Omerta

0-13
30-13
is there anything more to be said?

my mums planning to force me to tuition
i shall stand firm
unshakable
unmovable

posted by S @ Monday, August 15, 2005 0 comments

my grandfather
on my dads side
passed away this morning
bout 6 thereabouts
no need for condolences really
didnt really hit me that hard..
hardly hit me at all
should i be feeling guilty?
never really knew my grandfather
most of his character i knew from inference from the stories
mum and dad would tell me
some good
some bad
was he a scoundrel?
a rampant gambler who wasted his family fortune away?
a hard working accountant who gave his pay to his wife so he wouldnt have anything to gamble with?
a caring father who spent time with his children?
an ungrateful hyponchondriac who bugged his wife as he grew old?
a fun loving grandfather always ready to entertain his grandchildren?
perhaps all that
and a bit more

its strange really
seeing a person you once knew
a person you said hello to
a person you waved to and helped
a person youve talked to
lie in a wooden box
eyes closed
face done up
its so surreal
i went up to the coffin
was hit by shock, curiosity and a bit of fear at the same time
makes you think doesnt it
life IS meaningless

heres to you
cheam tat kee
to the grandfather i never knew
to a person i cant honestly say id miss
one thing for sure though
life without you
will be..
different
farewell



ah ye

posted by S @ Wednesday, August 10, 2005 1 comments

The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions.
One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was.
Then the LORD called to Samuel.
Samuel answered, "Here I am." And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
But Eli said, " I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down.
Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
"My son," Eli said, " I did not call; go back and lie down."
Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD: The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him.
The Lord called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me."
Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." So Samuel went and lay down in his place.
The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times."Samuel! Samuel!"
Then Samuel said," Speak, for your servant is listening."
1 Samuel Chapter 3:1-10

amazing grace
how sweet
the sound
that saved
a wretch
like me
i once
was lost
but now
am found
was blind
but now
i see.

the quest is over
and i am at the fourth call
I pray that someone may lead me to answer it
and to begin the path
that has been set out for me
my meaning in life
is love.
To love the Lord my God
and to love my neighbour as myself.
that meaning
inexplicable
mysterious
and indefinite
Love.


;)

posted by S @ Saturday, August 06, 2005 0 comments

what is order?
order is opinion
order is a state of mind
can chaos be order?
what is chaos?
the boundaries between chaos and order
are artificial concepts
even there consequences
can be interpreted in multiple ways
most of the time at least

i find myself at a consistent loss for words today
im not reading enough.

posted by S @ Thursday, August 04, 2005 0 comments

your life may have purpose
you may have aims you want to achieve
which begs the question
what is the meaning behind the fulfiment of your purpose?


whats the meaning of YOUR life?do tag

posted by S @ Wednesday, August 03, 2005 0 comments

anon
please reveal yourself
yourselves
thats all i ask

last night i asked myself
what was the meaning of my life
and i found an answer lacking
so deeper and deeper i went
spiralling down the rabbit hole
looking for the white rabbit
not really finding it
void
space
emptiness
were my companions
not the heartiest i must say
this morning i took a slight dip
into the pool of death
and yet my companions pursued
returning to the drudgery of proportions Plato would have been proud of
my companions left me for a while
plaguing me only occasionally for the day
as the sun rose past the tower
they returned to plauge me
only to be chased away by the quiet
lonely recesses of the den
where music
once sweet to my ears
became a dagger to my heart
eventually
staring into emptiness
my friends came to join me
until news broke of the latest tragedy
whereupon my previous dalliance- rage
returned
morhped into energy
and then dissipated
and once again
the three amigos return
void
space
emptiness

one could aruge
that meaning and purpose
are separate ideas
separate concepts
purpose
perhaps
is short term
it looks to acheive an end
a goal
meaning on the other hand
is perhaps alot more
arguable
meaning
refers to a form
an unreachable thought of some kind
a definition
perhaps only understood
and obtained
on
as we like to say
a metaphysical plane
metaphysics. the study of what is not
some deeper understanding
some comprehension of the cosmos
appears to be lacking
for i cannot fathom meaning
i cannot determine meaning
i cannot reach the metaphysical plane
on which the golden fleece of meaning lies
a golden fleece
or pandora's box?

the myth of the cave
once you've broken free of the bonds
and seen the real world
to have looked upon the immutable
perfect
form
returning to chains
to shadows of flickering lights
of limbs bound to cold walls
is unsatisfactory
there now lies a greater objective
a greater goal at hand
and what pain it is
to have known and yet not understand
to hear but not know
to see and yet not comprehend
what pain
agony
despair

faith lost
hope crushed
love absent

posted by S @ Wednesday, August 03, 2005 0 comments