Dear one year old Jill

My dear sweet little lady.
Time is flying by like a flash and I while it's been a year filled with crying, and pooping and lack of sleep, I find myself wishing it hadn't gone by so fast.  I was holding you last night in the middle of the night in your room because Dad forgot to turn on your night light and I guess you woke up scared.  So I was holding you and rocking you and it hit me like a ton of bricks how fast you've grown.  It was literally only a year ago that you were a teeny little baby that barely weighed 7 pounds and only went barely from my shoulder to my chest in length.  And now you're this growing toddler lady who when your head is on my shoulder your feet already stretch past my waist.  You're a little bird of a thing.  So petite and sweet!  You're maybe 18 pounds or probably less.  With this sweet wispy untamable brown hair that keeps trying to grow into your eyes.  You don't believe in hair clips or headbands so I've taken to slicking your hair with some lotion and even then it'll only hold it up for a few hours.  You're eyes, your blue blue eyes with these enchanting long black lashes are just mesmerizing.  They are such a crowd pleaser and you've so got your whole family wrapped around your little finger.
You're quick and precocious and you LOVE to climb!  Especially the stairs!  You just zip right over there a billion and one times a day and every one of your sweet siblings quickly and proudly rescue's you from falling down the stairs at least a dozen times a day.  Even molly who maybe out weighs you by a few pounds drags you away from the stairs a few inches off the ground.  They all love you to pieces!  And that little laugh and voice.  Oh oh oh!  I wish I could bottle up the emotion and love that you're little smile and laugh elicits from everyone in our family!  Molly's favorite thing is to tackle you and lift up your shirt and give you zerberts and make you squeel with glee.  Gosh we love you!!
You're my last little baby.  And while I am the first to admit that the newborn stage is the hardest on me and prob not my favorite- I do ache when I realize how fast it passes by and how magically wonderful the little tender moments are that are behind us now.  You have brought so much joy and laughter and love into our family.  I can't imagine life without you.  We're all dying to see you start walking any day now.  And to start talking.  I honestly think you may have said your first word the other day and I think it was "mickey".  You are totally enamoured of mickey mouse clubhouse!  You will sit literally inches from our giant tv 20 times your size and sit stone still and watch full episodes of mickey mouse- but only mickey mouse.  You squeal in glee when it comes on or when you play with any mickey toys!  I'm still trying to train you to say mama but you are resisiting.  The other day you looked right at me and held up your sweet little arms and said Mama!  I think my heart exploded for a second with happiness.  It was probably a fluke but I'll take it.  Actually I redact my earlier statement that Mickey was your first word.  It was your second.  Mama was the first- Mickey may have happened later that same day.  And so it is written and so it shall be...  ;)
From your teeny little toes to your funny little ducky ear and your cute little teeth buds that are popping through.  We love every inch of your adorable self!  I am just smiling with my whole soul writing this.
My sweet sweet Jill- I love you with all I am.  I love you and all your siblings and I am so grateful we got to have you in our family.  Love you to the moon and back baby!

Love ya- Momma

9 months...

Where does the time go?  

Well Jill is such a mommas girl!!!  She wants momma all the time all day every day. She loves to nurse and hates everything else. Almost. She loves Popsicles. And will sometimes eat some baby food and people food. She likes some applesauce and sometimes sweet potatoes. She likes cocoa puffs cereal. She tries to grab and bite everything I eat but doesn't always like to actually eat it. Still no teeth. Sitting up like a champ finally. Not crawling but rolling all over!!  She can get to where she wants with rolling and backwards sliding/scooting.  She is kinda shy but very smiley. She'll smile coyly and then bury her face in my shirt. She's a charmer this one. And very pretty. She has these eyes!  Everyone everyone that meets her will say aw a baby and then she'll look at them and then they'll kinda gasp and say oh she's so pretty!  Those eyes!  I've never got so many compliments on a baby!  It's kinda fun!  She is getting better at sleeping. She goes down pretty easy and she'll sleep from 8-6 usually she will still wake up once or twice. Naps are usually pretty good but not regular. 

Anyways. Love the crud out of this sweet little girl!!!  5 kids may have put me over the edge but Jill is a gem and I sure love her!  ;)

Oh those moments....

You know those moments where time suddenly slows for a few moments and everything comes in tack sharp clarity for a moment and you realize how fleeting and precious this moment is. 

I was changing Jill's diaper tonight and she was giggling and smiling and kicking her chunky thighs and pointing and flexing her toes and twirling her wrists and watching me with a glowing smile. And it hit me. This moment is flying past me. These sweet little legs will be off and running all too soon. And this smile will be full of teeth and not all gummy and delicious before I know it. 

To this baby right now I am her whole world. Well me and her daddy and her siblings. But she's a mommas girl which at times can be tough but really it's so awesome!  I am the coolest thing in the world to her. At this moment she wants nothing more then to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment nestled in my arms. With her hair and head making both of us sweaty and close. And her breath breathing on my chest. She loves me with all she has. And this moment is passing. Every day is one day closer to her out growing this oh so precious stage. I wish I could bottle feelings!!  I wish I could bottle the feelings I felt when my babies were inside of me moving and grooving and kicking and sleeping and hiccuping. And I really wish I could bottle the feeling and aching love I feel for my baby. That burning intense bursting feeling like my heart is gonna pop outta my chest because I love this little wonder so so so much!  

Jill is so sweet and smiley and kinda shy. But she is already a girl who knows what she wants and when she wants it and isn't afraid to raise a fuss over it!  But she can also roll around for sometimes hours just being content to explore the carpet. But she snuggles into me and I melt!  Every single time!!

And the cool thing is is that I feel that exact same feeling for each one of my sweet little nerdles. Scott's starting to creep up on that man/boy stage where he's definitely not a little boy anymore. But he hasn't hit puberty and all that scary stuff yet. But he's getting so tall and capable and old!  He's not my baby anymore but he still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and I think that's so rad!!  And sometimes he's so funny and witty and I just love his personality so much!!

And Brock is just so his own person!  And I love that about him. He's got this constant movie of his own going on in the background of his head I think and it's amazing the vivid crazy awesome things that he thinks up. Homeboy is clever!!  And so so so sweet!  I swear someways I think our whole family could be translated just based off of the goodness in Brock's heart!

And Kara. This girl has so so much emotion boiling in her little body it's amazing she can keep it in!   She feels her excitement with every centimeter of her body!  And sad things really really hurt her sweet little heart. She is so bubbly and giggly and loving!  She gives the most killer hugs!  Just ask Jill. ;)

Oh miss Molly!  She is her own little something else!  This one gives me a run for my money!  Whooeee!  She is so sweet and fun and passionate!  And she loves, no adores, no obsesses over the color purple!  It's like pinkalicious on crack!!  She is funky and crazy and nutty and silly and busy and precocious and awesome all mashed up in a bubbly little 3 year old body. She has the best crazy eyes when she's excited too!  Like they're gonna pop right outta her head. She is just that excited about things!!!

All my babies make me melt but they are growing up too fast. So.....

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow 

For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow. 

So quiet down cobwebs

And dust go to sleep. 

I'm rocking my baby

And babies don't keep. 

Baby love.

It's like trying to hold a wave upon the shore.  The precious moments of babyhood are slipping delicately past me.  I want to stop time and just gaze into these baby blues and see that glowing smile and bubbling laugh forever.  But still she grows.  Everyday and every minute she grows.  Leaving infancy behind and it's bittersweet.  Sweet that she's discovering new things like the joy of her toes and fingers.  And her laugh keeps getting bigger and more infectious.  But bitter in that every second is sneaking past all too quick and my last little baby is growing up before my eyes.  It's bound to happen but it doesn't make it any easier.  So I nibble her chunky cheeks and squeeze her chubby thighs and inhale every little drop of baby while I can.  Because I know any day now I'll blink my eyes and she'll be my baby no more...  I cherish this little wonder.  

Scott's 20 questions

20 questions : answered by Scott Age 9 1/2

10-23-12

1. What is your favorite color? Gold

2. What is your favorite toy? Skylanders

3. What is your favorite fruit? Apple

4. What is your favorite tv show/movie? Ultimate Spiderman

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Mashed Potatoes

6. What is your favorite outfit? Stripling Warrior Shirt and shorts

7. What is your favorite game? Halloween Bingo

8. What is your favorite snack? Slinky Apples 

9. What is your favorite animal? Dolphin

10. What is your favorite song? Misery

11. What is your favorite book? Adventures of Oulk and Gullk

12. What is your favorite thing about yourself? everything

13. What is your favorite cereal? Apple Jacks

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Jump on the tramp

15. What is your favorite drink? Orange Julius

16. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Spots

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Donuts

19. What is your favorite candy?  Jolly Rancher

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A pilot

Brock's 20 questions.

20 questions : answered by Brock Age 7

10-12-12

1. What is your favorite color? Red

2. What is your favorite toy? Skylanders

3. What is your favorite fruit? Kiwi

4. What is your favorite tv show/movie? Avenger's Movie

5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

6. What is your favorite outfit? Shark shirt and shorts

7. What is your favorite game? Skylanders

8. What is your favorite snack? Fruit roll up

9. What is your favorite animal? Black Jaquar

10. What is your favorite song? I Have a Plan from My turn on Earth

11. What is your favorite book? Fablehaven

12. What is your favorite thing about yourself? I can do flips

13. What is your favorite cereal? Reeses Puffs

14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Dig in the sandbox

15. What is your favorite drink? Smoothies

16. What is your favorite holiday? Easter

17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My stuffed bear bamboo

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? happy eggs

19. What is your favorite candy?  Nerds

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A zookeeper

Isn't she lovely?

Yeah I'm biased but I think she is just lovely  :)

Here's some pics I took of her between 7 and 11 days old...

My sweet Jill.  :)

I have 5 kids.

No matter how many times I say that or think that or write that it's still insane to really internalize that statement.  I have 5 kids!  It's like a crazy form of reality for me.  When Dan and I got married we both said we both wanted 4 or 5 kids.  But when we had a few we realized how much harder parenting is than we had originally thought.  But here we are- we made it to 5 kids.  I'm proud of us for taking that crazy leap and continued to have kids even though it felt a little crazy to have so many.  The hardest part of parenting for me for sure (so far) is the newborn stage.  It's like everything in your life comes to a screeching halt and your life is a blur of sleepless nights, screaming baby and no patience for anything (not for your kids, not for your husband, not for anything...).  I feel like a hot mess all the time. But minus the hot part.  I rarely get make up on.  Maybe once a week.  And sadly I don't shower nearly as often as I probably should.  I may or may not have had a day or two when I have to count back to the last time I had a shower since it wasn't yesterday or the day before.  Mega gross!  But yes I am trying to enjoy and cherish this precious time since they aren't small for very long.  I can tell you this much for sure- I enjoyed her a whole heck of alot more the first 2-3 weeks.  Which was before she had colic super bad and stopped sleeping good at night and stopped letting me lay her down.  Ever.


OK I probably shouldn't blog when I'm under rested and over worked.  (I do have 5 kids ;)  But I was at the dr. today for Jill's 1 month check.  (She weighed 10 pounds 10 oz.  And was 21 3/4 inches long.)  Anyways I had to pick up scott from school right before because he has a cough and he couldn't stop coughing in class and decided he wanted to come home because his chest hurt so bad.  Anyways- so I had me and 4 kids at the dr. and I was sitting there looking at the kids and me and had a sad sad realization.  Today I looked like THAT mom.  The one who none of her kids have their hair brushed.  The 2 year old had food mess on her face.  I was in too tight of workout pants because I don't have jeans that fit me at the moment. And a baggy t-shirt because I still have a baby gut.  I didn't have any make up on and my hair was in a pathetic messy pony tail.  I had bags under my eyes, spit up on my shoulder, and a defeated look on my face.  I was that mom today.  Sad tired messy messy mom.  At least my kids were very well behaved.  One gold star in my corner...

 

Anyways- I really need to start making an effort at life again.  I need to get my kids looking presentable before we leave the house again.  I need to buy at least one pair of jeans that look good on me right now.  And I need to start showering daily and putting on make up just to feel like a human again.  I need to do all these things but sadly I just don't have the effort in me when I am like 5000 hours backlogged on sleep.  Phew parenting is hard.  But right now I have a 10 pound 10 ounce little sleeping princess on my arm and she smells wonderfully like a new baby.  And she makes sweet sweet baby noises from time to time when she sleeps.  And she is a little piece of heaven and I really do love her so so so much and I really will miss having a teeny tiny person to snuggle on.  So for today (and probably several more after today) I'm going to be messy mom.  And my house is going to be messy.  Because this time is short.  They don't stay little forever and someday when  I'm getting more sleep I'll look back at how teensy she was and miss it so hard it'll hurt.  So here's to snuggling on teensy sleeping babies while you still can.  :)

Here's some pics of me snuggling on mine.

Currently. July 25th

Currently:  Things that are going on at this moment in my life.  

Stole this idea from the Jones Design Company Blog...

loving: fresh fruit!  We got plums, cherries, rasperries and strawberries from bountiful basket this week and the kids and I have been in fresh fruit heaven!  Yum!  And happy hour and those new island breeze sonic slushes!  yum!

reading: "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton.  So far so good- I'm having a hard time getting sucked in but the house is still in unpacking mode so that has a lot to do with it.  Next up- "Insurgent" by Veronica Roth.  Book 2 in the divergent series!  Just ordered it on amazon and waiting for it to show up!  Really excited about that one!

waiting for: my amazon order. Which includes the book previously mentioned as well as red raspberry tea!  I'm ready to start getting ready for baby girl!  The tea always kicks up my contractions and I swear it's a key to my short labors.  (All have been under 5 hours from start to finish.  And I've never pushed for more than 5 min.  ;)

excited about: being so close to being done with this pregnancy!  I'm 33 weeks this week and can't believe I'm almost done!  It's really bitter sweet to look at the cute baby bump in the mirror and think that this is the last time I will ever rock a baby bump.  But I'm ready to meet this sweet girl and 5 times is plenty for this momma!  ;)

missing: Newport Beach.  It was so wonderful to be there and just relax in the sand and pretend like there wasn't a house full of boxes and chaos waiting for me at home.  Now it's all staring me in the face and I just want to go back to sweet ignorance.  Or sweet ignoring...  Obviously I'm good at the ignoring part since I'm sitting here blogging rather than unpacking and organizing....  oops.  :)

trying to:  get focused and get more done around the house.  But this 3rd trimester lack of energy and my "sweet" daughters not sleeping at night for the past 2 weeks aren't really helping my ambition...

working on: obviously the house.  I'm trying to get it clean enough to take some pics so I can post some- but it's a wreck and a half at the moment so that will have to wait.  I'm also trying to do more fun stuff with the kiddos before this summer is over!  Yesterday we went to the outdoor pool at the Y which the kids loved and I left fuming at how incredibly stupid the Y is!  But that's a story for another day!  Today is a church swim party, tomorrow a splash park, friday maybe try a different Y.  See we're keeping busy!  (I just feel bad we don't have a backyard yet and I'm so tired and there's so much to do around the house I keep feeling like my kids have gotten a crap deal and got hosed out of having a fun summer...  but they're not complaining so we're going with it.  :)

enjoying: having the kids home.  I really am!  I really like these 4 little bugs we've got and I love having them around all the time.  really I do!  The only reason I'm excited for school is that I'll stop feeling so guilty that we're not doing more stuff.  I have guilt issues can you tell.  :)

using: pinterest too much.  Constantly trying to pull ideas off there for organization and decorating and other ideas here and there...

wearing: this second, PJ's which consist of Dan's shirts and baggy gaucho pants.  (I know they are so like 3 years out of style but dang if they aren't the most comfortable thing on the planet!!!)

planning: nothing really.  Just trying to stay afloat in the chaos.  I really need to start planning for the baby and planning meals and planning a week ahead..  but I haven't yet....  maybe next week.  :)

singing: "Call Me Maybe" or "Somebody that I used to know" have been popular around here the past week or two.

needing: to start washing and buying in preparation for the baby.  But the boxes of baby clothes are somewhere in the pile of the garage and I have 4 kids at home hampering the baby stuff buying process...  Oh and a pedicure...  :)

learning: to embrace the here and now.  Learning to look my kids in the eyes and see them more often.  Learning to not nit pick the teeny little things I don't love about the house and the neighborhood and lo focus on the things I LOVE! Learning to not worry about the little things.

listening: my kids all playing hide and go seek upstairs.  I love summer and having a big family for things like this.  Sure they can fight like cats and dogs but they really do love playing together.  and I LOVE that!

wishing: for more hours in the day and more energy to get more done.

doing:  lots of unpacking and trying to come up with organized places for all this stuff to live.  And doing lots of donating to DI and the dumpster!  I don't understand why I thought I needed so much junk.  ;)

praying for: my kids to be happy in our new home and their new school and make good new friends.

dreaming of: having my house unpacked, organized and decorated.  (I wonder how far away that is...  2 months? 2 years?)  ;)

Quick update.

Well lots has been happening lately!

 We are steadily moving forward on the purchase of our new house. We are set to close sometime between the 11th and 20th of June depending on how fast our loan can go through. We're crossing our fingers to be on the 11th end of the scale but we'll take what we can get at this point! We are so excited! It's going to be on the northwest end of vegas and we're so happy with the ward and the area and the amenities nearby and all that. It's a 3000 sq ft 2 story no pool yet. So some concessions were made in our original wish list of one story and must have a pool but we are so thrilled with the price and the home itself it's gonna be awesome for us! We have lots and lots of projects on our list to do to the new home so in the next year or two it's gonna get a major overhaul of all new flooring and paint and the yard. It's gonna be legen- wait for it- dary!!! ;)

 Also we found out our sweet baby #5 is rockin girl parts so we're on team pink once again! The family will be officially be tipped to the girl side of the scales from now on and we couldn't be more thrilled!!! All the kids are happy. I think the boys like their little sisters enough that even though they were rooting for a boy they are both stoked! So come september we'll be a family of 7! Cuhrazy!!!!

 Um not much else huge going on. Just finishing out the school year, planning scott's 9th birthday party, starting to sort through crap we've collected in prep for the move, and just living!

 Here's a quick photo dump of pics off my iphone of stuff we've been up to lately....

 Lots of swimming at my moms house.

Dan's new project- a VW bus truck! It's been on his someday wish list for forever until his buddy had one he wanted to sell for a smokin deal! Love it!

Brock after field day- with his cousin Marie and friend Sean.

Molly stylin- she always puts glasses on upside down.

Brock at preschool with his cousin Marie.

My 21 week prego belly. :)

Scott and his animal project at parent night.

All my crazies loaded in the car heading to school.

Molly being super smiley and snuggly one day. :)

Girlies rockin pigtails. (See I'm learning how to be a mom to these girls. ;)

Jumping on the tramp with water and ice cubes and Dan's moms. Good times!

Baby girls "junk"

Baby girls profile. I think she has Kara's nose. :)

And last but not least- Rides in the Thing. I love love love this car and so do the kids! Good times!

Well there ya go- I've officially posted pictures on my blog after way way way too long...