered now because fullstops make my sentences look estranged from each other and I prefer them to be in a whole chunk just for today.

I think it is a bad habit, finding fun at other people's expenses just because you are feeling lousy at the moment.

I miss my clarinet a lot.
:'(

:(

I'm going to pray very, very hard because I know only God is capable of restoring me now.

<3333

Happy Birthday C!

Prelims

Boring title, i know.
But I have to remind myself to concentrate.
I am super sick of studying. I have no life. I need to go out  etc.





Jugs where the dead sea scrolls were preserved.



And I saw this!

 apparently Shakespeare isn't very original afterall.



Anyway this wonderful Tyndale guy who translated the bible from its original language unfortunately met his sorry(and very very unjust) demise.


This scroll contains 5 books of the bible and is 30m long.
And it was so well preserved and pretty. animal skin.



A microform bible.








Holy Bible.

"Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?"

People, are such volatile, capricious, promiscuous creatures.
unhappy and upset now and will caution people against talking to me. I'm probably just distressed over my revision(which is getting me nowhere) and my distress is triggering a paroxysm of disgust toward everything/one around me.

(& I forgot to add in presumptuous--- people are highly presumptuous as well.)
I WANNA SLEEP/
 or talk to someone who knows and will understand.
Or my mild ranting may just evolve into a full-blown tirade.

Go away

Whether you are there or not has become inconsequential.

Time is rigid, still

I have the best older sister in the whole world.
I have the nicest older brothers in the whole world. (But one is nicer than the other)
I have the sweetest little brother in the whole world who used to kiss me good morning everyday when he was tiny, and calls me guineeeevere in the most adorable way (even when he's 13 now).
:D

I also have the wisest mom, wisest dad in the whole world.
Our family quarrels a lot. we squabble everyday. And my mom nags at us in an unfathomably irritating manner and my dad can be really unreasonable and my parents aren't exactly the most loving couple you will find.
My house is very very messy. Because they all have no respect for tidiness, which makes me mad sometimes and makes my mom mad all the time.
And my house is also extreeeeemely noisy, and completely unconducive for studying.

Anyway I am only posting this because I felt an impulsive desire to.

I have the Greatest God in the world too. The only God.

red eyes. :(

Cheryl Huanggggg I lose the bet, but I lost intentionally, for a noble cause to free you from your I-wanna-blog distress. I know you played today and were online liking my photos
Yay. We ate Fruitta la viva today instead of Udders, which was apparently closed wth. No strawberry fields and baileys. Then we went to Meiling's house after phototaking.

Today a lizard fell from the sky right in front of me and I got such a fright I walked to the next bus stop which was secluded and scary. So embarrassing when I jumped, hahaha. The most appalling part is that I had to wait for twenty-five minutes for a bus(and I actually can take nearly all the buses there, like 5 of them).
Seriously, how can there not be a single bus for twenty-five whole minutes!
I am very very broke. Even my ez link has negative balance now.

Archives, 9th June:
"Nothing dramatic is happening to me.
It is just sudden realisation and a temporal setback.
& it will pass!"

Anyway I just thought it was really nonsensical, because firstly it didn't ever really pass, and because I feel like saying it again.
It is just a sudden realisation and a temporal setback, & it will pass, because things are changing, because I am wiser now and because I really realised this time round.

Bangs

I'm so happy today. Except for my hair.
Which actually makes me happy, because I look silly now and I'm very tickled by it.
(I cut bangs)
And Cheryl made me make a "cute" principle to add on to my "principles in life" compilation.
Hehehehe. What a bobo monster.

I had a nice lunch with Charissa this afternoon and we went to jurong point again. We always seem to gravitate towards that horrid place.
Anyway I bet my fringe will be worse tomorrow.

I love Jane Eyre!
Anyway my sister acted cute today towards Cheryl. And gullible Cheryl actually believed she is cute.

Edward reminded me about two months. Two months is 61 days; less than ten days for each subject?
I haven't even touched my Whale Rider this year except for MYEs.

I really hate my hair! And yet i am so amused by it. hahaha.

bye!

Joe.

(:

I had this really really weird dream last night.
I dreamt Dyan came to ask me, "why are you always so happy? STOP SMILING," and then he rolled his eyes at me and it got stuck and I vowed never to smile again. what????? Bobo face.



"So sweeet ! Makes me happppy (:"

From Cheryl's blog.
Speaking of Cheryl Huang, she has a stupid life ambition.
-shakes head.

smothered

Just because you keep mentioning it and observing my reactions to it every time I am trying to have decent conversations with you doesn't mean I am going to tell you, well no.
chinese P2 was a complete flop but I don't want to care anymore. The last passage was the most difficult, I couldn't even get the gist of what it was saying.
And I ended up in Jurong Point again because Cathay had no more 3D but whatever.

Fridays are so typical. typically nice. But today was more boring because Cheryl Huang was there and I didn't want to talk to her for fun. I still love her a bit, hahahahaa.

Fridays are so typical!!! Even if I'm with different people. It's always Jurong Point even if we didnt plan it then Yami yogurt, lunch, Harris, and then something funnily boring.
I really hate Jurong Point..

Anywayyyyyy. it is Gramp's fault that I ended up in JP! He was supposed to go to Udders near my house to eat ice cream and he forgot and I smartly predicted it would happen so I arranged something else.

I got Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte today. I'm still in love with Little Women. And book stores should learn to take better care of their books! It is very irritating to see broken spines and creases on new pricey books.

I like to have examinations in the hall. Except it is exceptionally cold. And the air is dry and my lips are chapped and my skin is really really dry now.

it's very annoying sometimes because when you want to talk about something you just don't know who to talk to. And it is not that you can't trust your friends, but you just can't say it because they will be so shocked(perhaps amused as well) and they won't give you apt responses.

rice.

Omg ttm I wrote the most childish compo in my entire life for prelims hahahaa.
I even named the guy "Sam" which is so primary school, so stupid?
My compo characters are usually mysterious and anonymous but then today it was SAM?
Sam, of all names.

So silly. I was considering a Tom lololoolll, but then I thought Sam sounded more story-like.

Anyway, it was a complete lack of inspiration.
And in the end I used very mainstream ideas. I should work on expo!!!
>:(

C folded me a crane!
teehee.


My little brother doesn't want to cook the rice and I can't because I don't know how to and he is insisting that I am just pretending I don't know so I don't have to do it!
Omg. He is getting ruder everyday.

Last night I stayed up until 2.30 to finish my Venice even though I skipped school!
SO horrible I woke up late afternoon and I just had to go and watch Pride and Prejudice. It is such a sweet show. Anyway i didn't study at all until night time which is a super stupid thing to do.

And my momma was so nice!
She slept on the sofa to accompany me until I went to sleep. :')

I am so tired and I dunno how to study for chinese tomorrow.
my hand cramped during SBQ today and I couldnt even write anything legible HAHAHAHA.
so funny.

Won't wait.

I finished my revision for chemistry.

Actually I only wrote notes for every chapter, but then I condensed each chapter into one page! So i only need to revise 25 instead of 446 pages when exam is nearer.
I finished my Venice too.
Teehee.

So lame, advent children is showing on channel 5 and Darren Lee asked me to go watch and when Cloud started talking in ENGLISH -omg-, my whole family just burst out laughing. hahahahahaha it was very anticlimatic?

Today we went supermarketting and it was so crowded I could have just died.

Anyway we saw this little angmoh toddler standing up in the trolley and he had this very frightened, troubled look on his face, and since we are attracted to (cute) babies, we felt so worried for him and went to try and comfort him. And then he started to cry! And we were so flustered, and suddenly his maid came back and saw him crying and then thought we were bullying him!

I am going to do a math paper now and go to sleep.
On second thoughts, since I still have four overdue lit essays I am not going to do my math anymore.

Prelims

:(

Oh happy day

I feel so bouncy all over again.

My examiners were so nice and they smiled at me a lot when everyone else said the younger one was a grumpy stern person. I was so scared theywould be mean and aloof but they were so nice; even Joshua and Joe and Zijian say so. Anyway I was so glad after oral I wanted to jump on Cheryl and make her nervous and piggy-back me, but of course she refused to. lol

Today is so nice because I went to school and I bumped into Ms Haiza and she said she missed me and then later we had math and Cindy was so funny and we got scolded in a funny way which made it doubly funny and we had PE which was hilarious and I PASSED my physics test when i went to do it with Suen and Khaycheng. Then Ms Cheong's lesson was so funny with all the Mona fan club nonsense and her $(4-digit) ring and after that we had our typical lit class conversation(which is always "high quality entertainment") and then english oral was pretty simple and I had nice examiners who even noted my birthday, and that made me very happy.
-Beams-

I get so tickled when Mrs Yip casts reproachful looks at me and calls me "guineeevere" in her silly grandmotherly sort of way every time she thinks I am making noise. (It is actually Cindy that instigates all the giggling by the way.)

And we had so much fun while waiting for the rest to finish oral. HAHAHA.
& I suck at cheat but that only shows I am not a cheater.
So funny we realised that Joe has spitting resemblance to the ice age guy(I think his name is Cid?) and he is so funny when he makes that silly face.

But then I was a bit irritated when i went home in a music bus(which I dislike ttm) because this trio of MI pupils sat were sitting next to me and when Cindy left they started talking about us and I felt so weird because they were like hinting stuff to each other super obviously and so loudly until the girl amongst them said, "keep quiet, she will feel shy" very audibly and I felt even more weird. Seriously even if I want to talk about people I would do it very very discreetly, and perhaps not when they are sitting a few inches away. Rude!
Anyway the best part is that I have no homework at all today.
And I am very sad that school ends at two now because I can't eat lunch with Charissa anymore and it's the only time I see her other than lit.

SIGH!

I skipped school today

I don't even feel bad about missing school and I think I'm past caring about graduation day nearing and the number of schooling days dwindling and in fact I wonder why I used to be bothered by it so much. As if having more school would change any aspect of my life.

And why did Louisa May Alcott have to have an undelightful change of events where Beth died, and Laurie did not marry Jo?? :(
Anyway I dreamt of two of me yesterday and one of them was scolding the other me for being inconsistent and lazy and kept throwing reproachful, bloodcurdling looks at the other me who looked extremely guilty(and happened to have nice, wavy hair lol)

COnclusion is: I'm not going to come online anymore till after Os because if not I won't concentrate on my work and I'll have more of these silly nightmares(minus the nice hair!). FOCUS GUINEVERE.

pride forbids truthful words

I finished 4 of the 6 math papers I have to do and there is still chem and physics TYS left.
Omg I feel so tempted to just skip school tomorrow.
And I spent most of my weekend reading Little Women. I love all the characters in the book.
I am so happy I bought it instead of the other one, which was double the price anyway. (:

AND my older brother actually shared a secret with me, and I am so happy he did because we hardly share stuff like that. And we had a great time last night sitting on the bed and sharing our most secret secrets and I wanted to hug him for telling me, partly because he is warm and makes me happy.

I think we were such happy people today.

it doesn't mean anything

 just when you begin to think, "Great I don't care anymore" and "thank God it is all over", you start to delve back into it unknowingly, and faded stale feelings are inevitably resuscitated almost immediately and lo and behold, you're back to square one again (and sometimes it is worse than just square one because you find that you're the only one stupid enough to actually get left behind).

:(

I shouldn't but I still do.

Today was so :((((((((((
School is so tiring and our lit movies have ended which means... more essays.
And all of us are totally clueless about physics SPA tomorrow.
Mr lee didn't give us hints like he used to!
AND! Now our lit papers will end later which means that our prelims will be dragged for two more days and it is very horrible!
ANDDDD I didn't even get the prom ticket today.
Plus there is CRO and LDR and thermistor and whatnot test tomorrow, and even if it is only ten marks.....
:(
Sometimes(like today) I wish we can just move up to the fourth floor, even though we'll have to climb up and down everyday. But it is just much easier that way.
Like I'll be closer to Charissa and everyone else and i won't have to wait for her to come down to eat lunch and then there wouldn't be so much noise or boys screaming down the corridor. And it'll be easier because I won't have to feel so distracted everyday.

Distracted by what? That is the secret.

Teehee

Tomorrow is the final sale of prom tickets which is terrible, since I still don't know whether I wanna go. :(

To End All Wars was very gory today and yesterday, and it made me wanna cry.
It's quite sad and disturbing to watch war stuff.

I was so happy today when I saw the extremely easy SPA paper, I smiled my way through the exam and I nearly wanted to laugh even.

Prom makes me frown.
People make me frown.

Bye

Remnants of a cloudy dream

I am so tired!!!!!!!!
I just want to lie in bed the whole day and sleep but I have SPA to revise for and I want to sleep.

I had a fabulous dream last night because in my dreams things always occur the way I want them to and things are always perfect.

& I am so tired and I want to skip school tomorrow, but then I can't keep skipping school like that because I have so little schooling days left before graduation.

I liked church and lunch yesterday.

discard the old ones

Perhaps, I don't try hard enough.

YAYYYY IM SO EXCITED NOW COS CHERYL'S COMING TO MY HOUSE NOWNOWNOW

rising action to goodness

I was so frustrated the whole of yesterday morning and early afternoon I felt like scolding everyone who talked to me.

It got better after lunch!
And then dinner completely sparked my day!

we're all over the moon today.








































ice cream













Anyway I just realised how reliant my mood is on other people. Which makes me feel weak and lousy.