4 years and 2 days. but why am i still counting when... its not suppose to mean anything anymore...

sometimes i wonder.. if i really disappear.. who will really care...
the pple that i care most.. will they really care the most when i am suddenly missing...
i should not think too much... but i cant help if i dun get the support in everything i do..all i get are negative comments and that leads me to feel i am stupid and stuff...

everything just crumbling... i duno wat to do... hais...

i dunno what to do..
i no idea why i cant stop crying.. it just keep flowing..

here to rent again.. oh wells..
why do i always have to be the one to do smthing..
i wont and i really wont...
when will u do it.. no idea..
when will u TRY to do it... no idea...
when will u ask... no idea...
when will u TRY to ask.. no idea...
when will u stop pretending that nothing happen.. no idea...
when.. when when when...

i really wont do anything this time.. i feel taken for granted...
when will u stop taking things for granted...
when will stop assuming is my fault and u are not at fault..
when will u see that IT is YOU that cause this...
when will u stop thinking that i am being unreasonable and it is u that is at fault..
when when when...
JUST WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hais... getting tired...
tired
tired
tired
tired
tired
tired
piss?
tired
tired
numb?
angry?
sad?
unhappy?
tired
still tired
maybe really numb......




it happens over and over and over again..
my sleepless night is here! thanks ah...
i dun understand.. really dun understand.. how can pple just go sleep and not care....
obviously i am angry and pissed.. but... omg omg omg omg...
i had to like control myself and like SHUT UP cus u have to wake up early tmr...
oh wells.... i have myself to accompany... i can just cry myself to sleep again...
again and again and again...
never have u once make sure i am all well before u go sleep.
it means SO MUCH to mean as it actually meant that how much of importance i am...
really... i have been trying hard to tell myself.. maybe really i am of importance.... but it is not the way u do things... but still do u do anything after that?!?!?!
insecure insecure insecure insecure maybe...... maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe...
so everything have to be ur way when u really want to... i say no also no use...





hoping u might not see this.. but actually deep down inside i am hoping u do...

hais... my patience is wearing off...

so not looking forward to this CNY... no clothes..
and i get scolding for having no clothes... is not THAT easy to find..
i may not be SUPER fat.. but is bloody hell not easy to find a DAMM pieces of cloth that can fit my not so very normal shape...
and ALL YOU CAN DO IS JUST sigh and say do smthing about it and u cant help worrying...
WHY shld i bloody hell slim down to FIT in those clothes... is those damm cloth that shld be made to suit me.. not me to suit them...
so do fashion designers think that everyone has a damm perfect body.. NO..
how many in this world can u find..
many will think i am crazy complaining that it is hard for me to find clothes..
i dun look SUPER fat.. and of course it is easier for me to find compared to them.. BUT BUT.. at least they have shops now catering for them.. NOT ME...
like i cant wear jeans of my waist size.. but i have to get of my waist size so as to fit my thunder thighs...
i cant get any top easily as sleeves might not fit my arms even if other were else fit...
i can get a bigger shirt size many might say.. but but... it will look damm weird for certain clothes... and then BLOODY hELL person will complain that i am too tomboy...
i am getting irritated!! why pple judge pple by the way pple dress..
as long as i look clean, it should be good enough.. BUT NO!!
even in the working world.. u cant anyhow wear as a respect?!?!
but i feel it is so fake...
so.. unreal.. so .......irritating...

on top of that! tests are all coming after CNY..
double sianess...





and dunno how u can sleep in peace without me telling u what happen..
arent u curious what happen!?!?
partly my fault also.. cus i say.. nevermind.. nothing..
but cant u just say something like dun think much or what!
just a small sms after hanging up the phone will do also... argh
or r u just going to WAIT for me to tell u when i feel like it..
that will NEVER happen...
cus is either i forget or forget...




at times.. i really actually hope that i may die soon...

!@#$%&*()
!@#$%^&*()
!@#$%^&*()
!@#$%^&*()
!@#$%^&*()
D!@#$%^&*()
agsdifgbdofvbf;fbver
dksfbhqiubg3w9poegf
qdfqiurbefu bwefi


why cant u just say yes or no instead of asking a question back or saying is what i think... ARGH..
why is everything like that.. why why why..
why cant you even try to understand why...
why cant u just ask...
why cant i just dont care.....................................
WHY AM I LIKE THAT.................



qdiufqbwre f098145y1705o4y1
@!#&*(PDJNDSF
#D%$^ASb7f8cd2t4
X!@#$567dfnwrgy$#$%^&*(opVFD
avdsbfiqeq



















ADSFASDFVUIQ GFOLQ WECF
ytf ienc(*wq vn*crsv
adiufaob7B^B(&ETW$VB*R(XQ
O VET&BCOWE$IRC
aif7bac7o3we(N&$(CBQ(C#









when i am unhappy do u even try to make me happy..
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
what u do... get unhappy with me...
ALWAYS...
why is it always like that... and end up i have to try and make you happy instead... WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if not u just wait for me to cool down and fro me to start talking to you..
why cant u just try and do something.. WHY CANT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU







i dunno.... argh..........................................
!@#$%^&*()
I HATE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
!@#$%&*()
!@#$%^&*()
!@#$%^&*()_
!@#$%^&*()
!@#$%^&*()
D!@#$%^&*()

suddenly felt like blogging...
school been hactic... it is like no time to breathe!!
i still havent got over my holiday mood..

did i really made the right choice to go into this course..
in my heart somehow i am like regretting taking this course and not eee....
it is too much theory for me!
the theory is killing me... is like 2 years of jc subjects crash in one sem..
i think this is stupid.. this is uni.. not jc... -_-
trying to survive... wonder if i can pass this sem.. oh wells......

guess no one visits this blog anymore...
i feel so pek chek..
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one after the other..
i dun understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is it just me or what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so much for being caring and concern...

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i guess i just reach my limit?!?!!?
i dunno!
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
everything just not going my way.

Hey all!!
do me a favor and help me to complete a survey.
need it for my module
THANKS!!!!

Click Here to take survey

been busy since school started...
TRYING to do FYP..
but no more trying...
have to complete as much as possible.. next wed is interview...
manage to get the basic working...
beside fyp, it is just band.. sleep ... eat and fyp..
LOL!!

will update when there is interesting stuff..
if not it is just like that lor.. LOL..

school has started this week..
on 13th oct, monday...
i was so determined to NOT fall asleep.
BUT i could not help it yesterday..
my lecturer's voice is THE sleeping pill.
i tried.. really TRIED to stay awake but..
it was draining all my energy trying my best to listen him talk..
after hearing for a while, everyone else (except s certain few) either fall asleep or do their own stuff..
power..

illness getting worst day by day...
flu getting worst..
start having cough...
having sore throat..
1st week of sch and i am barely surviving..
oh wells...
2 more days before the weekends~!!!! ^^

hais... guilty.. so stupid..
anyway
sorry.. really sorry....
doubt u will see this also..

hais...
i still cant over the fact my hp lost..
somehow i dunno why..
i dun even feel angry..
i feel very sad...
just damm sad..
sad till i dun even want to do anything..
no mood to do anything...
somehow nothing just cant seem to cheer me up...
haisssssss...........

the last time i saw the hp was when i was in the 1st bus i need to take to school...
so i dunno i drop it while changing bus...
drop it in 165.. or in 106..
or maybe drop while was changing bus..
hais...

hoping that it is still in the bus but they din see it..
hoping that someone found it but have not called to say he/she found it..
just hoping..
but i guess it is gone.. haissssss

hais...
lost my phone..
all my contacts gone..
my pictures...
my msges.............
haisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

today went for fyp.. end up slacking again..
cus stanley sim never bring CD!
still say with nigel.. LOL!
BLUR him. ask him for white CD... he so sure with nigel.

anyway went to meet jh for dinner with stan and nigel..
he just book out today.
we couldn't decide where to eat and end up eating at fish and co.
and my meal the fish SO BIG...
so much la!! and so hard to cut.. cut till i tired and lazy eat..
heng got father stan to help cut!! HAHAHAHAHAHA...

here are the pics...

Welcome to my blog!

Now Playing :

_bOuTx mE___`+

+19+
+14tH AuGUsT+
+TroMBoNisT+
+boring person+
+no life+
+FOS+

+++++++++++++++++++++

+aLL i wAnT iS*yOu*+
+noThIN9 bUT+
+yOU+


_ WiShLiSt _____`+

~HIM~
~ipod~
~bag~
~havana slipper~
~time~
~freedom~
~love~
~sports ***s~

_ LuRvEs _____`+

*god*
*toilet gang*
*choir girlies*
*friends*
*family*
*chocolate*
*ice-cream*
*slacking*

November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
December 2005
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
February 2009
October 2009
February 2010
October 2010
January 2011
December 2011
February 2012
July 2012

Photo: GETTYIMAGES
Textures: Hybird-Genesis
Brushes: Hybird-Genesis Papercuts
Host: Blogger
Song: BAIDU
Designer: Beier