Wednesday, August 30, 2006
it'ss been 7 hours and 15 days
since you took your love away
i go out every night and sleep all day
since you took your love away
since you've been gone
i can do whatever i want
i could see whoever i choose
i can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
but nothing... i said nothing can take any this blue
cos nothing compares to you
it's been so lonely without you here
like a bird without a song
nothing can stop this lonely tears from falling
tell me baby
where did i go wrong
i can put my arms around every boy i see
they only remind me of you
i went to the doctor and guess what he told me
he said, girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do
but he's a fool
cos nothing compares to you...
all the flowers that you planted, mama in the backyard
all i've been waiting away...
i know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
but i'm willing to give it another try
near the signs, wasn't right
i was stupid for a while
swept away by you
and i feel like a fool
so confused, my heart's bruised
was i ever loved by you
out of reach
so far
i never had your heart
out of reach
couldn't see
we were never meant to be
catch myself
from the space
i could drown if i stay here
keeping busy everyday
i know i'll be okay
so much hurt, so much pain
takes a while to regain
what is lost inside and i hope that in time
you'll be out of my mind...
you know you're everything to me
and i could never see
the 2 of us apart
and you know i give my life to you
and no matter what you do
i promise you my heart
i'll build the world around you
and i want you to know
i'll need you like i never needed anyone before
i live my life for you
i wanna be by your side
in everything that you do
if there's only one thing
you can believe it's true
i live my life... For You...
i said i'll give my life for you
you know i'll die for you
that our love would last forever
and that i'll always be with you
and there's nothing we can't do
as long as we're together
i just can't live without you
i pretend that im glad you went away
these 4 fours walls are closing more everyday
im dying inside but nobody knows it but me
like a clown now... i put on a show
the pain is real even though nobody knows
im crying inside but nobody knows it but me
why didn't i say the things i needed to say
how could i let my angel get away
now my world's just a tumbling down
i can say it so clearly... but you're nowhere away
the nights so lonely
days are so sad
i just keep thinking about the love that we had
and im missing you
nobody knows it but me
carry your smile when im broken in two
and im no body without someone like you
im trembling inside
lie awake, it's quarter past three
im screaming hearing your thoughts near me
how blue can i get
you could ask my heart
my life's a jigsaw puzzle that's been torn apart
billion words couldn't say just how i feel
millions years from now you'll know
i'll be loving you still
tomorrow morning, im hitting the dusty road
im gonna find you no matter where you go
these songs is what i've been listening to... haha! i miss those old songs... =) love songs...
alright, i need to bathe, as much as i wanna blog. tomorrow morning shift! and company law at night! whee! i love company law! haha! =P good night!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 2:22 PM
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
talk to me softly
there's something in your eyes
tell me your sorrows, please don't cry
i know how you feel inside now
i feel it before
something is changing inside you
and don't you know
don't you cry tonight
i still love you baby
don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
hearing your whisper and give me a sign
give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
don't you take it so hard
and please don't take it so bad
i'll still be thinking of you
and the times we had
please remember
that i never lie
you gotta make it your own way
but you'll be alright now, sugar
it'll be a better tomorrow
a song that suits me now... i love this song... been listening to it.
kate martin - silent killer... apparently, she's the asst. manager for guest services? i don't know, im not too sure... but she's not someone you can play around with. i don't quite like her now that i experienced it myself. warning given by shine and tay! argh! eeeee... disgusting, facade lady. anyway, work's been pretty busy! arghhhhhh! and im so happy for now, cos... corporate accounting paper's finally over! now... prepare for managerial accounting paper once again! for sept 15! yeah! but all i need now is sleep! i need it badly! argh!
i gotta go now!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 2:36 PM
Monday, August 28, 2006
wheee! i was so happy yesterday but i didn't have the strength and energy to blog! haha!
well, work was okay, i mean not as busy in the later part of the evening... and i was studying! tomorrow's corporate accounting exams! ahhhh
i had it all
but i let it slipped away
couldn't see how dreaded you are
now i wonder why
feeling so cold
trying to believe that you're gone
love takes time
to heal when you're hurting so much
couldn't see that i was blind to let you go
i can't escape the pain inside
cos love takes time
i don't wanna be here alone
losing my mind from my heart
suddenly i feel so incomplete
leading my life w/o you now
tell me how to stop the pain
tears are falling down endlessly
you might say that it's over
you might say that you don't care
you might say you don't miss me
you don't need
but i know that you do and i feel that you do
i open my eyes i try to see
but im blinded by the white lie
i can't remember how,
i can't remember why
i'm lying here tonight
and i can't stand the pain
and i can't make it go away
how could this happen to me
i made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
im sick of this life
i just wanna scream
how could this happen to me
everybody's screaming i try to make a sound but no one hears me
im slipping on the edge
im hanging by a thread
i wanna start this all over again
so i try to hold on to a time when nothing matters
and i can't explain what happened
and i can't raise the things that i've done
i've been searching a long time
for someone exactly like you
i've been traveling all around the world
waiting for you to come through
someone like you
you make it all worthewhile
someone like you
keeps me satisfy
someone exactly like you
i've been doing some soul searching
to find out where you're at
i've been up and down the highways
in all kinds of foreign land
the best is yet to come
lawrence's just having a conversation with me... i love my buddy... really... lawrence, not LOVE as in LOVE... so don't get it wrong. he tries to be there when im down. be it msg, MSN, or physically. but we've never fallen in love with each other. NEVER. how weird eh? haha! but i appreciate him...
.:yongz~ says:
that y we really need to know who we want , who have the ability for us to be really happy
.:yongz~ says:
think back abt the past relationship u had,
.:yongz~ says:
y it ended , wat u couldn't find from them that result in the ending of it
.:yongz~ says:
that is wat that u will need from ur husband
i was just asking him why must life, relationships be so complicated? and he said... we're libras, we're emotional, we're easily affected... and therefore, the answer above.
alright, i think i needa go bathe! going for lunch and work! ciaos! be back to blog more!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:40 AM
Thursday, August 24, 2006
i can't deny it no more
just as long as i need you
i'll always be true
i won't give up this fight
just as long as you want me
if everything goes steady
how could i know
you're the beat of my heart
how could i tell
you're the one that i want
i can't describe it no more
why i've been waiting alone
day after day
you need the time of your own
everyday is the same
i feel about you baby
don't know where i belong
and there's no one to blame
is it why we're not together
i walk on my own...
do you feel alone just like i do
your face is beaming
you say it's cos you're dreaming
of how it's going to be
you say you've been around
and now you've finally found
everything you wanted and needed in me
i don't have the heart to hurt you
it's the last thing i wanna do
and i don't have the heart to love you
not in the way you want me to
inside im dying to see you crying
how can i make you understand
i care about you
so much about you
baby, im trying to say it as gently as i can
you're so trusted and open
that love will start...
what can i do
to make you love me again
cos it's very clear
without you im going insane
change everything that reminds me of you
tell me how do i stop missing you
cos i just can't work it out
i need to ask
cos i never know
how long does forever take
before i can let you go
is there to stop how i feel
when all i see is you
even in my dreams...
i can tell myself there'll come a day
when things will be fine
i can tell myself i won't feel the pain
but im only trying
until you come back to me and set me free
i wish i knew how it'd feel to be free
i wish i could break all the chains holding me
i wish i could say all the things that i should say
say out loud, say out clear for the whole wide world to hear
i wish i could share all the love that's in my heart
remove all the bars that keeps us apart
and i wish you could know how it feels to be me
then you'll see and agree that every man should be free
i wish i could be like the bird in the sky
how sweet it would be if i found out i could fly
yeeah... actually, i miss diving alot... haha! not a sudden thing but it's been in my blood... perhaps i'm fated to be diving my life some day, some how... i wanna go diving... i wanna be free! i don't wanna work, i don't wanna study. i don't want any worries. every thought do people living on those islands have any problems at all?! i go to tioman, kids were playing happily around the beaches, adults, leading the fishermen life... everyone's happy at night when the music's up and everyone's dancing at the bar... i never have to stress about any thing there, i miss life.
apparently, starting sept 3rd til end of IMF, i'll be so busy. im so worried about studies. im afraid i can't catch up with lectures. =s i've got so much to worry. glendale glendale... i miss that place! hehe! some how, some day, i'll be moving back. i can go visit my favourite secret hiding place, watch the stars when im stressed up! say goodbye to amston! yeah! i never felt comfortable staying @ amston anyway. even though we've got a roof terrace there, i could watch the starts and buildings around, but i never quite appreciate that house. =) im so happy we're moving back to glendale! though it's not that accessible, im happy bout it! =) hehe! im totally excited! i miss the pool and gym, the comfort in my room! the small yet cosy kitchen! wow! im getting real excited here! i am! hehe! back to the old lifestyle in that cosy cosy condo... =) it's not really cosy lar... it's bigger than amston. but... to me, it's cosy. hehe! slurrrr... cos at least i don't feel freaky @ glendale. i can do whatever i want! yeah yeah!
sighs, i haven't been catching up with friends. today supposed to meet renee. but i woke up late! gees! so sorry babe! and she called, wanted to catch the hindi movie together, but she said since im having exams, i should stay home. alright and anyway, she can't eat cos she had braces on since yesterday and she's hurting like crazy. hehe! poor girl.. haha! bear eith it.. a nice and clean set of teeth ready soon! =D smile more renee! =) and i miss her... i miss windsurfing, though we only did it once together, but we enjoyed it i guess. =) sorry babe, busy work schedule, busy studies! but soon... bear with it...
i know how much people @ work don't quite understand you, but bear with it. anytime, you wanna rant it out again, msg me or drop me a call! love ya girl! ahhhh... lijuan called me the other day! hehe! i miss her too! haha! time to catch up some time... too bad, i wasn't in school. sighs. else... hehe! babe, i study on monday, wednesaday and friday - 1900hrs to 2200 hrs! anytime you're in school between this time, give me a call! hehee!
wanru... you and i are just not fated to meet! sighs... you always go to the airport at the wrong timing! either im off work or it's my off day! haha! some day, some time... i know we'll meet... =) love ya girl!
monica, things @ work might not be so nice with HER around... you know who lar huh... but ignore her. as long as those divers know what kinda person you are. she has nothing to brag about. it's alright. we'll continue to lead our exciting lives w/o her! we're the happy ones! =)
zavier... my beloved dar... sorry, can't really meet up with you and go out with ya... but... soon alright? and make sure you treat your dear dear good! and she loves you lots! tell her to watch out if she's not nice to you.. heh! just kidding, don't take it to heart.
Yann yng and juan, when are we meeting up again?! gees, i miss chilling out sessions with you girls! ahhhh... those juicy stories we share! mamamia! =P
weiching, thanks for booking me on oct 2nd! that's fast! haha! my birthday and chilling out session with her... i miss ya! lots to catch up and she's grown up lots since secondary school days, who wouldnt right?! haha!
andy, my beloved bro - i've not seen you for months! before you went diving and after diving! thanks for the tee... haven't got time to thank ya! haha! i love it! dive manado! some day, i'll make it there personally to dive! gees... i envy you... haha! but soon... you'll be so busy with your new born baby! hehe! love ya bro!
i enjoy my life now studying, work and music! i don't know what's life now. i work til i don't even know which day is it!? gees... tell me about it... i get so confused. i missed everything, lots of things, i miss people, i miss activities...
those names not mentioned here, not that i don't miss ya peeps, i do... but i gotta go study soon! exams! so take care alright and i miss ya people!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 5:22 AM
Sunday, August 20, 2006
just got home from dinner and work @ the airport...
get alone with me
get alone with you
walking down the street
like i hardly know you
it's just like we're meant to be
holding hands with you when we're out at night
got a girlfriend, you said it isn't right
and i've got someone waiting too
but it's just the beginning
we're already wet, we're going swimming
why can't i breathe whenever i think about you
why can't i speak whenever i talk about you
it's a fact and we're gonna get down to it
isn't it the best part of making up
finding someone else you can't get enough of
someone who wants to be with you too
there was nothing to say the day he left
just filled a suitcase full of regrets
i held a taxi in the rain
looking for some place to ease the pain
then like an answered prayer
i turned around and found you there
you really where to start
fixing a broken heart
you really know what to do
your emotions can cure any fool whose dreams have fallen apart
now i don't understand what im going through
there must be a plan that led me to you
because the hurt just disappear
in every moment that you're near
you made my loneliness easy to bear
im just sitting infront of my lappy now blogging, listening to some music, having some thoughts. another MA paper which i've not done well. sorry brian, my tutor. sighs. what a disappointment right? yeah. pretty much. affected me badly that i didn't quite wanna attend lectures. i just went out to take a walk. apparently, the evening was great out there.
dinner today was great. i've got a few options now... to join an events company to be a events manager or to sell vans for uncle foo... hehe! apparently, it's good money and they told me that i don't have to approach customers, they'll come naturally. and i don't have to work everyday also. how nice! haha! and i don't mind buying my own van and cruise around. haha! $500 a month to support the van. let me think bout it... actually, with my current pay, i can do that as well, so what the difference? difference is... i'll be earning more! like a few thousand more! ahhhh, now i know why car dealers can earn so much! i wanna do that too! haha! well, another option is... to carry on angel secretariat again... sighs. do i really have to carry on the biz? okay, for once, stop pressurizing me... you guys can tell me to concentrate on my studies, then now want me to take over the company again. faints. what you all want me to do? you're as confused as i am! gees! whatever la! for now, i wanna concentrate on IMF with shang!
im so tired, gonna bathe then sleep! yawns! my sleeping disorder is back again! i think i might wanna go church tomorrow, have a peace of my mind. i've not visited the church for some time. sighs. work and work. it's time to commit some time to God. =) somehow... i hope i can wake up...
i dream i went to heaven
you were there with me
we walked upon the streets of gold
beside the crystal sea
heard the angels singing
someone called your name
i turned and saw this young man
he was smiling as he came
he said "friend, you may not know me now. then he said but wait. you used to teach my sunday when i was only 8. every week you would say a prayer before the class would start."
one day when he said that prayer, i asked Jesus in my heart...
thank you for giving to the Lord,
i am a life that was changed
i am so glad you gave
then another man stood before you
he said remember the time
a missionary came to your church
his pictures made you cried
you didn't have much money
but you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift he gave
that's why i'm here today...
one by one they came
for as the eye could see
each life somehow touched by your generousity
little things that you've done
sacrifices made
i know up in Heaven, you're not supposed to cry
i am almost sure
there were tears in your hands
as Jesus took your hand
you stood before the Lord
he said, "my child look around you... great is your reward..."
You laid aside your majesty
gave up everything for me
suffered at the hands of those You've created
You took all my guilt and shame
when You died and rose again
now today You reign in Heaven and Earth exalted
I really wanna worship You my Lord
You've won my heart and I'm Yours
forever and ever, I'll love You
You're the only one who died for me
gave Your life and set my free
so I left my voice to you in adoration
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:02 PM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
came across this song
there are nine million bicycles in beijing
that's a fact
it's a thing we can't deny
like the fact i will love you til i die
we are 12 billions light years from the edge
that's a guess
no one can ever say it's true
but i know i will always be with you
im warm by the fire of your love everyday
so don't me a liar
just believe everything that i say
there are 6 billion people in the world
more or less
and it makes me feel quite small
that you're the one i love most of all
what a funny song.. but it's a nice song. it's also quite true. hehe! darn! KJ, simon, kiat and hongxu left for KL this morning! humps! i wanna go too! i wanna go KL zouk! some day.. yeah, the same old some day logic. whatever! i'll go overseas soon! i hope! =(
alrighty! back to studies! MA exam tonight! panicky me! brian has high hopes for me in MA. he's my MA tutor... but he set his expectations right. haha! at least he never say i expect a distinction. diong... brian, you know how bad i am with MA... it's not my cup of tea. but i'll try. =)
i can't wait for paper to be over tonight! i wanna sleep again! i wanna enjoy for a bit before my Corporate accounting paper 2 weeks later! God, please help me! i don't expect too much, i just need to pass... such low expectations for myself eh? don't expect too much in life... it'll become an disappointment in the end... hahah! what stupid logic. yeah! i need to mug now! ciaos!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 4:40 AM
Friday, August 18, 2006
finally got to blog... late @ night... am just studying for MA halfway, thought i wanted to blog for a bit. since national day, i haven't been able to touch my lappy. sighs. =( that's how busy and tired i get @ the end of the day. no doubt i get free time @ work, but... i just feel tired. recently, i seemed to be suffering from some sleep disorder or something, i keep wanting to sleep! what the hell?! i can page guests til i sleep! thanks! it must be the shift work. you don't wanna get into hotel industry. but since im in here, there must be some way to survive! i must find a way.
apparently, yesterday was my c-law paper. sighs, what a bad start. i don't think i did well. sucks man! oh well... it really ain't easy working and studying! but there must be some way once again! i believe i can work something out! IMF coming! i'll get even busier! someone help me! sighs...
today i came home, my mum said something to me... i haven't seen you for a week! actually, i see her, but she don't see me. i reached home late and get out of the house early. sighs. what a sad life im leading! gees! i don't even have much time with friends!!! earn so much money also no use. i haven't been shopping! i've got no chance to shop, put it that way. good in a way that i can save up the cash, maybe save more for a better and more expensive holiday?! hehe! yeah yeah! sounds good! =) i miss diving! a fair lot! when can i go diving again?! it's the monsoon season already... sighs. i wanna go DIVING! see this? hear it?! i wanna go diving! i need to get out of this crazy singapore! crazy workload! crazy education system! sighs. kill me, will ya?!
anyway, i don't have much appetite to eat these days, perhaps too tired and stress from tests. totally dead. don't feel like eating, sleeping becomes a problem. i don't know man... im turning crazy.
i just want 2 years to pass faster! i wanna get my degree! that's all i care! im sleepy again! i've been sleeping the whole afternoon already... sighs... gotta study! try to be awake! gotta go diary!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 3:19 PM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
alright... finally i've got time to blog... after like... how many days?!
i seriously don't know what's life now. i hate it. as much as i enjoy the flexibility @ work. i hate it! i hate shifts! sighs. im neglecting family life. something that's so precious to me.
i stepped home one day... early surprising and dad said... "quit the job will you?" i was shocked for abit... well, i get home without seeing him most of the time and get out of the house without seeing him too... anyway, that's family life now. i don't even see my parents much. how sad eh?
next, my studies... i haven't got time to cope with studies! i get to work, feeling tired, attend classes @ night. thought i would have the time to study when it's break time or free of flights time, yes i do @ times. at times im so tired that i just wanna sleep! you get it now?! i sleep on the way to school, i sleep in school, im half dead in lect hall, im totally dead again after lectures! !@#$%&* how how how? exams are next week! i gotta do something about it! luckily tonight brian say he wants to meet me for dinner @ the airport some more! isn't it great?! haha! and he said he'll help me out with MA! wheee! thanks Brian! really! else i'll die! anyway, i'll try hard!
next, the hotel called yesterday. actually it's my director for guest relations. i don't wanna go deep into what happened. but it's not a bad thing. just that i pretended that i don't know anything. cos i supposed she wanted to transfer me back to the hotel. i called dayang (my supervisor) @ the airport to tell her what happened, then she said, now the hotel is going through some reshuffling of front office department. i was like duh! luckily i acted smart! i don't wanna go back to the hotel! i wanna stay @ the hotel. anyway, my director then passed the phone to the director of sales (he's a good looking japanese, mind you! haha!) then he spoke to me and stuff... i didn't really wanna talk long. no matter what, i'll stay @ the airport. Dayang was asking, "what the hell are they trying to do to you man? take you away ah? don't want la!" haha! i said, i seriously have got no idea. but since dayang mentioned about the department reshuffling, i guess as much. but don't worry dayang, i enjoy work @ the airport! the small team! one more thing that affected me a little. catherine (my director) then asked me whether was i attending D&D at night? i said no, she said "you got time to go out, no time to come dinner ah... im disappointed..." sighs... why in life we must live to please others! give me a break people! i don't wanna live my life pleasing people. even though im in the service industry, i don't want to live my life pleasing people. if anyone of you wants to get disappointed with me, go ahead! just leave me alone! don't expect too much from me, i can give you nothing! just leave me alone...
now i start to think. about lots of things... i don't know what life am i leading now. i hope some time life gets better. maybe when im more used to this job, things might get better. IMF is coming up. im gonna be dead soon. please God... please help me...
i've got something to share too... that bitch that gossip about us got herself into deep shit! and now what? on MC the next day eh? sick of work already? now you want the status, go ahead and get it, act smart la! say we act smart, think about it, we act with brains and experience. now you wanna be the biggest, go ahead, got yourself into some kinda shit now. not that im heartless or evil. this is what i call karma! ohhh... i remember you blog on something known as karma too right? well... and asnul said, what goes around comes around. poor you... im waiting for more to come. i'll not laugh @ you, i just wanna see how long can you freaking last. to let you realise what we're doing were good for the peeps.
anyway, happy 41st birthday singapore!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 1:42 AM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
sighs... i don't have to work today, i should be happy right? apparently, NO! cos im on MC today! injured my finger by the stupid car door, that caused my whole hand to be numb! don't ever try! pray that it'll not happen to you at all! let me tell you, the pain comes slow! i was like driving off then the pain came slowly & there you go, my whole palm is numb! like what the heck?! @#%*!
anyway, it's good, i can then study @ home, do tutorials. =D weee! how often you take MC? haha! my supervisor's nice though... hehe! that day she was just mentioning to me that ayuni has never taken MC for the past 2 years. i was like... it's reasonable, i mean at we don't have much @ work. so comfy @ work. then now i take MC. but it's different.
anyway, doctor said swelling quite bad. hehe! but when i see it myself it looks okay what. doesn't matter, since doc said it's bad, so be it. rest @ home, study! weeee!
im enjoying school life i guess... hehe! my local lecturers are nice, except for... managerial accounting. she sucks. old auntie! pengs! cannot stand the way she speaks and lectures. sighs. dread friday classes! pukes! i love managerial accounting actually, cos my ex poly lecturer makes it easy... and brian - my tutor explains it better for me to understand. but this lecturer came and crashed my interest. dreaded fridays! ahhh... i love corporate accounting now that daniel - my lecturer has made it interesting, though lots of journal entries and all... im slowly picking up. just gotta concentrate more, do tutorials i guess. let's talk about law - company law to be exact. i dislike the RMIT lecturer, but my local lecturer makes it interesting and easy. in poly, law was one of my favourite. haha! anyway, for company law, im like just revising... yeap. hope to do well. hope he's not as demanding as gopalan - my poly lecturer. hehe! val mentioned something to me, she asked "why must all law lecturers be indians ah?" then come to think of it, it's quite true. be it lawyers - if you watch true files and our company law lecturers in poly and uni are indians. haha! perhaps they're good @ arguing?! i don't know... my cousin's a lawyer, but she's a chinese. ahhh...
alrighty, no more crappy jokes... gotta study!
to zavier - sorry about yesterday. made it so short. take care okay! next time we go out for a longer time! take care!
posted by Jenn Tan @ 2:42 AM
