i never dare to admit this but i was unwilling to step out of my comfort zone for almost 4 years. i love the company of my old friends so much that i am unwilling to accept new ones.
i believe that each individual will have (at least) a group of true friends who they can rely on and would meet up regularly, sharing and updating one another about their lives.
but for me, it has always been friends made in secondary school. so much so that i shut myself up from friends i meet in meridian, workplaces or even in university (-ies for me!)
i always wonder, why would i need new ones when i've a group whom i think is enough for myself. would i be able to be a good friend and dedicate my time to all who needs me when they are in trouble?
well, especially since my bowen clique consists of 11 including myself.
as a result, i think i've become much more aloof and definitely a much more reserved person as i do not see the need to be friendly and make new friends. but, i wasn't a happier person.
however, i'm glad i made a bold decision this year. i opened myself up.
i joined YEP without knowing anyone and made new friends. i have a more interactive tertiary life (kinda by force, due to the number of projects i had this semester) and got the chance to know my new friends better and laugh my heart out in thailand and in sde attending tutorials/lectures (haha yes! very gross laughter in fact! x_x).
it was only the second when i laugh my heart out, i truly felt happiness and i am a much relieved person. i am happy with things happening around me. i was not suppressing anything inside me.
this holiday, i still kept in contact with them and i think it is pretty enthusiastic on my part since everyone would probably not contact their course mates, let alone organise any outing!
i had 2 singing sessions with my YEP mates (carol and sylvia) and my project mates (cassandra, shi yun, lawrence, gwen, yee shih, wei jian). i think this is a huge step forward for me.
lately, i even went for a random (birthday) dinner date with my friend (hui qing) from SIM. it was an awkward dinner comprising of 4 complete strangers and 1 guy (who is my cousin's bf, haha! but i dunno him very well) and my friend. the birthday boy is 1 of the strangers.
i am really surprised at myself, how i agreed to the dinner and attending it. it was pure random.
it was fun, and i would love to go for future outings like that if time permits.
i'm looking forward to meeting my lower secondary classmates yuki and karen out next week, both whom i have not seen in at least 5 years. in addition, meeting sze hwei as well.
it is time to expand my social circle, and to catch up with friends i've not met in ages, and to know new ones.
it feels great to know i am progressing, leaving my comfort zone and starting something new.
i'm really proud of myself for overcoming and doing this.
:)
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