hello, goodbye2

its yet another end of a year.

this year has been simply magnificent.

I thank everyone and everything that happened and supported me, almost killed me (and made me stronger) and et cetra.

the memories i have had this year will never grow old.

the people that i have met, or should I say, especially this one person that i have met - simply a blessing and am just really really happy for it

I cannot simply compare myself with what i was one year ago.

although i did not accomplish almost any of the new-year-resolution-thing i wrote last year this time;

http://dimension-1.blogspot.com/2008/12/hello-goodbye.html

I am still a better person, who now believes that he can be even better for someone who means a lot.

although i have been faced with walls of bricks that i am not even sure if i can ever climb over, i am brimming with hope. afterall, i have done whatever i wanted to do -I'm quite genius when it comes to overcoming things now.

I am simply happy this year.

next year, I would like to try to start - spreading it.

thank you, everyone, everything.

I hope your year was well too, and your next year will be even better.

9971

expectations

a couple of people gave me motivation to weblog so i will.

(and also because its one week before exam. you all know how i feel. i won't digress.)

People form all sorts of Expectations. EXPECTATIONS. to people, things, and ourselves.

there could be "positive" expectations, there could be "negative" expectations.

for some strange reasons, "positive" expectations are considered blessings in some little areas of this world.

"oh my son will do well in his studies. i'm sure of it"

"oh that girl is a genius. she'll get an A, she won't even have to work for it"

however, I feel that expectations are epitomes of selfishness.

it reflects how insecure we are, and how we try to feel safe and secure by trying to make people behave how they want people to be.

an easy example is the second example i've put above.

a boy A says "Oh girl B is brilliant. she's so smart, she always gets an A, she will surely do well for her next exam".

this is an expectation, right? a high one, a positive one as well.

however, what really is happening is this. - boy A feels secure by saying this. he feels good somehow. how is admitting defeat a feel-good thing to do?

how does this happen?

it goes like this - if he "expect" girl B to do well in studies because she is "brilliant", boy A gets to put the blame on the difference between the quality of his brain, and girl A's brain.

its not because boy A didn't put in as much effort as girl B, nor because boy A did as much preparation as girl B. its because boy A is stupid. who can help being stupid, right?

I think this practice is so common nowadays, and the worst part of these expectations is that it will affect the recipient - the girl B.

she is tricked into thinking that she is actually "brilliant". she will think "oh i cannot forgive myself if i did not get an A - afterall, i am brilliant, right?"

its almost always wrong.

not everyone has a brilliant mind, and - whether we like to admit it or not - a Lot of us are Lazy bums.

so, what those expectations will achieve is that it gives the guy A the right to be lazy and girl B the unnecessary pressure and stress. its not doing anyone good.

That is why I do not expect.

(see why i don't mind that i don't meet you, M.A?)

Vietnamese traffic rule

Vietnamese people horn like it is required by law to do so.

after some time of observation, i have figured out why they horn so much.

they use it as a communication tool. i think it can be roughly divided into 10 uses.

1. get off the road.
2. you are driving too slow.
3. LOOK its Green light
4. you are driving on the wrong side of the road
5. you are walking too slow
6. you are coming into my lane
7. you are turning from where you are not supposed to.
8. you don't see me, but i am just about to drive very close by
9. im was going to run you over. be careful next time.
10. its a sunny day today.

something like that. i need to go and drink coffee so that i can pretend it is going to give me some motivation to study.... and shit.

"well it's because of this senior who...."

i think i've already discussed in the blog that i am the president of Music and Performance Club of my university right?

well today was this big event called NOISE, where all the bands can perform in the central area of the university.

it was done fantastically with 17 bands joining, everyone played, ended in time, nobody was hurt or dead, and all the students had fun. I am the president, so my job is to delegate work to lots of other people so that i have less work to do.

the problem is, our university is a little small, so a little noise goes all the way to the dean's office.

another problem is, i have ignored the ground rules of
*Strictly all music must be played in lunch hour*
and started making serious noise 1 hour before lunch.

the moment we started, the management people recieved calls from every sections of school, saying that the noise is just too much.

i know that my job is to order everyone to work so i don't have to work, but i also realize it is also my job to go and apologice to people and take responsibility. so I did and went around apologizing, buying time for my performers.

nobody is as good as the Japanese at apologizing and bowing, and making people feel sorry for us.

so in the end, students were mightily happy, but other people were... least to say, pissed.

so from now till forever, our Uni does not allow any music in the central area and all music is to be done outside in the driveway.

yay I have left a permanent legacy in my uni! people will be bitching about me in the future (gloated face)

sorry future music club members... suck it up.

my current life

once again i'm drowned by things other than studies.

should I talk about those busy things or Vietnam?

silence

its been a long time since i've been up so late.

no. I haven't been studying (which is what should happen) but i have been reading a book.

every time i read something that touches my mind, and sometimes, my heart, i feel like the timing was just right, and make me want to believe in fate.

anyway. its 4:53 AM, and the silence is fantastic.

when you're alone, reality vaporises into thin air.

the nature of reality is fluid.

sometimes you can be really detached from reality when you're in the crowd. when you feel alone in the crowd, you feel like the reality is the crowd, and when you don't recognize yourself in the crowd, you're not with reality.

not many people will think oneself is reality. although people do really think about themselves, and themselves only, we always need a point of reference.

the texture of reality is fluid.

reality hits you when you're left with sudden, crucial decisions.

it rises until your nose when you least expect it, and the next thing you know, you're drowning in it.

when reality feels like its done, it flows away to their respectable places. and we're never bothered with where water flows. the sea? maybe? maybe when all the conscious minds on earth dissappear, we'll find a large body of reality sitting in the bottom of the ocean, resting.

not that i feel the reality now. i'm just waiting for it to drown me. living in reality may be the furthest away from reality can it ever get. maybe.

but this one you cannot train to swim in it.

9335

gym happenings

I don't really have time for sports nowadays so i just follow my mum to gym.

(I used to say "I do sports" when people ask me if I work out. guess i just have to say "kind of" now. BORING)

so yeah. I go to gym now, and join those mass-work-out-class thingy like "Body-step", "body-combat", "cardio-workout" etc where we're supposed to line up infront of this overly enthusiastic gym trainer (who really looks like someone who just finished working in a chicken rice shop) and listen to his/her instructions as they scream out

"DOUBLE-LEGRAISE :DDDDDDDDDDDD" (over-done smile)

"SINGLE HOP!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD" (annoyingly overdone smile)

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO" (like a bloody train. shut up.)

well i actually understand that those "work-out" sessions are supposed to hype us up and be fun so its really done out of desperation and i'm sure those trainers really have problems of their own like how their wife left him or he can't get it up, or she has been told that she really wasn't her parents' real daughter. They're just putting up a show. I'm sure.

so yes, good work! trainers!

anyway.

I found that the gym is a very dodgy and suspicious place.

there's a shower in the gym and my mum insists that i use them to save water and electricity bills at home, but this place is the most suspicious of all places.

people tend to peek in while I shower.

At first i thought "oh i guess he's trying to find his friend" but when he peeked in for the 5th time, i was convinced that his friend is not quite what he's looking for.

so i always have to triple make sure that i close the shower curtain shut at all times, perfectly.

my gay friend told me that its what they do. i suggested that he was perhaps "looking for his friend" but he said this idea of mine is "complete rubbish".

although i am sure that gay people are just normal people with no specially aggressive tendency to rape people, i'm still a little uneasy. hahaha. (nervous laughter)

"Don't drop the soap."

I'm blogging because exam is just around the corner. again.

facebook hiatus

... so I've de-activated my account.

its to prepare myself for the couple of delightful strangulation of the mind which are otherwise known as examinations.

its wonderful how hooked we become to a merely-a-website.

i have to check it at least three times a day, each visit exceeding an hour. something like that.

i usually check out the pictures of people i know. or, "Face-stalk" people. and how time flies when i do so.

i certainly hope people won't face-stalk me though.

its because it looks too much as though i enjoy my university life. no. its not true. my uni life consists of library, PBL, lecture, library, lecture, Clinical Skills, library, library, PBL, and ECA.

ah. and i have a study-timetable logged till 5AM today. what am i doing now?

just ANYTHING apart from the Gastrointestinal pathology (tumours of the bowels and colons to be precise) that i am supposed to be looking at right now.

... i guess i better go back to my books now. i cannot run from it forever, and i need to realize my ignorance may kill someone in the future. for real.

update

somehow compelled to post an entry.

... but really, there are so many things happening around me, mostly happy stuff, that i'm afraid it'll somehow evaporate when i write about it. or sublime.

all i can say is that sometimes, things just happen for the good, and some things magically turn out the best it could be, and sometimes people CAN change you over a course of years. i thank all my friends for that.

and by posting here i'm actually hoping people would actually be motivated to update THEIR frigging blogs as well. (except Swei, whose Blog i follow and enjoy reading!)

i need to study for my summatives which is 25 days away, and i've done nothing about it thus far. impending doom? nah things will be alright. i'm lucky like that. (now THIS is real impending doom when you least expect shit to stir)

okay studying starts now. i can do it!

my recent life

ah, nowadays i only READ blogs.

its good in a way that now i have a busy life, and bad in a way that now i have no time to contemplate on my... contemplations.

recently my university life has gotten more and more busy.

being the president of the music club,

orientating the juniors,

representing the batch for academic council,

helping raise money for various events (by performing),

just trying to survive in the medical studies game.

all at once.

and which reminds me, i did so crappy at my recent exam (well, i THINK i did shit) so i needa go study. now.

really, medical students do nothing but study. makes us boring doctors. (unless you're me)

i hope i don't fail haha!

a conversation with Dr. FIA

300th post.

today, i've had a sort of a practical learning session with a few of my friends and a senior lecturer. (who happens to be my mentor)

he told me about this new faculty lecturer who is JAPANESE. so i was like, "oh i think i saw him in the cafeteria".
and then he said "how do you know him?", to which i replied "i don't."

"that doesn't make sense?" said the lecturer (he doesn't like people saying things without "science" behind it.

"It does. i can distinguish between a japanese and other asian people." said I. simply because i think i can.

(note, my mentor is an African)

"for me, its all the same"

"Japanese people have a specific aura of presence. i can tell. if i saw them walking, almost certainly i can detect the difference."

"really? who said? do they have a specific *Gait*? please explain".

(now, usually, most students will just whimper in the corner because this lecturer is known to be fierce and intense in his teaching method ("I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU GET THIS WRONG") and almost everyone is petrified of him, but i know that he is not illogical, nor is he unreasonable.

"Yes. generally speaking, we try to occupy the least space possible when we walk, or sit down.
it is in our culture as we have a history of living in a highly densely populated area. we plan our movements subconsciously, and take extra care not to bump into each other. in the olden days, Samurai took care not to walk on the right hand when passing by someone, because the sword is worn on the left. if the swords of 2 passing people touch, it will lead into a fight, which may end up in one of them, or both of them, dead. so we have a specific code-of-behavior not to invade each other's social distance. it is a risk-management of sorts."

(this is, unlike most of the things i say, TRUE)


"there is some science in that. i thought you were talking rubbish" *nods*


I wrote this blog-post because i was actually pleased with myself that i can come up with some substantial evidence that i am not talking rubbish, and this may strike new to my fellow readers. a little piece of Japanese culture.

our discussion-group lecturer asked us to read a 182-pg (content-abundant) book in 3 days.

now i feel like a medical student.

LAN

now i know why malaysian students say LAN sucks.

3 hours lesson per day, twice a week, for dunno how long. (at most, 6 months). this is some craaaazy shit.

and i'd have to study medicine as well. craaaaaazeh.

2010

bring. it. on.