No topper-- and Happy Christmas!

There is really no way to top my last post... so I'll just move on.
And I've gone to heck with my last posts leading up to post 1000, not sure which one this is!

Here is something funny-- the other day, I made facebook friends with an actress from the movie "The Brother's McMullen" whom I was once told I resembled.   The story goes like this:
I was in my 20's living in NYC. I was having lunch with my mom in midtown and I got up to go the restroom.  When I came back, there was a group of waitresses tittering around my table.  They dispersed and I sat down-- and my mom said, "They thought you were the girl from "The Brother's McMullen."  I think the movie must have been out for a while at this point-- b/c I was able to 'rent' it from Blockbuster (remember those days?)
And when I did, I found the character "Susan"-- played by Shari Albert, to whom I bore a resemblance, especially in profile.
As we've aged, I think the resemblance has diminished, but she is totally lovely!

Here I am in a picture I like:

Or, for a face shot:

Here is the leader picture from her website:

What a compliment to be compared with this actress (though it was about 18 years about that this happened!)  Anyway: she is still working, and I am going to try to see something she'll appear in one of these days... of course: I don't want to be all stalky or whatever.  But it would be cool to get a chance to see her face to face sometime!

That's my interesting note of the day.

Merry Christmas to all of my friends who celebrate!

My greatest praise ever

Where the heck did this week go?

It's been such a hectic week, not to mention the trauma and heart break of the tragic events of last Friday.  I really have no sufficient words-- but let me just say that I am sick and sad about it.  I won't repeat the name of the shooter -- I think we amplify the criminal and never the victims... but I am disgusted and horrified by the whole thing on so many levels.

HOWEVER:
Since my blabbing on about my political views and such is not the point of my blog- and won't help anything, I'm going to move on to lighter fare.

Things have been better but not perfect since my unfill last week.
I have some more work to do to get things back on track.... and now it is time for my period which, if I am recalling correctly, tightens my band up.  I have to look back-- but yesterday was a total shit show for me, comparatively speaking, in band terms.
That means: I had coffee for breakfast, ordered a salad for lunch (at a conference I was at) and effectively was unable to eat any of it-- it caused me a bit of scary sliming... but I have become an expert in stealthily dealing with that kind of stuff if it happens.
On the upside, I drank several bottles of water through the day.
When I got home- I did the 'bad band thing.'
I started with drinking 2/3rd of a martini-- then I had some seafood spread (it is like a dip, but it is a lot of mayonnaise, bad!) on these wheat puffs, that are essentially wheat and air that I get from Costco, and then had some chocolate covered cashews and a chocolate chip cookie.

Um.

NOT good. I know.  Do over-- starting immediately this morning.
I am sipping a homemade soy latte right now-- light vanilla soy milk, a bit of sugar free hazelnut flavored creamer... and my water.

Have I mentioned I hate my period?
I think it has actually gotten WORSE since I hit 40. Argh.  Stop reading now if you are repulsed by TMI- but...
It has gotten heavier, and the crampiness is no better- even though my mother promised me that after she had babies (maybe that's the trick-- I had only ONE baby)- she never had cramps again.  Ha. Not me.
I am also just generally uncomfortable while having my period. So ugh again.

And this post kind of sucks-- did I mention that my period puts me in a bad mood? My poor husband.

Enough.  I better stop this stupidity now-- I will sign off and the next time I return, I will be better.

minus .1

I cried 'uncle' yesterday after a month of tightness (and 4 pounds by the doctor's scale)-- and eh voila: I am feeling a lot better.
I took the very conservative adjustment rule of thumb-- just took half of what was added, and just about 16 hours later (give or take)- I feel better.
My ability to drink water is vastly improved-- and this will improve my ability to control my eating and be healthy.
I have to be careful-- still need to stay away from sticky carbs (that's just fine, thank you band) and eat slow and eat small portions.  I must remember that.  I am ALMOST as tight as I was, minus the punishing OVER tightness and fear that I was developing of trying to eat or drink anything.

You know: band haters and detractors would say that the band sucks based on this post.  I would disagree.  The band isn't the magic bullet.  It is a tool-- as we all say, and it really works as it is titrated carefully and needs a lot of patient involvement-- and a willing medical/  surgical practice to follow up.

I do wonder sometimes if the band will eventually become defunct-- and years from now, hopefully with the band still in place, I will be saying: 'yes, I did have the lap band before they discontinued that practice and moved on to using 'x,y,z.'
Kind of like the way 'stomach stapling' went out of vogue and the surgical tactics for roux-en-y (or however you spell that) have changed and how the sleeve is so 'in' these days.  It has only been 3 years since I got the band... and there have been advances since then, so who knows.

Now: I am NOT here to fight about the merits of various surgeries-- that is like saying one type of chemo drug is better for one tumor or another. Rid-dang-diculous.
I have one type of weight problem, those who have had other solutions given to them have different problems all together.

That being said: given an opportunity to do it all over again with the band vs. sleeve-- I would still choose the band. There is one simple reason for ME (no criticism to those who have the sleeve, it seems SUPER effective.)  The reason is that I chose the band as a tool because even though it involved a 'major' surgery (same day in and out of hospital) -- my anatomy and physiology are unchanged.   I was willing to go only that far to lose the weight with surgery.   My weight situation was frustrating but not dire enough to warrant measure that would have permanently changed my body.

I am not saying that one day I might not consider the sleeve if something were to go wrong with my band, or if god forbid, the band were found to be a harmful implant.... I know from the results of my surgery that I needed this help SO badly-- and it has worked for me.

Overall, I think I am hitting the stats kind of right in the average.
My start weight on day of surgery was 203.
My weight today is 163.6 (let's call it 163 for easy math-- ok?)

That is a total loss of 40 pounds.

At 5'4, my max acceptable BMI would have been 146 pounds, requiring a loss of 57 total pounds to achieve 100% of lost weight to reach ideal body weight (I think this is how they would calculate it--someone correct me if I am wrong.)

The 40 pounds I lost is 70% of the total needed weight loss by my reckoning-- so I am actually BETTER than average at 3 years out.  That is good news, right y'all?

So, at the end of the day-- I am a band success.
I know I say this a lot: It hasn't been a walk in the park, but being overweight and desperate was much worse.

I am also glad that I gained the weight I did in the past several months and have taken it off now with hard work.  That goes to show that the band doesn't 'stop' working ever.  It is just a matter of new adjustments, more hard work etc etc.  Good to know I have this tool in my corner... I am not going it alone.

And B-- thanks for the great comment on my blog. I read all of yours as well and it is good to have a friend who truly knows the ups and downs and is right there with me on them!!

Not sure, but closing in on 1000

Seems kind of quiet around here-- me too, busy at the holiday season and I caught another cold that I am just finishing fighting off. Phew.

I continue to go back and forth on the too tight, perhaps just right continuum.
My weight is 'stuck' at 164.4 for now.

I am going to give it a bit more time-- but if I remain fixed at 164.4, I may consider going in for a small unfill adjustment.  The reason being that when I have a really tight, sucky day (which we all want to avoid at all costs-- if for no other reason than band safety)- I tend to then overcompensate from body hunger and eat things I shouldn't eat.  I am just being honest here.

Yes: I can expect more of myself, yes: I can exert control-- blah, blah... but it does make it hard.  What can I say?

Anyhow: I am so thrilled to have taken off what seems to be just about 5 pounds.  It makes a HUGE difference in the fit of my clothes-- and I look better in the mirror, but my CLOTHES and my confidence are much better.

As for the fill level-- if I could work this out and stay at this level for longer and lose some additional weight, that would be really great.  What I think I ought not to do is wait too long and stay tight for long, because then there is a boomerang effect afterwards (sometimes) and I may overcompensate for tightness by 're-feeding' (they call it that in my practice) and gaining weight and getting upset over it.

Argh. What a connundrum!!!

Bottom line: if I could drop another 5 pounds to under 160, I think I would then want to go back and unfill a bit due to the unpredictability of my band as it is right now.  I guess that will take some additional work effort on my part.

I know some things I could do in the short term to get those 5 pounds off:
1) Exercise more (but not too much more as to make myself starvingly hungry- it is a balance for me)
2) Fill up on lean proteins whenever possible-- perhaps go for protein shakes in the morning as a rule
3) ACCEPT the tightness when it comes and REALLY work with it, and DON'T allow myself that 'luxury' of eating easier stuff when things loosen up.
4) Cut out cheese for a week. (Cries at this one.)
5) Cut out chocolate, except protein shakes for a week. (Cries harder.)

I guess I am talking about going on a 'diet'-- which I can't decide is destructive or helpful.
Ack.  I am still a diet screw up.  Gen? Any thought?

Let me think about what Gen would say:
I think she would say (she is like my personal band Jiminy Cricket): "Don't start dieting, just do your best, get in your exercise and live your life. Stop being so hard on yourself."
Did I get that right???

So confused... would really like to get rid of another 5 pounds, I'll say. (And then another 10 on top of that, but let me not get too greedy.)

Updated--Vanessa's request: My breaking point

Y'all-- here is a place holder of sorts... our friend Vanessa (love that name!!) over at Athena banded warrior asked me for a post of my breaking point that led to weight loss surgery.

I've had weight problems for as long as I can remember.
When I was in grade school-- perhaps 2nd or 3rd grade, I recall writing a story about a world where you could eat whatever you wanted and never gain weight.  My mother, who struggled with her weight   all through her childhood and young adulthood, kept me in check-- but she always said I had a voracious appetite.  I could eat and eat.  I remember it too.

So I dieted. First, it was because I was forced to do so... I mean, my portions were controlled, only the 'healthiest' foods were in the house and desserts were a rare treat if we were out to dinner.  Lots of restriction from the outside (parental restriction.) This kept my weight within normal limits for the years of my childhood.  By the time it was junior high and high school-- I was still in the normal range, but on the high side.  I would say I was fairly obsessed with getting thinner, but never did anything extreme.  I recall that when I graduated high school I was at 143 pounds-- which I thought was too much, even though it is the high range of BMI normal for 5'4 height.

In college, I gained the classic freshman 15, ending the year at 157-- a calamity!!
And then I joined Weight Watchers for the first time: successfully dieting and exercising my way down to 136 by the start of sophomore year.  I gained weight back and fought against my weight during college-- keeping my weight somewhere in the 143- 150 range during those years.

Then I went to grad school in NYC.  I was thinner at that time, around 139 pounds.  All of my friends were weight and health conscious, and I lived on a budget of sorts-- so sometimes I'd buy a bagel with this very heavily scallioned cream cheese and eat it for the day's meals. This saved money and calories.

At the end of grad school I bumped up against my first depression (real Major Depression-- runs in my family.)  I lost a lot of weight, down to about 129 pounds-- not from trying, just from no appetite.  That was treated and in the years of my twenties, I then struggled with my weight, anywhere from the 130's all the way to 150's.
I ran the NYC Marathon (in 5 hours 37 minutes) at 155 pounds at age 28-- and then struggled to stay the course at around that weight for the next couple of years.  I exercised A LOT, and tried to eat healthily- but the appetite was always there.

Then I turned 30 and I experienced the worst depressive episode, second only to my first time being depressed.  I deliberately used the loss of appetite (I knew I would get better-- and I was miserable, at least I could be thin, I had those wits about me) to get down to my lowest adult weight, 123.
I was so thin for my build that people I knew were worried by my thin appearance-- some asking if I was suffering from an eating disorder!  Ha, nope.  Depression diet.

I vanquished the depression with medication/ therapy, and then met my husband (this was summer of 2001.)  At that point, I had already put back at least 10 pounds-- and continued to gain weight to the mid 150's again, which is what I weighed (around 155) on my wedding day.  Always exercising A LOT to try to keep my weight down.

Here I am right before the wedding and on my honeymoon at that weight:

I continued my exercise efforts-- but the happy weight of marriage and life in the big city were hard on my efforts.  I got up to 165 by 2002, and by 2003, I was at 170... and that is when I got pregnant.

I gained significant weight in that pregnancy-- didn't weigh in those last days, but I am certain I was over 200 pounds when I went into the hospital because I believe I weighed 203 when I finally got on a scale at home after coming home from the hospital with the new baby.

I then did Weight watchers again, and got myself down to 185 over the year-- and worked with a nutritionist in 2006 to get down the low 160's.

Then I got a new job and did Jenny Craig-- my starting weight was 179-- and dieted my way down to the 150's-- but in the intervening years-- I gained weight again... fatter and fatter.  All the way up to the 180's and then 190's.

Here I am when I started Jenny Craig that year...

And then the 'afters':

Here I am in the intervening time after Jenny Craig regain-- definitely overweight:

I would make efforts to get the weight off. Returning to JC and getting back down  8 to 10 pounds-- putting it back on.
If I took time off of work and did a 'staycation'-- I could usually get myself to lose about 5 pounds with intensive exercise and good eating.

Here is a picture of what I looked like at that time:

But-- and here is the breaking point-- in the summer of 2009, I took a week off in August with my hubs, played tennis 2x per day, ate as well as I could-- and bam: I was 196 at the end of that week.
This invoked a major personal crisis in my brain and a coming together of recollection of Dr. Chris Ren, weight loss surgeon appearing on Oprah Winfrey and knowledge that one of the women who worked in a department near to mine was getting weight loss surgery- and was far from super obese. (She was 'fat' like me, I suppose. Not really what most people envision a weight loss surgery candidate to look like.)

So I cried a lot, told my husband and my mother (who strenuously objected!! You don't need weight loss surgery!!!!) my plan and hubs came along to Dr. Ren.

And Dr. Ren promptly confirmed for me that my weight was spinning up and out of my control... and even though I didn't qualify for the surgery at 196 and 5'4, I could have it off label.
And that's what I did.
More of the details are in past blog posts... but here are some pix from prior to the surgery:

And now, fast foward to present day... I am in the 164-165, losing weight again, and thankful for the band.  It's not an easy road, the more you follow the rules and live your best band lifestyle, the happier you are going to be, that's for sure.
But I'd recommend this course to anyone who cannot get a hold of her weight on her own.

Post 993

I have forgotten to mention that we have booked an AWESOME vacation that I am totally looking forward to... and we never have to worry about being away because we have the best neighbors who house sit and take care of our, ahem, menagerie of a dog, cat and bird.

We are going to Beaches Turks and Caicos-- and I am practically salivating about the trip.
Last time we were there was 2008-- and while the resort was beautiful, it was (unfortunately), the least fun trip we've ever taken as a family.
:-(
This is because our son was just about to turn 4 at the time, and he was AFRAID OF THE WATER. No joke.  And he was afraid when WE went in to swim, which also sucked.

This time= much different on a multitude of fronts.
First and foremost: now the little one is 8 and a little 'fishy' in the water.. just like mamma.
Second and almost as important: my weight is under control and going down.

I just went back and found the album of shots from that vacation-- and while I am not sure that I was at an all time high weight, I know I was in 'weight shame' mode-- and crazy appetite mode too.
Here are some shots from then:

I have to try to figure out what I weighed on this trip-- and if I do, I'll come back and edit.
But here are a few comparison face shots to show the difference...

What a difference 4 years and a lap band make.

Can't wait to get NEW photos of Turks and Caicos 2013 to share.
This time, I'll be in lots, instead of photo shy or destroying photos after the vacay b/c of how 'fat' I look in the pictures.

And there she wrote: no matter how hard the band can be at times... it is worth it for the reduction of shame and blame and the feeling of control returned to my life.  Not to mention the simple fact that I am, by definition, healthier at 165 lbs and going down again-- vs. my all time high of 203 right before banding.

Onward, forward, hopeful and proud!

991 posts

I was looking at my dashboard and found that I have 991 posts... just 9 more until the one thousandth post.
This is an interest milestone and makes me think that I ought to do something special leading towards that thousandth post.

This is the 992 post, by the way-- so I have 7 more until the thousandth-- the 8 being the thousandth post.  What a mouthful.

Clearly: I am dedicating 992 to explaining that I am close to the 1000 mark-- and I guess the others might be up for grabs.

I'd love to think of something profound, but nothing is really coming to me, other than to say that I am SO glad I got back into my Dinnerland blog.  That hiatus truly sucked-- and I didn't feel like me on my temporary blog...

Let me know if you have any suggestions for topics for the last 7 blogs leading to the 1000th blog... and then of course, we all know what will happen once I pass 1000 blogs, right?
Drumroll please:
I will subsequently write my one thousand and first. Ta-da!

In other news-- yeah: I am still in advanced banding mode, still with a very tight band-- but not any further weight loss yet.
165 this morning.  Didn't hit my aggressive 2 pounds per week goal this week... but I am OK with that.
I am looking thinner in the mirror and clothes are fitting better, so I think I will see the scale drop again soon enough.  Most important-- my confidence in my body is returning.  I have to admit I was feeling really bad about myself... and that has been replaced with lots of thoughts about managing my band at this level of tightness.

Once again: I am trying to be uber-careful, but I know that my first priority today ought to be a protein shake, as I did not count my protein yesterday and don't know if I am making it over 60 grams per day for the last few days.  It's easier to track water consumption-- clear pee= good.  Yellow pee= not enough water.

Fun top, right?

Well... there goes 992.

Let me know what you'd like to hear from me, if anything, in the coming blogs towards my 1000th.

Crash!

Yes, that's what my hard drive did-- and so I've been without a lap top for days on end.
My weight, not crashing-- 165 this morning and most definitely responding to the tightness of the band.

This is advanced banding, my friends, or maybe 'starting over banding?'
The point is that I am putting forth all of my skills right now to relearn portions, chewing slowly, attending to whether my band feels tight etc... and I am not entirely convinced that I'll keep things this way.

But as I mentioned in my previous post (I think)-- I am not anxious to run back and change anything.  I'd rather stick it out, chew a lot, go to liquids when needed and continue my 'retraining.'

I can tell you that my portions have gotten smaller, the plates I'm preferring to use are smaller, my chewing has increased incredibly, my bites of food have gotten much smaller, and my focus on drinking my water has increased incredibly.  How can that be bad?

However: I find that my band at this level of fill is very finicky and I have to be super careful.  I am taking things one day at a time and going with it for the time being.

As for pictures of me going back down the scale-- I will post some soon...
I would love to see lower numbers, and would love to share those with y'all.

And thanks so much for the support in the comments-- I am meaning to write back-- but I am catching up on almost a week without my beloved laptop.

Lordy!!!!

Just when you think it is one way...

So: I thought I was so damn tight that I would need an unfill-- posted that yesterday and made the appointment (actually: the opposite order of events, but whatever.)

Meanwhile: my band decided to play much nicer yesterday and I was able to effectively drink my water, at a yummy (mushie prepared by me) lunch of chicken breast, feta cheese, and fage yogurt-- and then had dinner out last evening, including a small serving of spinach salad (we're talking about about 1/4 cup or so) and a small portion of escarole with white beans and a few small pieces of Italian sweet sausage.  Also had a glass of wine and shared several bites of my son's heavenly chocolate cake dessert (careful/ sparingingly.)  And while I am being honest about everything I ate: I also had some crusty bread w/ olive oil- again, VERY sparingly, very tiny pieces.

Now that's NOT too tight to live.  So WTF?

Obviously: I don't intend to eat dinner like I had last evening every night-- I know that's not a typical 'weight loss' dinner... but the point is that I was able to chew very carefully and eat normal food of all different textures.

I swear: I was not making up how damn tight I was the day before--  liquids were a total challenge.  But as I write this, my band remains loosened up again to the extent that I am sipping coffee and water... and feeling a whole lot less scared about needing an unfill.

My weight is at 164.6 again today-- and that is even with the salty feta cheese and the restaurant dinner last night.  Mmmmm.  Clothes are loosening and I am feeling like one big success story!

Then again: this is ADVANCED banding from my perspective. I'm going to have to keep a close eye on this mercurial band of mine while still taking advantage of my restriction level.

It can be so confusing-- don't you think, fellow bandsters?

Here's what I know TODAY:
1) I am drinking liquids effectively again-- a very good sign.
2) My portions need to remain very small and very band rule friendly (about 1/4 to a 1/2 cup at the most, depending on the food type.)
3) I need to eat slowly and chew everything to a pulp.
4) Mixing liquids and solid food is NOT ok at all.
5) The timing of my tightness is somewhat unpredictable-- and that means getting my fluids in whenever and whereever I can-- drinking up my water at all times.  How can that be bad?
(Oh: and if I'm feeling tight, waiting out the tightness for an hour or so, and trying again.)

As long as this weekend continues along these lines-- I'll postpone my appointment.  No need to go in an get an unfill if I am OK at this level.
The reason I call this 'advance' banding is that it is not as simple as, wake up, drink/ eat, do whatever, don't think about a thing.
Rather: it is a matter of staying focused that my band could act up on me-- and to really respect and baby my band.

Of course: I will keep the appointment and get an unfill if I have problems-  but since this level of restriction is working for me in so many ways in terms of weight loss, behavior modification of portions, desire to get my fluids and proteins-- I am not enthused to change much of anything if I don't really need to do so.

And the other thing: My very wise and observant husband pointed out that since it has been about 2 weeks since the fill, things may still be adjusting and changing in the 'system' of my band.  As we know-- that tubing goes from our ports to the actual band-- and the fluid can move about. So 2 weeks is just the beginning of a 'cycle' of an adjustment.  So if I can hang in there safely and without ill effects, I may find that things settle down even further and that this will be the right level.

I am assured that I can call the doc's office at ANY time if there is an emergency and get in there quick. That is why I 'heart' my practice for sure...
I am also sure that I am very vigilant-- which can create a bit of 'alarmism' in me... which may create a desire to run over to the doc's office if there is trouble-- instead of waiting it out and seeing what I can do to solve it on my own.

Sorry if I am going in circles.  Here is the bottom line for TODAY:

I'm sticking with this fill right now and planning to put off my unfill appointment.
I am focusing on 64 ounces of water and 60 grams of protein per day.
Will work on vegetables and fruits as well... and will go slow and carefully.

And will most of all enjoy the new found success of losing weight again-- and feeling so much better about already taking off those dreaded extra pounds that were making me so unhappy (sorry-- I cannot lie about the unhappiness they were causing.) And I can, hopefully, continue to lose weight to get back down to my all time banded low of 155... and perhaps even get lower than that after all.

One step, one day, one sip, one bite, one decision at a time.

Going down the scale....

Today I am at 164.6.
Yipee!

That's the great news...
Here is the bad news part: my band is too tight to go on like this.
:-(
I made an appointment for Tuesday because it literally takes me a lot of concentration to drink liquids during much of the day. That's too hard- and it is not the level of restriction I can live with, nor is it what is intended.

I can eat solids, but I am hesitant and trying to stay more with liquids (water, coffee, protein shakes, soups, and mushies)....so the moral of the story is: I really don't think this is the intention of the band.

But hell to the YES on the accelerated weight loss for now.
It reminds me of the assistance the band can give me-- b/c it is not only the restriction that is helping, it is the control of the appetite, cravings and the very fast feeling of fullness I get when I have a small amount.

I just hope that an adjustment of pulling out some of this fill won't set me back-- but I am going to ask for the tiniest unfill and then sit in the office and hang out and see if that makes fluids go down easier-- and if it doesn't, I'll ask them to take out more-- rather than pulling the whole .2 out at once.

Oh: and my clothes are fitting better and I just feel so much better about my weight.
So-- while I am too tight and can't let this go on long, it has been productive.

It has been so long.

Seriously: it has been SO LONG since I felt my band working the way it should be.

I am not sure what has contributed to the change--  but I have a bunch of theories.

Things are quite different and staying that way right now-- this magical zone I'm in is not going away quickly-- but I am holding on to it like a shiny pearl and nurturing it too with my best habits...

I wonder if the long break between fills helped?
I got a chance to get really scared in there-- diet/ fail/ diet/ fail/ diet/ fail fail fail some more-- because 'dieting' in the traditional sense simply doesn't work for me.

I can have all the 'want to' in the world--but it doesn't physiologically seem to translate into what I need to get the job done in the regular universe. (Put a gun to my head, threaten my family's safety, stick me on a ranch for 6 weeks with a prize of 1 million dollars and personal trainers-- different and not really-- I could lose weight on any diet in those scenarios!!)

So: what this fill seems to have done in 'tightening' things up for me is to activated that nerve sensation that the surgeons talk about-- when I put a small bit of anything into my stomach, I feel a sense of oncoming fullness VERY quickly!
This is NOT restriction-- restriction is the inability to eat certain textures and inability to eat a sizable portion.
What I am referring to is a sense of satiety and fullness (that almost doesn't make sense in the rational world with how little I might be eating...).

Anyhow: 165.8 again this morning... and I am continuing to work it out.

The focus is on fluids (64 oz of water per day at least) and 60 grams of protein per day.
And paying attention to whether I am truly hungry or just 'feel like eating' something before I go for anything to eat.
The last thing: staying ahead of body hunger-- that's an important one, which I plan to do with a (fruit smoothie) protein shake in the morning and pre-made chocolate one in the afternoon today.

My band Renaissance ?

My scale read 165.8 this morning-- a happy number for me, as I've been struggling for months just to hang on to numbers even higher than that.

I believe I am having a total band Renaissance here.
Being that my band is super tight (or at least, that's how I'm feeling-- and I am not tempting fate to try to see if I can gobble food faster or swallow liquids at a gulp right now)-- I have implemented every single band rule I knew from early on.

Additionally: my hunger/ appetite and cravings are under control right now-- and that is probably what is making all the difference.
I definitely feel 'hungry' (as in stomach grumbling when empty)- but I don't feel as driven to eat.  It is weird-- but I remember the feeling and would almost guess that it is what people who are a bit more 'normal' about food are like at their baseline.

Here is what is going right :
1) I am focusing my energies on drinking a lot of water.
2) I am focusing on getting protein-- at least 1 30 gram protein shake per day for now.
3) I am reminded that I want to lose WEIGHT-- and an urgency to drop weight has re-entered my consciousness concurrent with the feeling that I actually am able to make that scale go down.
'Success breeds success' is how the expression goes.
4) Controversial: I am weighing in every day.  (I know this doesn't work for everyone.)
5) When taking any solid foods whatsoever, I am chewing them to a liquidy pulp. (Duh, right?)
6) I am reminding myself a lot that weight loss is work-- and I am working hard, and I deserve to be nice to myself and understanding to myself when I feel like 'gee, I wish I could just have a burger right now.'
*This burger thing came up when my husband decided to take my son to a burger place for lunch today.  Even the easiest of band times, I can never eat hamburgers-- they are just too hard to chew up right... so I skipped it and hung out a home and caught up on some TV and let them have a boys lunch.

I am so glad to be sharing this Band Renaissance with all of you!

Here is what I also want to say to any of you out there who have put on weight and stopped blogging but are lurking around... or any of you who have put on weight or stalled and feel bad:

I AM YOU!
And look at what is happening... it seems like I might be finding that corner to turn at this point.
So far, so good, anyway.

And if I hadn't shared the part where I struggled so much and for months... the context of this latest success would be much less meaningful.
The bottom line is:  With your band, if you are willing to keep going and working it-- it is not a 1 time fix.  It is adjustable and if things aren't working the way you want them to, then go back to your doc and advocate for help for yourself.
That is why you GOT THE BAND!!   If your doctor is a jerk and thinks you should be 'doing this on your own' by now-- then I say: get a new doctor or ignore him or her and get any adjustment that seems like a wise decision.

I hope I can continue to show all my band and other blogger friends what moving on the Year 3 with the band looks like... I'll be at my 3rd anniversary on 1/4/13-- and I continue to work this tool.

*One final and special shout to my friend Gen-- you are so wise and so right, girl.  All those diet efforts I was making for months were just an indication that I needed more help from my band.
I have totally stopped 'dieting' and am eating for hunger/ nutrition/ fuel with help from the band. That's what we always talked about and that is the way I am doing it.
Thank you for being a great voice of reason.

Tight band reset

My band is super-duper tight.
My weight is down to 167 (the day I went for my fill, a week from last Wednesday, I was at 170.)
It's going to take a bit of time to see how it all shakes out-- and I envision going in for an UNfill in a bit if things don't ease up.

But I have a major opportunity here.
With my hunger/ appetite managed very, very well-- and my caution WAY up from the tightness, I have an opportunity to try for a 2 pound weight loss per week for the next few weeks.  While I won't be counting up my calories per say, I will plan to stay at or under 1200 per day... which I hope will be facilitated by the current state of my band.

I'll be focusing on getting at least 60 grams of protein per day, and at least 64 ounces of water per day.

Here are my goals:
Saturday December1st: 165
Saturday December 8th: 163
Saturday December 15th: 161
Saturday December 22nd: 159
Saturday December 29th: 157

These are pretty hard driving goals for me- even in my most avid weight loss days, I wasn't losing this much-- but I feel like putting the challenge to myself... why not? It would be great to be in the 150's again by 2013.

November comparison shots: the state of the fill

Hi everyone and a very Happy Thanksgiving to all of my US friends... to the rest of my blogging buddies-- I hope you also have a wonderful day.

I did a look back on my past, inspired by Lap Band Gal, and note that I have had 2 Thanksgivings with the band... this one being my 3rd.

Here is the run down:

The picture you see above is me at my highest weight-- to me, I look rather puffed up.
It is titled 'T minues 14 days to pre-op diet, so it is a bit past Thanksgiving 2009.

The picture above this note is close to where I am weight wise now... I was around 170ish, working on getting my weight down further- this is November 2010.

Here I am in December 2011-- lighter than I am now by about 5 pounds... around 163 ish.

And a picture of me today, above. Hovering in the 168 zone... with a tight band and determination to make it work.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey everyone-- wishing all who celebrate a Happy Thanksgiving!
I am preparing a better post for later... and note to all: damn, I really did get a fill, very, very tight right now.

I am hoping that as the dust settles, it will help me get things in check.
Still holding steady pretty much at the same weight as last week-- but have eaten a bunch of soup/ salty... so waiting to see if that is water retention.

Clothes still not remarkably different-- so more work to be done.

And: while I am not going to berate myself- I will say that working on weight reduction at least keeps me off of the diet merry go round in its own way.
I am just using the band and my techniques to help-- rather than worrying about putting every ounce back on.

:-)

Mock fried rice

Hey-sorry for the controversy of my previous post.... And so much love for the support too!
I know we all must follow our own paths to success- and I am very grateful and proud of my accomplishments so far....

Anyhow- here's a great low carb and protein with veg meal:

Mock fried rice
You'll need about half a raw cauliflower
Firm tofu
Veggies of your choice
~ 2tsps of sesame oil
Garlic
Onion
Japanese soy sauce
Egg beaters
Ginger
Lemon juice
Optional- 1 reduced fat hot dog

Grate your raw cauliflower and put into large fry pan over a medium heat (deep is best, like a wok) with a few spoonfuls of water
Grate onion, garlic, ginger into the pan
Season with lemon juice, ginger, soy sauce to taste, add sesame oil and increase heat for a few minutes
Grate in hot dog
Move cauliflower mix to one side and pour in a bit of egg beaters, scramble and then add into the overall mix
Return to low simmer and cook until cauliflower is cooked to your tenderness preference

This is probably not great instructions-but do your best-enjoy!
And let me know how it goes if you make it!

Comparing, comparing

I can't help it-- I can't help comparing myself to bandsters who are more successful than me.
There, I said it.
Call me a loser for doing it-- and I actually am a bit of a loser for doing it, because how does it help for me to say: "Why are they so much more successful than me?" if I am not willing to do exactly as they do.

The fact is that I cannot do exactly as someone else does in terms of lifestyle because no one's lifestyle is exactly the same.  I think the key is to find the lifestyle fixes that work best for me-- while following some excellent and tried and true methods that seem to be consistent across the 'success' board.

Here's what I've found:
1) Seems like many successful bandsters measure portions.
2) Seems like many successful bandsters follow more rules than they break.
3) Seems like many successful bandsters listen to their bodies, but don't eat beyond measured portions most of the time (even if still hungry.)
4) Seems like many successful bandsters weigh in regularly-- though perhaps not daily.
5) Seems like most successful bandsters eat the sames things daily oftentimes.
6) Seems like there are more 'struggling' or 'getting there' bandsters than perfect success stories...

So what?

Here's the good news-- I've got many of the same things going for me- and I don't see myself as a 'failure.'
Rather, I am a continual work in progress.

This fill is helping me-- comparing myself to others, not so much.

Low carb recipes to try

Just taking notes here:

http://www.sandyskitchenadventures.com/2011/01/cauliflower-bread-sticks.html

http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/08/the-astonishing-cauliflower-pizza-crust-you-have-to-taste-it-to-believe-it.html

Cauliflower is an awesome sub for rice in 'fried rice' too...

Got .2-- starting here/ now

My fill appointment went as well as could be expected.
The good news:
I got .2 cc's and am feeling the fill love... let's hope it sticks around, but if it doesn't-- more fill for me. I am way back in the game.  NO more dieting-- instead: sticking to the band rules, which simply are not the same as a diet.

The shame is melting away now-- I've changed my ticker to reflect my weight-- admitted 'defeat' without more help from the band and am moving ahead.
Happy to say: I am NOT feeling hunger-- not feeling cravings, and generally feeling so much better about everything.
Yipee.

Now if I could only find a better place to go during the week-- I'd be 'perfect.'
Just kidding-- but seriously, would love to move on and finally find a place to go that I wouldn't constantly have complaints about. (I know, I ought to be grateful to have a place I go that is steady...)

OK-- the end.
Back to daily weigh ins.
Back to lots of water.
Back to protein first, making sure my portions are kept under control.
Back to avoiding carbs-- that's what the doc told me to do- carbs= devil and more cravings.

La de da.
I'm back baby.

Fill day... and I'm ready.

I've had a total freak out leading up to this day-- scared of what they will say to me when I go back in, perhaps 4 or 5 pounds higher than 5 months ago.
But I've finally accepted that 'it is what it is'-- and it is SO DUMB of me to worry about being judged.

In fact: if they judge me (which they don't and won't)-- I judge THEM right back.
I've come to this weight loss practice and had surgery because I need the help. That simple- ok?

Yes: If only my brain could consistently agree with this!

In retrospect, I've been too loose for a LONG time... and my fears, that have been swirling in my head, about my failure, my inability to 'stick to it' etc are just representative of the 'old thinking' that I've allowed back and has now crept in and taken over.

I looked back over my blog and saw how 'in it' I was when I was losing weight-- I was damn vigilant.  I went to the doctor whenever I suspected there was a glitch, and for the longest, longest time-- I experienced success! Was I a fast loser? NO.  But that is not the point.

When the band was truly and well-adjusted to suit my needs-- I did well.
Oh-- and by the way-- for me, I think that means being on the tight side.  I get that the band will ideally NOT 'restrict' very much eating, rather, it will give a sense of fullness that the bandee will then respond to and stop eating.

But/ and for me: I need the additional tightness to remind me just how little my stomach will hold.  I need the additional tightness as a 'warning' against putting too much on my plate.  I need it to get back on track with all of those rules that work well for banding, such as the ones you'll see below, that I've lifted from a previous blog post.

Bottom line, I definitely can get back on track. But today's visit may not be the panacea-- it may be a start to getting back there.  All I can do is go in for an obviously needed adjustment.  Then, I can follow the damn rules.  THEN, if in two weeks, I still am not feeling better-- back to the office I go.  I will do this until I am doing better.
I want that feeling of success back-- it is not a matter of feeling 'fat' or 'thin' so much now as it is a feeling of giving up the desperation that has well and truly returned.  Totally UGH.

Anyhow, here are some rules I dug up:

• Eat slowly and be aware of when you feel full. When you feel full, stop eating! If you continue to eat, you may develop intense chest pain and vomit.
• Chew, chew, chew! You need to make sure you chew your food very well before you swallow it. This makes it easier to digest and pass from your gastric pouch into your small intestine.
• Avoid drinking fluids 30 minutes before and with your meals. If you fill up your small gastric pouch with liquid, you won't have room for your food. Furthermore, the liquids may accelerate passage of the solid food out of the stomach and possibly cause some discomfort.
• Drink enough fluid between meals to meet your fluid requirements. You need six to eight cups of fluid per day to prevent dehydration.
• Avoid food and beverages high in sugar. High sugar foods can cause "dumping syndrome." After gastric bypass surgery, some people feel light-headed, sweaty, or faint soon after consuming concentrated sugar.
• Limit high fat foods. These foods may make you feel nauseated. They are also high in calories and will slow down your weight loss. Using a low-fat, reduced-fat, or light version of a product is okay.

I've tried everything... time for a fill

Yep: As you may have been noticing- I've been trying everything to get myself back on track-- and all I have to show for it is my efforts and my disappointment.
Oh-- and to make matters totally worse: stress eating has kicked in to the total max from the Hurricane, the Nor'Easter and the subsequent crap I've had to deal with at the place I go.  Don't get me started, it is so confusing and awful in many ways...

The constant attempts to straighten things out reminds me of days back when I was pre-band and I tried every single diet and nothing worked.  Except I DO have a band and I know it helped me lost weight once... so:

Uncle.

I set a fill for the middle of this week-- and I've gotten 2 cases of low sugar protein beverages (30 grams protein/ 160 calories each, various vitamins) that I may try to stick as a liquid diet for the time before I go in.
That is a TALL order from where I sit, but I would like to be able to try it so that I feel some modicum of control.  Almost like a re-birth.
Like today is day 1 of bandster hell.... and the next is it as well-- and then the fill?

My one out will be that if I get home from work this evening and want something more 'substantial'-- I am thinking I will have soup.
That is all for now.

I refuse to believe that my band can do nothing for me-- that's just bullshit. The band helped me lose all the weight I have done in the first place- and I've just been TOO LOOSE for the style that works best for me for too long.

Yellow zone-- out.
Green zone-- here I come again.

Hanging in, making yummy soup

Do you think I have a soup addiction?
I do.
Whatever.
It is a great way to get in the veggies, man.

I made a huge slow cooker pot full of cabbage soup facsimile 'kimchi jjigae.'
I didn't have any kimchi (the pickled cabbage stuff)-- so I just used regular cabbage, and I spiced it up with sricha (spelling) and lots of great tasting onion, garlic, mushrooms-- used chicken stock/ vegetable stock.  Oh: and I used sesame oil (measured 2 tablespoons for a HUGE vat of the stuff) to saute the garlic, onions, mushrooms-- and added pork loin for flavor and protein.

YUM.

I am pretty sure that at the end of the day this soup is highly reasonable in calories and provides TONS of fiber and a great flavor kick.

Today's eating has been good so far...

AM: Coffee w/ sugar free hazelnut creamer
mid morning: soup (cauliflower/ broccoli mixed with cream soup, 2% milk)
1pmish: 1 oz cheddar cheese, 1 lime flavored tortilla (yes, 1 only!)
4pmish: 1 small bowl of the kimchi cabbage and mushroom pork mixture...

Plan for the rest of today:
Kimchi jjigae
May add some egg

Either a glass of wine or a piece of chocolate... if desired.

Best laid plans-- keep on going, give up those triggers!!

Yeah: if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Or if you don't take your plan on the road and you get hungry-- it is hard to stick to liquids.
Yep.
I fell off of the wagon of all day liquids because I got hungry, didn't have a plan and was out at a birthday party for my son... excuses excuses.

But here is the good part: even after ONE FULL DAY of liquids, I have my energy, hope and excitement back for weight loss-- and I believe that I can do this thing again.

Doing just one day of liquids actually helped me shrink down my stomach and cured some of the horrible and scary cravings and feelings of being out of control.  JUST ONE DAY.

I also realized that moderation (as I've been talking about for years here) is a great key to success.

I talked about how I would be giving up chocolate and alcohol -- and how these things, along with other sliders, like carbs in general (um-- chocolate and alcohol have tons of simple sugars....)-- trigger me.

I find it easier to give up the alcohol, so I am down with that-- I really DON'T need those extra calories... but I feel that saying "NO CHOCOLATE!" is just unduly punishing.

That said: I don't need chocolate every day either...

And the main thing that really seems to 'trigger' the healthiest eating in me: COOKING!
Believe it or not, preparing my own healthy foods, especially band success guarantees (as in soups) really works... and that is what really got screwed up yesterday.

I love my hubs and son, but they pressured me out of going to the store to buy what I needed, claiming that we already had a ton of stuff in the house. Humbug: not what I'd envisioned though... I wanted to make a delicious spicy cabbage soup, filled with yummy flavor and veggies and totally 'righteous' and 'free' (as in, eat all you want, guilt free.).

But I was discouraged from going to the store, and that set me on a worse path that I would have been on otherwise.... I guess spending all of that healthy cooking time reminds me of my goals.

Well: the bottom line is that it is a day to day process- and since I can reliably be certain that there are no excuses with a soup based diet, I am down with that as a 'go to' whenever I can put that together.  I am off to the store this morning ( I w*rk from home today) to pick up the needed ingredients and it will all slow cook into something great and healthy.

I love to fill my body with healthy veggies-- totally the best feeling and with the band, it is a slam dunk to make these into a delicious soup... so there you have it.
Onward!

Just play CHESS

So, here I am-- embarking on day 2 of the liquid diet.

Band: you are here for me, and I am here for me, which is most important.

Just one day of success means SOOOOO much. I keep going around in my head to try to recall all of the little things that I am doing to make myself successful... so here goes:

1) Iced Green Tea X 32 oz:
Just like yesterday, I brewed myself a batch of flavored green tea with which I plan to make iced tea.  I am using 4 tea bags, 2 with green tea pomegranate (spelling?) and 2 with green tea blueberry to make a 'concentrate.'  Then I will let that steep for a while (put it in at 5am, tx to daylight savings) and when I can do, will  put into a 32 oz container that I will expect to consume over the course of the morning.

2) Homemade Vegetable Soup infusion:
I made a batch of broccoli/ cauliflower soup from scratch yesterday- and while I typically use a chicken stock base, I used water and lemon.  I liberally spiced it up with some fresh onion, cilantro (from the fridge) and lots of powdered garlic and onion (lazy girl spicing- I actually had both fresh to cut up too.)
Used the handy immersion blender and let that simmer.
Ate several small cups of it through the morning-- and then later combined a mass produced cream soup  with it (half/ half).  This both brought the calories down on the cream soup and upped the nutrition while still changing the flavor profile for some variety in the mid afternoon when I was craving something.

3) Began the day with a protein and fruit smoothie:
Used  2/3rd of a single portion Fage 2% that I had hanging around in my fridge and added a liberal dose of blueberries.  Added water, 2 splenda packs and voila-- an easy smoothie that was protein filled and healthy with fruit.
The key here is that I didn't really much feel like having that smoothie-- but I did it anyway.
I've read that starting your day off with a blood sugar stabilizing protein/ fiber mixture is critical to avoiding hunger pangs later.... I think this really did work for me.

4) Changed my focus to me minus eating for reasons other than fueling:
This one is definitely challenging.
I've been eating for so many reasons-- and many of them have been driven by chemical mistakes... namely: eating sugar and carbs that are driving me to eat more sugar and carbs.
It's notable that I ate NO chocolate yesterday...

5) 'Urge Surfed':
I once read that urges to eat (or pick your poison, whatever you do that is unhealthy) rise like a wave, crash over you and then diminish... kind of like feelings..ya know?
Anyway: last night I made my little one a hot dog and BOY did I want some of that yummy processed, salty goodness.
MMMM.
I loves me a hot dog.  And they are the WORST with the band, anyway!!! Unless I am sooooo careful, I am bound to get stuck and miserable-- why don't I permanently stay the 'f' away?

Anyway: so I prepared my little one his hot dog and served it to him-- all the while thinking about how I would like to make myself a hot dog, would like to eat a hot dog etc.  But I 'changed the channel' in my brain and went and got some creative writing that I'm doing and started in on that instead.

I got into it and soon the hot dog and the snacking craving were history.

CHEWED GUM.  I don't typically chew gum, don't really like to do it-- I think it interferes with eating (ha ha, really true.)  So: I got me some sugarless bubble gum and will pop some of that when I have an urge to chew.

6) Didn't have any alcohol:
Now, if you know me, you know I loves me a good martini or a glass of wine-- all the more, I must say, since banding.

Dinnerland on Friday November 2nd-- NOT on Saturday.

That is NOT to say (band haters out there) that I became an alcoholic since banding-- I did not.  I simply found that drinking a glass of wine was at once an enjoyable and simple pleasure after w*rk (which got very stressful shortly after banding and never really went back to same- also not because of the band)... and it also soothed a tight band, which I had at periodic times.

On the up side: I enjoy a martini (see exhibit above) and/ or a glass of wine.  On the down side: I believe that drinking alcohol is not only added calories, but it decreases my inhibitions against overeating and eating things I should not eat- ya know: sliders.
Le sigh: I think drinking will have to be limited for some time.

------------------------

Did I tell you my goal for the new year?  I want to lose 10 pounds by 12/31/12.
Now: the actual 'number' will be difficult to ascertain to begin with-- because I am not getting onto that infernal scale right now.

Are you like me? I can weigh myself in a variety of ways that have nothing to do with a scale-- the 2 main ones are:
1) The fit of my clothes.
2) The way I look in the mirror.

Honestly: the number of pounds is FAR less relevant to me than getting the visible CHUB that has appeared around my body to go away.

Here are the areas of concern:
a. I have more 'tummy' than I did 10 pounds ago.
b. My thighs are wider, and while I can cross my legs (which I couldn't really do well pre-banding) -- it is more difficult and my legs tend to 'slide' out of the cross more often.
c. My damn underwear are tighter than they should be.
d. I have a closet of clothing, most of which is too tight for me to comfortably wear without feeling like I am being punished.  (That means: if I had an interview and needed to get into a sleek suit, I have suits that still fit, but they are tighter than I like to wear them. Bleh.)
d) I have back fat that I'd gotten rid of previously (I believe 10 pounds will erase that back fat.)
e) I can't see my collar bones the way I could when I was at my thinnest after banding.

Notice-- I am not trying to be hateful about myself here.  I love myself, I think I am attractive and look OK in clothes-- but the fact of the matter is that the entire closet is like an indictment against me and a failure mode that I have not been doing my band job.

And now I am back to it-- nervous to post what I am doing in case I fail- but I will think 'Yodastyle'--
Do or do not, there is no try.

Oh, and by way of summary-- and since I basically wrote out a road map for success that I want to follow again today:

CHESS!
Chew:  sugarless gum
Hydrate: At least 32 oz of green tea, preferably front-loaded at the beginning of the day to set up my thinking that this is a 'good day'.  (Coffee, which is also considered 'anti-hydration' is included in this mix as it is a great way to be involved in social situations without eating anything.)

Eschew: Avoid alcohol, chocolate, crunchy chips, carbs, processed meats, and ALL triggers for eating unhealthily.

1a. Start the day with a protein smoothie (or protein drink.)
Slurp: Generous portions of 'free' soup (vegetable soup, preferably homemade, but can be canned if light veggie soup.)
Surf: Surf the urge-- get busy doing something else, DON'T give in, you can do it.

Liquid Diet reset-- day one

Here I am, accidentally starting my liquid diet today.
I just can't take the horrible toxic eating-- and I want my clothes to fit.
I am back in that predicament where I have a closet full of clothes and very few are fitting me correctly.
I am guilty and ashamed.
Bleh.

But this day started out just right:
Coffee/ creamer
Blueberry Fage 2% smoothie
Green tea/ water

On the stove:
Home made broccoli / cauliflower soup with a base of 98% fat free campbell's cream of chicken soup

On the horizon for the day:
Treating myself right in every way EXCEPT the pretend way that I use-- which is feeding myself to 'make myself feel better.'
I DO NOT feel better when I do this--unhealthy food and poor eating habits are a bad old friend, and I am stopping in my tracks to retread the bandly way.

Note to self: My band will HELP me if I help myself.  Right now, I am going to straighten out my blood sugar, and I intend to do this for the next several days... I was thinking I would wait until Monday-- but don't I want to feel better NOW! TODAY!!
Yes.

OK-- so now it is 2:51pm, and I've stuck to my liquid diet so far through the day...

Food count up to 2:51pm:

-Coffee/ creamer

-Blueberry Fage 2% smoothie

-Homemade broccoli/ cauliflower soup

-1/2 can chicken chowder mixed with homemade soup to veg it up

Working on sticking to it...

Almost there... it is 8:35 pm as I post this... I had some chicken noodle soup for 'dinner.'
Felt like I wasn't sure if I could continue-- but I did it!

A good day, and so much better and back on track.

Hurricane update

This has been a week from hell-- and we didn't even get the brunt of it from the perspective that we got power back after just about 1 day without.
Between having to deal with insanity of my every day place and hosting multiple houseguests--holy crap.

Has not been good on the eating front, since people brought candy in to my place b/c Halloween got 'cancelled' and rescheduled for Monday in our town. Yeah: and I ate a whole bunch of it...
Bleh.

Band? Are you still there?
OK, I know you are still there-- but I realize I must do some work to help myself.

The good perspective is that everyone around me has said the same thing-- it is not an excuse, just that nobody is super focused on diet/ exercise and healthful eating when there are life and death issues, depressing hurricane accounts, crazyness at the w*kplace etc etc.

Just means I'l'l need to refocus my energies to get myself feeling better and forgive the rest.
I want to be feeling good and proud of my efforts again, and the best way to do that is to consistently restart them and work on them... additionally: I am considering a fill.

But not quite yet-- I want to take it for a bit more of a ride  on my own and do the things that I know work-- like cutting out sugar, going back to liquids for a while, lowering carbs to a minimum... I think all of these things will contribute to an improved feeling of control.

My band IS still there and I can get the whole thing back on track in terms of hunger and satiety if I hit the basics again.

I hope all of you are doing well-- not a lot of posting to be seen around here nowadays... w'sup with y'all?

Just keep running

33 minutes steady run today....no stopping/ walking.
:-)
Awaiting the hurricane now.

Running ...

This morning, I did a 'long and slow' workout-- as you can see, I am mixing up my running training to avoid hurting myself.
Wish I were this mature and reasonable with myself when I began running in 1996....

But no better time than the present.
Today I did 1 hour on the treadmill-- covering 4 miles.  There was obviously some walking (and I did a 5 minute warm up walking, 3 minute cool down.)

I feel good!

I saw that Caron said she might take a page from me on my running training-- so I just want to share what I am doing:

1) I am committed to avoiding 'overtraining' at the beginning.  That means no running two days in a row until my running fitness is much better.
2) I am 'mixing up' my running work outs.  There are lots of ways to practice running including:
-speed drills (where you run all out and then rest and repeat a number of times
-Fartlek (as I described, where you just run fast and then slow, according to what you feel you can do
-long and slow... where you focus on spending more time on your feet, moving along and extending the time your body is getting exercise.  These runs are NOT for pushing very hard because you are trying to just increase time and tolerance.
-steady state runs-- where you increase your overall ability to tolerate a run at a pace that is moderate for you (think: you could say a few brief words, but not a whole conversation back and forth as you run)-- these are for working on overall stamina.
3) I'm keeping track of my mileage so that I don't OVER do it in the first couple of weeks--again, I don't want to get injured and discouraged.

I'm also keeping sight of my previous experiences with running. Unfortunately: running NEVER made me thin.. because my body has a great way with maintaining caloric equilibrium. I seem to get hungrier as I exercise more.
That said: I am being mindful of getting in ENOUGH of the right foods so that I will not be famished and make the wrong choices later.

On another note: we are prepping for Hurricane Sandy this weekend-- so I went food shopping and got some food items to make... focus on adding veggies to recipes and also making a yummy Korean soup called Kim Chi Jigae.  mmmm.

 I will let you all know how it turns out!

Sodium, oh how I hate thee...

I am really going to watch my sodium, because now as I am weighing in consistently again, I am noticing the scale swing up into scary territory because I had a can of 25% reduced sodium campbell's chicken noodle soup... so much for reduced sodium-- it has something like 890 mgs of sodium per service.
Ahhhhh!! No wonder my rings got tight and I don't want to talk about the scale this morning.

On other more positive fronts: I did  a 'speed drill' on my treadmill yesterday-- two miles of 'fartlek' type running (I didn't make that up!)
Fartlek is, I think, Swedish for 'run how you please'-- which means at varied pace, faster, faster, slow, faster, slow, slow.  This helps build your fitness for running by getting you to do intervals of harder work interspersed with lighter work per your tolerance.

I learned about this type of running first when I did cross country training in high school-- I was a pretty terrible runner then. As I've matured, I've become more patient and a better runner over all.

Oh: back to sodium: did I mention we ate Boston Market for dinner last night? Now: I was super careful to have a small portion -- but that was salt mania also.

Bah.

I am working on being as confident as I can that I can take off more weight-- but it is hard and scary in a way.  I am STILL a success overall, having kept off much of the weight I lost, but I want to get back down to the 150's again... and I certainly don't want to be where I am, hovering in the danger zone of high 160's constantly.

One day, one workout, and one choice at a time... that's what I've got!

I am so glad to be back as DL-- have I already said that 100 times?  I cannot stop!!

Awesome riced cauliflower dish

Recipe to follow!

Have any of you tried faux fried rice made with cauliflower?

Yum!!

Here is what I did:

1 head of washed raw cauliflower, grated (use cheese grater, large grating side)

1/2 sweet onion, chopped

2/3 cup frozen green peas

4 or 5 large garlic cloves, diced

3 eggs

fresh ginger, about 2 tsps grated

kosher salami, cubed (use about 1 cup)

japanese soy sauce

peanut oil

olive oil

rice wine vinegar

Beat the 3 eggs and scramble in a fry pan.  When finished, set aside.

Steam the 'riced' cauliflower (i.e. the grated cauliflower) in the microwave for about 6 minutes (for a medium sized head of cauliflower)

Over a medium flame:

Use about a tablespoon of olive oil in the bottom of the pan-- place garlic and onion in to saute for a about 2 minutes; add steamed cauliflower, and sprinkle some sesame oil over the mixture.

Mix and saute in the fry pan.

Add about 1/4 cup of soy sauce, the grated ginger and a few splashes of rice wine vinegar.

Add in cubed salami and the frozen peas.

Turn up the heat and 'fry' the mixture, mixing frequently-- adding more soy sauce if needed, and sprinkling a bit more peanut oil if needed.

Enjoy!

I didn't do a calorie count on this-- but I am really happy about the opportunity to use cauliflower as a total substitute for rice, which has never worked out for me since I've been banded (and who really needs white rice anyway???)

Try this recipe- it is totally yum, and you can season and add things to taste.

My next plan is to try this again with tofu, adding a few more veggies-- like chopped broccoli and mushrooms! I may also try this as a 'Thai' tasting dish-- by adding some coconut milk and curry.

Yum!

I love being DL again!!

I cannot say it enough-- I am so happy to be back in my Dinnerland skin.
Things are going well-- the 'undiet' plan of being more vigilant is working well... and I think it is definitely the right track for me.

Further: I am exercising more. On Sunday, I ran 3.65 miles, and this morning, before w*rk, I got up and did a 3 mile treadmill run/ walk.

I am trying to get the exercise and eating straightened out and also be patient with myself-- knowing that if I trust my process-- I will feel more in control of things.

Here's the bad news-- my weight has swung up to 169.8 pounds, and on a few unlucky occasions, I've seen even higher.  But essentially: I am scraping the top end of the 160's-- which is most definitely a weight gain that I must get a hold of and turn around.  Nothing is new-- this has been going on for months and months-- with some intervals of success, which I've chosen to pay the most attention to (the 166 days) and the times when I am not doing as hot-- higher 160's.

I am really very determined to do my best to get out of a zone where I will see that 'scary weight' (once referred to by Amy W's girl, Heather.)  And I want a new scary weight to be lower.

But first things first is reordering the chaotic eating.

Cath55 gave me the best and smartest suggestion (of course-- have you met Catherine???)-- and it was reiterated by our wise, Gen, who is a wise and dear friend whom some of the newer band bloggers may not know:

Do some basic eating/ planning and stick to similar foods.
This helps program you on course and takes a lot of the guess work out.

I agree and/ but, I do sometimes find that my band is a bit mercurial-- so if I want to have Grap*e Nut*s for breakfast one day-- it might go down perfectly fine, but on another day, not so much.

I am also being mindful of the exercise that I am doing and being sure to eat afterwards so I don't get into a ravenous hunger fit and make bad choices... and I am trying to prepare more vegetable oriented dishes to get the veggies and fiber into my system.

Here is an example of where my band can mess me up a bit:

Today, I made a recipe I haven't had for quite some time-- perhaps even before the band:
1 pack frozen spinach, defrosted and water squeezed out
2 whole eggs
2 additional egg whites
1/4 cup sharp shredded cheddar
garlic and onion powder
a few sprinkles of parmesan cheese

I mixed all of this up in a bowl and put it in an individual meatloaf tin and baked at 360 for 20 minutes.  Came out smelling great-- and I took half of this concoction to work.

But when I tried to eat it-- it was NOT a good scene.  I didn't properly chew it and it came back up on me-- which demoralizes and pisses me off when it happens (doesn't happen that often, I am glad to say.)

So I threw away my lovely vegetable cookery and wound up having a protein bar for lunch.  I am now having a container of unsweetened applesauce (notice, I am choosing easier, slam dunk swallows right now to be sure.)
So while the band is my friend that helps me, appetite wise and portion control-wise, it can occasionally kick me in the ass... bah.

Nevertheless-- I plan to continue my efforts to increase my running and eat lower calorie, leaner choices-- also ensuring that I get fruits and veggies in ahead of other choices-- these are filling and actually even have some protein in them. Protein would obviously come next after veggies and fruits.

As you can see, I have a lot in my brain, am working it all out etc.

OF COURSE: I am bummed to be reporting a weight gain to you all-- but I guess those are the breaks.  I could bury my head and lie about it-- but I am here to say that I won't let it get me down.

How's that for action?