I’ve been viewing my previous posts, and boy o boy, do I sound childish or what? Haha, whooo cares, this is my blog, my rants! I shouldn’t blog through peer pressure, hell no. I’m happier when I write, ergo I write when I’m moody. So if I write just to satisfy some folks, in the end, I’ll get even more stressed out than before! Then why write, right? And mum if you’re reading my blog, which I’m sure you will, please oh please don’t bring it up when you see me. I’m okay with you reading, but it’s soooo not cool when you talk about it.
Final exams are upon us, for us students. Unfortunately I am still a student. Gah, most of my friends are all married to their jobs now but where am I? I’m still in uni. I have accomplished nothing and though my friends keep telling me ‘you should be happy that you’re not working, coz it’s tough and tiring and stressful and not worth it and this and that’ but it is even more so, for me when it comes to the rat race. The familiar feeling of being left behind in a 400m dash looms every time I hear my compadres talk about their work life. I feel like I just don’t belong in my social circle anymore. To add salt to my bitter wound, my new friends from class are so much younger, mentally. The age gap is just too wide i suppose. Being so, I can never maintain a proper conversation with them. sigh. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate them, but I can never achieve verbal climax when I’m with them. Not to say that I’m hellava matured laaa, I know I’m not but I strive to be. I’m going to be 24 this year and I don’t want to speak like a 15 year old. I want to converse about the world, the economy, the politics, something productive or profounding. And I want a matured response, not a goofy joke or a blank expression. The other day, I tried talking about Apple’s business strategy(quite interesting kay!) and they dismissed it and created another topic of interest which involves some girl who just came to MMU. I didn’t quite catch it, because they started speaking in Mandarin. Which brings me to another point, respect.
My colleagues are mostly chinese educated, and being so they prefer to converse in their mother tongue. Not that I’m against it or anything, I’m fine with it actually. I learn to pick up some words and after 2 years, I have been able to understand simple simple sentences. But the thing is, where is the respect? When you have a person of a different race, who’s not able to understand the conversation, obviously you speak in a language so that everybody, even the minority of the group could understand. It goes without saying. Its etiquette, come on. They could very well speak in English, but they refused to. Why, because it’s too hard to speak in English they say. But that’s a good thing isn’t it? I mean, it shows that you put in a considerable amount of effort so that I, the minority could be part of the herd. I would respect you even more actually, because all I ask for is a little effort. A friend of mine told me a lot of times a few years back, that even the little things matter. It’ll pile up into something worse. I have learnt it the hard way, and at times when I get into a fight with my respective half, my mind slips silently to the past and reminisce about the mistakes I made a long time ago. I just hope my friends would realize it sooner than I did before the situation gets unpleasant. Of course their conversation will always be about this person and that person, the gf and that bf, the new ixora curtains and bedsheets, nothing that would pique my interest, but it’s the effort that I want to see. I have never complained to them about their immaturity, neither have I ridiculed them. For a short amount of time, I tried to be productive and contribute to their conversation but it felt dry. I feel like my words lack the substance and weight to disseminate. I tried, and honestly, it didn’t feel right. But at least, I tried.
To get a friend, you must first be a friend.
Why am I rambling on and on about this? Because I'm plain unhappy with my current clique. )= Why don't I find new friends, some might ask. For starters, accounting students in my class are mostly, chinese ed. Sorry for generalizing, but they tend to hang out only with their own clique. The non chinese ed ones, well they don't come for classes that often. Lol. Secondly, they're book-smart people, and are very dedicated at achieving good results. Better the good apples than the rotten ones right? I may be unhappy, but at least I'm producing better results compared to my engineering days.
Not to say that I don't have other friends outside my circle, I do.
I have found people who are matured beyond their age, whom I admire and respect. For instance, I met this guy through my small business, who supplies products for me. And every time we have a simple conversation online, I will always be baffled by his knowledge on the world, on everything mostly. He speaks with such confidence and at the same time, he is always humble. When we chatted about my mom's deteriorating health, he not only offered support, he even gave me useful information on how to handle the situation. It is not often that I can find people with the similar trait in MMU, but hey maybe it's because I'm way older than most of the accounting students.
Oh well, beggers can't be choosers right. I will make do with what I have, for the time being.
