caught in someone else's collision course
Monday, March 11, 2013
talk about a long absence...
it appears that i only have reason to blog when things aren't exactly going my way....if that were true, then it would mean that the past year or so must've been a breeze, eh? sadly, no. merely far too busy with too many nothings.
thirty odd years and counting, and i'm still learning new things about the intricacies of human nature - the lies we've convinced ourselves to believe in, the paradigm shifts when we know the better of it, the unforgiving scars left behind by careless words, and the irreversible effect of truths not known before.
i've been told before that i am a trash collector - i embroil myself in other people's complicated "drama-minggu-ini"s.
not untrue.
in some way, i am reassured of my own worth when people turn to me for help. but having learnt over several stubborn times that the road to hell is, indeed, paved with good intentions, i have, made a more conscious effort to keep myself in check. heck, i should worry about my own crap before i bother with others.
but....
...somehow...inevitably...some other people's crap just end up right on my doorstep - ablaze and all.
what to do then?
for a brief moment, i'll just have to pick it up. yup. even if only to hurl it back to its original owner.
here's to hoping it doesn't hit the fan then.
either i'm deaf or you're not talking loud enough
Friday, May 18, 2012
mood: nostalgic
listening to: -
if actions speaks louder than words, then i'm afraid i didn't hear you.
my longest absence from this blog, ever.
at some point, i thought that i'd probably given this up altogether. but typical of life's ironies, here i am again.
what is it about the two of us - we dance our little dance. we tiptoe round each other. trying to say the things we really mean in a language of metaphors and time and again getting tangled about all the things we never really said.
ah. am now recollecting how therapeutic this can be.
running away from my thirties...
Thursday, December 08, 2011
mood: exhausted
listening to: someone like you - adele
...and not quite fast enough too.
explains the absence of the customary annual birthday post this year, no?
finished my first (and potentially last) half marathon. 21kms. man! the pain... the pain...it was....painful. very... very much so.
i'm not very inspired today. it's rather hard to be when one's spent the better part of the past couple of days staring into and sitting on a toilet bowl. will spare you the details. other not so fortunate friends, were, well, not so fortunate.
one thing though - if being highly amused by books titled "are you a miserable old git?" and having "inner truth journals" gifted to you because it reminded friends of you doesn't say "yes, you're turning into a miserable, grumpy, old maid" - then i don't know what does.
well,.... grumpy, miserable and old or not, i am ,nonetheless,.... blessed.
may i always be mindful, grateful and thankful for all the blessings in my life. praise be to God.
of running races and other thoughts...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
mood: lazy
listening to: something on the radio i don't recognise
well, since my last post, i've managed to complete a 16.8km run/walk/jog in a little over 2 hours and 3 minutes. not too shabby for a first try. or at least, that's what i'm telling myself :P
it was quite an experience i must say. at some point, no matter what song you have blasting through your headphones to keep you going, all you hear are your own thoughts, asking repeatedly, "what the hell are you doing? what in the world were you thinking when you signed up for this??!"
the first thing i felt when i crossed the finish line was relief. as for the satisfaction of having completed it? well, that only came later. much later.
it's been a pretty interesting few weeks. tumultuous in many different ways, but equally enlightening too.
anyway, on other thoughts:
i've come to realise that one of the things i hate most are people who mask their annoyance and frustration under the guise of "diplomatic" remarks, because they don't have the balls to say exactly what they mean, but want to get their point across as well, without being seen as the "bad guy".
sorry lah, but it's not something that i'm gonna layan.
on a positive note, i had just paid for my coffee almond crunch ice-cream bar, when i sauntered over to sue's side of the haagen-dazs shop, where she was ordering a scoop. i said to her,"y'know, my favouritest flavour in the world is macadamia nut brittle, but they don't sell it anymore =( ." at that very moment, i looked down, and lo-and-behold! right below the tub of macadamia nut, was.....macadamia nut brittle!!! i was absolutely delighted! so yes, with one ice-cream bar in one hand, already half eaten, i walked out of haagen-dazs with another hand holding a scoop of macadamia nut brittle ice-cream, complete with waffle cone. =D =D =D
ah, greed you say? well. yes. but life's too short to deprive yourself of the simplest joys.
i <3 macadamia brittle ice-cream.
=)
aiyaks.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
mood: befuddled
listening to: -
was going through my old posts (again). and i must say, i think i used to write better (and more often too). i guess constant practice is required for those that are not gifted in this area...
in hindsight, where my ever-failing memory has worked, the recollections are rather amusing. in hindsight.
and the truth shall prevail...
Friday, September 23, 2011
mood: sigh
listening to: california king bed - rihanna
the truth has an uncanny way of revealing itself in time...whether you go in search of it or not. and i don't know about you, but in my world, that's God speaking to you and telling you things you may not want to hear but need to.
bizzare....and yet...not quite.
thoughts...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
mood: confused
listening to: -
read between the lines and behind the lies.
the dichotomy of good advice: trust your instincts, but don't act on impulse.
looking for life's "reset" button.
down memory lane...
Friday, September 16, 2011
mood: happy
listening to: skyscraper - demi levato (?) (it's on the radio :P)
funny how something as simple as a smell can bring back a flood of memories. i caught a hint of you yesterday. made me want to pull him closer just so i could settle myself back to the time when you were the one who pulled me close and i could just lean on your shoulder and rest.
but ofcourse i didn't.
"eh, can come a little closer ah? i just want to travel back in time for awhile." next thing i know, i'll probably be committed into some institution with "believes in time travel through smells" scribbled onto my file under "reason for admission:".
but time travel is possible, isn't it? even if it's through the sights and smells, and only to the past, buried in the recesses of one's overcrowded mind.
it counts... right?
anyway,...after everything, and everyone - no one else has come quite as close as you.
the inevitable...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
mood: indecisive
listening to: -
...yup. so it's finally happened. an entire month gone without a single post. bah.
not for the lack of trying...ok. fine. i didn't try very hard at all. but i've been travelling so much, ze brains have had no capacity to churn out anything consequential, nor witty, nor whatever. the heart was willing, but the mind was not. hrm.
so..........(*looks awkwardly around*) how's the weather? :P
that's common isn't it? to have nothing to say to someone after a long period of absence? and this awkward silence is often punctuated further if you had previously been very close...however, over an extended period of time, you both mutually inwardly acknowledged that your respective paths were gradually headed in different directions and thus began the unspoken prolonged parting of ways via a chain of missed calls, postponed appointments, wrong timings, "wished i could be there but can't (or won't)" and whathaveyous...all leading up to the awkward moment when for whatever reason, you are both thrown together once again.
that's the worst. and in my case, particularly so, because i hate awkward silences, and i feel the need to fill the sonic gap with jibber-jabber...and often, this means saying whatever comes to my mind without nary a thought. and of course, this is a recipe is for....yes, you got that right....disaster. won't go into the details right now....but trust me, there's a story or two to be told here ;)
anyway, what else is new? i'm still at crossroads. hopefully i'll make a turn some time soon. "hopefully" being the operative word here.
till the next post, i shall leave you with a little snippet which i thought was quite clever of me today :P yes, i gloat. so? it's my blog. i'll gloat all i want :P
with reference to my inability to mask my emotions:
p: i hope you haven't commited any crimes!
me: if not having a poker face was a crime, then i'd be a repeat offender.
=D
ok fine, it's not great. i'm pms-ing. indulge me.
(don't you just loveeee the universal excuse of pms? :P)
up and down, and all around...
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
mood: cheery
listening to: rolling in the deep - adele
...that pretty much means going nowhere doesn't it? 5 plane rides in less than two weeks, and here i am. again.
cross-roads....cross-roads...left? right? down the middle? back? or perhaps staying put at this perpetual cross-road? that's a choice too, isn't it?
a lot of my indecision stems from the fear of making the wrong one. if you don't decide, you can't possibly be wrong, right? ha. the irony.
i'm rambling....oh, yes i am.
but i'm still chirpy though =)
ah, the human soul...heart...we're nothing but walking contradictions.
