Omerta

and so my hopes are miserably dashed
crushed upon the jagged rocks
sigh
all the better to cheer with.

posted by S @ Monday, December 27, 2004 0 comments

well
its about 24 hours since my last
post
and
christmas is over
heh
thanks for everything everyone
yep
i especially like the cards
yeah
i always keep my cards
especially those with a message
whenever i feel down
i take out a few
read them
and go to sleep with them clutched in my hand
yep
well
today
was pretty fun i guess
church
met ivee
slept for 4 hours
family dinner
multi terrain soccer
and caroling

i cant help but sigh
so near yet so far away
heh
im guessing most people are tired of hearing my nonsense
but this is
really my only
outlet
for..
poetic expression..if you could call it that
more like mushy outpour
but hey
thats how
i feel
ah

emotion silly
emotion
how you tear asunder
how you mold together
emotion
silly
emotion

heh
listening to some spanish take
on greensleeves
i remember the last time
i let myself go with the music
yeah
that evening
heh
that was joy
but..guess it wasnt to be
you were wise
beyond years that day
to suggest such
an action
it kept me from destruction

hah
quite an irony
how the four of us
so disgruntled
so sad
perhaps torn and distraught
missing someone
wanting someone
this christmas
yep
i openly admit i want someone to talk to
but
till that someone comes along
itll be me and
uh
myself
right.

surprising.
ive run out of things to ran
but i dont want to close the window just yet
heh
i remember the flowers
ah..
thanks p
would have done something stupid otherwise.
yep
the last time i gave something special..
heh
well
nvm..
its been a rather melancholic christmas
i think ill go brood over old entries.
gnite all




only you

posted by S @ Sunday, December 26, 2004 0 comments

merry christmas everyone
;)

yep its christmas time again
and i sit here by the computer
and ponder
and think
its been one wild year
just like the last
and the one before that
heh
so many things have happened!
gosh
i feel so overwhelmed
thinking about all the things that have happened
heh
i havent wrapped gifts or wrote cards yet
so im quite dead..better get back to work!
and well
just like to say this
twelve minutes into this glorious day

to all who are sad
to all who are depressed
to those who have lost
to those who feel forgotten
i say to you
be joyful
go to the streets and dance and sing
for
this day
so many years ago


OUR SAVIOUR WAS BORN

posted by S @ Saturday, December 25, 2004 0 comments

on an utterly random note
i think that depression
wldnt exist
if everyone
were clear headed enough
to listen to the advice they give others
when they themselves are going through a rough patch..
then again..emotion does strange things to logic

posted by S @ Thursday, December 23, 2004 1 comments

right
so im updating.
hm
fun days
just less intellectual

so
amazingly
gorgeous
[my only excuse to stare]
helen reborn
a goddess on earth
radiant beauty
coupled with a sparkling personality
and to think
that i
a mere mortal
a peasant in comaparison to royalty
would dare so much as to dream?
bah
what a fool

they mock and laugh
at this sad man
who aims for the stars
yet falls miserably short
in all truth and honesty
he knows he can never reach
his goal
he can but stare at it in the night
with adoring and worshipful eyes
so he goes on
working the land
eating
drinking
and laughing
but every night
he looks up to the heavens
and wishes
poor fool
why wish for the impossible?
why entertain himself with dreams beyond fulfilling?
why not just

forget it


but he cant.

posted by S @ Wednesday, December 22, 2004 0 comments

when you really think about it
what is life all about
i think i begin to see
the knowledge
in the statement
to live is Christ
to die
gain
beginning to find living is such a drag nowadays
hm
wonder why really
there isnt much im really looking forward to these days
time passes by in melancholy
and a bit of dread
end year camp
and such
well
years almost at an end now
so is dep
sadly
saturdays will be so meaningless
without the crazy lot
auyong
terence
druggie
weilin
rebecca
lee mey
jennifer
hiu tung
christine
sam
kal
ram
kelvin
yep
lifes a drag at this time of the year
strange isnt it
i often
relish the opportunity to just
drift in that sense
but not this season
not this season
somethings strangely different
its just off
everythings off
off tangent
like some glitch in my reality
flaw
some things have been great of course
2.11
jyc
though after that..things seemed to go pretty much downhill..weird
isnt it

im thinking right now
what would i most want to do
debate?
no
play rugby?
no
computer game?
no
go out?
no
i just want to go back to that beautiful afternoon in hawaii
blue skies
beautiful weather
take away the readings
and put in that special someone
yeah
a nice hawaiian dream to put me to sleep
for those who still bother to
read
my nonsense
goodnight
may your christmas be full of laughter
not tears
of joy
not sadness
of activity
not melancholy
may your christmas
be full of
love
(and forgiveness as the fairy would say :)


48.4 fm

posted by S @ Saturday, December 18, 2004 0 comments

i am truly incensed
everything
and i mean
everything
on my internet
has turned into chinese
i despise lin hui
its all her fault.
i know it.

anyway
just going with the flow
seeing how all the other
musks have already blogged

several days/weeks to christmas now
dont feel particularly joyful
or merry
hah
i dont know why either

a random thought perhaps
but it just came to me just now
situations
where
a person
has two good friends
sharing their secrets
funny thing really
is that when the good friends
turn to that person
and EXPECT
the person to give up information
given by OTHER people
a tad confusing the way i explain it
but really
what is sanct?
what is..
no
what SHOULD
be placed first?
the trust
that any friend places in you
or the fact
that close friends
share more things
with each other
as compared to
normal friends?
to prioritse friendship?
or just maintain neutrality?
what would be more integrous?
(if such a word exists)

now
where was i
nowhere
hm
again
nowhere
there used to be a site
nowhere.com
quite brilliant
pity they took it off the net
i spent a good half hour there
watching digital birds chirp

well
2am and im still up
haha

on another note
i have this curious friend
see
thing is
i dont really trust him alot
i was utterly fooled by him once
then i heard the other side of the story
boy
did that put things in perspective
bit by bit
i begin to see
how manipulative he is
but he's still a friend
and i dont deny he's well at heart
i think..
but anyway
used to follow along with whatever he said
now im a tad more cautious than before
and so this issue comes up
and now i can truly
say ive seen both sides
and i can truly say
how easily ive been swayed
from one opinion to another
by two very persuasive powers
hm
guess i have to learn
not to take things at face value anymore huh

anyway
i am so bored
no ones taken up my offer
to make life interesting
sigh

christmas party
19th dec
all debaterrs invited
7-11pm
pines cntry club
next to rgs
call to confirm attendance



focus

edit:
i realise ppl have really strange ways
of focusing
when playing sports
or debating
or whatever
its interesting really
you have the
keep calm and collected type
the
go mad and lash out type
etc

also
i think my laziness
to introduce
punctuation in my blog
is subconciously affecting
my already pathetic punctuation

posted by S @ Tuesday, December 14, 2004 0 comments

there is some evil at work
when i started up the site
it was all in chinese
yes
and its like that for google too.
my mum must know more
about computers
than i thought.
hm.

well
i havent blogged
for some time
yes.

well
carolling
spars
trng
upgraded com
lifes a lull now
not particularly excited about anything
yep
nothing at all
just drifting into christmas
been ill
again
these few days
just drifting
horrid weather lately
bah
why cant it just shine

monday was interesting tho
heh
thanks
for the experience
the first time i was actually
feeling awfully freaked before the debate
guess it was my physical condition
plus lack of preparation
and pure fear.
hm
thanks for that josh.
aaanyway
hope michhh
likes the
tomato.
and basil plant
and the candycane.
hahah.
yeah
ah well
RI spar tomorrow
dont feel like going
truth be told
much rather
stay home and play silly com games

sigh
really
not..
excited
someone please come along
something please happen
before i am once again
sucked into that abyss
called
emptiness

i cant move/feel
my foot right now

utterly random statement
i hate organising
on retrospect
its really never that fun

what else
hm
delight in the Lord
its kinda hard when youre ill
guess i should try though

ho hum

so its here again
its different again
cos now
im





sad





91543837

posted by S @ Thursday, December 09, 2004 0 comments

well
had spar today
not too bad i daresay
8min
thank goodness

on another note
im juneact.
sigh.
its not that juneact is a..
useless
or
boring comm
but..
cheering..
sigh
sigh
i really wanted to be in cheering
had all these ideas for cheering comm
and yeah
i can pass em on i guess
but..
sigh
ill be blunt then..
i wanted to be cheering comm chair..
so i could really try to implement reforms..
and even if i wasnt chair
i wld AT LEAST
be in the comm
alas
it is not to be
i am condemned to no cheering
for my 'senior' year in prefects..
sigh..
sebs right
just gotta take it i guess..
no point dwelling on things..
still...
sighh


to you
good luck tomorrow
if you dont win
well
judges or whoever
must be missing eyes
youre that perfect



screwing bottle caps

posted by S @ Wednesday, December 01, 2004 0 comments