Birthday Eve Eve

I have had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that my baby is turning five. FIVE.

ONE WHOLE HAND.

I don’t even know, can’t even begin to put into words, how this happened so quickly.

Yet it wasn’t quick at all.

I remember snuggling that girl up in the hospital, waiting for someone to come in and tell me I was done babysitting or something. And then crying because she was MINE! Mine to snuggle for as long as I wanted.

It has been five years. Five of the hardest, most awesome years of my entire life.

And I still get to snuggle her as much as I want (although, she will tell you it isn’t always for as long as SHE wants at bedtime). But tonight, I snuggled her until she was asleep and she laid with me almost just like she did as a baby. Except you know, with arms and legs about 500x as long. But she always finds her same sweet spot right at my collar bone. The spot she was made to fit in for those snuggles.

I am normally pretty cry-y and sentimental-y but woah have I been a crying, blubbering, sentimental mess the past few days and I know it’s only going to get worse.  And it hit me that today is her birthday eve-eve. I will put her to bed as a four year old for the last time tomorrow night.

An awesome twitter friend put it best when she said five is hard for mom’s because all of their babyness is gone. We just registered her and had her kindergarten assessment this week (WHY did they schedule that on her birthday week!?). She is hilarious. And independent. And helpful. And sassy. And sweet. And she is not a baby anymore. She is a big kid. (and she will gladly tell you that all day long!)

But she will always be my baby. And as I contemplate on just how I am going to remain composed over the next few days (and how in the world I am ever going to finish her birthday letter!) I will remind myself of all the AWESOME things this big kid is going to do in the next five years (and beyond, of course!). And we are going to have a seriously fun time celebrating her this weekend.

Because according to Gianna, five year olds are the coolest since they can chew gum.