My trip to Sri Lanka

I just got back from Sri Lanka this morning, from a 1-week short trip.

Overall, it was a great trip to explore the unfamiliar places with generous people who helped me along. Went to Colombo, Kandy, and Sigiriya during my stay.

there was a great temple that contains the Bhudda's tooth in Kandy, but I wasn't really attracted to a place of worship, but more towards the effort put in to preserve that teaching that came along with the tooth. I saw something worth looking at, not in the temple but the gentleness and respectable people of Sri Lanka.
I also went to the Sigiriyan Rock, which is a hill where the royalties resided in, where murals on carved walls and caves remain. a reminder of civilization which was once there, but now it has been dispersed to make up the soil and people.

Something that a man whom we talked to in Sigiriya got me thinking - this man was working in Sigiriya, originally from Dambullah. He used to work in the airport as a store-keeper. and then he did some travelling to Maldives etc and finally he's in an Ayurveda health center. He was mentioning how the elephants would sometimes roam out to the tarred road because it was "angry" as new roads were being built by the government to improve the infrastructure in Sigiriya.

I was thinking about how modernization and tourism industry is affecting the local people. Sure, it would bring in foreign tourists (like me) and they would drop cash, and people may get richer - but at what cost? people were getting more demanding (as seen by some 3-wheeler drivers who would persitantly haggle - I generally don't enjoy haggling as it is a lose-lose situation. I know that with however much I haggled, it would be above local price but still the driver wouldn't be completely happy, and if I agreed to the price stated originally which is more than twice the local price, the dishonesty would bring negative impact to the economy as well as my wallet), and elephants would become angry as well as sad about its shrinking and disappearing home.

Countries need to develop - but sometimes this "development" is fueled with greed of the other countries and parties that think only of short-term profit, so much so that the local community doesn't yet realize the long term effect.

There seems to be a lot of hope though in Sri Lanka - because I can actually see that the people here are well-educated and they have great cultural tolerance after long history of dispute. the people knows the importance of harmony and acceptance towards other cultures and religion. People are respectable and polite, even when foreigners like me, come in and speak English as though it is required of them to speak (I feel that by right, I should speak Sinhalese because I am in their country), and I saw some shops in Colombo that is really focusing on sustainable product making as well as fair trade.

"Ayubowan" is a greeting in Sinhalese - it means "I wish you long life" - I think special greetings like this reflects the personality of the cultural group. there is something inherently optimistic and warm about Sri Lanka - they view long life as a very positive meaning. I like this word.

My choice of caffeine

Let me tell you about my favorite kind of coffee. (because I have just had one, and my fingers are itchy)

Sometimes I just drink coffee for the caffeine, and when I do, I just chug down a can of Nescafe original (the gold coloured one) since it is the most cost-effective caffeine there is. one can will give me a boost for about 4 hours. (although the half-life of caffeine is approximately 24 hours)

 The other times when I want to spoil myself, I drink a caffè latte / Flat White. I think I particularly enjoy the little brown frothy bits between the white cream milk and the black coffee. The other thing about flat white is the temperature. because the hot coffee is mixed with milk, the temperature is bearable for my delicate (more delicate than I would like to admit) tongue. 

I could just order a black coffee, but I always end up gazing at the coffee for a while, probably sniffing it, while waiting for it to cool down to a suitable temperature. I feel like I may offend the barista by doing it so I feel a slight tinge of guilt while waiting. It's worse when I am drinking coffee with someone. "why won't you start drinking?" and I would have to be honest and tell them I'm waiting for it to cool (seems very fussy) or I have to make up some silly stories like I'm going to predict my future by looking at the colour change (there is none) of the coffee over time. 

so I like my Flat White. it tastes nice, not too hot, and it is simple. 

Another type of coffee I prefer is an Affogato. just in case you haven't heard of it (the term itself is kind of younger than me!), it is just ice-cream drowned in espresso.
as you might have guessed it, there is no concern about the hot temperature, and it's a combination of sweet ice-cream and bitter coffee, and cold ice-cream and hot coffee. there is a good equilibrium of hot-cold, sweet-bitter combination and thus I feel like I'm poking at the yin-yang while I'm nudging at the ice-cream floating in the coffee.
In the case of an Affogato, the more bitter espresso the better, and the sweeter the better for the ice-cream. I like to enjoy the hot-cold-bitter-sweet mess before everything becomes a murky sludge that is tepid and chaotic in flavour.

I was about to say something about how my choice of coffee would tell me about me - so I found an article online. go check it out if you may be interested.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/11/what-does-your-coffee-reveal-about-you/

basically I'm a comfort-seeking procrastinator with a child inside... maybe.

Trust issues

After having written a diary entry for 3 days in a row (it's a feat!), I have come to realize that making a new habit is also about how much you can keep your own promise.

and this is important because, making and keeping a promise we made to ourselves will determine how much we can trust ourselves.

We can only trust someone else as much as we can trust ourselves.

I used to think that having expectations on people will only bring disappointment, and likewise, I should not expect so much from myself, either.

But I guess it has come to a point where I need to actually think about learning how to trust myself, which is slightly different from expecting myself to act in a certain way. Maybe "Trust" means to have confidence in someone, but at the same time being prepared to forgive the person when your expectation (you cannot NOT have one) is not met.

When, then, is it okay to not meet an expectation?

maybe it is acceptable to break a promise when you cannot help it. say I have a meeting to attend, but I get in an accident. That may be forgivable than me waking up late.

same thing can be said with trust. as long as we try out best and we know we did, we won't betray our trust upon ourselves...

and by "doing our best" all the time to try and meet our own promise, we may be able to be a better (or change into whatever we aspire to be) person.

I have been rather lazy my whole life, not trusting myself but somehow drifting though (somewhat successfully).

It is time to change into something a bit more firm. a man with a principle... but first, I should learn how to trust myself.

I plan to do this by making promises to myself, keep them, and continue doing it.

How would I deal with bullies?

One of my closest friend, one of the most important person in my social circle, is getting bullied at work.
Recently I also heard from an old friend that s/he has been bullied at her previous workplace, which she fortunately left upon realizing the toxicity of it.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. There's the big muscular bully who likes to whack, nudge and violate your physical world, there is the sneaky kind who would stab you where it hurts the most, whenever you least expect it.

This one is his boss. She takes every opportunity to bring his spirit down, and takes no heed and takes whatever measures to do so. Even at her physical absence, she makes sure her minions (not the cute yellow ones but fully fledged doctors) watch upon him like a pack of wolves waiting for him to bend his knees.


While listening to my buddy's stories of getting it, I think to myself;

Why do these bullies do what they do? Do they not have any conscience? How do they find time in the busy schedule to do so, and what makes them continue to do so.

What I speculate and guess, is that these people have extremely low self-confidence, morale and basically are a miserable being, which cannot help but to step on people to make themselves feel good.

these people are suffocating themselves as (unless they have a personality disorder) their conscience will haunt them in the future (if they are fortunate enough to mature or improve their confidence) for what they have done.



the following is what I  want to tell myself - just in case I myself get bullied in the future (which is always possible!)

think of it this way -

do you get upset, when a dog barks at you?

I doubt we do. Dogs bark to prove dominance over another, from their side of the fence, to the other side. Sometimes to the postman, or maybe other dogs.

these bullies are dogs on the other side of the fence.
They don't know if they ever have a place in this world, so they bark at you and see if they can get a response.

maybe you feel bad and upset about the situation because you feel that sometimes, you may be at least a part of the reason why the dog is barking at you -

But this time, its not. a Dog may bark when you throw a shoe at him, but other times Dogs just bark. You cannot control a Dog's mind, because we don't talk the same language.

When a Dog barks at you, we do what we do - we let them be, and carry on with our business. Sure, we may try to feed it, say kind words, or maybe even attempt to go over the fence to embrace it, but that wouldn't always end well - it would need a lot of practice and experience.

there is a saying by Lao Tze -報怨以徳- retaliate against Hate, with Virtue (or I would like to translate, Empathy and Compassion) or more famously, "Turn the other cheek" says Christ. 

I believe in Newton's third law - "Every action has a reaction" applies to non-material things. you apply hate to someone, you are also getting back the hate even before that person has to hate you back... you can only hate someone else with the same extent that you hate yourself. 

So when we see these people who spreads hate around, - they are miserable, lonely people and really, they should be pitied and left alone until someone remarkable can come to rescue them - or they somehow rescue themselves. 

One thing we should make sure never happen, is just this - don't turn into one of them. 

I hope all the bullies in the world would one day, rise above and learn how to stop damaging themselves. 

Art

Everyone is a piece of art- not everyone will appreciate it.

An ever evolving, changing work of art. 

Graduation - and life in Medical School, in a nutshell!

It has been a very long while since I posted my thoughts here (again!) but my life has reached a new chapter of sorts, by graduating from university.

I wanted to jot down how I felt exactly during this time, not really knowing for whom though, because I would always remember as great memories are like gold- they do not tarnish but instead continue to glimmer in a pile of other things that slowly lose their colours.

What a wonderful time I had in university. I have met friends I would forever cherish and hopefully nurture, I have seen many things that make me who I am now, and I have heard from many people to make me more aware on how things are, and how things are not.

I find it so sad that some students do not experience this kind of joy while they are in university - I always knew I was having the time of my life... probably because I did everything that would make me happy, and really did nothing that I did not want to.

Right now I am in a career detour of sorts, but somehow I feel extremely blessed to be in this situation as it allows me to take things in perspective and rethink my life - and I still want to be a healthcare professional that would be of use to the society, probably even more... and I know nothing would stop me achieve that.

I had a great time, and I will continue to do so in the future - because I will make the right choices for myself, and I am sure of that.

I have so many good friends and been blessed with so many things - I can't wish for more....


But I wonder why I feel so alone sometimes.

My views on Problems.

for me, there are 3 types of problems - your own problem, someone else's problem, the society/community's problem.

the First kind is... needless to mention, just problems that I perceive I have.
It can be overcome by "re-sizing" the problem. - when you look at myself in a third person view, and zoom out - basically I view myself as a part of a gazillion life on earth, and furthermore zoom out to the universe, what does a problem in me look now? Nothing. mere dust. - does it matter so much? Not really. I start to thank the fact that I am alive in the mercy of everything that is around me - the universe, basically. (sounds kind of far-fetched? Precisely my point!)

the Second kind is the problems the people I see, have. it is important to me - because my career depends on how I address other people's problems.
A method I use is to zoom into the problem - think of every repercussion that problem may produce, and think of everything the problem might have stemmed from, and how it might be affecting the person emotionally. it takes a lot of imagination to do this - and it shouldn't be from my own perspective, too - it should ideally be from their perspective. Its like looking at things from their eyes, feeling the pain they feel, BUT thinking with a different mind.

the Third kind is what everyone should strive to look at, to make the world a better place. I haven't got a clue how to make things right, but I think it all starts with observation. there are always problems with the system - we always need to keep them in mind, so someday, we may be able to improve just a little of it, bit by bit.

the teachers in my life

I have gained some kind of momentum by the latest 2 posts.... and It has always been in me to type-down my thoughts.


I have recently posted in Facebook that I have been blessed with all my teachers, lecturers and mentors  in life. - It is quite true from my heart. Although I try to learn from everyone I see and meet, my "official" teachers are nothing less but an amazing teachers.

One latest one would be a Malay Consultant Cardiologist who shared with me how he sees patients.

Imagine, this patient is not the only soul in the consultation room, He or She may be married, may have children, may have parents, may have very close friends... all of which would care for him/her. We must feel responsible for the consequences of our actions, and every procedure we do or every medicine we prescribe, We should be aware, and They should be aware... imagine, if you have undertaken a procedure that have unfortunately taken the life of a patient (of course, all things considered, lets say it was something unforeseen and could not have been prevented). the patient may have a daughter who says "what happened to papa?" - always give a complete explanations of the possible risks involved to the patient and also give them time to explain to their families... it is our responsibility.

This concept of person as a whole community kind of perception - it really resonates with me, and once we hold responsible of our actions and thoughts like this, I think we'll have no choice but to do the best job we possibly can.

My current mentor in my university - he is an Indian O&G consultant, - I cannot even begin what important things he said to me... I write him a report weekly of what I have learnt and thought during the week, and he never fails to give me a feedback - after reading my report, which is a substantial amount!
He is continuously guiding me through the process of learning, and gives me a reassurance that I am not so off my tracks in my stages of learning. this almost religious reassurance has been probably something that have helped me breath through medical school.

My previous Mentor in pre-clinicals has also been a great teacher - He was an excellent lecturer, would always make sure student understood. there was always a personal touch to his speech. He would find me in the crowd of students, and ask me questions. It kept me on my edge, but I guess that was very good for me.

I also learn from every conversation between my friends, and even patients whom I have the opportunity to speak to... I consider them as my teachers too.
From the extent and amount of blessings I get from those teachers, It really inspires me to share what I have learnt, to other people. It would be my pleasure to be able to share what people have shared me, and that would be why I would be interested in writing books, or teaching in the future (of course, when I have a more complete knowledge!)

I don't really know how to thank all those teachers - but I think keeping the things they said in my mind, and passing it on to the next generation isn't so far off from what they'd be comfortable with.

Submission to the Smart-wave

Recently, I gave in to the flow of the age-

I bought a tablet PC... because my mother wanted a GPS, and she was like, "Might as well get those tablet PCs that can do everything" so I was like okay if you say so lets do it.

Its pretty cool - although its nothing fantastic - its a taiwanese pseudosmart phone-tablet-PC. only costed RM600 something.

I installed Medscape (which is like a medical dictionary) which is fantastic. I got whatsapp but haven't done anything with it yet. lets see if I can make use of this thing.