still more post holiday cheer...

Xmas vacation at the inlaws... me... wife... our two kids... wife’s parents... wife’s sister and her fiancée... wife’s brother... wife’s brother’s wife... their daughter who is a very little baby and CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES...

It’s all a bit much, don’t you think?

At least my wife and I got the afternoon to ourselves today. We went to lunch at a place called “Key Wester" or something... seafood and pasta. I had some blackened salmon that was really good, (although a few hours later I think it was trying to swim back upsteam**). Then we went to that “EXPO” place... it’s a division of Home Depot, only way more upscale. We intended to go look at some kitchen and bathroom stuff... to kinda make some plans for when we have to talk to builders about details in our future house... cabinet colors, countertops, tile... all that crap. Problem is... “EXPO” is a little MORE upscale than I remembered. ”Oh, look honey... an eleven THOUSAND dollar shower!!” Then we went to a regular Home Depot and everything just looked cheap. That’s really, really, not a good thing.

We also dragged all of the aforementioned gang of relatives to the mall for family pictures. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. And the pictures actually turned out well... kids and all.

Anyway, it’s been a long day. I put the little one down for a nap a little after 5:00 and lay down myself. We both slept until after 6:30, which meant that he wouldn’t go to bed at 8:00. He didn’t get do bed until around 9:30. It’s been a long day. Tomorrow the wife, her sister, and their Mom go wedding dress shopping. I’m hoping to remain far, far away from that little excursion. Jesus...

So... the vacation continues...

dave


(**) I should mention... I seldom if ever eat salmon without making that very same joke.

little gadgets...

Second Xmas went well enough. The flight to Chicago was non-stop, so the kids did pretty well. But by the time we got in, our daughter had very little patience for organized present-opening. (My wife’s family opens one present at a time... in order... by age... it’s a little anal.) So it became, “Let’s Open These Presents and Get the Kids to Bed ASAP!” Which we did.

I got the present I hinted for (through my wife) from the in-laws... a Logitech “Pocket Digital” camera. It takes crappy pictures, but it’s the size of a stack of 4 credit cards, so it’s WAY cool. It’s gonna live in my briefcase, and I’m going to take lots of random pics in the city every day. So look for my photojournal link beginning in February.

And between the $125 worth of Best Buy gift cards I got from my brother and my brother-in-law, and the $100 in cash from my Grandma, and the undisclosed sum yet to arrive from Dad... I think I’m going to buy myself an Apple iPod for Xmas. I can only afford the 10 Gig model ($299!)... which I thought kinda sucked, until I checked the current size of the iTunes music folder on my laptop... which is 2.7 Gb. ”Oh... ok... so... three times that much... that’s not too bad.” So yeah... I’ll be groovin’ on my iPod soon. I need to research the battery problem a little... there’s apparently some sort of class-action lawsuit involving battery life... I don’t think that’ll stop me though. It’s just far too cool.

So that’s it... we’re in Chicago until the New Year. Short updates will follow all week.

d.

xmas wrap-up...

Hope everybody had a nice Holiday. Things were good here... festive, if a bit frazzled. We were up until 2:00 AM on Xmas Eve wrapping stuff. Ok... well we were up until 1:00 AM wrapping stuff... we were up until 2:00 AM having amazing sex. Merry Christmas indeed.

The wife seemed to like all her presents. I scored some good stuff too. (Home theatre system, “The Complete Far Side” boxed set, sterling silver LotR “One Ring”, 12” die cast metal model of the “Mach 5”) Our daughter was a bit out of control... present obsessed and damned impolite in an “is that IT?” sort of way. Not to mention tearing through both her presents AND her brother’s. She’s better get over THAT by next Christmas. I think he’ll be old enough to care by then.

So, it’s Saturday and our flight for Chicago leaves at 4:30 this afternoon. We’ll get into the in-laws house around 8:00 EST, which is already the kids’ bedtime, then we’ll spend about 2 hours opening the Christmas #3 presents. So... my Christmas isn’t quite over yet. For those of you who are still celebrating as well, I wish you a Merry Extended Christmas. Or, as my daughter says... ”Police Navidad”!!

D.

why yes, that dress DOES make your ass look big...

Did anybody catch Renee Zellwegger on Letterman last week? She’s out promoting “Cold Mountain” but she’s in the middle of filming the sequel to Bridget Jones, which means she’s in her... ummm... “bulked up” phase. I think she puts on about 30 pounds for the role.

God damn, she looked good.

And I don’t just say these kind of things to suck up to my female readers, either... y’know? Seriously. And even if I do, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Yeah. Yum.

Dave

merry...

I'll put aside all the snarkiness and sarcasm just long enough to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas.

Sarcasm and snarkiness will return in their entirety after the holiday.

Dr. Dave

who put the “pro” in procrastinate....?

My wife left me alone this morning so I could finish up my grading for the semester. Here is how my morning has gone so far...

8:30 AM: Wife and kids leave.
8:31 AM: Download pornography. Enjoy pornography.
9:00 AM: Set alarm for 9:30. Take nap.
9:30 AM: Turn off alarm. Go back to sleep.
10:00 AM: Get out of bed
10:05 AM: Check email. Begin elaborate grading preparation ritual, including the selection of the “Grading Music” and performance of the “Tea Ceremony”.
10:15 AM: Pick up laptop to head downstairs. Receive chat invitation on Yahoo.
11:00 AM: Finish chat Begin grading
11:18 AM: Wife calls to tell me she’s on the way home. Fuck.
12:00:PM: Wife and children return home.

Net output... 3 and a half hours... 7 term papers graded. Shit. Oh, well... it’s 12:40 now and everyone is napping. I guess I’ll do some more grading until they wake up.

Hmm... maybe I’ll make some lunch first...

d.

no christmas for YOU, kid...

Have you ever noticed that the plot of almost every one of the Xmas specials we watched as a kid was... ”Oh, fuck! It looks like Christmas is almost NOT going to happen!!” The Grinch... Rudolph... The Year Without a Santa Claus... What kind of deep-seated psychological fear were these programs capitalizing on?

I’m suddenly very disturbed by the whole thing.

On top of that, I find myself feeling somewhat conflicted about the Santa Claus Lie this year. I don’t even know why. I guess because I feel that my daughter is crossing over from the age where she’ll be crushed by the non-existence of Santa to one where she’ll more likely be simply appalled by the elaborate web of deception surrounding the whole affair. It’s all so very strange.

dr. dave

yeah, yeah... the king has returned....

We got to see it on Saturday night while my Mom babysat. I don’t know if it’s that I just wasn’t in the MOOD for a 3 hour movie after the kid’s party, or that I’ve been watching the Two Towers DVD too much, or if this time around I was too familiar with the book... but I was a little underwhelmed. Big battles, sweeping vistas, more big battles, Gollum talking to himself, Frodo looking “tortured”, orcs, orcs, orcs... blah, blah, blah...

It was a good movie and all... I guess... I just wasn’t up to much “belief suspending”.

I’m kinda disappointed by my own disappointment. That sucks.

d.

you give me fever...

The little one came down with a 102 degree fever the day before his birthday. Then the day of the party, THREE of the guests called in sick and cancelled.

Did someone say “epidemic”?

Anyway, his fever went down long enough to enjoy the party, and the downsized guestlist was probably a blessing... too many one-year olds... not a good thing.

So the party was fine, the little one got lots of plastic trucks, my Mom gave the kids too many Xmas presents , now they’re all gone, everyone’s napping, and the house is quiet.

For now.

Dave

attack of the 50' asian schoolteacher...

Just when you think you've seen all the fetish weirdness that's out there on the web... leave it to the Japanese to come up with soemthing new...

http://www.love-boots.com/videols02.htm

I can't explain it, but it seems to involve being stepped on by giant women. Somehow I blame all those "Godzilla" movies.

d.

weblogs and diaries to avoid...

My most recent random-weblog-explorations have led me to compile the following list of weblogs, diaries and journals to avoid at all costs...

* diaries by pagans, wiccans, and their ilk.
* anyone under the age of 18
* too-devout Christians
* former celebrities
* people who devote more than 50% of their weblog to poetry
* any journal with the word “sorrow” or “despair” in the title
* any weblog featuring prominent anime/manga graphics
* b|06z wI+h H/\cK3r +Yp3
* weblogs consisting solely of politico-punditry and links to other politico-pundits
* those awful “lifestyle” S&M people (often also wiccans)
* people who call their life their “so-called” life
* anyone who posts one of those fucking “What Kind of Kitchen Appliance Am I?” things more often than once a month.

Did I miss anyone?

D

caught between demographics...

I heard the song ”Pictures of You” by The Cure on a Hewlett-Packard commercial the other day... enticing the 28-year-old consumer masses to get out there and buy themselves a nice new printer for Xmas. Meanwhile Led Zeppelin’s ”Rock and Roll” entices the balding 40-somethings into believing that happiness is a new Cadillac.

Who is marketing to us mid 30’s folks?? Too old to care about the latest gadgets... too young to be able to afford a “Caddy that Zigs”... all we get are the heartburn medicines and diaper ads.

Being 34 sucks.

D.

”6uaranteed - |0se weight! fdbfbnmtyfqxsv...”

What the FUCK is up with spammers anymore? Today I got a message with the subject line... ”Bigmac Xanax.x Xanax.x Valium.m Vicodin.n snrqndzvfqj ag” Ummm... WHAT?? Are you trying to sell me drugs or hamburgers? What the fuck is that supposed to MEAN? Is spam now being composed by a billion monkeys typing on a billion typewriters??

If you’re going to send me bullshit email, at least send me bullshit email in ENGLISH.

D.

pain...

I’m in great physical pain this morning. My left knee is killing me, and about half the time I try to turn to the left I wind up doubling over in pain. Walking around the city today should be lotsa fun. I’m also in great physical pain over the very thought that some people have seen Return of the King and I have NOT. This knowledge torments me. I was looking at the clock at 11:30 last night thinking... hmmmm... midnight show... three and a half hours... I get home by 4:00... two hours of sleep isn’t so bad.

No, Dave.

We (the science faculty) were gonna have a meeting today at 11:00 with the resigning Dean. If she cancels the meeting, I am SO outta there and heading for the fucking movie theatre. The thing is, we were going to go see it when my Mom is here this weekend, but she is changing her travel plans and is only going to be here for a day. Dammit.

Anyway... speaking of sleep... I think the little one may finally be figuring it out. I used to have to run up the stairs at least 3 times between 8:00 and midnight to settle him down, and he would always demand to nurse around 12:30 or 1:00 AM. But the past few nights he’s been absolutely silent from 8:00 until 1:30 or 2:00. Yay. Now if WE were just smart enough to go to bed at 10:00, we’d be doing pretty well. He still gets up once or twice between 2:00 and 6:00, but believe it or not... that’s a real improvement. If we can get him to start sleeping regularly from 8:00 PM until 6:00 or 6:30 with only one or two interruptions? God... I think that would make a real difference in our sanity. And it only took a year!

I don’t understand why he’s not more tired... he’s just so fucking BUSY all day. He’s always up to something. Yesterday I came home to find one of the dining room chairs in the living room. I figured my wife was using it to stand on to hang some decorations or something. No. It turns out the baby dragged it from the dining room into the living room earlier in the day. Yeah... most one-year-olds can barely walk... ours rearranges the furniture. He just likes to drag things around, I guess. The other day he was moseying down the hallway, dragging the cats’ scratching post behind him, holding it by the little jingly-ball-on-a-string. It’s never about playing with a toy or reading a book with him... it’s always about climbing on top of shit or getting inside some box or emptying a 24-pack of Diet Coke or unplugging appliances or fucking with something he SHOULD NOT be fucking with. And he’s not even ONE yet! I shudder to think what kind of wholesale destruction he’ll be capable of in a year or two.

*** ** *** ** *** ** ***

Exams went off fine yesterday. I actually graded more than half of my physics exams last night on the train. I plan on finishing them off right now when I’m done typing up this morning’s entry. Then I’ll do Astro exams on the way home tonight, leaving me with just term papers and a 6 inch-thick pile of old homeworks to grade.

I have to deal with some administrative stuff today, since it’s the last day I’ll be at work this calendar year... human resources stuff... forms and whatnot. I hate that shit. There’s another thing that causes me physical pain... dealing with benefits people and payroll people and all that crap. I don’t know why, but it just makes me crazy. Just sending them an email is something I avoid until the last possible minute. Which of course... today IS.

Anyway... work, work, work to do... time to stop.

d.

”... and I can’t get up...!”

I fell tonight when I was getting out of my car. I had both arms full and lost my balance and slipped off the edge of the asphalt down into the flowerbed next to the driveway, and wound up on my ass in a pile of leftover snow with my left leg twisted improbably underneath me. I was sure I had broken something at first... I was lying there thinking... “Fuck, I just broke my fucking leg, and now I’m gonna have to drag myself across the lawn and up the stairs to the house.” But no... it wasn’t that bad.... just kinda “twisty”. But my leg, knee, and shoulder all still hurt like fuck nonetheless.

And the day was going so well until then.

We had a meeting at work today where the Dean of our college announced her resignation. (This was her first semester!) Everybody in the faculty was so SHOCKED! I was perplexed. I guess it comes from working at the Old School for 5 years, but I wanted to say to these people – “Jeez, you’ve never had an administrator quit after four months before?? It used to happen to us ALL THE TIME!” I’ve been completely desensitized to abrupt personnel changes.

Of course some of my lack of outrage could be due to the fact that *I* happen to be leaving as well!

D.

what’s that ‘buzzing’ sound...?

There is this twenty-something chick on the train wearing a “Toys in Babeland” t-shirt. If you don’t know what that is... go look for their website. (Although with a bit of thought you should be able to figure it out for yourself.)

Anyway, already in the past 40 minutes of the train ride, she’s been to the bathroom twice. She stays in there for a while, too. And because of the t-shirt, it’s very hard NOT to imagine that she’s masturbating in there.

Yeah, I know... probably not, but it’s little thoughts like these that keep me going from day to day.

D.

end of the line...

Two final exams today. A few meetings Wednesday. A crapload of grading Thursday. Friday... clean the house, get ready for the baby’s birthday party on Saturday. Saturday... birthday party in the afternoon, early Xmas with Mom in the evening. Sunday... breathe. Finish grading and submit final grades on Monday. And then semester is OVER.

Sigh.

Whoever decided to have the end of the Fall academic semester coincide with Xmas needs to be slapped.

D.

oh, look... it’s spring...!

Yesterday had to be about the weirdest weather day I’ve ever seen. Around 10:00 AM it started snowing... the temps dropped into the 20’s... it snowed like FUCK all day, and it stuck too. By sunset we must have had just shy of 6” on the ground. Then the snow turned to sleet for about an hour, then into rain. The temps climbed into the 40’s after 8:00 PM, it rained like hell all night, and by midnight all the snow was gone.

That’s not weather, people... that’s CLIMATE. That’s a whole annual CYCLE of weather in a single day. Bizarre.

Oh well... at least I didn’t have to shovel!

d.

oh well...

Loyal readers will note that I made a Survivor prediction a few weeks ago. I was wrong. And WHY was I wrong? BECAUSE STUPID FUCKING LILL WAS TOO FUCKING STUPID TO JUST WIN THE FUCKING GAME WHEN IT WAS ALL BUT HANDED TO HER ON A SILVER GOD DAMNED PLATTER. Jesus. She has a chance to go to the final two with the evil, subhuman, parasite Jon... which would have GURANTEED her a win. But NOOOOO...

I mean... I'm glad she didn't win, cuz she was about the stupidest player the game has ever seen. And the Boy Scout uniform just seals the deal.

I like Sandra. She's about the only person in the whole game who I did like other than Rupert, so... I guess I'm pleased with the winner. I just can't deal with the stupidity!

D.

six feet under...

Boy, Saddam really looks like shit doesn’t he? I guess a few months in a 6 foot deep hole in the ground will do that to ya. Did you see the footage of the place they pulled him out of? Nice. Whatever happens... interrogations, Iraqi trials, international war-crimes tribunals... whatever the verdict is, I say the appropriate sentence should be... stuff his ass right back in the 6’ deep hole.

D.

free, free... set them free...

I came across a very interesting website called “bookcrossing.com” – courtesy of nicole2112’s weblog. It’s a site where you track the progress of books that you leave lying about for other people to pick up. You read a book, then you register it at this website, and they give you a “code”... then you put the book’s code inside the cover of the book, along with the website URL, and leave the book laying around someplace. Then when somebody FINDS the book, they presumably look inside the book – see the URL, go to the website and enter the book’s code, and now you know your book has been found. Then they read it and do the same thing. It’s kinda like a “message in a bottle”, only the message is a whole book. And there’s no bottle. And there’s really no water involved. And nobody is stranded anywhere. But still... you get the idea. It’s cool. I may “release” a few books of my own.... just for fun. I certainly have plenty of books lying around I don’t really need anymore.

I wonder if anybody on the subway wants to read “Classical Dynamics of Particles and Systems”?

Dr. D.

sshhhhTHUNK – tinkle-tinkle...

So we were sitting downstairs on Tuesday night, watching the “Celebrity Poker Challenge” on Bravo – which was just AWFUL, by the way. Even though the cast of The West Wing was on, nobody really seemed interested in saying anything interesting, the host (Kevin Pollack) seemed positively embarrassed to be there, and they chose just about the most boring and suspenseless version of poker that I’ve ever seen. “Texas Hold ‘Em??” What the fuck IS that?? It was awful.

Anyway, as I was saying... we were sitting down in the basement, watching this awful poker show on TV, and we heard this sound from upstairs...

”sshhhhTHUNK – tinkle-tinkle..."

Wife: “Fuck... Will you go up and see what the cat knocked over.”

Me: “Ok... (pause) ummm... except that the cat is right here.”

Wife: “Oh. (pause) Well, will you go upstairs and see what that noise was.”

Me: ”Yeah... I guess so...”

So I go upstairs and expect to see something knocked off the counter or some decorations toppled off the coffee table. Instead, I walk into the living room to find the entire fucking Christmas tree on the floor in the middle of the room amid a huge semicircle of broken glass.

Yeah.

Methinks we need a new tree stand. For now, our Xmas tree is leaning half-decorated in a corner – lashed to the railing of the stairs with a 12 foot ethernet cable. How festive.

I do not need events like this in my life – y’know? It sucks plenty already, thanks.

D.

from thursday afternoon...

It’s days like today that are going to make me miss New York City... it rained like hell all morning, then it stopped a little before noon, leaving behind 50 degree temperatures and not a trace of the snow and slush that had been hanging around since last week. It’s so nice to walk around with your coat unbuttoned in December. The air smelled like a mixture of street-vendor Xmas trees and wet garbage. The effect was more pleasant than you’d expect. It made me wish that I had the time or the inclination to walk somewhere more than 2 blocks from work. But by the time I finished all my exams and other stuff, I only had about a half hour... just about enough time to walk to the ATM and KFC.

Yeah, can I just say how much I’ve developed an un-healthy fondness for the Popcorn Chicken Combo at KFC? It’s a very bad thing. Very, very bad. The popcorn chicken itself is bad enough, but the potato wedges... mmmmmmmmm.... tasty, greasy, artery-clogging goodness!

So... I’m done teaching for the semester. My exams are next Tuesday, I have some meetings on Wednesday, but after that I’m off work until January 26th. I don’t expect to be able to enjoy a second of it, but a vacation is a vacation...


D.

on the road again...

My TIRES, that is.

As in... thanks to last night’s 50 degree temperatures and this morning’s rain, there is now a ROAD outside my house again for my tires to roll upon, rather than a glacier upon which I can slide backwards AWAY from work every morning.

I’m usually not one to be thankful for rain, but it beats the hell out of glaciers.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I need to finish writing some final exams today. Both of my exams actually... which sucks. Even though the exams aren’t until next Tuesday... I have one physics student taking it early, so I have to drop it off at the Dean’s office today... and I’m not coming in on Friday or Monday, so if I want to actually print and photocopy the exams for my 9:00 AM class, I have to do it today. I know... woe is me... poor Dave who has to do extra work today because he only goes in to the office three days a week. Don’t worry folks... It’s just one more semester, and then I’ll be working 40 hours a week just like all you sucka’s.

I say “all you” as if there are people actually reading my weblog. I’ve been checking my stats, and I’m down to a dozen hits on a GOOD day... sometimes as few as NINE. Where the hell IS everybody?? I’ve even been whoring for readers like mad over on Open Diary and on the various blog-rings. No payoff. No notes. Nothing. I’m starting to feel a little insecure... has my writing stagnated? My wit dulled? Is there not enough sex? I could always make something up...
I’ve come across a few of the ultra-popular weblogs online... some that are getting as many as 1500 hits a day. That’s just amazing... I would never even WANT mine to become that popular, cuz then you KNOW that somebody you know is bound to wind up reading it. And that freaks me out. I’m still shooting for the holy grail of “fifty”. Fifty hits a day... then I’d feel like I had an “audience”. No offense to you dozen faithfuls who DO read every day – I love you guys, really... especially the THREE of you who leave notes. (Shame on the rest!) But there is just a different *energy* that comes from an audience of 50. It’s the same for lectures. Sure “seminar” classes of a dozen students are great, but give me a lecture hall with 80 students... now we’re talking.

Anyway, I know it’s stupid to be obsessed with statistics and all, but that just the way I am.

OK... I’m gonna go work on my exams now, since I have FIVE weblog entries written and ready to post. It’s nice to have some material in your pocket for days when you are to busy to write. And with the holidays coming up... there are going to be a LOT of those!

D.

conan! what is best in life...?

CONAN: “To crush yooah enemies! To see ‘dem driven befooah you! And to heah da’ lamentations of da’ women!”

Oh yes, indeed.

D.

and hear da’ lamentations of da’ women...

I pass this BIG modern-looking Church in Queens on the way to work on the train... Lutheran, I think.... I dunno. It sits across the street and its façade faces right at the passing trains. And on the front of the giant modern church, in GIANT letters, clearly directed towards the commuters, is the following Bible verse...

“Is it nothing to you – all you who pass by?” Lamentations 1:12

And every time I see it... I think... what exactly are they getting at? I think I know. I think they are saying – “Hey, you! You on the train! Look... a big CHURCH! Doesn’t that MEAN anything to you? Why aren’t YOU going to a big church? In fact, why aren’t you going to THIS big church??” But I’m not sure. Either way, it seems like a kinda whiny way to go about it... it’s like begging. Hey! Hey! Look! Hey, wait... don’t go! Hey...

And I’m no Bible scholar or anything, but I’m guessing that any verse you pull from the “Book of Lamentations” is going to sound pretty whiny. It’s practically called the Book of Whining. It doesn’t sound particularly “uplifting” anyway. Lamentation. Boo-hoo...

All I know is that the word “lamentation” never fails to conjure up a line from “Conan the Barbarian” in my mind

Finish the quote... “Conan! What is best in life??” (Answer to appear tomorrow’s entry)

D.

my afternoon in equations...

(cold office) = (hot tea) + (space heater)

(hot tea) + (space heater) = (blown circuit breaker)

(blown circuit breaker) + (cold office) = (dave in the hallway flipping circuit breakers like he knows what he’s doing)

(hot tea) + (blown circuit breakers) + (dave in the hallway) = (nasty-ass overbrewed bitter fucking tea)

d.

dean for america...

I know I don’t talk politics much in my weblog, but I just thought I’d make a comment about the presidential race and Howard Dean. When this guy first started getting talked about, I was pretty dismissive of him. It sounded like he was trying a little to hard to be a fake (real?) Jed Bartlett... like he had gotten one of Aaron Sorkin’s understudies to write his campaign speeches or something. He even ripped off the “Bartlett for America” slogan from the West Wing! And I’m not even naïve enough to believe that what works in the fictional world of The West Wing would ever work in the REAL world. An intelligent, principled President who doesn’t talk down to people? Who doesn’t dumb down political debate into snack-sized sound bites? Not in this country... not anytime soon. So, I figured all I had to look forward to in 2004 was a reluctant “lesser-of-two-losers” vote for Joseph Lieberman.

But I’ll be damned if this guy Dean isn’t the Democratic frontrunner... and he’s polling right up there with Bush in some polls. Does this guy have a chance in 2004? If he pulls up Wesley Clark as his running mate... I think that’s a pretty fucking strong ticket. It could be interesting. But deep down I still feel like Bush is gonna take it with his flag waving and his sound-biting and his pandering to people’s lowest common denominator. ”Arabs are SCARY! Here’s some tax money back!”

Anyway, I was reading the text of a recent Dean speech on Salon.com today,
(http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2003/12/08/dean_speech/index.html) and about halfway through I started hearing it being spoken by Martin Sheen. And I thought--- you know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all. Hell... go get the REAL Aaron Sorkin to write your speeches... he’s probably looking for work.

So... now you know where my vote is going... “Bartlett for...” err.. I mean... “DEAN for America!!”

D.

i come from the land of the ice and snow...

Look at this mess. It’s like I live in fucking BUFFALO, New York – not Long Island. What the hell? Who ever heard of a winter that STARTS with an 18” snowfall? And the whole thing seems to have caught the DoT with its pants around its ankles, because the roads are a fucking MESS. Hello? Salt? Anyone??

The whole thing is just adding up to a big Crabbiness Quotient on my part. It doesn’t help that I’m tired... I mean, really tired... “can’t-make-a-fist” tired. Thank God I don’t have to think about work much this week. Two classes today... Two wrap-up-review sessions Thursday... Two exams next week. Done. Then all I have to do is grade a mountain of papers before Xmas!

I do have some nit-picky email-work-type stuff to do this morning. I should do a little of that now. Actually, the first thing I have to do is pop in my “Cosmos” DVD and find the section I want to use in class today.

And can I just say... nothing fucks up my commute like two big fat guys sitting across from me on the train, making me pull my legs up into my ribcage and try to type with my fucking elbows BEHIND me.

I should probably stop bitching now, huh?

D.

a-hooooo...

I was listening to NPR today and they were going on and on about North Korea, and I wasn't paying much attention until they quoted someone by the name of "Lee Soy Hyook"... and all I could think was... isn't that the name of the restaurant in "Werewolves of London??"

"...Gonna getta big dish of beef chow mein..."

D.

a pain in the...

My back is fucking killing me... why? Snow shoveling. Yeah.

My head is fucking killing me too... why? Because people in this house won’t SHUT THE HELL UP!! All the WHINING this morning... fucking Christ... and it’s not just the kids either! It’s 8:45... hopefully they’ll all be gone until at LEAST 11:00. A couple hours of QUIET... is that too much to ask?

I’m gonna go play something “meditative” on my new Vietnamese doohickeys for the time being...

D.

dig it...

Fuck.

Fucking, fucking, fucking SNOW.

Ten FUCKING inches of fucking SNOW.

That's about all I needed this weekend... on top of eveything else... on top of this SHITHOLE of a house that I cleaned the FUCK out of yesterday and looks like SHIT again... I'd really love to spend all day freezing my ASS of shoveling fucking snow.

Is it too late to quit my fucking job NOW and move to Alabama??

D.

survivor update...

I haven't talked much lately about my favorite "reality" TV show - Survivor. It's been a so-so season, so I only have a couple of comments.

1) Rupert rocked, and his ouster was a crime.

2) I used to think Jon was just a run-of-the-mill asshole. But as it turns out, Jon is an evil, subhuman parasite.

My prediction for the winner is Lill. Everyone will carry Lill to the end with them because she is naive and manipulable... the final two will be Jon and Lill, and since Jon is an evil, subhuman parasite, the Jury will choose Lill.

That's my two cents.

D.

denial...

I opened the door of my defrosting car this morning to catch the end of a sentence on NPR...

“... perhaps as much as an inch or two tomorrow.”

I pretended that I didn’t hear it and popped in a CD. If I don’t listen to the news it can’t hurt me.


D.

plink, plunk, plink...

I headed up to the American Museum of Natural History yesterday and picked up those Vietnamese instruments. Both of them. I couldn’t resist. Two funky instruments for less than $90 total? Too cool. I’m going to hide them until Xmas and then wrap them and put them under the tree for myself from “Santa”. Ho, ho, ho...

I am going to be pretty irritating with those things around the house, though. It’s gonna be like living in a Chinese restaurant.... vaguely Asian flavored music plunking around in the background... always the same five notes in the same key, because the damned thing only has 2 strings and 8 frets and that’s all it can DO. Yeah. Fun.

*** ** *** ** ***

I’m really tired all of a sudden... not a great nite for sleep... and some weird dreams. Not particularly hard to “analyze”... but unsettling, as dreams about certain-someones always are. Anyway, I’m gonna fire up something meditative and close my eyes for a while.

D.

highway to hell...

I don’t really feel much like writing this morning... I’ve got the headphones on, listening to AC/DC’s seminal “Highway to Hell”... one of my $9.99 finds from Circuit City last week. Even though my musical tastes have changed just a *bit* since the 6th grade, you can’t deny that this album seriously rocks. No... you can’t.

The funny thing about it is the “liner notes” for the re-issued, remastered CD... they are AWFUL. They sound like they were written by a 14 year old with a thesaurus. Just bad, bad, bad writing.

Anyway... I just feel like chillin’... closing my eyes and reliving the vapid music of my youth. So...

D.

snapple facts...

My Snapple-cap fact of the day yesterday... ”The letter Q is the only letter of the alphabet that doesn’t appear in the name of any US state.”

Really? Why the fuck don’t we just get rid of it then, y’know? I mean really... is there anything that a “Q” can do that a well placed “K” couldn’t accomplish equally well? The English language is almost a thousand years old, why haven’t we take out the trash yet? Especially all the French crap... which is what I blame the presence of the “Q” on. I say lose it, if only to save me from being stuck with those fucking ten points at the end of the game every fucking time I play Scrabble.

Any kwestions?

D.

the last winter...

The first workday of December, and so begins the real winter... single digit windchills and swirling, blowing snow. And no matter how much I try to look at it as “Christmasy”... my only reaction is... “bleah.” So I’ll have to spend the whole winter reminding myself that this is the last one. Next year at this time I’ll be living in Alabama and wearing shorts and Birkenstocks to go pick out a Xmas tree. And if any of you are still around and read me a year from now and I start COMPLAINING about how it just doesn’t feel like Christmas when it’s 55 degrees... please someone smack me, ok?

Our house is in a disastrous half-Xmas-decorated state, with open boxes of ornaments all over the living room and strings of lights all over the lawn... half decorated tree in the corner, and dishes from Thanksgiving still lingering about the kitchen. (Ok... well the last of those finally got washed last night.) It drives me crazy. As a kid, there was no way my mother would ever allow any Xmas decoration to see the light of day until the house was SPOTLESS. (Which is the reason that the Elvis Christmas album still gives me an overpowering subconscious desire to clean!) But my wife is one of those people who believes that Xmas starts the day after Thanksgiving, so... here we are with our festively decorated shithole of a house. Maddening...

And to add to the complication of the Xmas season, the little one’s birthday is on December 20th. Yeah.. I know... how much does that suck? Poor kid.. I don’t know WHAT the fuck we were thinking. (Well... I don’t know what the fuck we were thinking in an even BROADER sense, but let’s not go there right now.) So this means that, from now on, every year in the middle of December when we should be enjoying the Xmas season, instead we’ll be planning a birthday party. A birthday party that nobody will COME TO , mind you, because it’s 5 fucking days before Christmas. Scarred for life, this kid will be.

XXXXXXXXXXX

It seems like forever since I’ve been to work... last Wednesday, so I guess almost a week. And in the intervening time I’ve done NO work on my classes... no grading, and no prep. So, this should be a fun week. I have about 4 classes left in each of my two courses. I should be able to fake it four more times, right?

Actually I can’t even believe that... 4 days of classes, then two exams, and I’m done? Unreal. I mean, of course the semester is over... I can tell because I’m running out of stuff to teach, y’know? But I can’t believe it’s HERE... two weeks, four classes, then a week off, then the B’day party and the Mom coming to visit for an early “Christmas Number One”... then a few more days until Xmas Eve and “Christmas Number Two”, then a day to play with toys and throw away boxes and wrapping paper, then hop on a plane to Chicago for “Christmas Number Three” with the in-laws. Fuck. Then I get to enjoy my vacation (i.e. grade final exams) for about a week before flying down to Alabama to... get this... meet with BUILDERS about building a fucking HOUSE?? Oh my God. when did my life get so fucking insane?

And it doesn’t end. Even when I’m not trying, the stuff just keeps coming. The latest? A math teacher at the Old School emailed me yesterday... turns out he just got a presentation accepted at the National Science Teacher’s Association conference in April. So? So, the talk is based on some work that he and I did together back in 2000 when we both taught 9th grade, and he wants to add me to the talk as a co-presenter. Oh boy! Another conference presentation! I mean... yeah I want to do it, but... FUCK, y’know? Like my life isn’t going to be complicated enough in April? But will I say yes? Probably. So I emailed my boss to see if she’d pay for it. And I’m also gonna mention it to my FUTURE boss to see if he might pay me a couple of bucks to do some work for the Foundation while I’m there... research, whatever.

The good news is that the conference is in Atlanta where my grad school roommate Sam lives, so I might get to hang with him for a few days. I may even invite myself to stay with him and his wife, although I don’t know how far they are from Downtown. Besides... I’m not sure if I want to give up the whole Conference Hotel Experience... I fucking love that shit. Reading until late at night, room service for dinner, naps in the afternoon, trysts with a pretty young Russian hotel maid...

Ok, well I’ve never actually done that last one, but it’s fun to imagine every time.

More about all that as details become available. Until then.... I need to pick something to fucking TEACH this morning.

Dave

the price is right...

I wish I'd had a camera on Friday. Circuit City was having a big day-after-Thanksgiving sale where ALL of their CD's were $9.99. You should have seen the place. It was a fucking zoo. People were going nuts. My wife and I spent $130 on Cd's! And I wish I had a camera so I could have taken a picture of the feeding frenzy and mailed it to every record company executive in the US. Do people "steal" music becuase they are evil and want everything for free? No. People download music becuase CD's ARE TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

Just look at the difference that $2 - $4 makes!! Drop the price from $13.99 - $17.99 down to $9.99 and you'll sell so many fucking Cd's that you'll MORE than make up for that $4 you lose per sale. Have you guys never taken a fucking economics class? Are you fucking blind? Jesus.

D.

every once in a while...

Things just work out right for a change. As in... the little one's bad sleeping habits for once have a POSITIVE impact. Since he missed his afternoon nap today, I got out of going to 5:00 PM Mass with my wife and daughter so I could stay home while he slept. Ha... take THAT, God!

Anyway, we bought a Xmas tree today, so I just need to spend a little time cleaning up the living room while they are gone... make the whole place somewhat TreeReady. We're trying a third tree position in three years. Something about this living room just makes it tough to find a place for the tree. This year, we decided to put it between the LR and the kitchen, so that the big AntiBabyGate can serve to block off BOTH the kitchen AND the tree. Always thinkin'. We have NO idea what to do about the train/village setup, though. There is NO WAY that would survive the onslaught of the one-year-old. It may be taking a one-year-vacation.

That's it for my quickie Holiday Weekend Update...

D.

who would have thought...

That such a thing even EXISTED in the world as a hot, Swedish, female, genius mathematician.

I think I'm in love

Dr. Dave

checking it twice...

So, is everybody out there SHOPPING today like a well-trained capitalist? Good job. My wife left at 7:00 AM, and she doesn't even really NEED anything. I'm going out today, but I'm just buying stuff for myself! (All CD's at Circuit city $9.99!!) I don't really see any good "gift" ideas for OTHER people. Aaahhh... the Season of Getting!

D.

what i'm thankful for...

i'm thankful that the fire from the flaming marshmallows atop the sweet potatoes didn't spead beyond the oven, and that it only set off the smoke alarm the SECOND time it happened.

i love the holidays.

d.

hearing... music...

I haven’t really felt the need or desire to write this week. Somehow I’m really busy... and yet nothing’s going on. Nothing worth writing about anyway. The most noteworthy thing going on in my life right now is that my left ear is completely plugged up. It’s not an ear infection YET, but I can’t imagine how it won’t become one soon. You don’t have mucous trapped in your ear for a fucking week without it getting infected. It sucks, though... I’m stone deaf on that side. And just the feeling of it is driving me CRAZY. It’s like there is a big wad of cotton crammed in BEHIND my eardrum. I take every opportunity I can to hang my head upside-down towards the ground, cuz it makes my ear go s-l-l-l-l-u-u-r-r-r-r-r-p-p!

One bit of fun yesterday... they opened a “Guitar Center” about three blocks from where I work. They are like the Wal-Mart of music stores... just... BIG. Some people don’t like the big music stores, they like the “friendly neighborhood” music stores. I don’t buy it. It’s the same with bookstores. If the prices are better and the selection is better... what’s the fucking problem? Anyway, this place is HUGE. I spent two hours there yesterday, and didn’t even scratch the surface. And something very bad happened. I fell in love with something. Yeah. Dangerous. A Martin X-Series acoustic... koa wood, satin finish, unfinished neck... oh my God. I played this thing and the BASS... it made my ribcage vibrate. I’ve played guitars through AMPS that didn’t project the volume of bass that this acoustic produces. I’ve played BASSES with less bass. And I don’t know where those frequencies come from... it’s not a really huge-bodied guitar... it’s no bigger than the Seagull I own. But... fuck. I was literally moaning with pleasure in the Guitar Center. And it’s only $469. I know... “only?” you may say... but for a MARTIN?? It’s a fucking steal. For a guitar that sounds this good... $460 is a fucking STEAL.

I. Must. Have. It.

Time to sell some crap on eBay!

In other musical instrument news, I may be buying a bunch of Vietnamese folk instruments. The Natural History Museum has had this big Vietnam exhibit which closes in January, and they are having clearance sales on all of the gift shop stuff. The musical instruments are HALF OFF! Plus I get a 10% membership discount. So there are weird, exotic, Asian stringed-things that I wouldn’t even consider buying for $80-$120... but for $40 - $50?? Fuck yeah... I love exotic strings. They are beautiful... as in... “wall-art” beautiful, but also playable. Fun stuff. I just have to decide between the long-necked two string “moon-lute” and the 15-stringed-koto-like thing.

Imagine how bad I’ll be when I’m living in Alabama making twice as much money? I might as well skip the middleman and just buy a fucking music store.

D.

it flies...

time, that is...

no time to write an entry on the train today... catching up on a backlog of work email and working on a new powerpoint for astro class.

maybe later today?

d.

things you just can’t say...

One of the students in my class is an Orthodox Jew... great guy... religious studies major... really smart... rides a skateboard to class... wears a yarmulke every day. Fine. No problem with that. But today he was also wearing a red bandana tied around his head. First of all.. does anybody DO that anymore? And WITH the yarmulke?? It’s quite a look, I have to say. And the immediate words which came into my mind to describe him were just inappropriate enough not to be able to say out loud. But here, I can say anything.

So, with that in mind...

“Hey... nice bandana... who are you supposed to be? “Axl Rosenberg”?”

wshew... I feel MUCH better now that THAT is out of my system.

D.

stomp, stomp... glare, glare... jiggle, jiggle...

The wife and I watched the “Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” the other night. When it was over, my wife said – “We just wasted an entire hour of our lives... watching skinny chicks stomp around in their underwear.” Yeah. It was that bad.

And so many of the models were just... bleah. I guess what the fashion industry people are looking for is someone with a “unique look” or something, but what they wind up with are chicks that just look freaky. And SO skinny, some of them. There was one chick who was positively skeletal... like a concentration camp prisoner. And she had bad posture. Who ever saw a model with bad posture?!

My wife thought Sting was pretty hot, though.

D.

what the hell...

Did I just watch a helicopter fall on Dr. Romano? And then nobody even bothered to notice it for the rest of the episode? Who the FUCK is writing E.R. nowadays?!

The term "jumped the shark" has become standard terminology for a show which has started to go down hill. I think the new term for a show which has hit rock-bottom and become completely unwatchable needs to involve helicopters in some way. Perhaps - "dropped the chopper" - will do.

How fucking mindbogglingly lame.

D.

when i’m sixty-four...

Hey, when my wife and I are both like a hundred years old, so that we both take about one step every three fucking seconds... could somebody out there please take it upon yourselves to remind us to go down the steps in the subway in SINGLE FILE!!

Cuz being so old, I may forget how fucking irritating I am.

D.

moral relativism of the day...

Overheard on the train today... two New York guys... blue collar “Tony” and “Vinny” type guys are discussing... quite loudly of course... their jobs and some sort of Union elections coming up. On the matter of one of the candidates, one of the Vinny-Tony’s remarks...

“You know, cuz when you fuck around on your wife, that says something about your character. I mean we all do it... but I’m not runnin’ for anything.”

It’s nice to hear that “character” still matters, isn’t it?

D.

crisis point...

I have to grade this morning.

No... I mean I have to grade... it’s reached that point... the point of – “If I don’t do it RIGHT NOW it will be impossible to get it done. And of course... that’s when it gets done.

And on top of the way THAT makes me feel, I still have this cold or sinus infection or whatever. I don’t feel extremely stuffy but there’s just... this constant feeling that I just took a bad dive into a swimming pool and come up with a noseful of water. That feeling. Not to mention coughing up mucous from the back of my throat all day, and blowing my nose and getting these.... I don’t even know what to call them... “Sculptures”. They are like these big, solid... things... like I’m blowing out the whole fucking lining of my sinus cavity... they’re like big hard plaster casts of the inside of my head.

But I digress...

I have to grade.


D.

deaf and dumb...

In my current overwhelmed state, it turns out I had the perfect “escape” planned... courtesy of yesterday’s release of “The Two Towers” extended edition on DVD. Aaaah... 4 DVDs worth of documentaries and commentaries and extras and minutiae and nonsense... bliss. And what do I discover when I sit down on the train today....?

No headphones.

God dammit. Well... at least I know they are in my office, so I can presumably watch on the way HOME... assuming I don’t forget them again. It sucks, cuz I could have really used that this morning, y’know?

So what the fuck do I do NOW? Grade papers?? Fuck.

I have to do some stuff I’m not particularly looking forward to today... not the least of which is telling my bosses and my co-workers that I’m quitting. And that’s just a HUGE fucking guilt trip, because it means they have to start a faculty search now, which is a LOT of work and a huge pain in the ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if they want me to Chair the search too... as punishment. Reading a hundred and fifty job applications... What fun THAT will be.

*** ** *** ** ***

The hot blonde with the short skirt and too-tight-top is sitting across from me again today. Today, instead of “Elle” she’s reading “Lucky”... subtitled “The Magazine About Shopping”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Vap. Id.

Anyway, I left the house today thinking it would be a nice day... warmish... good for a walk. But now it’s raining, and I’m thinking I may skip the walk and just get to work. I have stuff to do. I probably won’t actually DO any of it, but...

Hot chick is doing her makeup now... I can’t really think anymore...

d.

ps... boy, her shoes are pointy!!

how...i...am...

A friend asked... now that the job decision is over... "How ARE you?"

Honestly? I'm really tightly wound and crabby. And I'm still sick... the whole echinacea/zinc cocktail didn't seem to help much, although I was so busy all weekend I probably didn't take as much or as regularly as I should have. I'm starting too feel a little better... at least my throat is "just sore" instead of "AAAAGGGH!" and it wasn't until I read someone else's journal entry about strep that I thought - "OH, FUCK... I've got STREP"! (Hypochondriacal tendencies, ho!)

But now that this trip is over, I have to go back into my real world and deal with...

Being behind in class preparation (stress!)

Grading papers for my college students (stress!)

Final semester grades for my high school students (stress!)

Thinking about thanksgiving and family and... (Stress!)

Planning for Xmas at home and in Chicago and maybe NOT seeing my Mom anytime near Xmas and having to explain THAT (STRESS!)

Planning a trip to AL in January to look at houses (STRESS!)

Thinking about selling our house (Stress!)

Thinking about packing up and moving all this SHIT (Get the idea yet??)

Disagreeing with the wife about the whole process of building a new house (Yup!)

Worrying that this new job will SUCK and turn out to be a huge mistake (EEK!)

So... yeah... HOW am *I*...?

Fucking hell...

And if you know me.... you know that my immediate reaction to being overwhelmed like that is to just curl up into a ball and hide under my desk, so... you know where to find me.

D.

the job...

I told a friend of mine I took the job in Alabama, and he said "Congratulations... I think." Yeah, I think so too. I mean, I'm more excited about the "lifestyle" change and the potential new house than the actual JOB. It'll be nice to be living in the best neighborhoods in Mobile instead of the WORST neighborhoods in Long Island. And the fact that it was 80 degrees yesterday... that didn't hurt either. And it just "felt" like a nice place to live... the civilized areas anyway... it didn't feel too rednecky or too backwards or too... whatever. We even met an honest-to-goodness GAY person. Well, he was originally from Atlanta, but still. So, it may be different than living in New York, but as long as the waiters are still gay... I think we'll be ok.

Anyway, I kept thinking that the interview was going poorly and that I was putting my foot in my mouth and saying too much and being too opinionated. At some point when I was talking about what I think the curriculum needed, the President said "Well... now you're talking about YOUR vision of the curriculum replacing MY vision of the curriculum." Err...ummm... I.... well... And then it turned out that's what the guy WANTED. He's not so into "vision"... he just wants to fool around and let somebody else do the hard work. Gotta love those bored millionaires.

Speaking of millionaires - you've heard that money can't buy you love, right? Well I've discovered something else that money can't buy you... taste. You should see this guy's house. Pick an aunt an uncle that you have... preferably one where all the uncle does is sit on the plaid sofa and watch TV, and all the aunt does is go to antique stores and buy knick-knacks. Everybody has an aunt and uncle like that, right? Ok, now picture their house. Now imagine what they would do to their house if they won a million dollars. Yeah... that's this guy's house. It looks just like your aunt and uncle's house, except your uncle has a 60" plasma HDTV on the wall in front of his plaid sofa, and your aunt has a huge floor-to-ceilling glass shelving unit for her knick-knacks. Very amusing in a Beverly Hillbillies kind of way. They have a nice "ce-ment pond" too.

But he was nice, and his wife was nice, and he's willing to let me take over the nuts-and-bolts operation of his foundation, so... I think we'll get along ok. We'll see. I won't start until June, so I still have this academic year to ride out. We'll be going down for a week in January to meet with builders and look at houses. It's all going to make for a very interesteing next six months.

Stay tuned...

Dr. D.

done deal...

I took it.

D.

that’s NOT what I mean... exactly...

Ok, I’m going to try to straddle the line here between being politically incorrect and being overly defensive, so... bear with me...

I checked the roster for my courses for next semester (we’re right in the middle of registration) and already my astronomy class has 16 out of 25 slots filled. Pretty cool. But there is one weird little thing. This class is open to all the “divisions” of the university... including the art school. We at the Undergraduate division don’t interact with the art school too much, so I don’t know a whole lot about it. But apparently it has a very large Asian population. I don’t know why... the rest of the college is oppressively white, but... that’s not the point. The point is, of the 16 kids registered for this class, something like 8 or 10 are Asian females. And my only thought today was... ”Fuck... I am NEVER going to learn these kids names!

And it’s NOT because think all Asian people look alike OK? It’s not. But lets’ be fair... if there were 10 blonde, Nordic-looking young women in the class... that would take a while to sort out. Because while they may not all “look alike”, your first order approximation would still be... tall... thin... blonde hair. And so my first order approximation in this case (short... thin... black hair) simply provides no differentiating criteria. Which means I have to go IMMEDIATELY to the second order traits to try to hang people on a memory hook. At least with art students, maybe a few of them will have BLUE hair or something.

But the real problem isn’t even physical appearance... it’s the NAMES. I’m bad with names anyway. It’s the middle of November, and I’ve only just recently figured out who is who in my two classes. I’ve only got 35 students! And I still sometimes can’t remember which one is Julia and which one is Emily. My high school students? Who I only see once a week? Forget about it. Out of 13 of them, I know maybe half of their names. I have no idea why. My brain just does NOT attach enough importance to that task, or something... attaching names to faces. And it’s bad enough when there is a “hook” there already. Like when you meet someone named “Julia”... there are already some neurons in you brain who know that “Julia” is a NAME... you just have to link up that person to that name. But if you meet someone named Soon Yi or Ming Ha... you have to learn the NAME first... and at the same time link it up to that person. I can’t deal with forming 10 new name-hooks all at once... it’s gonna kill me. I’m gonna have to assign seats!

D.

slow hand...

I walked up the steps out of the subway yesterday at 14th street, and sitting on the top step was your typical old-grey-haired-homeless-black-guy. Except this guy was holding a guitar. And old, beat-up, somewhat tiny electric guitar. And he was watching people walk by and holding the guitar in a way that suggested he might have started playing it at any moment, if it weren’t for the fact that...

1) he was holding a shopping bag in his right hand.

2) this was an ELECTRIC guitar, and it was pretty clear that he had no amplifier of any sort.

3) the guitar had maybe two strings on it... one of which appeared to be an actual piece of “string” (cotton!)

And I guess he was just trying to exploit some sort of Manhattan Subway Musician Pavlovian Reflex... like we’re gonna toss a buck to anybody holding a musical instrument without waiting around to hear if any sound actually ever comes out of it. He didn’t even have a case. A real musician would have had a case. (Where exactly am I supposed to throw my money?) Of course, a real musician would have also had STRINGS.

D.

media...

Ok... I know I’m not the first one to point this one out... I think I’ve even heard a standup comedian do this same rant, but it really happened to me last night, so something just needs to be said...

I stopped at KFC last night, just to pick up a little greasy food for dinner for myself. And the drive-in line is long, so I go inside. Lots of people are standing around looking irritated, like they’ve been waiting for their ford for 20 minutes. Not a good sign. And so I get up to the counter to place my order... ”Can I help you?”

“Yes I’d like a small drink and a large order of—“

”We have ‘medium’ and ‘large’ drinks.”

Ok, here’s the thing. No. You don’t. A “medium” is by definition an intermediate state or condition which lies halfway between two extremes. If you’ve only got TWO of something, then you do not HAVE a “medium.” You have a large and a small. And even if your “smalls” are somewhat sizable, that does not make them “mediums.” (Media?) It’s one thing for Starbucks to call all their sizes different words that all mean “Large” – but they can get away with that, because the word “Large” can have meaning all by itself, and let’s face it... you can’t argue with the fact that they’re all pretty damned big. But the word “medium” is by definition COMPARITIVE and requires both a larger and a SMALLER thing for it to be the medium OF.

Got it?

And the other thing is this – if I ask you for a SMALL drink, it’s pretty much obvious that I want the SMALLEST drink you have, whatever that is. Which means that even given your demented re-definition of the word “medium” there is absolutely no ambiguity in my beverage request.

Is this the reason the line is 8 people long? Because you’ve been arguing beverage size semantics with every fucking customer?

I’m sending a letter to the Colonel.

D.

if this isn’t an emergency...?

On the subways and the trains in NY, there are these clearly marked “Emergency Brake” cords. There are also a lot of signs telling you what to do in an emergency:

FIRE: Remain inside, move to an unaffected car, contact a crew member, DO NOT pull the emergency cord.
MEDICAL: Contact a crew member, inform crew if you have medical training, DO NOT pull the emergency cord.
POLICE: Notify a crew member of any unlawful activity, Police can be contacted en route, DO NOT pull the emergency cord.

So, the subway car is on fire, I’m having a heart attack, and a guy pulls a gun on me... and this situation still does not warrant a tug on the Emergency Cord?

Could someone please tell me WHAT MORE SERIOUS situation could POSSIBLY arise during which I WOULD be justified in pulling the fucking Emergency Cord?!?!

Jesus.

Sorry folks...did I do this rant already? With 300 rants a year, sometimes it’s hard to keep track.


Dave

it’s raining like hell, too...

Wednesdays... nothing but meetings... nothing to look forward to. Lots of makin’ copies for Thursday. Tonight will be all about PACKING. We leave tomorrow... right after work... no time to go home first. I’m taking the train out to Queens somewhere and my wife is going to pick me up and drive us to LaGuardia. We get into Mobile at 11:00PM.

Yeah... I should be nice and rested for my interview on Friday morning!

Lots of other stuff to think about. Can’t really think right now. I’ll write more later.

D.

stupidest state quarter...

For your reading pleasure... a random email exchange from today, between me and my grad-school roommate, Sam. I miss this guy. He lives in Atlanta, so if we move to Alabama, he and his family will only be a 5 hour drive away.

Sam: Maybe they're all this dumb; I don't have any others right now. But the
Louisiana coin has a U.S. map with the Louisiana Purchase marked and labeled.
Up above is a trumpet (no player) with musical notes coming out. At the bottom
is a pelican. Just sitting there. (not even a glorified version) Obviously
designed by a committee...one with a surprisingly large pelican faction. It
just struck me funny.

Dave:Yeah... they should have had the PELICAN playing the trumpet. And perhaps even shown the pelican purchasing the territory from Napoleon.

Sam: That would tie it all together very nicely. When I start my own country, I'm
going to get you to design the money.

Bonus points to anyone who can spot the oblique, Pearl-Jam-related inside-joke.

D.

weather report...

No this isn’t where I wax rhapsodic about Jaco Pastorius (although, like all bass players, I did go through a phase)

Today is a landmark weather day... the first appearance of the grey-plaid-wooly-scarf, which means that winter has officially begun for me. Also, the second day of “go outside to start the car and let it run for 10 minutes”, so... yeah.... winter. Just in time for the trip to Alabama on Thursday, right? It’s still 70 fucking degrees there every day. When does that stop? Can anybody living in the deep South tell me when you see the last 70 degree day?? Is it before Xmas? Do you people even OWN a coat? Should I sell my long leather jacket on eBay right now? Fuck.

I started out trying to talk myself INTO this job.... (after all.. the pay is SO good, and you’re SO qualified). Then I started to like the idea so much I tried to talk myself out of it... (it’s Alabama, Dave... Alabama!!) Then I started trying to STOP myself from talking myself out of it.... (shut up, Alabama can’t be THAT bad, can it?? It’s warm!) And so the latest phase of the Alabama Job is that I’m desperately hoping that the interview goes well so that the decision will be easy. Not that *I* do well, mind you... there’s no question about that. I’m hoping that the head of this Foundation is somebody I can work with. I’m hoping he is somebody who I like, or at the very least, respect. I’m hoping that the area doesn’t feel like a foreign, depressing, Third World country. I’m hoping that the sound of peoples’ voices doesn’t make me want to scream. Or worse perhaps... laugh.

I will say, however that all this thinking about Alabama frequently has me humming a variety of songs... apart from the obvious one, I often find myself humming “Deacon Blues” by Steely Dan. How long do you have to live in a place before the name of the place means the PLACE and not some weird mental association you have with the place. I suppose the fact that I don’t go around humming “New York Minute”** should be somewhat comforting.

%%%%%%%%

In other news, I gave my last lecture at the Old School yesterday. Perhaps the last ever? I felt little if any sadness. The process of “letting go” of that place has been too drawn out to feel anything... two years I’ve been “NOT” teaching there. It’s time.

As far as my real job goes, I’m deep inside the Planning Event Horizon... no idea, no idea, NO idea what I’m going to do in class every day. Especially the physics class. And the topic is switching to stuff that I haven’t done a million times before... that I can’t do with my eyes closed, so it’s starting to show. I need to get my act together.

%%%%%%%%

It’s weird... there are a lot of people on the train today that I don’t recognize. Or rather... it’s weird that I’m able to realize that there are lots of people on the train that I don’t recognize. Train commuting is a strange thing. You share this environment with people, but at the same time everybody pretends that everybody else doesn’t exist. For the most part. Or maybe that’s just a New York thing.

It’s so hard to imagine work without a commute. I drove an hour to work for 4 years, I still do that once or twice a week when I go out to the Old School. And now I commute on the train for what I TELL myself is an hour and a half, but really? If you count the drive to the station and the waiting for the train and the waiting for the subway and the subway ride downtown and the walk from the subway station to work? I leave the house at 6:15 and open my office door at 8:45. That’s a two-and-a-half hour commute!

And so we’re looking at these houses in Alabama and the stores and the schools and my office... Nothing is more than 20 minutes away from anything. The private school is 2 miles from my office. The neighborhoods we like are about 4 miles from my office. FOUR MILES!! I can’t even imagine. And as cool as it would be to drive 8 minutes and be at work? I would miss this time... THIS time, my quiet, alone, writing time on the train. When would I get a chance to THINK? When would I write? When would I listen to music? When would I listen to NPR? I suppose I could start riding my bike to work or something.

Ha!

Yeah. That’s gonna happen. I’d be more likely just to drive 20 minutes out of my way in the car every day just to drag out the time. The other thing is... with all that time freed up from my day... If I could convince my boss to allow me some flex-time options... I love to get to work early... I’m thinking, instead of 9:00-5:00... what about 8:00-4:00? Or better yet... 7:00 – 3:00? I could be home by 3:30 every day!

And then I look at my home life and think... ummm... yeah, do I really WANT to be home at 3:30 every day? “Welcome home, honey... have a screaming child.” Suddenly 9:00-5:00 doesn’t look so bad.

That’s a lot of entry for one morning. I’m gonna pack it in for now. Later...

Dr. Dave

** until NOW, that is... “Whoo-OO-ooooo”

books...

Not much went on this weekend... a little shopping Saturday... dinner at Outback. Caught the lunar eclipse driving home, which was good, cuz I had totally forgotten about it. Sunday I took the little one out. The wife had work to do and I needed to get to a book store to select texts for next semester, so I took the baby out. He’ll sit nicely in a stroller at the bookstore, unlike the 4 year old. I spent about 2 hours flipping through essentially every physics, astronomy and math book in Borders. I think I made some decisions...

Introductory Applied Calculus: “A Tour of the Calculus” by Berlinski... “Calculus and Pizza” by Pickover

Modern Physics: ”Simply Einstein” by Wolfson... “The Elegant Universe” by Brian Greene... “Introducing Quantum Theory” (a cartoon book) by McEvoy... and maybe Feynman’s “QED” and “Relativity, the Special and General Theories” by Einstein himself.

Cosmic Mysteries: A big fat boring $89 college astronomy textbook called “Astronomy Today” by Chaisson. Comprehensive, with pretty pictures.

I’m not sure why I think anybody cares. Unless... let’s see... who wants to take my courses next semester “online” through my weblog?! :)

Dr. D.

nuthin'...

any mail in this account?

fuck.

any mail in this other account?

fuck.

any notes in my weblog?

fuck.

anybody on IM?

fuck. fuck. fuck.

weekends SUCK.

d.

more on the textbook thing...

Because nobody enjoys a good dead-horse-whipping more than I do...

Here's a quote from the AP story by one of the guys opposed to the new textbooks. "I wish we'd had the opportunity to vote on each book because they're not the same," said board member Don McLeroy, one of the four board members who voted against adopting the books. McLeroy called the presentation of evolution in most of the books "dogmatic." "People don't realize the threat of scientific dogmatism," he said.

Dogmatic, huh? Funny how nobody ever complains that the presentation of the idea of gravity is "dogmatic". Or photosynthesis. Or atomic theory. Or electromagnetism, for that matter. After all, the bible says "And God said 'Let there be light..." not... "God said let there be self-sustaining oscillations of electric and magnetic fields." And if the bible didn't say it, it can't have happened. Where is the public outcry?!

Fucking Creationists... I'm at a loss sometimes...

Dr. D.

not the usual weblog content...

I've never been the type to run one of those politico-blogs full of news items and stuff, but this news item struck me as noteworthy. It's one of those things that gives me hope for humanity... especially that it happened in Texas.

Nov. 7, 2003  |  AUSTIN, Texas -- The State Board of Education voted Thursday to approve biology textbooks, despite criticism from some scientists and religious activists who say the books fail to present criticisms of evolution.

The 11-4 vote was preliminary and the board was expected to give final approval Friday.

Some religious and alternative science groups had argued that weaknesses in the theory of evolution weren't adequately presented in the books. But scientists and educators argued that the theory of evolution is widely believed and is a cornerstone of modern scientific research.

Yay, Texas.

d.

reckless youth...

I was working at the Old School the other day and a former student came by. She is quite a piece of work... about 6’1”... stunning... spitting image of Julia Stiles, the actress... she was one of a group of about 3 or 4 girls in my first senior class who were 30 before they were 16... y‘know? Just mature and confident and “too-cool-for-school”. And she starts telling me about what she’s been up to for the past two years... going to art school and flying out to LA to do modeling work on the weekends and staying with roommates that “do too much blow” and living with a 47 year-old artist guy and on and on and on...

And I’m thinking, how the fuck depressing is it that this chick has lived more “life’ in 18 years than I have in 35 years... and probably will in the next 35?

I have a lot of catching up to do during my midlife crisis. The clock is ticking..

D.

revolutions...

the citics will tell you it sucks. they are wrong. don't listen to them.

go in expecting nothing more than comic book visuals, sophomoric philosophising, general mayhem, and resolution and you won't be disappointed. and why the hell would you expect anything more?

once you've had enough of the real neo, then go here. I generally have no patience for weepy eyed "animal rights" people, but this is awfully well done.

d.

sights of the city...

I was next to this guy in the subway who had hair in his ears. I mean... not just IN his ears, but all over his ears. Thick, black hair.

Perhaps “hair” isn’t even the right word.

I was next to this guy in the subway who had FUR in his ears. I mean... not just IN his ears, but all over his ears.... they were furry. His ear looked like a little adolescent mouse... like maybe it USED to be hairless, but that it was well on it’s way towards becoming completely covered by a thick, luxurious coat of FUR. You could have very well combed it. Seriously. And for all I know maybe he did.

But you don’t comb fur. You brush it, maybe. But this definitely looked combed. It had a part in it. Hmmm...

I was next to this guy in the subway who had a hairSTYLE in his ears. I mean... not just IN his ears, but all over his ears. It was kind of wavy. It had “body.” I think he probably used styling products on it.... gel... mousse... conditioner... who knows?

I thought that was the weirdest thing I saw today until an old Jewish man from Brooklyn walked past me singing “True Blue” by Madonna. What the hell kind of nightmare world am I wandering through??

D.

mmmm... craaaabs....

I was walking through Penn Station today and there was this place that had a big sign for “Low Carb Smoothies”... and I saw the sign just out of the corner of my eye for a second and I could have sworn it said something about “New Crab Smoothies.”

Then I remembered... oh, wait... I don’t live in Baltimore anymore.

D.

more than flesh and bone...?

We’re “just” flesh and bone people she said... see, that's the thing that fucks ME up. Animals. We're animals... we have jobs and we write novels and we surf the web, but it's really all so much nut-gathering like the squirrels in my back yard. Just stop and look at a fucking squirrel for a minute. It's ALIVE. Look at it go. A big pile of chemical reactions... RIDICULOUSLY far from equilibrium... gathering nuts and gathering energy and fighting off the second law of thermodynamics in a way that is just unbearably fucking unlikely. Carbon and Oxygen and Hydrogen and who knows what the fuck else... cooked up in the core of some red giant star 10 billion years ago, spewed out into the galaxy by a supernova... now a scum of atoms on the crust of some rock... the leftover junk of the solar system that was just moving too fast to become the Sun... a billion years later... bacteria... cells... islands of order, emergent chemical accidents...self replicating and evolving and just mind-blowingly IMPOSSIBLE.

The existence of even a single-celled-anything is enough to make your head hurt if you really stop and think about it. I have no problem in understanding US... humans with all their monkey-brained fuckeduppedness... that's just evolution. Once you have life... anything goes. But the fact that there should be ANYTHING at ALL this complex and interesting happening in the universe... fucking hell... when I stop and think these thoughts it pushes me right to the brink of the God Hypothesis... y'know? Accident? How the fuck? No... it has to be... and then I realize that the only thing more impossible than life is God. All-powerful Superbeings? How the fuck much sense does THAT make?

So on some level, conscious experience, unconscious experience... that's not reality... that's crap. Crap in our heads. Fuck that. What's the real Reality? Matter and Energy. Space and Time. Order and Chaos. Life. Existence. THAT shit is fucked up.

So... she asked about “reality” and “experience”...

Reality is out there. There is a universe out there. As a scientist, I'm at the very least obliged to PRETEND that it's REAL and I understand it... that the things I write equations about... atoms and quarks and electromagnetic fields... they are all REAL things. But really? What's an electron? Is it REAL? Well... not really. I mean, an electron is an IDEA. It's a set of EQUATIONS. It's a description of what HAPPENS if I set up a little experiment and OBSERVE a little piece of the universe. Observations... that's all we have. Sense experiences. Internal mental representations of the outside, but it all lives INSIDE. What is blueness? Sweetness? Electron-ness? These are all representations... mental... not physical. We have absolutely no access to the "Real World"... only our sense-filtered internal image of that world. It IS like the Matrix... ones and zeros... WE make the pictures.

This is nothing new... philosophy... I fucking hate philosophy guys, y'know?

So experience is all we've got. And we have to imagine that our experience is "of" some kind of real, objective, solid reality that is OUT THERE, and that our experience somehow "looks like" the real reality... simply because there is no other useful thing to imagine. Easier just to say that experience equals reality and be done with it.

Except it's clear that we can have experiences of things that are NOT reality. Dreams. Or your little waking hallucination the other day of the woman. The internal "picture making" machine can just as happily make pictures on its own without any input from the real reality. That's what a dream is. Your brain has a part, or a bunch of parts... and it's job is to take all the data... all the images and sounds and tastes that are coming in right now... and combine them with your memories and your thoughts and your "YOU"... and construct from that a picture... a narrative... a little story about what is happening to YOU right now. But when you go to sleep, that little part of your brain... sometimes it keeps doing its job. But it doesn't have the steady stream of meaningful interaction with the external world as its raw material anymore. It just has the buzzing static of your sleeping brain. But that's ok... it combines the buzzing static with your memories and your thoughts and your "YOU"... and constructs from that a picture... a narrative... a little story. Do dreams have "meaning"? Fuck yes. As much meaning as any narrative you construct from reality. Are dreams "experiences". Yes! But experiences of WHAT? I would argue that a dream is an experience of nothing... or rather it is not an experience "of" anything. You know what I mean?? It is PURE experience... experience divorced from the guiding influence of Reality.

Are we having fun yet?

I could talk this crap for hours, but I eventually start to bore myself. If you want more existential bullshit, go watch the new Matrix movie.

D.

head...

Grading exams at 7:30 in the fucking morning... there should be a law against that. My head... ugh... and I’ve only graded 6 out of 16. It’s such a fucking long exam... Jesus, what was I thinking?

I was planning on going to see “The Matrix: Revolutions” this morning at 9:00AM, but it’s registration time at the college and one of my academic advisees signed up for an appointment with me at 9:30. Bastard.

My head hurts too much to write much more, and we’re getting close to the city anyway. Yesterday I wrote some emails to a friend who baited me to talk about the “nature of reality and experience.” I’ll post them here a little later. Then your head can hurt too.

D.

what kind of lemmings...?

The library at NYU is a big building... 10 or more stories. And when you walk inside there is a HUGE atrium... marble floors... giant space, maybe 100’ by 100’... wide open, all the way to the top. First of all... how can they get away with that in Manhattan?? The EMPTY SPACE inside that atrium is as big as a lot of buildings in the city! You could fit a whole apartment building inside there. What a waste!!

So you take the elevator up and on every floor there is a big square balcony-type area that wraps around the empty space, and then outside of THAT are where the books are. I usually frequent the QA-QC sections which are on the 9th floor. Well, apparently over the past several weeks, not one but TWO students have committed suicide by jumping over the railing on the 10th floor and out into the atrium. Eeech. I mean... jumping off of a building is one thing, but there’s something a little creepy abut doing it INSIDE, and dying on a nice black-and white marble floor. Yes, it’s sad...but it’s also a little creepy.

And so now, getting to floors 8-10 is like getting into a maximum security prison. They don’t let the elevators go that high anymore... the elevators stop at 7, and when you get out there is a line of police barricades, some NYU security guards and a few real NYC cops who direct you quickly off the “balcony” area and back to this back staircase which you must climb to floors 8, 19, or 10.

Now...

DO they REALLY think that there is going to be some kind of rash of copycat suicides? Really? I see people jump off the 10th story of the library atrium, and I think... yeah... THAT”S what I want to do! And not that it’s a good thing for people to kill themselves, but can we really do anything to stop it? Could I not kill myself just as well jumping off the 6th floor balcony? We’re in the middle of MANHATTAN... is there really any shortage of tall shit for me to jump off of if I want to off myself?

I mean... maybe it makes me kind of an asshole to be irritated by a minor inconvenience given that such “tragic” events were responsible, but... Hell, if I were one of those people who killed themselves, I would be seriously troubled by the fact that my death was inconveniencing so many people... y’know? They couldn't have possibly forseen that. That's why I’m gonna state explicitly in my will... no funeral procession... I can’t bear the though of my corpse holding up traffic!

Supposedly, when they are finished constructing the 7 foot tall glass enclosure walls, everything will go back to normal. Then we’ll all be saved from our own overwhelming desire to plunge a hundred feet to our marbley doom.

Thank goodness.

D.

i'm going to kill him...

the baby's latest fun practice is to scream every 15 minutes from 4:00 until 5:30 AM, and then wake up for good at 6:00.

what the fuck?

i try to explain to him that there is ony the tiniest, thinnest veneer of civilization which is keeping me from beating him to death, but he doesn't seem to understand.

d.

scary...

So... today is Halloween. Time to see how many students here at the high school where I teach on Fridays have elected to go with the perennial Halloween costume favorite...

"Slut."

As for me... I didn't wear anything special today... just jeans and a turtleneck. If anyone asks, I'll tell them I'm dressed as Apple Computer/Pixar CEO Steve Jobs.

D.

dangerous

i'm currently ONLINE at the pizzeria uno down the street. i did NOT need to know that was possible!

d.

a brefé çommént....

One of my readers has kindly attempted to make a fool of me by pointing out that the dude who played the Moravingian is, in fact, really from France.

Hmm.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I watched the fucking extras on the DVD, and they interviewed the guy, and he does NOT talk like THAT. In fact, I didn’t hear any accent at all. I’ll go back and listen again, but I’m quite certain that if he DID have an accent, it wasn’t the Pepé-le-Pew-on-crack nightmare that he does as the Moravingian. And so I assert the only thing worse than a horrible fake French accent is a French accent horribly faked by a real French person!!

Monsieur D.

now that THAT is over...

Jesus... I could use a long vacation from days like THAT... between the grading and this science departmental event I had to plan for today. My ass got to the train and I just... *WHAM* ...fell right to sleep. My head feels a little clearer now. I can breathe again. I can write now. I can get back to worrying about Alabama again.

That’s the thing... you just get time to take a quick breath before the Next Big Thing. Next it’s the trip to Alabama... then grade reports for the Old School... then Thanksgiving... then I’m sure SOMETHING will crop up between that and Xmas. Then January... trip to Chicago... maybe Baltimore... and possibly Alabama again, you know... if I take the job... realtors, builders... oy. Hopefully at some point during all that, the 10-month-old will start SLEEPING so I can feel like I’m not about to drop dead of exhaustion every single fucking day.

I just feel... ugh... all the time... by fucking BACK and my fucking NECK and my fucking KNEES. Fuck, you should hear the sound my right knee makes when I get up off the floor... it’s like someone chewing a mouthful of Pringles. That’s not right. I need an orthopedist or a yoga instructor or a massage therapist or all of the above, because I’m just plain falling apart.

... ... ... ... ...

And just when you think everything is going fairly smoothly... the train I usually transfer to at the halfway point of my commute was CANCELLED for who-knows-what reason... so I just had to stand around for 20 minutes in the cold and wait for the next (now extremely crowded) eastbound train. The minor irritations and inconveniences never end.

Although if they did... what the hell would I write about here?

... ... ... ... ...

I bought “The Matrix Reloaded” on DVD last week. It’s better the second time around. It’s still not a great movie, but if you go in expecting it to be comic-book quality it’s not as disappointing. I didn’t find the bit with The Architect as nonsensical as I did the first time, although there are still some holes that just don’t sit well with me. What do you mean, you have destroyed Zion 6 times in the past? It doesn’t make sense that 6 iterations of the Matrix also imply 6 iterations of Zion. It doesn’t add up. Although maybe Zion isn’t real either... you know... maybe the Matrix is a program within a program... maybe that’s how Neo has powers in what he thinks is the Real World at the end. Maybe? I dunno... I hope not... that’s pretty fucking lame. I have hope that the third movie will clear it all up, and yet I fear that it will only wind up more muddled.

One comment about a part that DOES suck. What the hell is the deal with The Moravingian? Are there no actors with REAL French accents? I mean... I THINK that was supposed to be a French accent. It was really BAD one, mind you.... so sometimes it was hard to tell. It makes that whole 10 minutes a chore to sit through.

And there are also bits that don’t hold up on the small screen... effects that somehow seem faker. The Neo versus 100 Agent Smiths... there are moments where you can see it switch from live action Neo to videogame Neo and back again. Real... animated...real... animated. Very distracting. But the fight scenes? Pure ballet. Beautiful

.

So... there’s my movie review of the week.

Speaking of movies, I never got a chance to see that new Gina Gershon movie... “Prey for Rock and Roll” I wonder if it’s still playing in Manhattan anywhere? I suppose if I miss it I can always rent it in a month or two. Then I can enjoy Ms. Gershon in my own special, private time!

Ok, folks... that’s it for today.

Dr. Dave

abs of steel...?

I saw this billboard today with an ad for the new Superman ride at Six Flags... some huge blue rollercoaster, I dunno... anyway there was a cartoon picture of Superman and he had these HUGE fucking muscles... way more inflated and pumped-up than any picture I’ve ever seen of Superman, and I realized that... yeah... Superman does look all muscular in the comic books nowadays, and I got to thinking...

He’s Superman!! Superman isn’t strong because he has big muscles... he’s strong because he’s an alien and there’s something different about the Earth and Krypton... gravity, the Sun... some such bullshit... and that makes him Superstrong here on Earth. The fact that he’s a Superstrong alien lifeform means that he wouldn’t NEED big muscles to be strong. In fact, his super strength would KEEP HIM from having really big muscles... since the only way to get really big muscles is to work out which you do by lifting things that are almost too heavy for you to lift. If he can lift a train without breaking a sweat, there is no way he is ever going to build any kind of appreciable muscle mass. Hell, he’d probably have to have a strict regimen of bench pressing oil tankers just to keep his super-muscles from atrophying... he’d be like the astronauts on Mir whose muscles don’t have to work in zero-G. He’d probably have about the same physical build as me, since leaping over a tall building for him is about as much work as walking up the stairs is for me.

So the people who used to make fun of George Reeves from the old 1960’s black-and-white Superman TV series for being kinda flabby and paunchy?? He was probably the most accurate physical portrayal of the Man of Steel that there’s ever been!

I’m sorry... has this conversation already been had on Seinfeld, 6 years ago??

D.

grading...

Remember all the grading I said I had to do last night...?

I didn’t.

So guess what I’m doing this morning?

I can be such a fuck-up sometimes.

d.

if it’s "saved", then where the hell is it...?

Whose idea what this whole “daylight-savings time” business anyway? Because I’m riding the train home in the pitch fucking black dark, and it’s only 5:15. That shit is NOT cool. Why can’t people just leave well enough alone?

One more reason to move to Alabama.... closer to the equator!! (10 degrees further south!!)

D.

meanwhile, I’ll be weaving my own...

I have to watch both kids tonight. Well, not so much ‘watch” them as just get them both into bed, since the wife isn’t leaving until 7:00, but still... that’s bad enough... one adult, two kids... bedtime. Especially since the one kid does NOT like to sleep. Should be fun. Anyway, my wife is going to some kind of Basket Party. Yeah... I don’t know what that means either. I stopped asking about shit like that a long time ago. Apparently it’s like a Tupperware party but instead of buying cheap-ass plastic crap to put leftovers in you buy expensive-ass baskets to put... Jesus, fuck if I know... whatever you’d put in an expensive basket.
And so I was thinking, well... at least once the kids are down I’ll have a quiet house to myself while the wife is out, until I realized that I need to have all my grading done for my class at the Old School because tomorrow is Parent-Teacher conference night. And I don’t have to DO the conferences, cuz I don’t really work there anymore, but I do have to give a grade report to the Science Dean so he can cover my classes. Fucking hell. Why did I agree to do this again?

Oh yeah... $100/hr.

Still... some days it’s just not worth it. Just three more weeks, then I’m done with that gig. Yay.

D.

too much...

The week is full... full of shit... shit to do... and I’ve got that paralyzed feeling... I can’t get started on... anything.

And I really have nothing to say this morning apart from to mention that a woman just down next to me who smells really nice. She smells like a bath.

d.

who are YOU...?

Ummm... I dunno what your cable service is like, but if you are flipping past the History channel one day and think you see Roger Daltry making stone tools and rubbing sticks together and talking about Homo erectus... you are NOT hallucinating!

I'm not sure I've ever been more perplexed by the concept for a television program than I am right now.

D.

don't follow that link!!

Blogger's ad banners use some kind of weird artificial intelligence that bases their content on what you post in your weblog. So now thanks to my entry about Bob Lazar and UFO's I now have an ad banner pointing people to something about "spin waves" and "gravitational propulsion."

DO NOT FOLLOW THAT LINK

It's pseudoscientific quackery and utter bullshit, and I'll be mortified if my weblog is responsible for even a single hit at this whackjob's site.

And now of course, you're curious and want to go see...

DON'T!!

I'm serious, people...

Dr. Dave

dr. dave vs. the ufo nuts...

I was cleaning out my outbox of the 300 or so old messages in there and I came across this little exchange between myself and a ufo nutjob that I thought might be fun for people to read. I get lots of mail from ufo nutjobs because I wrote a critique of a particular ufo nutjob named Bob Lazar, and that critique appears on a few websites with my email address. It’s kinda fun... arguing with nutjobs... it keeps you sharp. Anyway... here it is... the nutjob’s portion is in italics. Keep an eye out for repeated uses of the not-quite-really-a-word “delusionary”.

*** ** *** ** ***

Since you believe that lazar is a fraud, why don't you give me your
opinion on this UFO subject. Millions of cases. Millions of
witnesses. Millions of video, Millions of pictures. Millions of sightings. We
just need 1 case to be real to prove it exists. Of course, your intelligent
enough to agree! Based on the mexico city videos taken by over 100 people
in different parts of the city, it appears that these crafts distort the
space around them. how about your opinion.

Of course UFO's exist. The "U" stands for "unidentified". Of course millions of people see things that they can't identify. Down though human history, millions of people have also seen ghosts, leprechauns, angels, succubi, Bigfoots, Loch Ness Monsters, Yeti, chupacabras, pixies, sprites, sea monsters, burning bushes, and wheels in the sky...

Just because sometimes people see things and they don't know what they are, doesn't mean that we are being visited by aliens from another planet. Any more than the fact that lots of people think they saw one means that Ireland is really crawling with leprechauns. It's interesting that most people who believe in ONE of the things above believe in MOST of them. For example...most Bigfoot believers also believe in Nessie. (At least the ones I know of.) Why? Because if they accept the flimsy evidence of "I saw one!" for their own particular pet phenomenon, they have to accept it for all of them. Many UFO Believers go one step further and say that leprechauns and angels and succubi were really aliens all along, that way they can sweep up a whole legacy of flimsy evidence into a big PILE of flimsy evidence.

Lazar is just one more piece of flimsy evidence for your pile, and you're clearly irritated by my debunking of him. Sorry. I'm not making any comment on the UFO phenomenon in general. What I've said above is simply my own opinion.... I don't have enough facts about the matter that anyone should particularly care what I say one way or another. But I DO know physics... particle physics especially. And I can say with absolutely no doubt that Lazar's "physics" is at BEST nonsense and at WORST a complete load of crap. It's up to you whether or not you want to take Lazar out of your pile based on that. If you're so sure that UFO's are alien spaceships, and that there is so much evidence for it, then it shouldn't be a big deal that this ONE guy happens to be a fraud... right? Or is your pile so flimsy that you even want to fight for the hoaxes?

Maybe millions of people are dilusionary, but I saw a disc
shaped craft with my father and 3 other people over Islip N.Y. in 1996.
It performed maneuvers that defied our sense of how flight using thrust and
wings was supposed to react. We are very stable, rational educated objective
people who saw a UFO.

Of course you are. I never said people who see UFOs were "delusional" - you're putting words in my mouth. I said that sometimes people see things and don't know what they are. They are not delusional... they are simply mistaken.

For example, once I was working at the observatory as a graduate student, and I walked outside onto the roof to look around at the sky... you can't see the whole sky from inside the dome. I looked up and I saw... off to the north side of campus, heading west... a huge triangular object... maybe 150 meters from tip to tip... gliding completely soundlessly through the sky...and it was low... low enough that I felt I should be able to hear an engine or something. It appeared solid and metallic grey in color... no lights. I was so stunned that I actually took a step backwards... literally with a little jolt of fear. Had I gone inside to get someone or into the dome to get a camera or had it gone behind a tree or a building so that I lost sight of it, I would have had a perfect UFO story on my hands.

Instead I stayed another 2 seconds and looked at it again. What I saw was a large flock of geese, in perfect formation, lit eerily from below by the rising full moon. Once they had passed me and I could see them from behind it became clear what it was. But 2 seconds before, I was SURE that I was seeing a solid triangle... like a big, grey stealth bomber. Was I delusional? No... of course not. Was I stupid and unfamiliar with things that go on in the sky? No... I'd been an avid astronomer for 10 years... I'd spend my entire adult life looking at the sky. It's not like I've never seen a flock of geese before. But what I was seeing did not look ANYTHING like a flock of geese. It was clearly, unambiguously SOLID. And yet, it wasn't. I was simply mistaken about what I saw. I was a victim of unusual lighting and optical illusion. For 5 seconds, I had seen a UFO too. The only difference is, I got a second look in time to eliminate the "U".



What I'm saying is that
science, your latest journals and your collegues, may not be telling you the
whole story of your science today. What makes you think that our military with
their scientists will discover and utilize a theory and put it up on display
for all scientists to learn about when that discovery must be safeguarded
due to security reasons. believe me Dr. M, unless you work with black
projects for the Govt. Your not going to know about it either. When you studied
science in middle school, were you given texts about silicon chips to learn
about?. The Govt probably had a good grasp on computer components 30 yrs
before we knew of their existance.

And yet we built the atomic bomb and deciphered Nazi codes with hand-crank calculators? Come on. You think we had digital computers in the 1940's and all those hundreds of scientists who worked with them lied about it? You think someone like Richard Feynman was part of a government conspiracy? Please. Don't even get me started on the Conspiracy Theory angle. The government can't even cover-up the fact that the President gets blow-jobs in the Oval Office, and they are going to cover up the fact that a flying saucer crashed in New Mexico? No. Conspiracy theories are just a trick that UFO people use to turn the ABSENCE of evidence into evidence itself.

As for not having microchips to play with in middle school in the early 80's... do you happen to remember how much a 2 Mb SIMM cost in 1984? Microchip technology was new and expensive... not "secret"!


I'm not attempting to disrespect you or
science, however, there is more reality out there even though we haven't taken
it apart and examined it. You can't dismiss things that you do not understand
because "science" did not cut it open and examine it and display it in your
texts for all to learn. Again, do you really believe that in the past 50 yrs
of all the reports of ufos including our own fighter pilots in the 40s ,50s
and 60s (before blue book).that their all delusionary and that every sighting
has a scientific explanation?


Again... not delusion... illusion. And unexplained does not mean inexplicable. And if I believed in UFOs, I'd also have to believe in angels, ghosts, and Bigfoots too. Because millions of people have seen those as well. But I don't believe everything that someone TELLS me that they saw. How could I? How can you? People make mistakes. Peoples’ eyes and imaginations fool them. It seems pretty obvious to me. It happens to me all the time. As fun as it is to believe in vast government cover-ups and alien visitations... when you really take a closer look it just doesn't make any sense. Just the IDEA that you could travel a hundred light years in a ship the size of a Buick is flat out silly. The suggestion that aliens look like "greys"... basically tall skinny fetuses... identical to humans in every respect... contradicts everything we know about biology and evolution. It's a 20th century fairy tale. Nothing more.

DM