it's something i've always wanted to do

it's something i've always wanted to do, and now one and a half months into it, having glided through the good days and fought with the bad ones, i am not sure if i am as good as i have always thought myself and made myself out to be. i also cannot but be affected by how they perceive me, judge me, like me. those bad days, like last friday,had been very affecting experiences, hard blows to my esteem. i could be the fiercest, and in turn the most feared, but at the end of the day, if everyone of them thought they'd rather someone else in my place, then i should have failed in this endeavour. and i so badly want them to be nothing but their best.