Omerta: 2003/12

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

voice-check
sanity-check
fingers- check
feet-check
arms-check
cheers-check
heart-missing

PB EOY camp
"the tough camps get easier while the easy camps get tougher"
Adi-

'Mr Ng'- thanks for everything , the drinks and all!
we only carried ur equipment! thanks alot ;)
didnt really feel like testing the LOTR stuff anyway!

and a
thousand
million
billion
trillion
thanks deborah!
really really really really really really really
saved us all!
could have forgotten about
King of Majesty and better than life
without you!

gabriel you gay dog!
thanks to you jake and i
FINALLY
figured out the now that your near part!
thanks!

yeah well
Pb camp wasnt THAT bad
wasnt very good either
not something i really enjoyed
'cept for worship that is!
haha

yeah
ill update later
im dyin again

"when you cheer, your opponents ***** are supposed to shrivel
but when i hear you people cheer, my ***** grow!"
Clement Discipline Councillor, 2002-2003

use some imagination

Sunday, December 28, 2003

goin for my 2nd PB camp tomorrow
if its anything like the first one..
you can forget talking to me until
jan 14
shouldnt be though
josh says its incredibly more slack than
the training camp..
i hope so..
well
im goin off now
waking up real early for camp and all
wish me luck..

my cry for strength
my urgent call for faith
my desperate shout for salvation
my plea for forgiveness
answer me
and grant me what I ask

dios

Friday, December 26, 2003

i cant remember who said it
must have been pastor joel
or rev kevin
it was about a poor chap
whose bday party only had
his invited guests exchanging
gifts with each other
yet he received none
of course the obvious parallel here is christmas
where Jesus isn't always given something on his birthday
hmm.. fascinating analogy..

its been a long time since ive updated
as a matter of fact
its christmas now
yeah
christmas
that time of the year again
i just slammed the door on my finger.
ho hum

why the sad face mssr?
why the dark eye bags and tear stains?
what could possibly ail you on this wonderful christmas night?
perhaps you have forgotten to buy your gifts?
or maybe its the cards that you have misplaced?
see now!
how you drown yourself with wine
even before the clock strikes 12!
why my friend
to an untrained eye you would appear
...
depressed!
what?
shot up?
dear me!
now havent you gotten yourself quite drunk!
here, allow me to relieve you of that devils bile!
ahh, sober up mssr!
soon it will be that time of the year again!
huh?
you feel like dying mssr?
ahh, a hangover is what we call it!
fear not, all will be well in the morning!
ahh, but hark!
is it the clock i hear?
4..
3..
2..
1..
merry christmas!
heaven forbid!
rouse yourself mssr!
the party has not yet started
and already you sleep!
that is unacceptable!
quickly, mssr, the dance is about to begin!
you grieve me much mssr by lying there!
look now, you have spilt some red wine on your suit!
here let me help you clean that wi...blood?

ok
totally irrelvant
a thousand pardons
my mind functions not
hmm
just thought of somethin while talkin to jie

a gift of happiness is something always being offered
its whether or not you want to accept it

maybe its this teenage angst thing
but i see so many people(including myself)
turning from the cheery joyful friends they are
to wrecks of despair
and its christmas.
for crying out loud!
sigh
why do u cry?
why do u weep?
what lies beneath the surface that causes you so much hurt?
why do you act that way
swinging like a pendulum from extreme to extreme
why are you so reserved?
that i hardly know you anymore?
why are you so abrasive?
why are you so proud?
why are you jealous?
why do you feel so?
why do you act so?
why?

one solero
two destroyed ships
three db8 highlghts
four musketeers
five memorable camps
six good friends now apart
seven scoops of ice cream
eight dining at the table
nine morgul blades
ten wise men
eleven non sequiturs
twelve months of uproarious fun

i have nothing left to say now
the day has passed
the night has gone
and the morning comes
what lies over the top?
what new lands lay hidden over the horizon?
what brave new lands remain undiscovered?
what treasure is there to seek?
what charming acquaintances are there to make?
only time will tell
if time lasts that long that is..

a japanese transistor radio

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

things'll be alright
they always are.
living life
through blind optimism
always looking to the future
knowing that theres
a silver lining to every dark cloud
that theres a pot of gold
at the end of a rainbow
that after the storm comes peace
believing
that life is like a box of chocolates
you dont know what youre gonna get
but youre sure itll be sweet
and even if it isnt
youll get over it
wake up kid.
things arent as they seem
clouds dont go away so fast
rainbows dont even have an end
sorry to burst your bubble pal
but thats reality
thats the real world
yeah sure
life is like a box of chocolates
some of em might be sweet
some of em might be sour
but face it
you'll get a poisoned one soon enough
and there aint no cure for that
some things dont change
the inevitability of destruction
is one of them.

is optimism naive?
is pessimism suicidal?
is the middle ground even there?
no extremes.
just a sliding scale.

doing but not doing
feeling but not feeling
thinking but not thinking
sleeping but not sleeping
dreaming but not dreaming
living but not lving.
like a scraped out husk
exhausted
tired
run dry
words
are but a mask
without meaning
they convey no message
they tell no one
how you feel
this word
is it real?
do i write
do i speak
my heart?
can i?
or issit another impossible fantasy?
what then can convey meaning?
a kiss?
a slap?
a pat on the back?
its all in the eyes they say
but what if you have no eyes
have you ever stared into someone's eyes
a portal into his mind
to stare in a black hole?
to expect to find
but find emptiness
and void?
meaningless
meaningless
meaningless
everything is meaningless

the death of innocence

there goes the young lad
sprightly one isnt he?
running round the dandelions
with that lady of his
oh what bliss it must be
to sit and be young
on this bright summer day
why
the flowers seem to bloom for him
the sun shines brighter for her
and together
the trees and the earth
radiate a joy unheard of
how long will they stay young and happy?
forever you say?
think again.

look at that man
shrivelled
dishevelled
he sits in the mud
motionless
the rain beats on him
but he cares not
clutching a dead rose
he sits next to his lovers grave
his eyes like two pools of death
glow with an unearthly auora
like a ghost
doom hangs on him
he longs for death to come swift
and relieve him
but death will not
he will play with his prey yet
and deny him peace
death will see him rot and die
death will wait for him patiently
as he drives himself into madness
into insanity
now the man knows
now he sees
summer is gone and winter comes
the sun has left and the clouds return
the flowers die and wither away
the skies are polluted with darkness
and the man sits
and wonders
and thinks
for though he is not dead
he is dead.

news flash-
rugby world cup champs england
suffers two hours training setback today
as players walked off field
they noticed powdery white substance on ground
coach, clive woodward, halted training
to allow for a full police investigation
Scotland Yard later determined the white
was the try line
and after assuring players that they would
not be seeing it anytime soon
they allowed training to resume.

haha, good on eh?
ive got more up me sleeve!
im saving them for telling though
not as fun to read it!

wasting

Saturday, December 06, 2003

"no longer will you
look at life through a dead man's eyes"
-with honour.

sma is jacked
sma deleted his nice post
sma thought the dumb blogger
saved sma's post
apparently not.
sma has steamed the entire day
sma has read another spooky agatha christie book
and for once
sma predicted the ending
sma ate lunch at 4
sma talked to aramis
who gave sma this excellent idea
sma is feeling lost
sma wants to play rugby
sma wants to scrum down again
and not collapse the scrum
sma is bored
sma bids thee, good reader, farewell

i am sma

Friday, December 05, 2003

wellll
a fruitfully jacked day i say
my very first christmas shopping experience
not too bad!
hmm
hopped on the 7 from my new place
had to keep looking out the window
thankfully i stopped at the right place
right outside centrepoint
but dear old pet
went all the way to little india
BEFORE
realising her wallet was at home
therefore the delay
therefore my shopping alone for a good
hour.
fruitful but boring
besides gaping at all
the canterbury jerseys
and rugby equipment
i obtained
john
ivee
jacob
's gifts
before heading down to centrepoint
to meet up with blur old pet
who was totally freaked out when i crept
up right behind her
hmm
well
met with raveen and abby
for lunch at cine bk
where deb ng joined us
of course
the bk people
were nice enough to give us
deformed onion rings
of which one was shaped like a club
but pet couldnt see that.
she said it looked like a snowman.
nuff said.
headed to taka after that
nothing much
raveen and i finished our shopping pretty quick
then we just tagged along....
of course
we saw twin towers along the way
and well
raveen made a very interesting observation
about piglet
or mhmd pooh bin bear
nevermind.

a fender can cost 3750. thats more than my computer.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

the haka is a great stress reliever.

Monday, December 01, 2003

as i was walking out of the ROL
i heard joshua(tay)
asking his group
"why do you think people find revival mostly in camps?"
very interesting question really.
my first thought was that because
during camp you have few distractions
then i realised thats not entirely true
then i wondered
why issit that most people find revival with 5 piece band
playing hillsongs music
and not a piano with a hymn?
is revival really revival if
you depend on music or friends
or whatever to inspire it?
or is music et al there
TO inspire?

i realise i will always be a watcher
watching and seeing
but not knowing
speaking but not feeling
content to sit back and see life pass by
see faces
watch people
observe emotion
moving around
in that timeless space
we call life
searching but not finding
finding but not realising
realising but not understanding
understanding but not accepting
accpeting but not loving
restless
tired
weary
sick
apprehensive
bored
nonchalant
void.
sentenced to eternity
with a lightness
where can i find solace?
where can i find peace?
i try
but i fail
i attempt but i do not succeed
sometimes
i get there
only to be dragged so unmercifully back down

the empty watcher
sits and stares
at the people passing him by
he knows no feeling
no emotion
for those words no longer
carry any meaning for him
on his chair he sits
ever observing
ever watching
and waiting
for something to fill him up
for someone to redeem him
he is thirsty
but he does not drink
he hungers
but he does not feed
he aches but does not rest
no one knows
no one cares
so he sits alone
watching
waiting
thinking
but not loving.

let sleep overtake you
as the curtain of night slowly falls
let darkness enfold you
as the moon steadily rises
and be content
for i am here
by your side
i know you
i made you
and i love you.

these four irrelevant
pieces of prose
are NOT reflective of my mood
so no one bother about it
written at 2.45am
i suddenly remembered joshuas comment
so i just spat it out
then i suddenly thought of some metaphor for me
so i jotted it down
then i thought of something for CAP
so i took it down
then i thought of somethin that...well
was strange
i took it down anyway

why oh why

elvis.
so.
rocks.
nuff said.

30 great tracks from the king himself
what can i say?
thankewverymuch
haha
yeah
thats pretty much everything
ooh
viva las vegas
cool

im not in a really
reflective mood today
just factual
so heres somemore code for
you chaps to decipher
(keep on trying domitum ;0)

major set back
the backline collapsed
tries were scored one after another
the backs were seperated from the forwards
and the entire defense collapsed
with no tandem whatsoever
the wizardly attack crumbled into nothing
with the forwards passing to open space
where the backs should have been
and the backs kicking to phantom forwards
it was almost time out
and the score was 21-0
then all of a sudden
things shot back up
first the back three shot up
with rock solid defending
the defensive line withheld the strongest attacks possible
then the forwards snapped back into action
and it was game set and match to us.

yeah
so codey huh?
haha
nevermind
oh well
thanks to everyone who's been so concerned
things are looking up
so thank you.

well vbc
was
traumatic
at best
and worse than PB camp
at worst
yup
another level of torture this
besides having to keep a look out
for 15 tiny toddlers
(who look all the same btw)
you have to constantly
bring them to the toilet
watch over the every move
AND TEACH THEM HOW TO SPELL
me-"ok, so write A in this space here ok?"
small kid-nods head
small kid- looks puzzled
small kid- kor kor...i dunno how to do..
me-"okaay...write the letter A on this black line ok?"
small kid- nods head furiously
small kid-stares blankly
small kid- "how to write A"
me-cries
yes
x15 and you get..well..
you get the idea
not to mention
a certain SOMEONE
clinging to you
and telling you about stray cats...
i tell you
one more day with them
and i would have cracked
give me PB torture camps anyday
just DONT BRING ME BACK THERE
AGH

anyway
next year no vbc(so sad)
but theres a musical!
so cool
maybe i can help out in the acting dep.
heh heh..
well
i've sworn off little kids
for the rest of my life
i can forget about having children
if this is what its like
haha
yes well

new day

Omerta