So: I'm just the same, weight fluctuating and not making much progress down the scale.
I'm not gaining, just alternatively putting on water weight, throwing it off and hovering right in the low 170's.
I want OUT (to the 160's-- I mean.)
Right now: I'm just weighing frequently and recording Wednesdays.
I've got a lot going on, which may not be an excuse, but it is a reality. I feel like once I'm a bit more oriented and set up in my new job, I'll be able to use more mental energy towards LOSING weight.
The good news is that my new band surgeon gave me a fill that has completely left me symptom free- no heart burn, no "PB's", ease of eating fruits, veggies and proteins. The bad news is that since I have less 'restriction'-- it's far more up to me to take hold and use the band to help me. It is not taking care of ethelbessie related cravings and habitual eating for boredom, stress relief, entertainment etc.
So: the lifetime of work continues.
I'll never give up, and I want to keep this level of fill and see what I can do over time-- but for now: no dramatic changes.
PS: I've changed from "The Girl Who does not snack" to the "Girl who will not give up"-- because I feel like that is a much more accurate portrayal of what is critically important to my ongoing journey…
PPS: Most important of all-- I want to stay positive and NOT mean about myself. I have not given up, I am fit and healthy in so many ways. It may not necessarily be in the cards that I'll reach 30 more pounds down… but I am keeping at it every day to best way I can.
I've gotten a lot accomplished in just the past few months… and I'm moving forward with my life in general in a great way. My new job is more active in general and I walk my dog at least a mile, and up to about 2 miles per day. My eating habits are evolving. I'm giving ME space to develop and just doing my best. NO GUILT.
good ole ticker...
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
It's an experiment...
So: I am learning more and more stuff.
I think that being patient is a key for me right now as I take this new band fill for a ride.
I am hopeful that I'll be looking back several months from now as a leaner and more confident person.
But this week may have been a wash... I cannot stay off that damn scale and I've begun to realize that if you can't beat em, join em.
The good news is that I'll be able to start gathering daily feedback about my weight again will allow me to see my trends. The not so good news is that I might be discouraged if I don't really check my attitude at the door and look at this as a serious scientific endeavor. I'm literally researching the best earring habits for ME now that my food choices are virtually at a 'normal' level again.
For so many years: I've opted for softer foods and other sliders with a too tight band. But yesterday evening I ate 3 delicious ounces of sous vide steak with cauliflower (mashed because I like it that way, not out of necessity.)
Guess what: I didn't CRAVE the nighttime snacks! Sitting down at my dinner table and eating a 'hearty' meal worked 😃.
I was satisfied and happy, I was not hungry and it really did hold me over.
But argh- my weight is 174.4 this morning.
What gives ?
I think I may be realizing that the 'extra' calories I earn through exercise CANNOT be used - even if my app says it is ok.
This coming week: I'll be working at keeping under my calorie goal of 1280. In the past: 1200 calories has always resulted in weight loss.
And here's more good news: I start my new 8am to 5pm gig on 10/20. This means that I will be up, on my feet and occupied for all weekdays. More daily exercise, less time for snacking, and a good structure to allow me to instill healthier habits.
On the other hand- since I'm changing directions in my career- I will not be forced to choose between my job and being healthy. I will be able to do less since my new job will be considerably less stress(once I'm fully oriented) than the last 8 years. I will not be the boss- and that is a good thing!
So it all adds up to more work to be done to get my weight down, one lb at a time and in a fully sustainable way.
Never give up: never surrender.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Weigh in wary-ness
My weekly Wednesday weigh in is coming up.. day after tomorrow, and I've promised myself a judgment free zone of posting the picture of the scale with no commentary by me.
I'm afraid that I won't lose weight this week- I've been trying all these different experiments and assignments from my band surgeon's program and still sort of working out how I'm working with my new and much less aggressive fill.
I'm glad to say that even though I think I could probably gobble down a lot of stuff- I am avoiding cakes, cookies, rice, pasta, bread and chips.
I'm favoring lean proteins, weighing my food and doing all the right things... until about 7pm. Then, lately: that is where I begin to (habitually) fall apart. The snacking cravings begin and I have to admit, I've given in on several occasions.
I've actually rid my house of many of the trigger like foods (cheese, chocolate) and am rebuilding my pantry as I go with far more veggies and fruits. It is wonderful to add these delicious old friends back to the mix!
So I am writing now, at 6:08pm. My fitness pal app says I'm at a total amount of 1105 calories for the day- and I'm permitted 1280 to lose a pound a week per their calculations.
If anyone out there uses that app-- do you use your additional calorie allowance from exercise? Technically: since I did my daily dog walk (and am lengthening that to burn more calories)- I have an 'additional' 259 calories per the app. This may be my downfall. I think I may need to 'delink' my 'map my walk' from the 'myfitnesspal' app and just stick to 1280 calories. I think the app may be permitting me to eat too much, thereby stalling my weight loss (possibly.)
I know I am a confuzzled mess about this-- but I know I'm going to get the feedback that I need on Wednesday morning.
And I have a solution in my back pocket- if I haven't lost any discernable weight (or even gained) in the past week- I'll keep logging my food, but will stop using the extra calories earned from exercise.
It's a scientific approach.
Note: this is my wonkiest week of the month with it being that special time lady time for me (bleh.) My weight is very bananas during the week of my period, so who the hell knows what it going to be up (or down.)
Just moving ahead and onward.
I'm afraid that I won't lose weight this week- I've been trying all these different experiments and assignments from my band surgeon's program and still sort of working out how I'm working with my new and much less aggressive fill.
I'm glad to say that even though I think I could probably gobble down a lot of stuff- I am avoiding cakes, cookies, rice, pasta, bread and chips.
I'm favoring lean proteins, weighing my food and doing all the right things... until about 7pm. Then, lately: that is where I begin to (habitually) fall apart. The snacking cravings begin and I have to admit, I've given in on several occasions.
I've actually rid my house of many of the trigger like foods (cheese, chocolate) and am rebuilding my pantry as I go with far more veggies and fruits. It is wonderful to add these delicious old friends back to the mix!
So I am writing now, at 6:08pm. My fitness pal app says I'm at a total amount of 1105 calories for the day- and I'm permitted 1280 to lose a pound a week per their calculations.
If anyone out there uses that app-- do you use your additional calorie allowance from exercise? Technically: since I did my daily dog walk (and am lengthening that to burn more calories)- I have an 'additional' 259 calories per the app. This may be my downfall. I think I may need to 'delink' my 'map my walk' from the 'myfitnesspal' app and just stick to 1280 calories. I think the app may be permitting me to eat too much, thereby stalling my weight loss (possibly.)
I know I am a confuzzled mess about this-- but I know I'm going to get the feedback that I need on Wednesday morning.
And I have a solution in my back pocket- if I haven't lost any discernable weight (or even gained) in the past week- I'll keep logging my food, but will stop using the extra calories earned from exercise.
It's a scientific approach.
Note: this is my wonkiest week of the month with it being that special time lady time for me (bleh.) My weight is very bananas during the week of my period, so who the hell knows what it going to be up (or down.)
Just moving ahead and onward.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
"Spaghetti" Zucchini- my 10 year old loves this recipe
I have a great recipe that gets the veggies into my kid … and I enjoy it too. Low in calories, high in nutrition!
You do need one special kitchen tool: a spiralizer. It costs less than $40 and is invaluable!
You do need one special kitchen tool: a spiralizer. It costs less than $40 and is invaluable!
This makes denser veggies into 'spaghetti' strands-- so far I've used cucumber and zucchini- zucchini is a huge winner.
The photo on the left is what unpeeled zucchini looks like when you use the spiralizer, which is very simple.
Here is the recipe- it is a one sauté pan dish, bonus!
4 zucchini/ halved
1/2 sweet onion
2 tomatoes
2 cloves garlic
2 cups arugula
1/2 cup of sweet peppers (red/orange/ yellow)
1/2 cup marinara sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil (salt/ pepper to taste)**
1 cup low sodium chicken or vegetable broth
Dice the tomatoes, garlic, and peppers and sauté on medium heat (until softened) in 1 teaspoon olive oil (can omit olive oil and use non-stick spray, but the olive oil adds some flavor.)
Spiralize the zucchini and onion.
Dice the leftover 'nubs' of zucchini and onion.
Add zucchini and onion to saute pan, along with marinara sauce and remaining olive oil.
Maintain on medium heat, stirring (I use 2 forks to disperse the sauce through the veggies) frequently.
Use broth to thin out the sauce as it cooks down.
Continue cooking until the zucchini 'pasta' is at your desired 'doneness.'
Serve hot or chill and eat later.
*I find that this dish tastes even better when it is chilled and then reheated-- I think the flavors meld together better as they cool and then are reheated.
**You can use less olive oil, or you can sub in a teaspoon of butter and use 2 teaspoons of olive oil if you prefer that flavor… I find that adding a bit of oil to this dish really kicks up the flavor of this dish and broken out over 4 portions, you are having less than 1 tsp of oil per serving.
Enjoy!
Here is the recipe- it is a one sauté pan dish, bonus!
4 zucchini/ halved
1/2 sweet onion
2 tomatoes
2 cloves garlic
2 cups arugula
1/2 cup of sweet peppers (red/orange/ yellow)
1/2 cup marinara sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil (salt/ pepper to taste)**
1 cup low sodium chicken or vegetable broth
Dice the tomatoes, garlic, and peppers and sauté on medium heat (until softened) in 1 teaspoon olive oil (can omit olive oil and use non-stick spray, but the olive oil adds some flavor.)
Spiralize the zucchini and onion.
Dice the leftover 'nubs' of zucchini and onion.
Add zucchini and onion to saute pan, along with marinara sauce and remaining olive oil.
Maintain on medium heat, stirring (I use 2 forks to disperse the sauce through the veggies) frequently.
Use broth to thin out the sauce as it cooks down.
Continue cooking until the zucchini 'pasta' is at your desired 'doneness.'
Serve hot or chill and eat later.
*I find that this dish tastes even better when it is chilled and then reheated-- I think the flavors meld together better as they cool and then are reheated.
**You can use less olive oil, or you can sub in a teaspoon of butter and use 2 teaspoons of olive oil if you prefer that flavor… I find that adding a bit of oil to this dish really kicks up the flavor of this dish and broken out over 4 portions, you are having less than 1 tsp of oil per serving.
Enjoy!
Friday, October 10, 2014
Plan or fail and introducing ethelbessie
I weighed myself yesterday and saw my weight was up and promptly had a self-sabotaging day. I don't think it psychologically about punishment for myself - rather- it is my fathead talking: " f you! I tried and see what happened... Well, now I am justified to eat what I want."
Um- fathead: you're getting a name so I can distinguish between 'you' and me.
Fathead: I shall call you 'Ethelbessie' and to anyone out there who is could possibly be named this name - I'm sorry - but it is just an amalgamation of two 'fat' names in my mind.
Well: Ethelbessie, I am determined to make this new start with my band be different. While I want to lose all 30 pounds - it is really just 1 at a time- and that can be my only focus. Ethelbessie dear: you simply can't see weight loss in a day by day way. Safe and effective weight loss takes time and sustained effort. Ethelbessie: I must recognize you and then push you out of the way and be patient.
I signed up for 'mastering the band' with my new doc and I recommend it!
It doesn't come cheap ($300)- but you get 10 weeks of lessons and access to a private Google plus community for support. The community is not very active but the doctor is on there often and makes helpful comments. You get homework to do and it helps maintain focus. Bad habits are not undone overnight.
If you consider it- using the community becomes a bargain over time with invaluable advice from a lap band surgeon who is also a weight watcher. He has lost 80 lbs himself.
I am not being paid to endorse his course !
I thought of the course just now because my first lesson talked about the important 'be's'... Including 'be patient.'
Yep: that's a hard one, but the only way is one day at a time.
Onward and downward!!
Feeling - determined 😬
Bonus pic from my morning walkies with my dog:
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
Wednesday weigh in
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm determined that my weekly Wednesday weigh-ins will be a non-judgemental space in which I simply and honestly record my progress.
Therefore: I am just going to title these posts "Wednesday weigh in" and take a picture of the scale without commentary.
Tuesday, October 07, 2014
I climbed a serious mountain today !
This was a 4.5 hour round trip up the cholla trail of camelback mountain in Phx, AZ ! It was quite challenging but I'm so glad I am using the last few weeks before I start my new job to do fun fitness things and start the long journey to getting my eating habits in check.
A quick word on my new relationship with the band: I'm measuring my food now to be sure I'm getting 4oz of protein with meals ... This way: I am really testing my fill. My band doc emphasizes that the band is NOT for restriction - it is to work in the background, controlling hunger at 2 hours After I've eaten. This idea makes measuring food essential - because it is my responsibility to put the right foods into my mouth to augment the work that the band does for me.
I've got a new attitude
It's amazing what a refreshed attitude and motivation can do for a body!
Here is my meal plan for today:
Early AM: Coffee/ lite creamer
Breakfast:
Pure Protein Shake (30g. protein)
(may blend in some frozen banana and some spinach)
Lunch:
Veggie Tuna (water packed tuna, planning to use whole can) with lite mayo, carrots, onion, 1 dill pickle, lemon juice
Chopped romaine salad with sprinkle of olive oil
Iced coffee with 2% milk
Dinner:
4oz salmon
Steamed veggies
May try: Blended frozen banana with splenda and cinnamon
I just want to hang onto this feeling long enough to re-form my habits and make them my own... my new doc said that ideally in TWO years time, I'll be eating totally differently.
Some of you may really be scratching your heads and saying "WTF?" when I tell you that I'm realizing I was eating so many wrong things to get around my band... and I thought of myself as a relative band 'success' story.
The good news almost 4 years later: I'm 30 some odd pounds down and I've kept all but about 10 pounds off...
The bad news is that I really went about my weight loss in a way that I wouldn't constitute as sustainable now that I am looking back.
It's obvious that I was dependent on sliders- lots of crumbly sweet type of things and salty too...these are not things I didn't know, but I really didn't know how to correct it. I realize I am repeating, but I definitely have a new approach. It feels like a shiny, new and delicate toy that is precious. I'm afraid that I'm going to mess it up but the only way out of it is through it, so to speak. I've got to relearn and practice my new eating habits one day at a time.
I've got to practice my new 'avoids' - which include pasta, bread, crackers, chips, white rice, unnecessary / unplanned sweets, snacking, every single day. I'm going to need to work hard and think hard. Plan hard. Expect more of myself. Rinse/ repeat.
Baby my band.
I am also going to take a page from some very successful bandsters (Lap Band Gal comes to mind) and do a weekly weigh in and post it here, religiously.
I'm thinking that Wednesday will be my day: "Wednesday Weigh Ins."
Weight loss takes attention, work and patience to get it right. It takes a willingness to change and a fair amount of introspection (at least from where I stand.)
For example: here's some really non- functional thinking I had this morning...
I bought the most comfortable jersey pajama pants, I got them very cheap at Costco and wound up buying 6 pairs to diminish the amount of laundry I have to do. I love those type of pants for at home lounging.
Anyway: the only sizes available in these pants were XL (and XXL)-- so I got the XL, which fit, and actually are snug but still comfy.
So I got to thinking about how sad I'll be if I lose weight and outgrow those pants. WTH? Why am I thinking that way?
Because I'm nutty in my brain, that is why.
Here's my answer to myself: if my XL PJ pants that are so cozy and comfy become too big to wear... I'll buy myself some new g-damn pants that are comfy and cozy. Buying new clothes should be the least of my worries- but I am an Olympic worrier and can figure out a way to be bothered by just about anything. Sheesh.
I kind of hate the idea of 'waste'-- but I also need to understand that I won't be 'wasting' that purchase. Some very nice person will be able to pick up my given away PJ's and use them well-- I am determined that I won't be able to wear them out fast enough and that I will outgrow them in the next several months (having them be too big and needing to be given away.)
Alright- enough obsessing. Just wanted to share.
Have a great day!
Here is my meal plan for today:
Early AM: Coffee/ lite creamer
Breakfast:
Pure Protein Shake (30g. protein)
(may blend in some frozen banana and some spinach)
Lunch:
Veggie Tuna (water packed tuna, planning to use whole can) with lite mayo, carrots, onion, 1 dill pickle, lemon juice
Chopped romaine salad with sprinkle of olive oil
Iced coffee with 2% milk
Dinner:
4oz salmon
Steamed veggies
May try: Blended frozen banana with splenda and cinnamon
I just want to hang onto this feeling long enough to re-form my habits and make them my own... my new doc said that ideally in TWO years time, I'll be eating totally differently.
Some of you may really be scratching your heads and saying "WTF?" when I tell you that I'm realizing I was eating so many wrong things to get around my band... and I thought of myself as a relative band 'success' story.
The good news almost 4 years later: I'm 30 some odd pounds down and I've kept all but about 10 pounds off...
The bad news is that I really went about my weight loss in a way that I wouldn't constitute as sustainable now that I am looking back.
It's obvious that I was dependent on sliders- lots of crumbly sweet type of things and salty too...these are not things I didn't know, but I really didn't know how to correct it. I realize I am repeating, but I definitely have a new approach. It feels like a shiny, new and delicate toy that is precious. I'm afraid that I'm going to mess it up but the only way out of it is through it, so to speak. I've got to relearn and practice my new eating habits one day at a time.
I've got to practice my new 'avoids' - which include pasta, bread, crackers, chips, white rice, unnecessary / unplanned sweets, snacking, every single day. I'm going to need to work hard and think hard. Plan hard. Expect more of myself. Rinse/ repeat.
Baby my band.
I am also going to take a page from some very successful bandsters (Lap Band Gal comes to mind) and do a weekly weigh in and post it here, religiously.
I'm thinking that Wednesday will be my day: "Wednesday Weigh Ins."
Weight loss takes attention, work and patience to get it right. It takes a willingness to change and a fair amount of introspection (at least from where I stand.)
For example: here's some really non- functional thinking I had this morning...
I bought the most comfortable jersey pajama pants, I got them very cheap at Costco and wound up buying 6 pairs to diminish the amount of laundry I have to do. I love those type of pants for at home lounging.
Anyway: the only sizes available in these pants were XL (and XXL)-- so I got the XL, which fit, and actually are snug but still comfy.
So I got to thinking about how sad I'll be if I lose weight and outgrow those pants. WTH? Why am I thinking that way?
Because I'm nutty in my brain, that is why.
Here's my answer to myself: if my XL PJ pants that are so cozy and comfy become too big to wear... I'll buy myself some new g-damn pants that are comfy and cozy. Buying new clothes should be the least of my worries- but I am an Olympic worrier and can figure out a way to be bothered by just about anything. Sheesh.
I kind of hate the idea of 'waste'-- but I also need to understand that I won't be 'wasting' that purchase. Some very nice person will be able to pick up my given away PJ's and use them well-- I am determined that I won't be able to wear them out fast enough and that I will outgrow them in the next several months (having them be too big and needing to be given away.)
Alright- enough obsessing. Just wanted to share.
Have a great day!
Monday, October 06, 2014
"The Girl Who Does Not Snack"
I had my first fill with my new band doctor today.
I think he is a really good fit for me-- and perhaps this is just the right time for me to pay attention and do what is needed.
Incidentally: I was all bent out of shape that I put on 3 pounds a few days ago and a couple days into the liquid diet, but my weight was DOWN by a pound at the doc's office. Who knew and why should I have worried? (Well: I didn't want to be a complete failure in the face of my new and beloved doc.)
Anyhow: I have a new identity starting today- "The Girl Who Does Not Snack." I am pretty sure my previous practice frowned on snacking too-- but my doc's post fill instructions include this phrase:
"Do not eat between meals--no snacks, no fruit, nothing."
Umm, pretty definitive, correct?
And if I want to be super compliant and a band super star in round 2 of this performance with the band: then I better follow my band instructions, right? Right.
So: I'm now "The Girl Who Does Not Snack." Included in this identity is my mantra, whenever I feel like having a snack, "I am the Girl Who Does Not Snack"... so I can't have a snack even if I am hungry. I need to eat my meals and then get over it if I am hungry. I'll just need to wait until my next meal and know that HUNGER IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.
Again: all things I've heard before, but I guess I am ready to hear them differently now.
I think he is a really good fit for me-- and perhaps this is just the right time for me to pay attention and do what is needed.
Incidentally: I was all bent out of shape that I put on 3 pounds a few days ago and a couple days into the liquid diet, but my weight was DOWN by a pound at the doc's office. Who knew and why should I have worried? (Well: I didn't want to be a complete failure in the face of my new and beloved doc.)
Anyhow: I have a new identity starting today- "The Girl Who Does Not Snack." I am pretty sure my previous practice frowned on snacking too-- but my doc's post fill instructions include this phrase:
"Do not eat between meals--no snacks, no fruit, nothing."
Umm, pretty definitive, correct?
And if I want to be super compliant and a band super star in round 2 of this performance with the band: then I better follow my band instructions, right? Right.
So: I'm now "The Girl Who Does Not Snack." Included in this identity is my mantra, whenever I feel like having a snack, "I am the Girl Who Does Not Snack"... so I can't have a snack even if I am hungry. I need to eat my meals and then get over it if I am hungry. I'll just need to wait until my next meal and know that HUNGER IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.
Again: all things I've heard before, but I guess I am ready to hear them differently now.
Saturday, October 04, 2014
Yesterday was hard… today will be better/ easier
This liquid diet thing is NO JOKE.
But I'm determined.
Today it's literally dumbed down to the maximum.
I'm going to have a protein shake every few hours and that's it. No negotiating, no changing, no thinking.
This is just temporary… and then I will probably be getting a fill and some new instructions from my new doc.
I really like my new doc and his practice. He has an online course about Mastering the Band which is very helpful- though expensive at $300. My birthday is tomorrow and this is my gift to myself… new lease on my band, new approach, new hope etc. etc.
Each week, he sends a lesson for 10 weeks to help with Band Mastery- and I feel like this is a major do-over for me. My original approach consisted of letting the band tell me what to do and planning much less.
This new approach is all about being in charge of my band, deciding what I'm going to do and getting the most of my EFFORTS-- planning seems to be the key operative word.
Being MINDFUL is also essential and that is where I am today. I am in the liquid diet phase and all I need to do is get through this for now… honestly: it is just food!
I'm excited for things to come.
On other notes:
What else can I tell you all? My son has been sick for over a week, and after a second trip to see his pediatrician, with worsened symptoms (ugh!) he wound up on steroids for 3 days, a temporary inhaler to calm down his lungs, and 10 days of antibiotics for an ear infection. Jeez. I am thankful he doesn't have strep throat and we are now seeing improvements from the meds after 2 days.
I am officially getting old in the eyes.
Here I am in my new glasses that are the Cadillac of all eyewear-- they are for my astigmatism, my near-sighted and far sightedness AND for the sun (transitions!) I am actually NOT wearing them right now… but they definitely are a must for some part of each day b/c I get eye strain otherwise. The joys of 'aging.' But I am happy to be alive…
I've got to get back to reading and commenting on y'all's blogs… I plan to do this over time. I am happy to say that I will have far more time to myself and a far less exhausting work schedule now that I've made a good turn in my professional life. Can't wait to see how it all goes.
My new job starts on 10/20/14 and I can already tell it is SUCH a nice department filled with super educated and caring folks. I am SO grateful for this opportunity and will be doing everything I can to make their hiring of me very worthwhile.
I'm in a good mood… and the weather here is lovely. Cheers !
But I'm determined.
Today it's literally dumbed down to the maximum.
I'm going to have a protein shake every few hours and that's it. No negotiating, no changing, no thinking.
This is just temporary… and then I will probably be getting a fill and some new instructions from my new doc.
I really like my new doc and his practice. He has an online course about Mastering the Band which is very helpful- though expensive at $300. My birthday is tomorrow and this is my gift to myself… new lease on my band, new approach, new hope etc. etc.
Each week, he sends a lesson for 10 weeks to help with Band Mastery- and I feel like this is a major do-over for me. My original approach consisted of letting the band tell me what to do and planning much less.
This new approach is all about being in charge of my band, deciding what I'm going to do and getting the most of my EFFORTS-- planning seems to be the key operative word.
Being MINDFUL is also essential and that is where I am today. I am in the liquid diet phase and all I need to do is get through this for now… honestly: it is just food!
I'm excited for things to come.
On other notes:
What else can I tell you all? My son has been sick for over a week, and after a second trip to see his pediatrician, with worsened symptoms (ugh!) he wound up on steroids for 3 days, a temporary inhaler to calm down his lungs, and 10 days of antibiotics for an ear infection. Jeez. I am thankful he doesn't have strep throat and we are now seeing improvements from the meds after 2 days.
I am officially getting old in the eyes.
I've got to get back to reading and commenting on y'all's blogs… I plan to do this over time. I am happy to say that I will have far more time to myself and a far less exhausting work schedule now that I've made a good turn in my professional life. Can't wait to see how it all goes.
My new job starts on 10/20/14 and I can already tell it is SUCH a nice department filled with super educated and caring folks. I am SO grateful for this opportunity and will be doing everything I can to make their hiring of me very worthwhile.
I'm in a good mood… and the weather here is lovely. Cheers !
Friday, October 03, 2014
Liquid diet continues...
Still working it.
It is not easy to be on a liquid diet- but I'm working on it the best way I can and the time frame is very short.
More later... No more time to post now.
Thursday, October 02, 2014
I'm Ba-aaaaaa-ck!
Hi Chicas!
I'm posting from my sunny home in the Southwest and happy to be back and blogging.
I have a new lap band doctor and new hopes! Yay!
My weight was 171.8 yesterday on my home scale and I saw my new doc yesterday for the first time. Good thing I did b/c I had an Upper GI and my esophagus was dilated (and I was having reflux) due to months of just having things be shitty.
SO:
All fluid out of the band for the next several days- I return to the office on Monday after sticking only to liquids (doctor's orders.)
Then: A new life and approach to the band.
It's a lot like a new lease on things and getting a 'do-over.' My new doc is all about the stimulation of the nerve from the band and NOT the restriction that the band creates. It seems (and I am pretty sure I knew this all along) that I depended heavily on the restriction aspect of things to just 'stop' me from eating.
Instead: my approach to eating and using my band as a tool will be changing and I am ready for this work. I will be reading up on your blogs and can't wait to catch back up. In January, it will be my 5th bandiversary and I hope to be in a different weight category and head space by then!
PS: Things are coming together with our big cross country move… my son is still adjusting to school, but it always takes him time and we are providing as much support as possible. I have a new job that I will be starting in 18 days and my hubs has had an upsurge in his business (though he is slow right now again, bah humbug.)
Glad I was 'reorganized' out of my job earlier this year-- it has taken a while to get back up on my career feet, especially since I've decided to return to my clinical practice in rehabilitation therapy- but it has really worked to our advantage.
Here are a few recent shots of my new 'hood and moi.
I'm posting from my sunny home in the Southwest and happy to be back and blogging.
I have a new lap band doctor and new hopes! Yay!
My weight was 171.8 yesterday on my home scale and I saw my new doc yesterday for the first time. Good thing I did b/c I had an Upper GI and my esophagus was dilated (and I was having reflux) due to months of just having things be shitty.
SO:
All fluid out of the band for the next several days- I return to the office on Monday after sticking only to liquids (doctor's orders.)
Then: A new life and approach to the band.
It's a lot like a new lease on things and getting a 'do-over.' My new doc is all about the stimulation of the nerve from the band and NOT the restriction that the band creates. It seems (and I am pretty sure I knew this all along) that I depended heavily on the restriction aspect of things to just 'stop' me from eating.
Instead: my approach to eating and using my band as a tool will be changing and I am ready for this work. I will be reading up on your blogs and can't wait to catch back up. In January, it will be my 5th bandiversary and I hope to be in a different weight category and head space by then!
PS: Things are coming together with our big cross country move… my son is still adjusting to school, but it always takes him time and we are providing as much support as possible. I have a new job that I will be starting in 18 days and my hubs has had an upsurge in his business (though he is slow right now again, bah humbug.)
Glad I was 'reorganized' out of my job earlier this year-- it has taken a while to get back up on my career feet, especially since I've decided to return to my clinical practice in rehabilitation therapy- but it has really worked to our advantage.
Here are a few recent shots of my new 'hood and moi.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Day 4
Day 4...
I would no longer classify my eating as purely liquids.
Rather, I'm relying primarily on liquids and focusing on getting my protein in easily and tastily.
I didn't drink enough plain water yesterday so I woke up and had water to start my day.
I'm sitting here with my morning coffee considering today's plan.
Easiest for me to stick mainly with liquids .... Now that I feel more of a blood sugar and band reset, I'm going to favor protein and keep my calories down.
Fleshed out plan later.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Breakfast anyone?
Day 3
Going strong.
I'm not being rigid. Small slider treat as a nighttime snack after a good day of smoothies and soup.
I'm going to incorporate home made tuna salad and egg salad to my repetiore as options.
And I got on the scale: 172.4 this morning. Not as bad as imagined and much hope for a quick return to the 160's.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Day 2- liquid diet, heavy on the protein/ low on the carbs
Day 2- nearly 2pm, going strong.
Off to fill up my stomach with some water and another protein boost. I am getting stomach grumbly and we DO NOT want that.
NO blood sugar drops!
Keeping up with protein drinks and soup and water to ensure I don't get too hungry!!
Feeling much better about things !
Onward….
The above is about all I could tolerate posting on my iPhone. I miss my Blackberry for typing quickly- but obviously, iPhone is about 10 zillion times better for Aps and other stuff.
So: I garnered my husband's support today for my liquid diet. I am always concerned with his opinion and if he thought I was doing something unhealthy OR if he just didn't understand what or why I was doing what I'm doing right now- he could accidentally sabotage me.
I'm glad to say that I told him my 'one day at a time with liquids' plan for now-- but working to try to do it until 6/20/14. Actually: he thought that was a nutty time frame (virtually a month) and agreed that he could get with 2 weeks and be supportive. I don't meant to suggest that he is not a supportive guy- he is supportive, but we are so connected that if I sense that he thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, it is hard for me to comply with my own plans. Does this make sense?
Anyhow: it is ONLY day 2 of a longish road ahead but here are some major plusses:
-Food chaos has STOPPED with keeping my list of allowed foods to protein shakes, fruit/ veggies smoothies, soups (and tuna/ egg salad- home made- when I feel like adding these)
-I am not feeling hungry or crave-y at all right now, thank you Band!
-I am feeling very proud of myself and focused on my efforts for lifestyle improvement, weight loss etc etc.
-I am feeling hopeful that in just a short time, I'll be able to try on my clothes and feel them getting looser.
-I am free of the scale at the moment. I know damn well that my clothes will tell the tale, and that is what truly matters to me. When my clothes are looser, I may decide to hop on the scale, but I am not playing that game at the moment. It can be an agony when you are working hard, keeping on a strict plan and then not seeing the 'expected' drops in weight. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
-I'm back to blogging again- it's fun and I will try to spend some more time on commenting on all of my old blogger friends' blogs as I get back into it.
Maybe I will make some new friends too!
Downsides:
-I've set out to do this more 'drastic' eating approach for a number of weeks… it's just long--but my counterpoint is that I am never agreeing with myself to do more than ONE day at a time. I can always stop or decide to have a 'bonus' meal if I wish to do so.
-Ummmm.
I can't think of more downsides right now!
The above is about all I could tolerate posting on my iPhone. I miss my Blackberry for typing quickly- but obviously, iPhone is about 10 zillion times better for Aps and other stuff.
So: I garnered my husband's support today for my liquid diet. I am always concerned with his opinion and if he thought I was doing something unhealthy OR if he just didn't understand what or why I was doing what I'm doing right now- he could accidentally sabotage me.
I'm glad to say that I told him my 'one day at a time with liquids' plan for now-- but working to try to do it until 6/20/14. Actually: he thought that was a nutty time frame (virtually a month) and agreed that he could get with 2 weeks and be supportive. I don't meant to suggest that he is not a supportive guy- he is supportive, but we are so connected that if I sense that he thinks I'm doing the wrong thing, it is hard for me to comply with my own plans. Does this make sense?
Anyhow: it is ONLY day 2 of a longish road ahead but here are some major plusses:
-Food chaos has STOPPED with keeping my list of allowed foods to protein shakes, fruit/ veggies smoothies, soups (and tuna/ egg salad- home made- when I feel like adding these)
-I am not feeling hungry or crave-y at all right now, thank you Band!
-I am feeling very proud of myself and focused on my efforts for lifestyle improvement, weight loss etc etc.
-I am feeling hopeful that in just a short time, I'll be able to try on my clothes and feel them getting looser.
-I am free of the scale at the moment. I know damn well that my clothes will tell the tale, and that is what truly matters to me. When my clothes are looser, I may decide to hop on the scale, but I am not playing that game at the moment. It can be an agony when you are working hard, keeping on a strict plan and then not seeing the 'expected' drops in weight. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
-I'm back to blogging again- it's fun and I will try to spend some more time on commenting on all of my old blogger friends' blogs as I get back into it.
Maybe I will make some new friends too!
Downsides:
-I've set out to do this more 'drastic' eating approach for a number of weeks… it's just long--but my counterpoint is that I am never agreeing with myself to do more than ONE day at a time. I can always stop or decide to have a 'bonus' meal if I wish to do so.
-Ummmm.
I can't think of more downsides right now!
Off to fill up my stomach with some water and another protein boost. I am getting stomach grumbly and we DO NOT want that.
NO blood sugar drops!
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
One day down ...
It is closing in on 8pm (dinner and beyond being danger mode for me) and I've had an dedicated day of liquids.
Coffee
Water
3 protein smoothies (one with fruit)
Curried butternut squash soup
1 can coke zero
I'm going for another day tomorrow.
Oh for heaven's sake.
If anyone is still looking at my blog: 'oh for heaven's sake' refers to the fact that I said I was going to start posting again… and then…. kerplunk.
Well: I'm back to say that I'm going to be blogging again (at least for the next 12 to 24 hours.) I'm committing myself to a one day at a time return to good band behavior.
Here's why: I have been very naughty. Sliders everywhere, sweets, chips-- STRESS eating.
Listen, when you are upset and you eat, it is because you think you deserve it are in a wrong thinking mode.
Stress eating will make you feel muchbetter worse in the long run.
Should I get that tattooed somewhere???
As our friend LapBandGal has on her blog: "If hunger isn't the problem, then eating isn't the solution."
My crap eating has led to some crap consequences that I really want to turn around:
I don't really much remember what it feels like to be hungry.
AND even worse: I also don't really remember what it feels like to be satisfied by anything I am eating b/c I am just eating junk with no limits.
When you just eat what you feel like, your band hates you and food tends to come up on you more than it should (ugh) and it's just chaos.
ENOUGH.
I'd like to say 'Thank you band' for imposing some limits… I don't think I've gained 20 pounds or anything, but perhaps a nice 5 solid fat pounds. I imagine my weight is up in the higher 170's. I am not weighing myself (except for my clothes, and my clothes are tight. Gah) right now, but will do soon enough.
I want to say, by way of 'back on the wagon sharing' that I am going to do a liquid diet today. It is the simplest way to get the most protein in and keep things very simple. This is not a punishment at all. It is a way to help myself get back on track without a whole lot of interference from my brain.
Simple rules to follow that are sanctioned by my own surgical practice which permitted me to go on a 2 week liquid diet before surgery-- so there is nothing wrong with going back to that for a couple of days if it helps.
I also have reached my official 'line in the sand' that I knew was coming. I've been working towards getting a certain position in my soon to be new hometown area, and decided that if I got the word that I'd be flown out there that I'd immediately turn my eating around so I can feel good about getting into a suit on interview day. I don't know how long I have before I will be out there- but I want to take best advantage of the interim time to get myself 'right.'
However: I am literally in ONE day at a time mode… not feeling much confidence in myself (or trust) that I can even do ONE day of liquid diet. But I am pretty committed (right now) and will do my best. That is why I am blogging.
So, hope to see / you later b/c if you do, you'll know that I am sharing this reset journey...
Well: I'm back to say that I'm going to be blogging again (at least for the next 12 to 24 hours.) I'm committing myself to a one day at a time return to good band behavior.
Here's why: I have been very naughty. Sliders everywhere, sweets, chips-- STRESS eating.
Listen, when you are upset and you eat, it is because you think you deserve it are in a wrong thinking mode.
Stress eating will make you feel much
Should I get that tattooed somewhere???
As our friend LapBandGal has on her blog: "If hunger isn't the problem, then eating isn't the solution."
My crap eating has led to some crap consequences that I really want to turn around:
I don't really much remember what it feels like to be hungry.
AND even worse: I also don't really remember what it feels like to be satisfied by anything I am eating b/c I am just eating junk with no limits.
When you just eat what you feel like, your band hates you and food tends to come up on you more than it should (ugh) and it's just chaos.
ENOUGH.
I'd like to say 'Thank you band' for imposing some limits… I don't think I've gained 20 pounds or anything, but perhaps a nice 5 solid fat pounds. I imagine my weight is up in the higher 170's. I am not weighing myself (except for my clothes, and my clothes are tight. Gah) right now, but will do soon enough.
I want to say, by way of 'back on the wagon sharing' that I am going to do a liquid diet today. It is the simplest way to get the most protein in and keep things very simple. This is not a punishment at all. It is a way to help myself get back on track without a whole lot of interference from my brain.
Simple rules to follow that are sanctioned by my own surgical practice which permitted me to go on a 2 week liquid diet before surgery-- so there is nothing wrong with going back to that for a couple of days if it helps.
I also have reached my official 'line in the sand' that I knew was coming. I've been working towards getting a certain position in my soon to be new hometown area, and decided that if I got the word that I'd be flown out there that I'd immediately turn my eating around so I can feel good about getting into a suit on interview day. I don't know how long I have before I will be out there- but I want to take best advantage of the interim time to get myself 'right.'
However: I am literally in ONE day at a time mode… not feeling much confidence in myself (or trust) that I can even do ONE day of liquid diet. But I am pretty committed (right now) and will do my best. That is why I am blogging.
So, hope to see / you later b/c if you do, you'll know that I am sharing this reset journey...
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Continuity of posting - a return!
I'm loving the two grand app- while I haven't stopped my evening dessert habit, I'm so much more mindful of what I'm eating.
Two successful food logging days on the books.
Oh: I'm drinking more water b/c of the accountability as well.
My weight this morning is 'down' to 173.6 and my rings are tight (still) so I hope that I can drop some more water weight for a quick 'win' on the scale.
Feeling my confidence returning- and the band has truly given me the gift of knowing I can control my weight.
It is not perfect and sometimes I stray upward...but never that far.
Really wanting to get back into the 160's soon.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Been AWOL- being YOLO, though
Hey y'all- and special shout out to my girl, Vanessa, for checking in on me.
I'm sorry I've been AWOL- just that life has been SUPER busy and stressful (at times- but that's life, right?)
I can't even begin to sum it all up- but I can say that I'm getting into a more 'normal' groove, if you can classify my life as being normal in such a topsy turvy type of state.
First let me share just a few pictures of our really awesome Jamaica vacation-- we stayed at the Rose Hall Suites near Montego bay- early April.
Dontcha love the horrible expressions kids will give you in vacation photos???
Here are a few more:
During this time, we finalized our plans to move across the country to warmer South West climates!
Hence: I've been scrubbing, organizing, setting out house up and getting ready for a tremendous move.
It's a long story as to why we decided to do this move now, but in a nutshell: there are just better opportunities out where we're planning to move, we are very familiar with the area, and neither of us have jobs that are keeping us HERE on the East coast. Adventure time.
What else has been happening?
Oh: lots and lots of stress eating. Yeah: owning up here. My weight today: 173.6. Bah.
Back on track though and using a FANTABULOUS app to journal my food. It is called "TwoGrand" (as in the generally recommended 2000 calorie limit for everyone these days- the whole idea behind the app is that eating like a person who weighs what you want to weigh and has an activity profile similar to yours will help you figure out the right things to do. AND: you log everything via photographs.)
I am literally on day 2 and yesterday was the first day EVER during which I was able to log every food morsel that went into my mouth. The act of writing it down was too hard for me… but photographing is so damn easy with my phone that there is no excuse. And I already saw and have corrected something from yesterday: NO fruits or veg yesterday. WTF? Eating habit overhaul time.
So, I hope to be posting more- I am coming out of a very difficult adjustment time in its own way, and I am feeling pretty good and happy, though with natural nerves of making changes that are HUGE.
Most of all: my family and I are all excited- and we know our future is very, very bright! We can make it together and have done some fortunate planning for a rainy day- so we're good.
I will try to catch up on your posts now and try being a member of this community once again. I do love all my readers- and miss you too!!!
I'm sorry I've been AWOL- just that life has been SUPER busy and stressful (at times- but that's life, right?)
I can't even begin to sum it all up- but I can say that I'm getting into a more 'normal' groove, if you can classify my life as being normal in such a topsy turvy type of state.
First let me share just a few pictures of our really awesome Jamaica vacation-- we stayed at the Rose Hall Suites near Montego bay- early April.
Dontcha love the horrible expressions kids will give you in vacation photos???
Here are a few more:
Hence: I've been scrubbing, organizing, setting out house up and getting ready for a tremendous move.
It's a long story as to why we decided to do this move now, but in a nutshell: there are just better opportunities out where we're planning to move, we are very familiar with the area, and neither of us have jobs that are keeping us HERE on the East coast. Adventure time.
What else has been happening?
Oh: lots and lots of stress eating. Yeah: owning up here. My weight today: 173.6. Bah.
Back on track though and using a FANTABULOUS app to journal my food. It is called "TwoGrand" (as in the generally recommended 2000 calorie limit for everyone these days- the whole idea behind the app is that eating like a person who weighs what you want to weigh and has an activity profile similar to yours will help you figure out the right things to do. AND: you log everything via photographs.)
I am literally on day 2 and yesterday was the first day EVER during which I was able to log every food morsel that went into my mouth. The act of writing it down was too hard for me… but photographing is so damn easy with my phone that there is no excuse. And I already saw and have corrected something from yesterday: NO fruits or veg yesterday. WTF? Eating habit overhaul time.
So, I hope to be posting more- I am coming out of a very difficult adjustment time in its own way, and I am feeling pretty good and happy, though with natural nerves of making changes that are HUGE.
Most of all: my family and I are all excited- and we know our future is very, very bright! We can make it together and have done some fortunate planning for a rainy day- so we're good.
I will try to catch up on your posts now and try being a member of this community once again. I do love all my readers- and miss you too!!!
Monday, March 17, 2014
Week going well so far…
Today's meetings were very positive--looks like there are very serious possibilities with a former person who was in a leadership role vs. my own several positions ago.
Liked what I saw.
Next: hubs procedure tomorrow and a big drive. Fancy hotel.
Then- more more meetings…
I can't lie: I am really not eating well right now-- it is not even a fight I'm fighting… I'm going with it for the week, yes: 'comfort eating' to an extent. I am not intending to go on and on with it, but I think things will sort out when my hormones calm down (about to be TOM). Pre-TOM is the hungriest time-- and I am feeling it now with the fundamental stresses.
But things are really coming together.
I have reason to believe that things will be pretty settled down within the next couple of weeks- and I'll know where I'll be going during the week again… it's really all good in many ways that I can't share.
But it is all good.
Continuing to work on being zen- accepting what's coming- doing what I can do and going with the energy...
Liked what I saw.
Next: hubs procedure tomorrow and a big drive. Fancy hotel.
Then- more more meetings…
I can't lie: I am really not eating well right now-- it is not even a fight I'm fighting… I'm going with it for the week, yes: 'comfort eating' to an extent. I am not intending to go on and on with it, but I think things will sort out when my hormones calm down (about to be TOM). Pre-TOM is the hungriest time-- and I am feeling it now with the fundamental stresses.
But things are really coming together.
I have reason to believe that things will be pretty settled down within the next couple of weeks- and I'll know where I'll be going during the week again… it's really all good in many ways that I can't share.
But it is all good.
Continuing to work on being zen- accepting what's coming- doing what I can do and going with the energy...
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Quiet week and BUSY week coming
This week was rest and recharge.
Next week I do not come to play. BUSY.
Next week:
Monday: Meetings on Monday
Tuesday:
Take hubs for routine endoscopy (he has heartburn controlled by medication- so needs this every 2 years)
Leave for Meetings out of town on Tuesday
Overnight in fabu hotel on Tuesday
Wednesday: Meetings on Wednesday
Thursday: memorial service for my father courtesy of the bar association on our county
Friday: start biting nails if I haven't heard anything yet about Monday and Wednesday (just kidding-but the clock will be ticking on hearing about the meetings.) OR Be as Zen as possible, put what I have out to the universe and accept what I receive in return.
Wish me Luck.
Next week I do not come to play. BUSY.
Next week:
Monday: Meetings on Monday
Tuesday:
Take hubs for routine endoscopy (he has heartburn controlled by medication- so needs this every 2 years)
Leave for Meetings out of town on Tuesday
Overnight in fabu hotel on Tuesday
Wednesday: Meetings on Wednesday
Thursday: memorial service for my father courtesy of the bar association on our county
Friday: start biting nails if I haven't heard anything yet about Monday and Wednesday (just kidding-but the clock will be ticking on hearing about the meetings.) OR Be as Zen as possible, put what I have out to the universe and accept what I receive in return.
Wish me Luck.
Sunday, March 09, 2014
Can't believe I haven't had time / compunction to post
Thank you all for your encouraging comments.
I'm doing fairly well-- I have moments of emotional distress over all of the events-- I am not going to say that it is entirely easy… but I am also feeling the way many of you mentioned in the comments.
This is my opportunity to find the right thing to make me happy. My last place was such a place of UN-happiness, bad treatment etc.
Important (to me) to note from the */b ullyin g/* standpoint-- it happens even at the highest levels. The trouble with those levels is that it is hard to get out of what is known as the 'golden handcuffs.' You need that *job--even though you also need to get out… so you have to suck it up. That is: unless and until you find your next opportunity or they get you first.
I am one tough cookie and I had to learn so many strategies, coping mechanism, overcome doubt, regret, depression… it has been a really serious journey over the past several years.
There is this great documentary that was on PBS on happiness. I'll see if I can find a link to youtube any portion of it.
I often think back to the portion of the documentary about the men imprisoned in the Hanoi Hilton. Quick explanation: these were men held as POW's and severely isolated and tortured over years. John Mc*Cain was one.
There have been studies of these men, and the striking thing about them is that they generally state they wouldn't trade the experience-- it has become woven into the fabric of their lives.
WOW.
One hero soldier, held in solitary confinement over many years, 'built' his dream home in his mind- brick by brick and over and over again… with lots of windows… to keep from going crazy from solitude and lack of hope. The documentary portion about him is filmed FROM THIS HOME-- which he ultimately built when he was released.
I cannot do it justice: it is SO moving.
Please understand !!!
I am not saying I am a POW-- I am not saying I fought in a 'war' or was physically tortured. But I related to and still relate to that man, and when I would speak about the situation in therapy, I would compare myself to those POW's. Of the many, many, many differences too many to count-- a major difference being that I *chose* to stay while I was there… and then I was made to leave in a final act of hmmmmmmm (insert proper wording here.) Sorry I am hedging once again, but this is like a diary entry-- but it could conceivably be found and I am not trying to do anything but express myself at this time.
Anyhow: I'm pushing through and am on the way to a new path- despite the suffering caused.
On another note, and important to fitting into my suits: I have not been eating my best-- the appetite returned. Bleh. At least I am exercising.
So: I'll be ramping up a plan for Monday-- maybe a modified liquid diet for a few days to dampen down my appetite. I need to be in my suits for some meetings a week from Monday and a week from Wednesday-- so I'd like to feel good when I slip them on.
I'll also be on a 'making myself ready and fabulous' week-long campaign in the coming week.
Home coloring (I do single process, very simple)
Hair cut / shaping
Self facial
Eye brow wax
Self-tanner for face and body
Daily exercise
Lots of water for good skin
Self manicure
Best to feel my best in every way for the following week.
I'm doing fairly well-- I have moments of emotional distress over all of the events-- I am not going to say that it is entirely easy… but I am also feeling the way many of you mentioned in the comments.
This is my opportunity to find the right thing to make me happy. My last place was such a place of UN-happiness, bad treatment etc.
Important (to me) to note from the */b ullyin g/* standpoint-- it happens even at the highest levels. The trouble with those levels is that it is hard to get out of what is known as the 'golden handcuffs.' You need that *job--even though you also need to get out… so you have to suck it up. That is: unless and until you find your next opportunity or they get you first.
I am one tough cookie and I had to learn so many strategies, coping mechanism, overcome doubt, regret, depression… it has been a really serious journey over the past several years.
There is this great documentary that was on PBS on happiness. I'll see if I can find a link to youtube any portion of it.
I often think back to the portion of the documentary about the men imprisoned in the Hanoi Hilton. Quick explanation: these were men held as POW's and severely isolated and tortured over years. John Mc*Cain was one.
There have been studies of these men, and the striking thing about them is that they generally state they wouldn't trade the experience-- it has become woven into the fabric of their lives.
WOW.
One hero soldier, held in solitary confinement over many years, 'built' his dream home in his mind- brick by brick and over and over again… with lots of windows… to keep from going crazy from solitude and lack of hope. The documentary portion about him is filmed FROM THIS HOME-- which he ultimately built when he was released.
I cannot do it justice: it is SO moving.
Please understand !!!
I am not saying I am a POW-- I am not saying I fought in a 'war' or was physically tortured. But I related to and still relate to that man, and when I would speak about the situation in therapy, I would compare myself to those POW's. Of the many, many, many differences too many to count-- a major difference being that I *chose* to stay while I was there… and then I was made to leave in a final act of hmmmmmmm (insert proper wording here.) Sorry I am hedging once again, but this is like a diary entry-- but it could conceivably be found and I am not trying to do anything but express myself at this time.
Anyhow: I'm pushing through and am on the way to a new path- despite the suffering caused.
On another note, and important to fitting into my suits: I have not been eating my best-- the appetite returned. Bleh. At least I am exercising.
So: I'll be ramping up a plan for Monday-- maybe a modified liquid diet for a few days to dampen down my appetite. I need to be in my suits for some meetings a week from Monday and a week from Wednesday-- so I'd like to feel good when I slip them on.
I'll also be on a 'making myself ready and fabulous' week-long campaign in the coming week.
Home coloring (I do single process, very simple)
Hair cut / shaping
Self facial
Eye brow wax
Self-tanner for face and body
Daily exercise
Lots of water for good skin
Self manicure
Best to feel my best in every way for the following week.
Sunday, March 02, 2014
Downsizing- not the weight kind
I hesitated to note on my blog that my position was *eliminated* last week.
The good news is that, if you know anything about me, I am happy to be relieved of the position due to various items that I am not at liberty to review-- suffice it to say: better in my rearview mirror.
Additionally: while we are fortunate that hubs' business has taken off of late, I contributed the major wages, so it is somewhat scary. On the other hand: there are some contingencies, again, which I am not at liberty to discuss.
What I can say is that I am an executive with over 15 years of strat*egic manag*ement experience and expertise in op*erations… and if anyone is willing to share any leads, I'd be grateful as I am on the job hunt full time at this point.
Note: we are willing to relocate on the East Coast, to the West Coast and/ or certain states, especially Colorado! This is a real possibility due to my ca*reer level.
A long time ago, before I met my hubs, I had an on again, off again boyfriend.
A very close friend of mine said: "Until you get rid of that old shoe (i.e. your security blanket boyfriend/ relationship that is going nowhere but feels comfortable and safe)… you'll never find the right person."
So I did it. I broke it off and within 1 year, I met my hubs-- love of my life, soulmate, and supporter.
I believe that my w*rk situation is similar- though I didn't choose the break up.
I am NOT sad that it happened, I am relieved due to a variety of factors (back to the beginning of this email) -- and must be certain that I will land on my feet.
It is a time of uncertainty- but one in which I'll be recharging my batteries after several unhappy years… I'm looking forward to finding my next role and being very happy in it.
I've learned SO MUCH in what I do not want in an org./ culture etc.
There it is.
On the weight front: the good news is that I've committed to turning anxiety/ panic/ agitation (if/ when it comes up) into exercise!
I'll be drinking lots of water, taking good care of myself and fitting in my suits and looking great for interviews to come.
Also: since my days are far more freed up at this time: I have time to work out daily-- and will do for my sanity and health. It so happens that I purchased 10 sessions of yoga at a nearby studio that will expire by the end of April if not used, so now I can use those.
I will NOT be knocked down-- I will be standing. I will also be healing from a very difficult experience over the last few years… I'm happy that my family and I are all relieved of it.
Also: anyone trying to reach me can email me at my dinnerland email account-- I'll be checking more frequently in case any of my bloggy friends have leads…
dinnerland@gmail.com
The good news is that, if you know anything about me, I am happy to be relieved of the position due to various items that I am not at liberty to review-- suffice it to say: better in my rearview mirror.
Additionally: while we are fortunate that hubs' business has taken off of late, I contributed the major wages, so it is somewhat scary. On the other hand: there are some contingencies, again, which I am not at liberty to discuss.
What I can say is that I am an executive with over 15 years of strat*egic manag*ement experience and expertise in op*erations… and if anyone is willing to share any leads, I'd be grateful as I am on the job hunt full time at this point.
Note: we are willing to relocate on the East Coast, to the West Coast and/ or certain states, especially Colorado! This is a real possibility due to my ca*reer level.
A long time ago, before I met my hubs, I had an on again, off again boyfriend.
A very close friend of mine said: "Until you get rid of that old shoe (i.e. your security blanket boyfriend/ relationship that is going nowhere but feels comfortable and safe)… you'll never find the right person."
So I did it. I broke it off and within 1 year, I met my hubs-- love of my life, soulmate, and supporter.
I believe that my w*rk situation is similar- though I didn't choose the break up.
I am NOT sad that it happened, I am relieved due to a variety of factors (back to the beginning of this email) -- and must be certain that I will land on my feet.
It is a time of uncertainty- but one in which I'll be recharging my batteries after several unhappy years… I'm looking forward to finding my next role and being very happy in it.
I've learned SO MUCH in what I do not want in an org./ culture etc.
There it is.
On the weight front: the good news is that I've committed to turning anxiety/ panic/ agitation (if/ when it comes up) into exercise!
I'll be drinking lots of water, taking good care of myself and fitting in my suits and looking great for interviews to come.
Also: since my days are far more freed up at this time: I have time to work out daily-- and will do for my sanity and health. It so happens that I purchased 10 sessions of yoga at a nearby studio that will expire by the end of April if not used, so now I can use those.
I will NOT be knocked down-- I will be standing. I will also be healing from a very difficult experience over the last few years… I'm happy that my family and I are all relieved of it.
Also: anyone trying to reach me can email me at my dinnerland email account-- I'll be checking more frequently in case any of my bloggy friends have leads…
dinnerland@gmail.com
Friday, February 28, 2014
Unfill and 167.4
Had .2 cc's out-- am sticking for now at 167.4.
Lots of stuff happening at the moment, will share soon.
Lots of stuff happening at the moment, will share soon.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Looking forward to that little unfill
Yep: too tight, not just right.
I am having to work this fill too hard-- and I'm not losing any more weight b/c of the typical pattern of starting to get annoyed with the efforts and then reaching for more slider foods.
Hey: once again-- I'm honest.
But I remain hovering in the high 160's… and perhaps the tiny little unfill that I'm going in for will allow me some more 'breathing room' and bit more greens and fruits (not the blended into smoothies kind!) which can make all the difference.
How are you all?
I am still looking WAY forward to my Jamaican vacay-- we cannot wait… less than 2 months to go.
I do hope to hit 165 before that time, but I will have to buckle down on this little unfill and use it right to do it. Waiting just a few more days for that appointment.
Bah.
I am having to work this fill too hard-- and I'm not losing any more weight b/c of the typical pattern of starting to get annoyed with the efforts and then reaching for more slider foods.
Hey: once again-- I'm honest.
But I remain hovering in the high 160's… and perhaps the tiny little unfill that I'm going in for will allow me some more 'breathing room' and bit more greens and fruits (not the blended into smoothies kind!) which can make all the difference.
How are you all?
I am still looking WAY forward to my Jamaican vacay-- we cannot wait… less than 2 months to go.
I do hope to hit 165 before that time, but I will have to buckle down on this little unfill and use it right to do it. Waiting just a few more days for that appointment.
Bah.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Little miss muffet
Yes, I'm in one of those modes again:
Sometimes feeling 'too tight'-- sometimes feeling 'just right'-- I think the too tight is probably outweighing the just right… but we shall see.
I'm pretty sure that going in for my February follow up (which I set in when I got the 'big fill') is smart, but I will ask to only have .1 cc out and that is it.
I like the hunger control-- but I think that I'm having to be way too too too careful not to get into tightness trouble for my life to be comfortable going forward. I definitely would not want to stay this tight in the long term. As for weight loss, it is presently that 'time of the month' that causes the scale to fluctuate… but I'm in the 167.something to 169.8 mode. I'm waiting on the next drop and feel I can get there once I pass through this hormonal phase.
Have I mentioned that I live in the polar vortex? The snow and constant horrible weather (which I actually have to deal with at my j*b due to the operations nature of my work) is taking its toll. Hubs and I were had about 5 stupid arguments today-- I was in such a pissy mood and so was he.
And: my band is not very tight today-- so I've been snacking, not out of hunger-- really out of emotional eating. (Sorry-- it happens.)
I've also felt less motivated to exercise-- just admitting this.
But back on track on Monday… I worked out twice last week-- which is the fewest times I've exercised in months. Humbug to this damn weather.
Must start counting down the days to our Jamaican getaway… April. Here we come.
Sometimes feeling 'too tight'-- sometimes feeling 'just right'-- I think the too tight is probably outweighing the just right… but we shall see.
I'm pretty sure that going in for my February follow up (which I set in when I got the 'big fill') is smart, but I will ask to only have .1 cc out and that is it.
I like the hunger control-- but I think that I'm having to be way too too too careful not to get into tightness trouble for my life to be comfortable going forward. I definitely would not want to stay this tight in the long term. As for weight loss, it is presently that 'time of the month' that causes the scale to fluctuate… but I'm in the 167.something to 169.8 mode. I'm waiting on the next drop and feel I can get there once I pass through this hormonal phase.
Have I mentioned that I live in the polar vortex? The snow and constant horrible weather (which I actually have to deal with at my j*b due to the operations nature of my work) is taking its toll. Hubs and I were had about 5 stupid arguments today-- I was in such a pissy mood and so was he.
And: my band is not very tight today-- so I've been snacking, not out of hunger-- really out of emotional eating. (Sorry-- it happens.)
I've also felt less motivated to exercise-- just admitting this.
But back on track on Monday… I worked out twice last week-- which is the fewest times I've exercised in months. Humbug to this damn weather.
Must start counting down the days to our Jamaican getaway… April. Here we come.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Snow play!
Not the most flattering outfit, but still a fun picture.
New low 167.4-- but hovering all over the high '60's. Patience.
Sunday, February 09, 2014
holding steady… planning it out
This past week was very stressful for me at my j*b.
Bleh-- don't ask.
I think I see this on the scale: 168 still. Kind of jumping up and down, 166.6 -- 169.4ish… I need to get away from the top end of the 60's so I won't be seeing 170 anymore, and I am dangerously close.
It's good for me to focus on these mundane weight things: provides perspective when I need it the most.
Anyway: I responded to the stress by not eating during the day several times and then eating at night, only to get stuck / annoyed and then eat chocolate. (Hey, I won't lie.)
I am definitely so far from perfect…
Anyhow: I'm starting the day off right with protein the form of a butternut squash curried soup with a 2% milk base and 1 pc of turkey bacon.
MUST satisfy myself with these type of tasty, flavorFULL items so that I feel that I am not being deprived.
I also need to focus on getting my water in-- I haven't done as well as I should… so, for today, I'm committing to getting in at least 8 by 8 (64 oz of water.)
One step at a time, right? I've already had about 10oz of water-- but I won't count that: I'm starting the count now.
Countdown to my trip to Jamaica in April is ON!
I will feel good in my body on that trip-- truth be told, I am already feeling SO much better now that things are in control and that I see the weight loss possibilities. My next step is to focus on planning, planning, planning.
I think I'll go search for bikinis as well- that will be motivating!
Bleh-- don't ask.
I think I see this on the scale: 168 still. Kind of jumping up and down, 166.6 -- 169.4ish… I need to get away from the top end of the 60's so I won't be seeing 170 anymore, and I am dangerously close.
It's good for me to focus on these mundane weight things: provides perspective when I need it the most.
Anyway: I responded to the stress by not eating during the day several times and then eating at night, only to get stuck / annoyed and then eat chocolate. (Hey, I won't lie.)
I am definitely so far from perfect…
Anyhow: I'm starting the day off right with protein the form of a butternut squash curried soup with a 2% milk base and 1 pc of turkey bacon.
MUST satisfy myself with these type of tasty, flavorFULL items so that I feel that I am not being deprived.
I also need to focus on getting my water in-- I haven't done as well as I should… so, for today, I'm committing to getting in at least 8 by 8 (64 oz of water.)
One step at a time, right? I've already had about 10oz of water-- but I won't count that: I'm starting the count now.
Countdown to my trip to Jamaica in April is ON!
I will feel good in my body on that trip-- truth be told, I am already feeling SO much better now that things are in control and that I see the weight loss possibilities. My next step is to focus on planning, planning, planning.
I think I'll go search for bikinis as well- that will be motivating!
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Adjusting to my adjustment
Things have gotten progressively calmer and easier with my band in the past few days. Yay!
Now it is easier for me -- I'm venturing to solids, had some faro (spelling?) salad with frisee with dinner last night, a small portion and I was fine.
Happy day.
So now: worries brought to my attention by fellow band-sters (have to hyphenate b/c blogger keeps changing 'band-ster' into banister.. grrr) are behind me.
I really do wonder if the fact that I'm crushing my pills regularly is having an effect in general in babying my band. Hmmm.
Meanwhile: my hunger is well managed and I'm not crave-y and unsatisfied. I'm really a happy girl right now. I am loving my band. May the weight loss continue.
Now it is easier for me -- I'm venturing to solids, had some faro (spelling?) salad with frisee with dinner last night, a small portion and I was fine.
Happy day.
So now: worries brought to my attention by fellow band-sters (have to hyphenate b/c blogger keeps changing 'band-ster' into banister.. grrr) are behind me.
I really do wonder if the fact that I'm crushing my pills regularly is having an effect in general in babying my band. Hmmm.
Meanwhile: my hunger is well managed and I'm not crave-y and unsatisfied. I'm really a happy girl right now. I am loving my band. May the weight loss continue.
Saturday, February 01, 2014
I'm OK! Sliders vs. Gliders and an article
I'm currently at 168 and since that's the number I'm seeing each morning on the scale right now, I'll be waiting for the next weight drop in a few days.
It's funny to be *happy* about 168.
I'm under my 'scary weight' of 170-- which I was over for many, many months.
It's all about perspective. I recall those high school days when I felt like 143 was too high-- and now, if I could be 143 pounds, I'd take that and stick with it and be done!
Alternatively: I remember that after I had my son I was stuck for a long time at 185- couldn't get past it, so 168 vs. 185 is a big difference-- and that was when I was 34/ 35 years old, much closer to my age of 43 years now.
With this current adjustment -- I can see a chance of getting back into the 150's. I felt good about how I looked for the time period that I was in the 150's (it was only a couple of months.)
A lot of my feelings about my weight are about my clothes-- I have clothes that I will be able to revisit in just a couple of pounds, that's happy and exciting.
Additionally: I'm going to be in a bathing suit in the beginning of April-- and I feel SO happy that I will be feeling good and confident about my body on that vacation.
I'm looking towards that time and in the interim, really want to work my band!
Despite the fact I went past and over 170 for many months of 2013 and a bit of 2014, no amount of 'just plain motivation/ want to' was enough to get me down under 170. I really do need my band-- it kept me out of the 180's, and now, with a tighter adjustment, I'm taking it for a real weight loss ride that I haven't been on for a long time.
Let's recall my foray into the 170's/ weight regain in the past months:
I exercised like a fiend for the better part of 6 weeks, I tried various diets, went back to diet books, reading every article on weight loss that I could find. The chaos was in full force-- hating the fact that my weight was up, but also trying to accept the fact that I was where I was and do something about it.
Cue my most recent fill.
An aggressive amount for me: .5 cc's.
It is working.
I am working-- I am working it like never before.
In a way: it's like everything has come together for me banding-wise into a full circle ability to do my best work to lose weight.
I'm eating much less, but not eating junk or sliders to 'get by.' I'm very present in my choices- and making sure to keep myself from getting so hungry/ stomach empty that I will make bad choices that are compelled by low blood sugar.
I'm exercising.
I'm focusing on my water intake-- that being the drumbeat each day: get my water, get my proteins.
I seem to have worried some of you (thx for the comments and concerns) that I might be in danger.
Please do not worry.
I understand that over the years we've seen a good number of fellow bandsters have slips and even need their bands removed. I am sorry for all of those struggles and reading about them is always scary and cautionary.
But I am experienced at this point. I know the signs of trouble and I am really 'babying' my band at this time to hold onto this fill. I do not want to wind up with a slip!
I get that things will happen, so I guess I must say 'never say never'-- I realize that those band slips that occurred weren't the intent or fault of a single person… so I realize that I'm as vulnerable as the next bandster.
However: I plan to do everything in my power with this tighter adjustment to take care of myself.
One of the big things is recognizing trouble.
Here are trouble signs (that I've actually experienced (at times) in the past with my band, but not this time):
Heartburn
Regurgitation/ PB'ing
Frustration with tightness to the point of eating only sliders
Poor intake of water/ liquids
Poor food choices in general
Pain / discomfort with eating
I'm NOT in that place right now-- what I wrote about yesterday about being very tight is not the same thing. I'm excited that I am in a place that is so much easier to get my weight in check and lose weight-- and I am not suffering. Like I said, I do not think that this is the permanent lifestyle for me, but I'm happy to baby my band right now to get to where I want to go.
Additionally: I'm getting the opportunity to correct my eating habits and choices with my hunger reduced.
I also want to say that I have a theory about 'sliders' and 'gliders' that I'm developing these days.
'Sliders' are those high calorie foods that defeat the band-- we're talking ice cream, chips, crackers, candy, cheese.
I'd also put protein bars in as sliders-- b/c even though they have protein, I think they are are sort of like candy bars with vitamins. There are worse ways to get 12 grams of protein for 200 calories, I suppose… but still…
'Gliders' are foods that are easier to eat with a tighter band adjustment-- but are good choices-- these include:
Vegetable and bean soups
Yogurt
Low fat milk
Smoothies (healthy-- i.e. almond milk or yogurt or tea based with fruit or veggies or both)
Chopped food (think homemade tuna or chicken salad)
Protein shakes (low sugar/ low carb)
Gliders make the work of nutrition with a tight band easier-- they help to baby a tight band. I also want to report that I can eat solid food-- I just need to chew a lot and take very small bites. I believe those are truly the instructions for band use!
I'd say that I'm eating a mix of gliders and sliders at this time-- mostly gliders and some sliders. For example: yesterday I ate a protein bar as part of my day (even though I said that I didn't feel like having one up until that point in my last blog post.) I have had small amounts of solid foods- but again, I am just babying my band and taking the easiest way out so I get my nutrition and keep this adjustment right now.
Last but not least, the link below is about a woman who had gastric bypass surgery after years of haranguing by her father about being overweight. Subsequently, she is unable to have children, though it is really unclear what the problem is-- and I wonder whether her fertility problems can actually be blamed on the GB.
The really sad part is that this woman says she lives with constant nausea, can't drink water and feels weak. Horrible. Shame on her surgeon, that's what I say!
I don't think it is acceptable to feel terrible all the time… that's not the point of any bariatric surgery.
Bleh.
What are your thoughts?
Jezebel article on woman who cannot have children after GB surgery
Friday, January 31, 2014
168-- advanced banding for weight loss
Yep, my fill is really, really working.
I am eating much less, barely hungry, and the weight is coming off.
Yeah baby!!
Here's the thing:
For me at least, this is ADVANCED banding. I'm not advocating this for anyone--but for me, I am ready to handle this level of adjustment to facilitate my weight loss getting going again.
I could not have handled this tight adjustment well until this point. I had to learn everything I know how to manage it and NOT eat around it up until now. Perhaps my motivation had to be in the right place as well.
I am really very tight right now. Like, sipping water carefully tight- but water is easy enough, I just am careful.
*NOTE: If you can't drink water-- you must return to your practice stat and get loosened!!
Tiny bites of food tight. Don't feel like eating a protein bar b/c I don't want to bother with the chewing involved tight.
Having mostly protein drinks and soups tight.
Yup. That tight.
Is this the way I intend to live the rest of my days? Nah.
But provided I am drinking all of my water, getting in my protein and vegetables (I do need some more fruit in there- but there are fruit smoothies in my future!)-- I'm taking this baby for a ride for at least until the appointment I made to follow up in late February. It's working. I'm slimming down and I could not be more elated (sorry to brag, but anyone who has read this blog has suffered my ups and downs and efforts so it's nice to lose some weight rapidly for a change!!!!)
At this rate, I should hope to be down (can I hope this much???) at least 4 pounds-- perhaps as many as 8 pounds by the end of February.
The point is that the band is totally helping me with my hunger and allowing me to eat very little- I mean, making it possible for me to eat little without suffering hunger pangs and also not permitting me to eat much as well. I need to be careful, I need to plan. I have to keep drinking my water though the day and keep from getting my stomach so empty that I want to gorge on something-- only to have trouble getting it down.
I am carefully trying to get my proteins in and keeping my band calm and quiet with the easiest things that I can eat/ drink. Advanced banding also comes in my sudden and dumb realization that I really need to crush any pills I take. (DUH.) I realize that this same advice has come at me 600 times from my practice-- but more like a whisper and not a yell.
So any time I've been tightly adjusted in the past, I've always gone about my business, suffered the pill swallowing and probably aggravated myself every time I took a pill… making it more and more difficult to tolerate a high degree of tightness.
Now I'm smarter: crushing those pills to a powder and taking with greek yogurt or something else to assure I don't irritate myself sending those down my gullet.
The truth is that I actually can eat solids, but I don't feel like it-- it's a lot of effort right now. LOTS of chewing, lots of waiting between bites. Feh. I'd just rather have a nice bowl of black bean soup or one of my homemade veggie soups and be done with it. Don't care that much.
Oh- and I am having chocolate every day. Because I deserve it!
More to follow-- but I am really happy to say that I think you can continue to come back here and watch me shrink!
I am eating much less, barely hungry, and the weight is coming off.
Yeah baby!!
Here's the thing:
For me at least, this is ADVANCED banding. I'm not advocating this for anyone--but for me, I am ready to handle this level of adjustment to facilitate my weight loss getting going again.
I could not have handled this tight adjustment well until this point. I had to learn everything I know how to manage it and NOT eat around it up until now. Perhaps my motivation had to be in the right place as well.
I am really very tight right now. Like, sipping water carefully tight- but water is easy enough, I just am careful.
*NOTE: If you can't drink water-- you must return to your practice stat and get loosened!!
Tiny bites of food tight. Don't feel like eating a protein bar b/c I don't want to bother with the chewing involved tight.
Having mostly protein drinks and soups tight.
Yup. That tight.
Is this the way I intend to live the rest of my days? Nah.
But provided I am drinking all of my water, getting in my protein and vegetables (I do need some more fruit in there- but there are fruit smoothies in my future!)-- I'm taking this baby for a ride for at least until the appointment I made to follow up in late February. It's working. I'm slimming down and I could not be more elated (sorry to brag, but anyone who has read this blog has suffered my ups and downs and efforts so it's nice to lose some weight rapidly for a change!!!!)
At this rate, I should hope to be down (can I hope this much???) at least 4 pounds-- perhaps as many as 8 pounds by the end of February.
The point is that the band is totally helping me with my hunger and allowing me to eat very little- I mean, making it possible for me to eat little without suffering hunger pangs and also not permitting me to eat much as well. I need to be careful, I need to plan. I have to keep drinking my water though the day and keep from getting my stomach so empty that I want to gorge on something-- only to have trouble getting it down.
I am carefully trying to get my proteins in and keeping my band calm and quiet with the easiest things that I can eat/ drink. Advanced banding also comes in my sudden and dumb realization that I really need to crush any pills I take. (DUH.) I realize that this same advice has come at me 600 times from my practice-- but more like a whisper and not a yell.
So any time I've been tightly adjusted in the past, I've always gone about my business, suffered the pill swallowing and probably aggravated myself every time I took a pill… making it more and more difficult to tolerate a high degree of tightness.
Now I'm smarter: crushing those pills to a powder and taking with greek yogurt or something else to assure I don't irritate myself sending those down my gullet.
The truth is that I actually can eat solids, but I don't feel like it-- it's a lot of effort right now. LOTS of chewing, lots of waiting between bites. Feh. I'd just rather have a nice bowl of black bean soup or one of my homemade veggie soups and be done with it. Don't care that much.
Oh- and I am having chocolate every day. Because I deserve it!
More to follow-- but I am really happy to say that I think you can continue to come back here and watch me shrink!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
171.4- got some mojo back!
It's like a brand new band day for me!
Yipee.
I am closing in on those 160's again-- I think I am finally getting back there after a LONG time. Oh, I am very hopeful.
Here's the thing: the band is the tool to help-- for anyone out there who scratches their head or thinks of these things.
I've read a zillion blog posts and made my own over the years as well-- and what works is … eating less, a LOT less. BOTTOM LINE.
I guess the right adjustment is all about where you are at in that particular moment in your life and what you're willing to do.
Right now, I'm adjusted more tightly-- so the way I am eating less works like this: I am being extremely careful about portion sizes and food textures.
I'm focusing on getting my water in first and foremost (dehydration is bad! and it makes you hungry!!!) and my protein as well.
This is simply resulting in eating a whole lot less (I mean, it has been 2 days… but I'm just saying) and should continue this way.
The great news: I'm not suffering hunger or cravings.
Love me my band nowadays, I'm working towards continued success.
Yipee.
I am closing in on those 160's again-- I think I am finally getting back there after a LONG time. Oh, I am very hopeful.
Here's the thing: the band is the tool to help-- for anyone out there who scratches their head or thinks of these things.
I've read a zillion blog posts and made my own over the years as well-- and what works is … eating less, a LOT less. BOTTOM LINE.
I guess the right adjustment is all about where you are at in that particular moment in your life and what you're willing to do.
Right now, I'm adjusted more tightly-- so the way I am eating less works like this: I am being extremely careful about portion sizes and food textures.
I'm focusing on getting my water in first and foremost (dehydration is bad! and it makes you hungry!!!) and my protein as well.
This is simply resulting in eating a whole lot less (I mean, it has been 2 days… but I'm just saying) and should continue this way.
The great news: I'm not suffering hunger or cravings.
Love me my band nowadays, I'm working towards continued success.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
173 and fill tomorrow
Yep, 173-- and I wish I were more jumping for joy-- but it's been a stomach bug that has kept me off of eating for the past several days.
I'm going in to the practice tomorrow to get a slight adjustment that I hope will take me to the next step… my last fill was in August and that arrested any further weight GAIN, but I didn't really lose much more, despite the fact that I have been exercising my butt off.
It's all good, but I still have dreams of 165 and lower still…
I'm going in to the practice tomorrow to get a slight adjustment that I hope will take me to the next step… my last fill was in August and that arrested any further weight GAIN, but I didn't really lose much more, despite the fact that I have been exercising my butt off.
It's all good, but I still have dreams of 165 and lower still…
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A funny thing happened on the way to the dessert menu
Last night, my hubs and I went out for a nice meal- we got babysitting, which we haven't done for a while, and dinner was great. I'll get to that in a second.
I have to say, that 4 years later: I am still learning/ relearning/ rehabituating- even if I change nothing with my band-- my band changes and then I have to change.
This week, I've been busy at work, taken advantage of my band, and eaten very small amounts during the day - very purposely.
Maybe my band responded and is a bit more tuned up? I'm tuned up???
Is it the vacation I've just planned?
Back to dinner: I did my jog/ run yesterday and ate pretty lightly through the day.
At 7 pm, I'm sitting with hubs in this really great restaurant, I had this dilemma: I think that if I order an appetizer PLUS an entree-- that's WAY too much. I even said so to hubs, but he said, don't worry about it- you can bring it home.
Should have listened to my instincts.
1 glass of wine
Appetizer-- ate 2/3rd
Dinner-- maybe 3 bites AND got stuck (hasn't happened in a while- and had to excuse myself to spit out several bites. Sorry gross sounding, but VERY quick and then over- just annoyed with myself.)
Dessert menu comes-- read it through-- chocolate cakes etc etc. NO THANKS to the dessert menu!
I've certainly said 'no' to the dessert menu in the past- but I don't recall 'not feeling like having dessert' in that way in I don't really remember…
On some level, I think that's how the band is supposed to work-- NOT a struggle, just really not being tempted by being satisfied otherwise.
Interesting.
That is all for now.
(My weight remains at 174.2 this morning-- I am glad I am back to daily weighing. My hopeful expectation would be try for .5 a pound per week with lifestyle adjustments-- for real… eating less, continued increasing exercise.)
We shall see.
I have to say, that 4 years later: I am still learning/ relearning/ rehabituating- even if I change nothing with my band-- my band changes and then I have to change.
This week, I've been busy at work, taken advantage of my band, and eaten very small amounts during the day - very purposely.
Maybe my band responded and is a bit more tuned up? I'm tuned up???
Is it the vacation I've just planned?
Back to dinner: I did my jog/ run yesterday and ate pretty lightly through the day.
At 7 pm, I'm sitting with hubs in this really great restaurant, I had this dilemma: I think that if I order an appetizer PLUS an entree-- that's WAY too much. I even said so to hubs, but he said, don't worry about it- you can bring it home.
Should have listened to my instincts.
1 glass of wine
Appetizer-- ate 2/3rd
Dinner-- maybe 3 bites AND got stuck (hasn't happened in a while- and had to excuse myself to spit out several bites. Sorry gross sounding, but VERY quick and then over- just annoyed with myself.)
Dessert menu comes-- read it through-- chocolate cakes etc etc. NO THANKS to the dessert menu!
I've certainly said 'no' to the dessert menu in the past- but I don't recall 'not feeling like having dessert' in that way in I don't really remember…
On some level, I think that's how the band is supposed to work-- NOT a struggle, just really not being tempted by being satisfied otherwise.
Interesting.
That is all for now.
(My weight remains at 174.2 this morning-- I am glad I am back to daily weighing. My hopeful expectation would be try for .5 a pound per week with lifestyle adjustments-- for real… eating less, continued increasing exercise.)
We shall see.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
3.25 miles today (mostly jogged)- and weight
Weight is at 174.2
Thinking of a February fill… just planned a Jamaican vacation for April and I just want to back out of the 170's by then.
My exercise actually seems to be paying off more now that I am focusing on eating better-- that means, in upside down band-land, protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, small protein lunch, home in the evening for a very small snack/ dinner. Obviously- the smoothie figures big, b/c I can get fruit and veg in that way.
The reason my eating is going this way is that I'm just mega major overwhelmed at work right now with many projects-- that works to my advantage. So if I can't, with 6 days of exercise per week and less food take off about 5 to 6 pounds, I think I'll need to go the slight adjustment with a bit more in the band to take me to a little more restriction.
I actually feel some good hunger control- and if I listen to my body (like today)-- I eat a lot less.
It's a lot of mental work-- but NEVER give up, never surrender!!
And my exercise is AMAZING and I am proud. Been consistently exercising 5 to 6 days per week on the treadmill or in classes since OCTOBER. Go me.
So, I guess I'm saying, I'd like to get to 168 pounds or less by April 1st.
That's not so much to ask at all… let's see what happens.
Thinking of a February fill… just planned a Jamaican vacation for April and I just want to back out of the 170's by then.
My exercise actually seems to be paying off more now that I am focusing on eating better-- that means, in upside down band-land, protein shake or smoothie for breakfast, small protein lunch, home in the evening for a very small snack/ dinner. Obviously- the smoothie figures big, b/c I can get fruit and veg in that way.
The reason my eating is going this way is that I'm just mega major overwhelmed at work right now with many projects-- that works to my advantage. So if I can't, with 6 days of exercise per week and less food take off about 5 to 6 pounds, I think I'll need to go the slight adjustment with a bit more in the band to take me to a little more restriction.
I actually feel some good hunger control- and if I listen to my body (like today)-- I eat a lot less.
It's a lot of mental work-- but NEVER give up, never surrender!!
And my exercise is AMAZING and I am proud. Been consistently exercising 5 to 6 days per week on the treadmill or in classes since OCTOBER. Go me.
So, I guess I'm saying, I'd like to get to 168 pounds or less by April 1st.
That's not so much to ask at all… let's see what happens.
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Happy 2014! Still blogging…
I believe today is my 4th 'bandiversary'-- in 2010 in January (I think the 4th, I'll have to look back), I had my band placed. My highest ever weight seen on the scale was 203 and now I am in the 170's… trying so hard to get back to the 160's and even below.
Well: trying so hard would be trying hard if I were really pushing on my eating habits, but I haven't entirely been doing that, let's be fair.
What I have been doing is exercising! Go me.
I walk/ jog and do other treadmill activities 6 days per week, first thing in the morning.
I see myself adding more mileage gradually… I'm putting anywhere from 30 to 65 minute sessions-- running limited to 2 times per week so that I don't over do it and hurt myself.
I do hills, I walk sideways, backwards, I use weights and get in my bi's and tri's… I'm doing it and keeping a record of it too.
I am also working to begin each day with a protein/ veg/ fruit smoothie-- I intended '30 days of smoothie starts' - but I skipped yesterday. Whoops. But the newer and less perfection driven me said, brush off and continue with smoothies!
So this morning, with my son sitting with me in the kitchen, I made a 'peanut butter and jelly smoothie' for us:
Almond milk
3 Tbs Fage 2%
4 tablespoons of powdered peanut butter (PB2)
Several handfuls of spinach
1/4 of pasteurized egg whites
2/3rds cup mixed berries
2 packets splenda (b/c I wanted my son to drink this smoothie- and he said it was 'bitter' when he tried it, I usually don't sweet my smoothies except with fruit)
It was good!
Anyhow: I'd ideally like to get back to more blogging, but work is crazy (still at the same job for more than 3.5 years, crazy) and life is super busy.
I'll keep writing when I can… but I'd like to really work towards getting my weight down to the 160's in the next months… that's be the goal relative to weight.
As for exercise: I'm gently continuing to avoid injury and assure daily fitness. It feels great to exercise every morning-- I am totally addicted!
Well: trying so hard would be trying hard if I were really pushing on my eating habits, but I haven't entirely been doing that, let's be fair.
What I have been doing is exercising! Go me.
I walk/ jog and do other treadmill activities 6 days per week, first thing in the morning.
I see myself adding more mileage gradually… I'm putting anywhere from 30 to 65 minute sessions-- running limited to 2 times per week so that I don't over do it and hurt myself.
I do hills, I walk sideways, backwards, I use weights and get in my bi's and tri's… I'm doing it and keeping a record of it too.
I am also working to begin each day with a protein/ veg/ fruit smoothie-- I intended '30 days of smoothie starts' - but I skipped yesterday. Whoops. But the newer and less perfection driven me said, brush off and continue with smoothies!
So this morning, with my son sitting with me in the kitchen, I made a 'peanut butter and jelly smoothie' for us:
Almond milk
3 Tbs Fage 2%
4 tablespoons of powdered peanut butter (PB2)
Several handfuls of spinach
1/4 of pasteurized egg whites
2/3rds cup mixed berries
2 packets splenda (b/c I wanted my son to drink this smoothie- and he said it was 'bitter' when he tried it, I usually don't sweet my smoothies except with fruit)
It was good!
Anyhow: I'd ideally like to get back to more blogging, but work is crazy (still at the same job for more than 3.5 years, crazy) and life is super busy.
I'll keep writing when I can… but I'd like to really work towards getting my weight down to the 160's in the next months… that's be the goal relative to weight.
As for exercise: I'm gently continuing to avoid injury and assure daily fitness. It feels great to exercise every morning-- I am totally addicted!
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