' shut up and listen.. '

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

My first ever diary entry of my life in Australia...

1 of 1095 days (hate to do it this way)
2 July 2001 SG - 18:40 MEL - 20:40

No internet access in my room yet as no one is at the reception counter to give me access to it. It opens for half a day everyday, which means, closes at 12pm from Mon-Wed, & Thur-Fri opens in the afternoon instead of morning. Using MS Word and it’s really nice typing on my new laptop.=) bought lots of essentials, got caught in the rain, freezing weather, went Jurassic Park (LOST world). Haha! Hope no one come asking me Melbourne got Jurassic Park ar?
My room’s not bad, smaller than expected, cleanliness... so-so la. Definitely not hotel standard though I was looking forward for it to be that way. Oh ya! How can I forget to tell you all that I waited for more than 3 hours for the airport reception! To be frank, no point complaining like how you always do in Singapore. I was not the only one you see. Eventually a man named Peter came to fetch us and he’s really nice. Something so USUAL happened- he didn’t believe my mum’s my mum. Being someone who loves Caucasians, my mum and him started chatting up in the car. Healthy conversation; but kinda lame as I just felt that he was trying to hit on my young mum. My mum just loves communicating with foreigner, so the Me sitting at the back of the car with the company of none other than a huge luggage either faded off from the background or from the back of their minds- don’t bother thinking as it’s a fusion of the two.
I miss home. I really do. I miss being comfortable in a clean room. I mean... at least the dirt in my room was mine; my definition of clean: no others’ dirt. If I don’t define, many will go “ya, I miss your clean room too.” You know what I mean. Just read through all the notes/ diaries my dear friends handed to me on my departure day. Didn’t read them on the plane cos I was freaked out by the idea of breaking down in tears all over again. RANDOM: I was seated beside 2 other girls as me n my mum checked in kinda late (others kia su la, check in so early). Guess wad, the friend that Maylene was telling me about was seated beside me. Denise, if I didn’t remember wrongly. She knows Glen as well. I couldn’t really recognise him on plane when the both of them were talking away as Glen was just an aisle away from her. Till the plane landed and we all gathered at the monash airport reception meeting point, I recognised Glen and the girl introduced herself as Denise. How coincidental. Coming back to the main topic of this entry.. I really miss too many things back in Singapore. The thought that I’m not here for holiday and the next time I’m returning to my comfort zone will be like MONTHS later????---made me sad. Reckoned I wouldn’t feel home sick on the first few days as my mum’s here with me. I suck at reckoning.
Back to the moments at the departure gate.. I still remember the faces of my dear friends, of my loved ones, some turned red from holding back their tears, some were retarded to emotions, some were laughing and trying to make it a happy departure, some kept standing a distance away yet is one of those who wanna just stick with me. As I get nearer and nearer to The Gate, my all-the-while-retarded reality sensor suddenly accelerated at such speed which I could not cope with and knocked down the smile that I was trying so damn hard to maintain. I knew I did a good job at photo taking session, I don’t wanna look ugly. But I really can’t make it pass 5 shots, luckily we had only 3, I think. “shoot me”, “bang” (inside joke).

I had so many thoughts and feelings running at the same moment.. so mixed feelings, gosh. The strongest contradiction was to go in the gate as fast as possible or to wait till the very last min. I wanted to enter The Gate asap at first, while I was still able to control my emotions and while my reality sensor was still as retarded as ever. But every I took, every move I make, is just like every attempt to commit suicide. Eventually, everyone knows the ending. I cried like a baby, uglily.=(
I miss each individual for individual reasons. Every single reason is enough to make me tear. I had to deal with ALL at one time when I was there, imagine the pain.. really, try imagining.. leaving your loved ones, and knowing you’ll feel so lost there too..there’s no turning back, an excruciating pain you have to go thru.. try visualising.
there, I felt fear in you. Yes, very scary feeling. It’ll eat you up from inside. However, the best medicine (yi du gong du), was actually just closing your eyes lean back and enjoy the take-off; tell yourself you’re finally leaving. The sound, speed, air pressure and altitude take all the fears and sadness away. Courage sets in with uncertainty, which was defeated by my curiosity on the Movies On Demand put up. Ok, I know, stupid conclusion. But I’m someone who throws unwanted unpleasant tots aside.. so ya. Haha!*yawn* it’s only abt 8pm in sg and I’m feeling so so so sleepy... zzZ.. guess cos my mum’s sleeping plus the Melbourne town in dead? Haha! n it’s VERY COLD HERE. BRRRrrr..... *shivers*

penned at*9:15 PM

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Received these pics from an email..

Picture 1:

The father and his son live in an impoverished hilly area. They demand nothing but a piece of land to call their own. Perhaps they will not have a chance to see the outside world all their lives -- they will not know what a staircase is, they will never ride in a taxi, nor will they ever step into a movie theater. But the truth is these are the people who offer us everything our lives depend on, generation after generation. The heaven and earth have nothing to repay them. Love them!

Picture 2:

Wang Zhizhong worked as a coal carrier. Carrying a basket of coal weighting 40kg (88 lb), he made his way up a 100m deep mine, and thenwalked a distance of 1000m along a mountainous track. For each trip, hemade 1RMB (0.125 USD). He was 17.

Picture 3:

(Caption on the photo: That day the English teacher arrived in our village. She taught us our very first sentence in English: "I want go to school."Did you hear it? It is the most heart-moving cry.)

Picture 4:

(Caption on the photo: That day, we found that we were able to attend school. We were so happy. But grandpa cried. Do you understand? The tears of an elderly man...) He thought that finally the kids were given a chance to go to school, but this semester has been dealt with, what about the next?

Picture 5:

Mothers and their children.This is life.

Picture 6:

He sells roast yam for a living. Because he doesn't have a license, his tools were confiscated and his tricycle smashed with its chain cut. All the old man can do is to sit there and cry. He has nothing left for tomorrow.

We must admit that there are people still living within the blind spot of our society. What if you were one of them?

penned at*2:11 PM

Monday, January 15, 2007

my blog's abandoned.

and that makes this a paradoxical entry. haha!

jus to let u guys who still continue visiting this site know that i'm doing fine.=) really. currently working, having fun at the same time. learning ppl, learning myself. finally living life the way that is not taken for granted. though i cant claim that i'm putting my life to full use YET, at least i start to see that it's not jus about rotting n eventually meeting death. ya, it's wonderful, as always.. i've nv found life meaningless, jus that it's more meaningful than i ever tot it was..

in hindsight, was i empty? dun think so.. sth's missing, i dunno wad. but i seemed to live happily w/o it. i'm not desperately searching for that missing thing, or at least not yet. we'll nv be complete, esp not when someone said "u complete me". bollocks. why the need to look for that missing piece when i dun need it, or do i? giel doesn't need it: she's perfectly fine now. giel needs to find the missing piece: she knows sth missing, that shows that she's not PERFECTLY fine. darn, wad m i toking abt.. haha! i rest my case, let me figure out wadeva i'm looking into first..

we can nv hav the cake and eat it.

penned at*2:00 AM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

i'm soo tired of blogging. n ppl say, picture says a thousand words. so ya.=)

he cant stop deriving joy out of ppl's sorrow. he kept laughing at me while i was mugging for A's. tsk.

math qns are jus really difficult to comprehend. dey're not specific enough.

pris hsin n i got tattoo-ed!=D

i was SOO hungry but my phy worksheet wanna snatch the cheese fries away frm me. obviously, i lost.=(

it's tric's mini bday celebration on de first day of A's.

our airport chauffeur- yeo ah boon. yes, we boarded at our own risk.

see u soon germ!! i'll miss u!!! (i'm waiting for ur presents.=D)

penned at*3:11 AM

Monday, November 06, 2006

another freakin good. haha!

click

penned at*12:38 AM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

FREAKIN GOOD!

click:

sexy back

penned at*11:18 PM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

maybe it's cos we aren't capable to help u achieve ur grade A. din noe u cld be dat practical. been keeping mum, hearing things n observing.. for whatsoever reason, i dun care. i dun care abt u. do wad u wan, seriously.

the only constant in life is change.

penned at*12:05 PM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

we celebrated shirlane's 21st bday at her place! haha! lazy to blog whole thing so these are de main gist

-hsin got her butt wet thinkin dat the float's able to support her weight despite me telling her how many times the float's not pumped up enough. oh well, so she looked fine frm the front n butt-soaked frm de back.

germ tried really hard to inflate it aft dat.

-in conjunction to the recent hazey days, hsin germ n i wore masks n roamed round town. moreover, shir's surprise was inspired by haze too, pic will be uploaded soon n u all will noe y.

w/o the haze, we might do more. but u noe, health comes first. HAHA.

-over 60 ppl attended her mini celebration.

-ranging frm fruit punch, to beer, to wine, to shots, to sake, u name it, she has it. haha!

-practiced how to be a pro tai tai (play mahjong)

-pris was the first n only to be dumped into de pool cos yeu ai practically rolled in.

-the frog looked less froggy. perhaps due to the haze dat caused some illusion.=P

-i jus love breeze.=)

cos she came up to me n licked to sayang me as i slipped n fell on my ass in front of him-.- haha!

penned at*12:24 AM

i jus cried.. cried over a DAMN touching story. a fren intro to me n when i saw the story's length, i almost gave up de idea of reading it thru cos it was freakin long! n it took me abt 2 hrs to "finish" de story. my nose's kinda blocked now. haha!

though long, but it's definitely worth my time..
http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm

jus a small extract frm a long story, abt the girl's very old, weak n lonely grandma..

“Your grandfather and I met when I was working at restaurant as a dish-washer. He was the cook of the restaurant. When we saw each other, we knew it was love at first sight.

“He kept staring at me while he was cooking and I could not concentrate on my washing. I stole quick glances of him, amazed by his awesome cooking skills and his good looks. By the fifth day of my work, he asked me out. I did not reject. And so we went to a park and chatted about almost everything under the sun.”

I tried to recollect memories of my grandfather. It was then that I realized I had never seen him before: He died before I was born. However, in my mind now, I was painting a picture of him: A young and handsome man who knew how to turn an uncooked egg into an omelette.

“We went on a few more dates. Unknowingly, we started holding hands. And as we continued dating, our love for each other grew so much that a day apart was intolerable.

“Whenever I woke up, I would wonder what he was doing. Whenever I walked to work, I would wonder if he was doing the same thing. If there were handphones during my time, I would have called him every single minute.

“Then one day, he brought me to a forest. Although I declined, he insisted. So we went into the dark forest, carrying only lighted candles. Suddenly, he disappeared. I panicked and nearly fainted, but he suddenly reappeared with a ring on his hand. He kneeled before me and proposed to me.”

I wiped off the remnants of my tears and tried to smile. Although I failed, my grandmother sensed my attempt and patted me on my shoulder.

“How could I have rejected? How could I have rejected such an offer? I cried on the spot, and within ten days, we were officially husband and wife.”

I realized that everyone had a story to tell: The auntie selling fish soup may have the most romantic love story; my old and stubborn Literature lecturer Mrs Goh may have the most tragic story to tell. Yet I always pondered on the poignancy of my own story, as if my story superseded all of theirs.

“Our relationship was as strong as a rock during our first few years of marriage. But everything soon changed. We began to drift apart. We seldom talked. There was just no reason for this rift.”

“You didn’t love him anymore?” I asked, curious.

My grandmother did not answer me. She sighed, and then continued, “I thought of divorce. But during my time, divorce was a taboo. We continued living together, exchanging less than a few words a day. And as a tradition, we had to bear a child for our parents.

“And so your mother is born. Even with the addition of a new member in the family, we still behaved like strangers. Your mother, angry with us for not giving her a good family, married off when she was just seventeen. And when I was fifty, I decided to move out. I lived alone here for five years, until your grandfather called me. He said he didn’t have much time left.”

“So I went to the hospital. Your grandfather asked me a question that made me think a lot: ‘Have you loved me throughout our marriage?’ I was lost for words. I spent the entire day thinking. And when I finally said yes, we hugged.

“Since then, I began visiting him in the hospital for his remaining days. He said something the day before he died which touched me very deeply: ‘I’ve been the happiest man in the world for two times: The first time is when you agreed to marry me, and the second time is when you said you had always loved me throughout our marriage. Because I have loved you all this while as well, but I just didn’t dare to say it.’”

penned at*12:04 AM