okay, so i'm doing my err...quarterly update for my blog now :P have about half an hour before the next class and i'm stuck in school with nothing to do...

participated in the national canoe marathon 2007 yesterday... it was surprisingly not as painful despite the lack of mileage leading to the build up of this race - maybe the excessive training in the C1 had prepared me better mentally than all the 20 odd kliks i had to paddle last year haha. the weather was cold and the sky looked threateningly gloomy but it was much better than the intense heat we had to bear last year. think that as a result of that wenyang cramped up pretty badly some of the rounds. the first round we were doing alright - from the start lucas/weng ngai, jerm/js and wenny and i shot out... within half a round we had established quite a huge gap from the rest of the pack... lucas and weng ngai were in a class of their own and we lost them before we reached the return leg of the second turn. tried to work with jerm/js but js was weak from some lao-sai causing illness and they dropped out of the race rather quickly leaving wenny and i to paddle on our own...

it was relatively uneventful over the next few rounds till we were on our way to finish the 4th round (25 km). at the turn and on the return leg wenny was saying that we was starting to cramp up pretty badly... i turned to look for the next boat behind us (bill and kelvin) but they were way on the other side of the turn some 2-3km behind us. i then decided to take it slow so that wenny could recover... as we were approaching the pump house and the line, suddenly we starting taking hits from the waves in front of us as the wind picked up. with the water sloshing uncontrollably up at me, i initially felt irritated cuz it kept blinding me. however, later on i realized that there was something else to fear - the amount of water filling up the boat! by the time i realised it, we were starting to sink. i told wenny to quickly try to pump out the water as it was at a ridiculous level but the pump couldn't pump out fast enough and theboat eventually sank. to top it off, the nearest rescue boat comprised of a T1 and one of those huge for-fun kayaks... i asked them if they knew how to empty and they said they did so i left them to do it. after an excruciatingly long period, they finally managed to do it and wenny and i tried to climb back in but they gave some sort of push and we went back into the water again. when i looked at them again for direction the guy in the T1 looked back at me clueless, his head bobbing about in line with the waves from the water surface - he had capsized as well. luckily the guy in the polyethylene boat was still afloat and managed to get us back in, finally... when we hit the portage again, mr goh told us that we were about 6th into the portage. we hit the water again trying to climb our way back up but eventually could only manage a 4th place finish.

hmmm, well, it didn't hurt as much as last year - thats one thing to be thankful for i guess heh, but other than that i guess i'm alright with the results. i mean, well, every race that i participate in i tell myself to dedicate the results to God, whatever it may be... so yups, i guess i'm alright with it... not terribly happy but content in acceptance... kudos to bill and kelvin for having stuck through out the 36km with barely ANY paddling experience at all heh... i guess, this was God's way of encouraging them to keep striving unceasingly as well :) yups, and i guess this was my part to play in His big plan :)

Sports Team Of The Year! at the NUS Sports Awards the previous year we looked on as the ruggers took the stage and received their award and as a team, jokingly vowed to be the ones who took the stage the next time the category was mentioned. as the months passed however, we increased the intensity of our workload and sought and strived the best we possibly could for the sake of teamNUS, often going beyond what was necessary and coming up with our own resources to achieve the best possible result for our team. bit by bit, we began to realize the probability of reaching the target of being awarded the sports team of the year. with much anticipation, we submitted our applications and awaited the fairly probable good news.

alas, the first blow came when we heard that the category was awarded to the nus dragonboat team. confused, i sought and explanation for my team and we were hit by the fact that we didn't qualify as a 'traditional team sport'... while i was disappointed with this decision, i realized that it WAS true to a certain extent - just like how we can't pinpoint a single individual from a team like soccer/water polo/dragonboat who has made a difference more significant than others around him, we should not deny the entire team from being appreciated and its achievements from being celebrated...

having simmered down over the next few days and just being content in working towards not having this repeat itself, i stumbled upon the results and the recipients of the other team merit awards: road race, aquathlon, badminton and tennis. this was where my blood started to boil. to what extent do they have the right to declare the afore mentioned sports as 'team sports' when they're denying that to us?! in road race and aquathlon, everyone is ultimately just running their own race/leg of the race; in badminton and tennis, they play games at most up to doubles... in canoeing we race with up to a maximum of 4 crew in the K4 and C4 events!

perhaps its the feeling of being under appreciated but i feel that this has been pushed to a place where we can no longer ignore it any further. my team has done so much, working against all odds and coming up with our own resources where src could not provide and gone on to promote the brand name of teamNUS and this one time that NUS could return the favour and show some semblance of appreciation for our efforts and they balloon it... its the NUS Sports Awards! something thats definitely within their means of control which will not cause any further strain on resources etc.

ultimately though, we're not craving for your attention but at least give us a reason to continue to do what we're doing. if you're trying to pull a fast one over us, its not working - we're not the quiet bunch you can shove aside and expect to remain silent. we're a TEAM. a FAMILY. having cornered my team in such a manner, don't be alarmed if i lash out in self defence - no good team member sits by and watches while the rest gets mutilated.

with the canoe polo national championships currently ongoing, several things have been going thru my mind.

its been a hectic past couple of weeks with round ubin 2 sundays ago (20th august) and the first 2 days of the polo champs the weekend after. we were supposed to go up to malaysia for their national championships the week immediately after round ubin but that didn't materialize. quite disappointed about that actually but its alright, will move on heh. thank God for that respite though. i cleared up my calendar to make way for this actually but since we didn't go i ended up having more time to play around with and got to meet up with some people this week :)

round ubin started off as a nightmare. for the first time we wouldn't be racing against our arch-nemesis (jiansheng and jeremy hahaha) and i had been feeling it for abit now but it felt like wenny and i had levelled up :) so yups, for the first time i went into the race abit more confident and certain that i would fight harder to come in first despite the fact that wenny and i had probably paddled less in the past few weeks than before heh. so there we were, at the start line, anticipating the start of the race. think it took slightly lesser time than last year before they sounded the horn. despite the slightly shaky start we managed to pull in front the first few hundred metres. glancing to my right i noticed samuel and ziqiang about on par with us. we were pulling ahead when the speed boat (probably threatened by our blistering pace) sped up and sat smack right in front of us and suddenly wenny and i capsized as a result of the huge waves created by the speed boat. i couldn't believe it. it was the most horrible feeling - to be dealt such a twisted hand. we stayed in the water, watching helplessly as the rest of the boats went by - until the slowest t1 crawled past us as well. but eventually (and i emphasize eventually), the rubber dinghy came to rescue us and we climbed back in, well aware we were last in the pack of nearly 150 paddlers. slowly, bit by bit we climbed up the pack and amazingly, we somehow ended up with the rest of the K2s! but that was where the real race had begun... it wasn't as easy overtaking the K2s as it was the K1s and rest of the Ts and we had to work each time we came across one. finally, turning the last corner of ubin at chek jawa we realized we were third and paddling abit more we spotted ziqiang's boat and wengai's boat in the distance! they too were dealt a lousy hand as they missed a buoy and had to turn back to get it. fighting the waves in chek jawa we slowly crawled and closed the gap between us. lucas and wengai were flooded after that episode in open sea and had to empty their boat and ziqiang and samuel's spray deck but kept out the bare minimum and they were flooded as well - with water nearly till their seats. we managed to overtake them and were on the home stretch when suddenly a huge tanker came across our path and the safety boat refused to let us go further and within minutes we were all on par again. when they restarted the race we all dashed back to the finish. by then i was feeling a little sick and was puking (literally =P) as we paddled back and we finished about half a boat behind lucas and wengai. but as we were stopped due to safety reasons the officials deducted 30s from our time which put us first! =) heh, this was our first gold medal together.

i thought about this a little - whether we really deserved to win. we capsized at the line and we did come up with a fantastic effort to make it to the front but if not for missing the buoy, lucas and wengai would most certainly have won the race. hmmm, then again, even after the detour they were in front of us and the reason why they relented was because they got flooded with water. and wenny and i didn't get flooded cause we took the necessary precautions. heh but after considering all those i figure that we probably did deserve the gold cause despite all the uncertainties, we were the most prepared to handle all of them and in a race such as this, its not just about who's the fastest but also who handles the craft and the race course the best as well =). yups, so till the next race, think i'll just be content with the result =)

ahhh the following week we had polo. hmmm, my team was NUS B - the team that supposedly didn't have what it took to make the first cut but after having performed magnificently at the friendlies prior to this event i was harbouring expectations for us to excel at this coming championships. and we started on a good note as well, beating our first opponents, NP2 with a score of 2-0. heh, after getting fouled by the opponent, i stopped and sorta scolded and chided him a little and i think we were both sorta waiting for the ref to blow for the foul but when they didn't blow i just raised my hand and shot into the goal =P think the keeper had drifted off his position by then as well =P haha the second goal bingying scored on a fast break. the next game was against red tide. having had many many friendlies with them before, we were somewhat confident as we needed but a draw to get through to the quarters. that was not to be however as we lost 2-1 to them. i felt a little let down as this was probably the best chance we had to get through as the next game we would be playing against SP B, their ivp team. but probably as cheng yu put it, this makes it all the more exciting. and exciting it is! we have everything to play for and SP B has already qualified so we're gonna turn up this saturday and go down and really REALLY want it. will be playing with no regrets so yups, event if we do lose, i'll know i did everything possible already =)

david's damaged a little but thats okay. heh as my bebe said, God is david's strength and it doesn't really matter how many giants i'll be up against - no one can be bigger than my God =)

hmmm, have been a little fixated on the prospect of winning. think it comes about especially in sports like canoe polo or other team sports where you want to win not just for yourself but for your team mates as well. i pray that i'll be given a true revelation of what it really and truly means to win with Christ. yups, pray that He will remove from me this burden and restore me to the true joy that only He can bestow =)

yups, my bebe's doing battle for my God in Guangzhou, China at the flatwater sprint World Cup Race III now and i pray that He'll protect and guard her heart and mind as well as she exposes herself to the competition from around the world =)

heh, yah paiseh, my last entry was in march :P and it being august now, many many things has happened since so err... haha i could go back and dig it all out again or i could just focus on whats been happening recently...

think i'll do abit of the digging first... after NKM2006 there was MR500 in March where we did amazingly, sweeping all the gold medals and 6/8 of the silver medals from the events at stake... heh, think it was quite punishing to lay that on NTU but we really needed to prove a point this year i guess... heh ok subsequently we went taiwan in May immediately after exams ended... so cool it was like the first time i was racing K1 overseas so it was abit freaky - the waters were cold and choppy... not fun at all - really gross to paddle through. capsized a few times but thank God i clung on to finish at the end (even if there were a few little kids who paddled easily past me :P) following that there was Singapore Dragonboat Festival 2006 in June. the team went under SCF and almost made a clean sweep of the events at stake - the mixed boat won with a time that put most guys boats to shame and the men's open 20 crew won with the fastest time ever clocked for an 800m sprint be it at Singapore River or Bedok with a time of 3:19min! heh, thats actually not that bad i think... can ALMOST rival weili's K1 timing heh... the girls lost narrowly to finish the women's open 10 crew with a silver medal but they put up tremendous fighting spirit despite being held at the line for like 30min :P

whats been happening more recently is well... couple of weeks ago we had the National Canoeing Championships. i did something crazy and took on 7 events: K2 1000m, C1 250m, C1 500m, C2 250m, C2 500m, K4 250m and K4 500m. did alright for most of them except my C1 races cuz they somehow always seemed to clash with another race prior to that heh but with 7 events i guess that was bound to happen... K2 1000m with wenny was amazing :) like the build up to this race i wasn't really training in the kayak much cuz well, was focusing more on the C1 and C2 events cuz those were new to me as well but we went down and did our best and came up with a time of 3:42min! a personal best! haha can you believe that... and we'd barely paddled together in the past month and a half save for a couple of times where our schedules coincided heh... K4 was abit weird as well, they sorta threw jiansheng, ben, wenny and myself into a boat and hmmm, i don't have that much experience in a K4 but i don't have a problem with balance usually but people that did said that the boat felt surprisingly stable so heh thats a good thing i guess... K4 250m we really got smacked by the other 3 teams, coming in nearly a whole boat behind them :P but K4 500m we were just pulling and pulling and managed to edge out the hong kong team... and considering K4 500m was the lsat event, everyone was like completely spent already heh... C1 250m i didn't do very well... got like 5th cuz it was like IMMEDIATELY after my K4 250m heh but C1 500m i got 3rd cuz yosef capsized... he was telling me at the start line that he was gonna try to go all out to get jan... good job man, like i said, you wouldn't have been satisfied with a safe silver medal yah? :) won the C2 250m and C2 500m with shaun, though not very convincingly each time haha... in its developmental phase it was usually a case of who could stay afloat and who could go the straightest :P heh...

all in, i'm just so thankful to God for having seen us through and blessing us with such a successful season. success measured not merely by the amount of silverware we've accumulated as a team but success measure by the love that exudes between each member, bonding each other closer. sure we've had our differences and times have been harsh, relationships strained but i believe this is all part of HIs will and His plan and as i commit it all to Him i believe it'll all work out :) thanks guys for an amazing season... i'm certainly looking forward to the next - we've got an amazing bunch of freshies coming in... keep extending love to them and they'll keep coming back for more! :)

other than that hmmm, i'm like attached! :) heh, to my darling princess belle :) heh was debating long and hard internally with God over whether what i was doing was right but i'm glad its worked out this way and i'm gonna do everything i can to turn this relationship towards God. thank you bebe for loving me constantly and always extending God's graciousness and tender hearted mercy *hugs* its been a fantastic 3 months and i look forward to the rest of my life with you :) thanks for making all the pain more tolerable and the joy more joyous! :)

ohh, and its national day so happy birthday singapore :) despite all the gripes and complaints we've all made at some point or other, i know deep down inside we're all grateful for having been given such a wonderfully safe environment to grow up and to live in. :)

barely slept in the past 48 hours and don't think i can afford to for the next 24! have a CA =S and err, feel super unprepared for it... aniwaez, heh, haven't really updated this in quite awhile... hmmm, well, lots has happened since my january post (duh :P) heh, can't really remember that far back but well, haven't been to church the past 2 weekends cuz have been preparing for races and competitions...

the national kayak marathon 2006 championship was held 19th feb 06 at lower seletar reservoir... did k2 with wenny and that was 36km of pure torture and pain... haha i love it! =D not the torture and pain lah of course, the opportunity to walk with, to lean on and to rely on God =) heh, which is what drew me to paddling marathons in the first place =P heh aniwaez, by His infinite grace and strength, we somehow managed to finish it and placed 2nd behind jeremy and jiansheng =) haha even managed a few look-like-world-class porteges =P you can go to http://www.scf.org.sg/Events/Eventpages/NKM2006/NKM2006_Results.asp to check out the results for the event... theres a tiny photo there of wenny and i approaching the portege point if you can spot us haha...

the following weekend we had ifg canoe polo... that was... err, haha i dunno... sci embarked on a quest to snatch back the title after having lost it by fluke in the previous year... well, urrh haha we somehow managed to make it to the finals but oops, got whooped so bad there haha... lost like 9-3 to business =P oh man...heh, but we still had fun and thats what counts i guess =) haven't been going for much polo training and really think i need to buck up alot... there was this one night when we had to drive and shoot and ughz, i didn't get to shoot cuz i just couldn't seem to catch and hold on to the ball... ughz =(

yupz, but after all that, i just really really miss my kids in church and miss attending service and being able to worship Him together with His people... have been feeling a little dry lately and wondering where all the joy has gone... starting to question if this is really where God wants me and if it is, why is it i can't feel Him there with me sometimes =| that said, i'm gonna pray harder than ever... if its gonna be this tough ahead i definitely need Him on my side... oh wellz, okay, have an hour's break and i had to rush home from lab to get something... heading back now!

i think the scariest thing in life is when God thinks its ready to take you to the next level... i've heard it all before - trials and tribulations are there to take you closer to Him... if your life is all smooth sailing then there probably is something you're not doing right for Satan not to oppose you i suppose...

and yet, it hurts so much just to get thru each stage - to even get to where i am now... i guess He wouldn't allow you through this if He thought you weren't ready and i know i need only to cry out to Him and He'll come and yet, somehow, He seems so near and yet so far... sometimes i just wanna scream out: GOD!!! I'M RIGHT HERE!!! AND IT HURTS... YOU know it hurts... so if you could, just a little, lift this load... and of course, He leaves it there cuz He knows you can take it and this will make you stronger... and as you struggle, by His grace (and you know its Him entirely cuz under normal circumstances you would DEFINITELY not be able to make it out on your own) alone, you pull through... so, heh, guess He was right to begin with then i guess, the power was there from the beginning, just hafta learn how to tap it...

but yups, obedience first and understanding later yah? guess thats where the faith bit comes in...

haha ok, someone complained my blog was collecting dust... i think so too :P haha if she hadn't mentioned my blog, i wouldn't even have remembered i had one :P

just had a haircut and while i was sitting in the chair fighting to stay awake i was pondering over what to write on and well, since its the new year (err...well...9 days into it already but its still relatively new considering we have 365 more yah? :P) thought i'd reflect a little on last year...

heh, so much has happened that well, seems difficult to conceive all of it could've fit into a single year... there doesn't seem to be enough days to fit everything in haha... hmmm, 2005 was an especially difficult year for me - lotsa emotional highs and lows but yet in retrospect, i can look back and say i still have tons to thank God for! :)

guess the most significant thing that happened to me last year was breaking up with my gf of 2 years... when i thought everything had somewhat settled and that everything was going according to plan, suddenly it all backfired and God showed me that it was all going according to MY plan not His ! and even as i struggled to deal with all this, He was gracious enough to bless me in so many ways :)

lets see, firstly there was canoeing... i had always wondered why i had been drawn to this sport - i was never big on individual stuff and if you know me, i'm definitely a people person so yah, canoeing was terribly individualistic for me.. and yet, i somehow never seemed to be able to give it up... yet, in this difficult time, through the pain i turned to the sport to seek solace and there i found Him waiting :) a saturday afternoon with no one to disturb the calm waters of macritchie reservoir, i paddled out and met God :) the clear waters mirrored the sky and as i looked down i could feel myself amongst the clouds, paddling in heaven :) i knew then that God was always with me as i paddled and that it was no coincidence He had given me this passion :)

then there were my canoeing team mates without whom i don't know how i could possibly have made it this far :) they've been a tremendous pillar, supportive in every way :) to have been called to serve them in this capacity has truly been my honour... heh, i'll never forget the times when i went mad in the middle of last year and tried to mask my emotional hurts with physical pain and increased the number of training sessions for myself and for some reason, everyone decided to join in... even jen! :P haha... i know God has placed me here for a reason, and i'm going to do my utmost to live out His purpose for this team! :)

not to mention my kids :) heh, as Chris reminded me on new year's day, it was the anniversary of my assuming the appointment of cell assistant for them... the unspeakable joy they've brought me is so overwhelming :) in the ways they've encouraged me, taught me and blessed me, i feel like i'm sometimes the one under their charge :P and to watch them grow and to start serving in the kids ministry has been amazing as well :D thats really something i've been praying for them... to step into what God had called them into and to live their lives passionately for Him! :)

for my church peeps, for brothers like gabriel and victor, for sisters like eeleen, jos, rach, joy and all, its been so comforting to know that in times of need, there's always someone i can turn to, someone i can look to for support and guidance both spiritually, physically and emotionally :) its gonna be a super exciting year ahead with so much to look forward to! :) heh, as Pastor Cher was mentioning the putting up of a christmas drama on the steps of the supreme court this coming year end, my heart skipped a beat :D its gonna be SOOO COOL! :D haha of course everything is still tentative and all but just think! to be able to bring the true meaning of christmas to singapore in such a way! :D start praying hard peeps! :D

heh, think my thanksgiving list could possibly keep me at my desk all day... but think before i end this entry theres someone i especially need to thank God for... she's been a constant source of joy and encouragement :) alwez quick with a verse or a statement to lift me back up onto my feet and to press on to the prize :) and just how she's able to extend God's unconditional love in her Christ-likeness has just been so inspirational and has alwez kept me going :) thanks for always being there bebe, ready to listen, to advice and to scold when i really deserved it :P

okaez, gotta head off for training soon, a new year, a new sem and... a new haircut to start me off! :)