Thoughts

A month and a half ago our dishwasher quit working.  Normally, I would have rushed out and purchased a new one, but for whatever crazy reason, I decided I want my kids to learn how to do dishes the old-fashioned way.  After all, I didn't have the luxury of a dishwasher until I was a Senior in high school and not only did I survive, but I feel that washing dishes with my siblings helped me grow closer to them.  Lots of laugher and talking took place at the kitchen sink in our home. I'm sure some fights occurred, too, but those memories have faded, and the happy ones remain.  Doing dishes by hand is not done quickly.  Dishwashers truly are very convenient and free up some time, however, we are still washing by hand . .

There is a silver lining in all of this.  I am often cold in the winter.  Very cold.  And putting my hands in hot soapy water has warmed me up every day.  Small perk, but a perk nevertheless!

Way above and beyond being warm, though, is the time that it has given me for pondering and reflection.  Many things are always happening in life and I don't often take the time to really sit and reflect on their meaning.

As I was recently given a new calling at church that has required me to rely on the Lord much more fully, more than a few realizations and inspirations have come while washing dishes and praying.  

As disease and dementia has progressed in several family members' lives, I have pondered on memories with those sweet people and am so grateful for their lives and influence on me and have prayed for their comfort as they face pain, difficulty, and decline in quality of life.

As people I know have lost loved ones - many of them suddenly, my heart has ached and my tears have mingled with the dishwater for the loss they are feeling and will continue to feel for some time. I have wondered how I can help ease that hurt.  I have thought more about how much those I love mean to me and how I can show them that love more often while we are all here on this earth together.

I have loved looking out my window above the sink to see my kids playing in the snow with each other and friends, having photo shoots, and chasing the dog with laughter and squeals of delight ringing out.  I've laughed out loud watching them, and also felt a twinge knowing that in only a few short years I will be looking out at an empty yard.  How much I love them!

I have washed and dried dishes with Darin by my side, and have appreciated his willingness to be an equal partner (and really he is so much more than equal - he does more than his fair share) in our home, to be a loving, supportive husband and father, to be someone I enjoy working with and spending time with.  I think we make a pretty good team.

These moments at the sink full of dirty dishes are treasured and a reminder to me that I need to take more time to sit and reflect on my blessings and thank the Lord for them.  My kids may not be learning how to wash dishes very well. In fact, they are very good at avoiding that task! But in doing the dishes, I am learning so much more than how to clean dishes.

And I am grateful.

New Kid on the Block

Meet Cooper.  He is our new puppy.  He is a Cockapoo.  He is cute.   He is soft.  He is playful.  He is fun.  He likes to go on walks.  He is learning to go potty outside.  He likes to meet new friends. He likes to chew on his toys, but he prefers to chew on socks or shoes. He likes to sleep on my lap while I am computing.  He is there right now.  We like him.

Love

For seventeen years, this man has been my main squeeze.  (A little longer than that if you count the dating days.)  It has been seventeen years full of ups and downs and sideways, and definitely full of love. 

Thank you, Darin, for being patient with me when I talk on and on and on.  Thank you for rubbing my back and playing with my hair.  Thank you for letting me warm up my icicle toes on your toasty warm legs.  Thank you for holding my hand when we go on walks together.  Thank you for being a voice of reason and pragmatism when my emotion laden soul needs grounding.  Thank you for being a wonderful father to our kids - for rough housing with the boys, for talking tenderly with the girls, and for generally spending a lot of quality time with all of them.  Thank you for being a spiritual leader in our home.  Thank you for working in the garden with me.  Thank you for taking me to the symphony.  Thank you for hiking with me. Thank you for giving me encouragement when I'm feeling down.   Thank you for being my best friend.  I am so blessed to be married to you!

 

I love you, Darin! 

Quote of the Day . . . Or Maybe of the Year

Sarah threw out this bit of wisdom last night in the car: 

"You can't just quit life!  Sometimes you just have to work through things!"

How true, how true.  I immediately informed her that I would be reminding her of this sage advice frequently.  :)

The hilarious sidenote to this is the context in which she came to this conclusion.  We were talking about our hot tub.  It has been exhibiting sub-par performance since we inherited it.  I mortified the kids when I said, "I'd be fine to just get rid of it."  A chorus of "NO's" sounded from the backseat.  And then Sarah's insightful comment was made.  In regards to  hot tub.  A leaky hot tub.  Oh, yes, you can't just quit life, and apparently you can't quit hot tubs either.  I think I'll have this quote made in to one of the darling printables with a clip art picture of a hot tub on it and frame it in our home.  Truly, words to live by!

My Boy, Matthew

This is my boy, Matthew.  He had a birthday last month.  He is nine now.  Yep, nine!  He has been such a happy boy right from birth, and I can't imagine my life without him. 

Nine things I love about Matthew:

1.  His laugh.  He has the most contagious, from the heart laugh.  We recently watched some family videos from when Matthew was about 3 years old.  We caught laughing fever just from the video.  He has a full, open-mouthed, loud, whole body laugh. You just can't help but join him.

2.  His face.  He is obviously a handsome devil, but I love watching his face when he talks.  His eyes tell stories even if his mouth is silent (which is rare).  He has so much animation and expression that it is  pure entertainment to listen to/watch him.   There is no doubt how he is feeling when you look at his face. 

3.  His energy.  Boundless, I tell you.  Boundless. Matthew rarely does anything without putting his whole heart into it.  His energy is infused into whatever he's doing. 

4.  His sense of adventure.  Matthew is not always the most cautious boy, but I admire his willingness  to try new things.  In the last year he has learned to go off jumps on his bike, skateboard, do flips onto the trampoline from the top of the swing set (I have to close my eyes for this one sometimes), and jump off the high dive at the pool.  I think Parkour (sp?) may be in his future.

5.  His voice.  Like his face, Matthew's voice is very expressive.  I love hearing him say, "Hi, Mom!" when he runs into the house.  His voice alone is like an embrace as it carries much emotion. I also love that he uses all sorts of fun words that most kids his age don't toss around very often. 

6.  His dancing moves.  The boy can move and groove!  He must have found some recessive genes and made them dominate because he is pretty awesome.  Break dancing is his specialty.  It is a dance form goes well with his sense of adventure and boundless energy.  :) 

7.  His curiosity.  He's always one for learning new things.  He asks a lot of questions.  I answer as many of them as I can.  The ones I can't answer (and there are many of those), we research on the Internet or at the library.  I love that he loves to read non-fiction as much as fiction.  He's a smart one, my Matthew.

8.  His thinker.  When he slows down enough, Matthew is a thinker.  He often brings up topics that I would never think that he had any knowledge of or interest in.  He is also thoughtful in his thinking - often concerned about other people.  How can you not love that?

9.  His hugs and snuggles. I know this won't last forever, but I am so grateful that Matthew will still come snuggle up to me on the couch to read a book, to watch a movie, or to just talk. I love it when he puts his head on my shoulder and wraps my arm around him, or when he asks me to lay down by him at night and sing him a song. I'll take that as long as I can.

I love you, Matthew! 

Happy Birthday, my boy!

Bedtime

I need to get a "real" journal going, but until I do, this blog serves as such for me.

Matthew just warmed my heart and I had to record what he said, and some subsequent thoughts and feelings.  I read to my boys almost every night before bed.  We have recently been enjoying "Charlotte's Web" together.  Tonight as I finished reading a chapter, Matthew quietly said, "Mom, I love you so much.  And I love you in a special way.  One of the reasons I love you so much is because of how you read.  It's so nice and quiet and peaceful."  He followed that up with a big hug.  Wow! I didn't see that one coming.

I love you, too, Matthew and Jacob! I love you because you will still let me read you stories and ask me to sing you songs before nodding off to sleep. And for so many, many other reasons. 

Most nights I treasure that time reading with my boys.  However, some nights, I am ashamed to admit, I am eager to "get it over with", and get on with some personal time.  After Matthew's sweet comment though, I was reminded of what a precious time this is.  One day they will be too grown up to want me to read to them and sing them songs before bed.  Then I'll probably have too much personal time, and ache to read them one more story and sing one more lullaby. 

My girls have "grown up" and no longer require bedtime stories or bedtime songs before going to sleep.  However, once in a great while, often when things have been a little stressful or traumatic, one of them will ask me to sit or lie down on their bed and sing them songs.  They often want to me to sing the same songs I sang to them when they were little - songs that I learned from my parents. We've even read a book or two "together" since they've "grown up" - the girls drawing or knitting while I read out loud.  How grateful I am that this has always been a ritual for me and my children!  I think it  helps them feel safe and loved - at least I hope it does.  And, interestingly, it provides me with the same comfort.

My mom and dad both sang songs and read stories to me and my siblings before bedtime when we were young.  Dad often sang a silly song called "Piccadilly Circus" complete with silly voices, as well as several John Denver songs - my favorites being "For Baby" and "Lady".  He would tell us stories from his childhood that lived larger than life in my imagination.  Just ask me about "Peaches the Pig", or "Old Jim", or forgetting to turn the water off at the pig sty- fun stories there.  Mom sang "Jesus Once Was a Little Child", "Tell Me the Stories of Jesus", "Teach me to Walk in the Light", and "I Am a Child of God".  I think they were often in that order, too!  Mom would read stories and also relate experiences from her childhood. I remember how loved I felt  to have my mom and dad sit on my bed, rub my back, tell me stories, and sing songs to me.  I still feel so loved when I think of that time in my life.

I am grateful for such kind and loving parents who took time to do those little things with me.  I am grateful that I grew up thinking that all parents read and sing to their kids, and so when I had my own children, I naturally, carried on that tradition believing that that's just what parents do!  Those bedtimes blessed my life as a child, and are now blessing my life as an adult . . . and, I believe, blessing my kids, too.

Here's to many more bedtime songs and stories.  And to loving my amazing kids.  And to my wonderful parents.

Intensity!

Tonight marked the end of a fun, eventful, and impressive season of the newest sport added to our family's repertoire:  lacrosse, or LAX.  Sarah decided in December that she wanted to play on the LAX team this year even though she'd never formally played before.  I went to the first informational meeting for parents and was impressed with the coaching staff and their philosophy: "We are building character girls."  We were happy to encourage her in this endeavour - building character is a good thing after all, and physical fitness  isn't a bad side benefit, right?   Conditioning started at the first of January and it was brutal.  Running, running, running, and more running!  I was proud of Sarah for sticking with it. It wasn't easy by a long shot, but she pushed herself hard and her hard work paid off.  She learned skills quickly and became very fast. She even recruited three other girls to the team. 

Games started in March, and the first one was a bit disappointing - they were soundly beat by the other team.  But, the coaches and team members took it as a learning experience, and quickly recognized skills needing improvement.  The very next game it was apparent that they had worked hard on those particular skills.  Before games, the players raise their sticks in the air and shout, "INTENSITY!"  The season progressed with much intensity at practices and at games.  The girls have improved a great deal and won many games, but overall, I am truly impressed that these girls really are "character girls".  They have really pulled together as a team and support each other 100% 

Many family members and friends came to games to support Sarah. I know it means a lot to her - and it's fun chatting with family and friends on the sidelines while we watch and cheer!  Thank you!

Unfortunately, as cute as it is, this is the only picture I have from this season.  I took a whole bunch of awesome shots tonight of Sarah racing down the field with the ball in her stick only to find out when we got home that the memory card was not in the camera.  Ugh!  I am so upset about that, but I hope that Sarah will play again next year so we can catch some great shots of her then. 

Sarah and her two friends, Ellery and Nataya at the Skyview game

Thanks, Sarah, for being brave enough to try a new sport, at a new school, with new people! That takes a lot of courage!  I admire you and am proud of you for your hard work and determination. Plus it was just darn fun watching you play!  Let's do it again next year!

INTENSITY!!!

Plucky Leprechauns

(Or, in other words, more than you ever wanted to know about my race. This is really more of a journal entry for myself, so though anyone else may read it, I can't guarantee boredom.)  So, guess what. . .   I did it!  I did it, I really, really did it!!  (View this if you don't know where that came from - specifically at 6:58ish.Hee, hee.)  I finished the 5k, on my feet, and running - very slowly, but running!  I didn't walk even once.  I must say that I am super proud of myself.  This was something hard for me.  And I did it!

My family support - Mom, me, Nicole, Matthew

Of course, I had a lot of encouragement and support.  I really don't think I could have done it alone.  In January,  I started walking  about 2.8 miles most weekday mornings with 3-4 other ladies in my ward.  They are super speed walkers.  (And several of them are also veteran 5k, 10k, and marathon runners.)  I could hardly keep up with them.  Seriously. (I still can't very well!)  So, I would walk, start falling behind, and then jog to catch up.  Walk, start falling behind, and then jog to catch up.   Repeat throughout the route.  One day, I decided to just keep jogging slowly to stay with them rather than falling behind.  I started jogging more and more of the route, and soon my walking buddies started saying, "Are you going to do a 5k?"  I laughed it off,  "No way, I am not a distance runner."   But inwardly, I thought, "Maybe I should try."   Hence, my goal was born.  I decided that I would do a 5k sometime this year.  That meant run a 5k.  No stopping.  No walking.   I was thinking maybe summer or fall would give me enough time. 

Feeling fresh before the race.  The wind was horrible though, so we left the hats behind in the car.

Not long after I decided I would try to do this, my neighbor, Cherie, texted me asking if I would like to run a 5k with her on St. Patrick's Day. As in March 17, 2012. Yikes!!! That was much sooner than summer or fall. I think it took me over a week to commit.  And even then I felt a little sick to my stomach when I said yes. I started jogging as much of the morning route as I could.  My walking buddies were such a huge source of support.  One in particular, Joyce, would run along with me and keep up a steady stream of conversation so I would be distracted from my fatigue.  Every now and then she would say, "I'm talking too much.  I'm sure you have things to say, too!"  Uhh, no.   I was just trying to breathe.  :)  I would occasionally puff out "Wow, uh-huh, oh," type expressions as I forcefully exhaled, but that was about all I could do before gulping for more air. :)   Joyce was awesome, though, and I look forward to many more jog/walks with her and the other speedies early in the morning.

Me and Cherie after the race.

A little more red-faced, but feeling great.  Mom took 3rd place in her age division!

Cut to March 17th, 9:00 am.  Cherie, my mom, Nicole, myself, and it turns out my studly brother Matthew (who had been signed up by his loving wife that very morning at 7:30 am) started moving with over 300 other green-clad jokers as the starting gun sounded.  Matthew, who claims he hates running, and Nicole, quickly outpaced us.  (Not all that suprising.)  Cherie, my mom and I stuck together for quite a while.  Then it was just me and Cherie.  We stayed together for almost the entire race.  Towards the last half mile or so, I moved ahead of her, just a bit.  This was not because I am so amazingly fast, it just happened. However, having her just a little behind me turned out to be more motivation.  I realized she would see me if I started to walk.  And then I would embarrassed.  So I kept running.  I started feeling very tired, and thought, "I'll just walk for a second."  Then I thought of my sweet daughters, who had told me over and over, "You can do this, mom!" I did not want to let them down.   And I kept running.  I was maybe a quarter of a mile to the finish line, and somehow knowing that made me feel even more tired.  I thought of an article I had read previously that week about a woman who was training for a marathon.  She was on a treadmill and her trainer had her running as fast as she could for five minutes.  When she thought she could not possibly run any longer (near the last 30 seconds or so), the trainer got right in front of her and said, "Don't you dare. give. up!   You can do this!" and then would count down to the finish.  She made it. I was in the last "30 seconds" of the race.  I kept telling myself over and over, "Don't. (explosive exhalation)(gulping inhalation) you.(explosive exhalation)(gulping inhalation) dare.(explosive exhalation)(gulping inhalation) give.(explosive exhalation)(gulping inhalation) up!  You can do this!  You are almost there."  I nearly started crying when I crossed the finish line.

Even more amazing,  I think I'll do it again. 

 Because I can do it!

Wish Me Luck

Today is a big day for me.  It is St. Patrick's Day.  And it is the morning of my first ever official 5k race.  I know this is not a big deal for most people.  Three point one miles is not that far - for many - to run.  But for me, it is big.  I set a goal for myself to do a 5k this year - and run the whole way.  I could walk it, no problem, but running is another story.  So, on this day of luck and leprechauns, and all that fun stuff, I need the luck o' the Irish with me.  :)  Thankfully, I'll have a few friendly leprechauns running with me - my amazing mom, my stellar sister-in-law, Nicole, and my awesome neighbor, Cherie.  (She is the one who talked me into this so early in the year.) So, instead of cooking corned beef and cabbage, I'm going to go run.  Wish me luck.  To be continued . . .

J is for Jacob

... and joy!  This little boy of mine (who isn't so little anymore) has brought so much joy into my life and into our family.  One week ago today, he turned six.  Just ask him.  He will tell you.  ("Hey, Jill.  I'm six," stated in a very matter-of-fact voice.  End of conversation.)  I asked him if he is still my baby, and he said, in no uncertain terms, "No, mom.  But I am  your boy."  Whew!  So glad of that.  He'll always be my Jakey-boy.

Six things I love about Jacob:

1.  He gives me a hug every single morning when he first wakes up.  He comes looking for me to give me that hug.  Love it.  Who wouldn't?

2.  He loves to build things - and is quite good at it, too!  He can spend hours constructing the perfect train layout, lego ship, marble run, or other imaginative creation with his wooden blocks.

3. He has passion.  Trains have obviously been his passion since he was my baby, but, stop the presses - he now claims drawing is his favorite thing in the whole wide world.  Guess what he likes to draw?  The two passions have now combined.  :)

4.  He is inquisitive. This summer he heard some snippet about the Titanic somewhere and asked more questions about it.  We now check out books at the library on the Titanic, look at websites about the Titanic, and watch shows about the Titanic.  He recently drew a picture of the stages of the ill-fated ship sinking.  Sad, but impressive.

5.  Jacob still loves a good tickle fight with Darin.  I love to see them two of them wrestling and laughing together.  When Jacob has had enough, he suddenly transforms into a black mamba and is safe from any more tickles, for as we all know, black mambas are not to be messed with. . . unless Darin suddenly transforms into a mongoose . . .

6.  Even on days when Jacob is feeling more like this:

He usually turns around quickly and becomes the happy, fun-loving boy that brings so much joy.  (Plus, don't you think he still looks so darn cute - even when he's mad?)

Happy 6th  Birthday, Jacob! 

 I love you!

13 Reasons why...

I love Megan:

1. She has a super kind heart.
2. Her smile makes my day.
3. Her angelic singing voice - even in the shower
4. "Twister" stories - just ask Matthew and Jacob
5. Her hugs - love it when she just walks up and puts her arm around me and lays her head on my shoulder.
6. Laughing together after one of my lame jokes, and then she sighs, "Oh, Mom."
7. Secret hand shakes
8. Planning out and working in gardens together.
9. Cooking together.
10. Her sense of style- she can pull anything off.
11. Her artistic abilities.  I always enjoy doing projects with her.
12. She still lets me brush and blow dry her hair.  (Sounds weird, but it's a bonding time.)
13. She is beautiful - both inside and out.

I'm so grateful for you, Megan. 

Happy 13th Birthday!