i just want peace.
and im so lonely i could die.

qa.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REPEAT

BAND TEES ARE NOT FUCKING FASHION TEES PLEASE DO NOT INSULT GNR AS A GUNNER I WILL BITE YOU

when you wear a band tee, you are supposed to feel you're one with the band, there has to be some sort of affinity between you, the band and the shirt; the shirt links you to the band and to the band's legacy, you ought to treat it with respect, considering this holy trinity.

if you don't understand what i'm saying, then you are a poseur.com and the band tees you own are for FASHION purposes. fuck off.

AnnA

Uh huh today

I went to meet this girl whom I don't consider my friend because she is self-centered. I got mad at her for thinking like a typical Malay. In 3 hours, I've learnt everything about her for the 3 years that I didn't meet her. She didnt learn anything about me except the fact that my relationship with lycanboy is reaching 3years and that my exboyfriend is now married. She talked non-stop and I didn't stop her. I was trying to be a good listening ear. 3years of shit and no one to talk to must have sucked. Most baristas except natalie and farhan were moody today (with each other/ lovers?) and Seth was a bitch. Spent a pleasant few hours with lycanboy and we had koi tea thanks to nel&agnesdotcom's recommendation. I like the colourful clothes I wore today. I should wear them more often. Ohhhhh I need to lose weight. I want to weigh 40kg for fun. I'm 2kg away. If I'm 40kg i'll be underweight and that is when I can FLY. cool.

I love rambling on and on and I want the Mighty Kites to commune sometime next week at pasir ris park with a mat and books and sketchpads and paint and rollerblades and chips and my boyfriend's magic sandwiches and some koi tea and lots of jokes even if iron(iii)oxide's idea of a joke is ridiculing syamsul yusof the Malaysian that I hate to love :) ohhhhhh, best friends only need each other.

I hope I didn't break nel's heart by not running with her tomorrow. I just want to get away from the buzz and unpleasant sounds.

I love doing nothing at all and blogging about the incoherent sequence of my day. I'll be disappointed if my bodyclock doesn't work tomorrow cos I want the silence, it makes me feel alive amongst the dead.

Anna

If you dont understand, it is okay. It's a shame your mind is too narrow to comprehend this little bit of absurdity though. Word of the day? WARRANT. haha. Private joke @youhavemyhalo ;)

okay, so anyway.

chained by the ears by white plastic/rubber earphones to my lappy to hook my iPod to my itunes with @youhavemyhalo in a chatbox in the tab beside "Blogger: ANTS WITH GUNS. -Create Post".

i think i have to set my vision for the holidays because if i don't, i'll merely be an empty set just floating through wrapped in skin. i can hardly hear my thoughts and the tip-tapping sound of the keyboard is quite soft because i am chained by the ears by the Gods of Metal, Judas Priest. so i was saying, i have to set my goals for the holidays, like you know, do some good for humanity and spend some time with myself to collate my thoughts and section my emotions into distinct pens like anger, rage, angst, delight, delirium, nothingness, somethingness etc. i think i should also start emailing becci regularly- i have been neglecting my german BFF for awhile now because of all the exams and all the rah-rah i have to put myself through in order to get my lazy ass off to study. strangely, my body clock is working perfectly fine and ever since saturday (my last paper was on friday), i have been waking up at 4 am 5 am and today 530 am and sometimes i get damn fed up because i wanna sleep in, sometimes i am scared of the dark in my house because the furniture look like monsters even though they are merely antiques but antiques are mysterious aren't they? they have a special aura, and they appear sinister BUT today, i quite decide i like it so i decided not to hold my pee in and just go to the toilet. it felt like i was prowling a ghost town because i see orange lights outside but there is minimal activity, i felt like a phantom but what kind of phantom am i in my cookie monster nightdress?

so before i digress further (everyone loves using "digress" and i just used it to annoy myself and then have a laugh at myself cos i'm not uptight over the fact that i have to pay a little extra for something that shouldn't be a problem if you guys were really friends. harsh? but that came out and i don't like to shield my thoughts like some people. i just like to shield who i am), i want to set my goals.

as of right now, i want to complete painting the nails on my right hand in purple potion before chipping the already-painted nails on my left, haha. ask any of them and they will tell you i can chip my nails before i even step out of the nail salon.

i plan to go help out at the orphanage, i love little kids, expecially little boys. does that make me a pedophile? then i have to complete learning german so i can start on french and spanish and then become multi-lingual and join the UN. also, i am going to go to the gym with naddynadnad and my buddies from canoeing and i will try not to make my boyfriend sad with my desire to live my past life of reckless behaviour with drugs and sex and alcohol. okay scratch the sex, keep the rest.

this is such a boring photo-less entry but more of that soon cos i feel like i should end this entry now, i've got a newspaper to read.

love,
AnnA

hi nadia, i know you're going to read this soon cos you're still in the little chatbox beside this tab :)

In the Open

Privatising blogs when it has been public all this while shows you have something to hide. If one is unhappy, go talk to the person, like young adults. One can't resort to bitching forever. If I am directly involved, I'll speak up but I'm not.

Oh, I forgot. Some people are more "affluent". They are, right now. In the future? Be humble. Didn't your parents teach you?

Anna

dream my love

you hook me like curved cleaver on raw flesh. you skip along and i burn in your trail and you, oblivious to the fire you set. your kisses are venom in my veins, your hugs are fire from crashed planes. banshees cower when you shriek. werebears run when you stomp. magis quicken the full moon cycle just so you wont be your invulnerable bloodraged self under the lunar light.

yet you soothe me with your touch. you fill me up when you laugh. i become sane when i hear your voice. you bring light motherfucking light into my life. when you pout, giggle, jump, pounce, bite, jiggle, dance.. omg i love you so much i can create another planet.

delight, delirium, death. i love you.

wolv.

Poetic thoughts of the unstable mind c. Mentalscars

I have violent tendencies.

You fucking raped my innocence, I damn you to hell. You derailed my life. You are an aimless empty set of skin. If I ever speak to you again, I'll unleash my venom-tipped fangs and I will feast on your soul. Your soul. Take note.

You derailed my life when it was on track. I cannot substitute the word 'derailed'. It is succint and means everything I want it to mean. You derailed my life because you screwed up. You're not doing as great as you could. You're not doing as great as you should. You pulled the bright lights out of their sockets. Ripped it off, I would say. Like a blackout. A sudden blackout. With no pre-planning. Not a drill. Not a pre-empt. The real thing. Plunged into darkness when the light is just one layer above but I took too long to figure out. It is too late. Do I hate you for that? Maybe. Will you feel like shit when you acquire knowledge of this? Of course you will. Will that change anything? No. Am I still angry? Yes. Will I be happy? Depends. Will you be happy? Depends on me.

Maybe I'm just angry. Somehow I feel calmer everytime I acknowledge that I'm angry.

This girl. First impression, bad impression. Then it was fine. I loved her. Then she said something wrong so her-worthless-person has been reverted to the way it was in the past. She will be notified via Facebook. Technology? Wonderful. Technology and dissemination of information 101, which basically means, fucking useful. Actually you don't deserve to be a scar. You are not, actually. You're not even a battle. You'll see. Facebook, when the planets align. Now, the age of Kali Yuga has arrived.

------

Did you enjoy that? I did. (An attempt in the art of poetic enunciation of the inhuman mind. Heroes have heroes too.)

On a humane note, I have not showered since I got home from smoking in the rain several times today with several different people. I reek of smoke, toffeenut latte, frustration and disappointment. I'm in my nightgown, going to visit the kingdom of Dream, the original Sandman.

AnnA

Ps. If you cannot detect irony or puns it means you don't know me at all, you don't know me well enough, you can't be bothered or you're plain stupid because you take everything as it is. It's not because you don't care because if you didn't, you wouldn't have made it here. This is a rather long post you know. Joke's on you!

And the biggest secret here is that the most noticeable "irony" is that IT is not even ironic in the first place.

If I were to represent the end of the world,

my name would be ANNAPOCALYPSE

I'm glad I'll never be around you people again

So thank you God.

Pissed off .,|,,

Judas Priest: Dreamer Deceiver

because i know i can do so much better and i'm meant for something greater
because i have to and the worst thing is not failing anybody else but myself
i am never satisfied with second or third but now it seems i'm relegated to the end
but that is truly not who i am.

i wish they'll take my IQ into account.

words of Sita > deeds of Anna

My best friends

I am in love with the Mighty Kites!

raginglycan.com

vampires are crazy. mine's boy crazy.
disgustingboys.org (could be a gay porn site, eww)

i love you fuckloads though.

wolv

ZACHARY KEITER IS GAY (I linked him up, so click!)
SOME RANDOM GUY ON FB IN THE GROUP THAT I JOINED (Shut Up, the World Won't End in 2012 -link here) KEEPS POSTING HIS RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT. HE SAID THE WORLD ISN'T ROUND BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAID SO. OKAY, SO MAYBE NASA LIED ABOUT THE PHOTOS, THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO BUT PHOTOSHOP PHOTOS OF EARTH. OH WAIT, PHOTOSHOP DIDN'T EXIST IN THE MID-20th CENTURY OR DID IT??? BUT FUCK? DISPUTING THE COPERNICAN THEORY DOESN'T MAKE SCIENCE STUPID, YOU MYOPIC ASSHOLE! SCIENCE IS USED TO SAVE ALOT OF LIVES, AS WELL AS DESTROY BUT FUCK! THE COPERNICAN THEORY IS JUST A THEORY, DEAL WITH IT, IDIOT. JUST LIKE HOW THE ORIGINAL 9 PLANETS WERE JUST A THEORY UNTIL FURTHER EVIDENCE PROVED PLUTO IS NOT A MOTHERFUCKING PLANET (ONLY A DWARF PLANET). IF YOU STILL DONT BELIEVE THE NASA PHOTOS, THEN BE IT BUT DONT ATTACK OTHER RELIGIONS (LIKE MINE). AND DONT FUCKING SHOW THE WORLD THAT YOU'RE STUPID. IT'S EMBARASSING, YOU GAY FUCKFACE. SCIENCE IS NOT STUPID, YOU ARE STUPID BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SCIENCE. PEOPLE SAY ISLAM IS THE MOST BACKWARD RELIGION OF ALL THE MAJOR RELIGIONS BUT THE HOLY QURAN INFORMS US ON SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE. THINGS LIKE HOW THE FOETUS IS FORMED. SCIENCE AND RELIGION ARE COMPATIBLE. BEAT THAT, ZACHARY, YOU NARROW-MINDED PIECE OF TRASH. YOU EMBARRASS THE HUMAN RACE, WHICH I'M LUCKY NOT TO BE PART OF.

hi i should be studying but iron(III)oxide killed my mood to study cos we are supposed to study together but he fell sickkkkkkkkk

knocking in one panel. panel by panel.

nail in the nail.

An Exchange:
which wood you want? rosewood? mahogany? maple? alderwood?

why all the wood for making guitars one (ESP-Henkka's Bass, Aleksi's guitar)? can i also use nuts and bolts instead? spray-painted neon green colour. like the ones on my skateboard.

no, no. nails only. nails more cheap la. economy bad you know.

so nail by nail.
nail by nail.
nail by
nail.

An Interjection:
i feel like such a motherfucking stoner now. will. study. later.

some strangers just cheer me up for that nanosecond that im there. id est. Wisma-SB baristas. from Amalina to Zariq. (the in-betweens are Farhan, Izyan, Naz)

this is what i brought
this you can keep



this is what i brought
you may forget me

i promise you my heart
just promise to sing

i promise to depart just promise one thing
kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep

one more time steal my breath
i will feed you the sky
i will show you how

steal the glamour from death
and before i die

i need to see city lights like rain
dance & explode

love, stay sweetly numb
if i remain lifeless

-the one so known as Anna, also known as Sita, Dee, Shii Ann, Sh'Tara and Diyanah

the inside scoop of our union.

=(‏

From:	Anna Azmi (scorpiana-@hotmail.com)
Sent:	04 December 2008 12: 52PM
To:	boyfriendlycanbaby (: (qamarul_asyraf@hotmail.com)

i love ur email. love, i cnt text u anymore. u cn text me if u wish. cus last night i dreamt that my dad said that my hp bill was $1004 dollars! what the fuck?????? lol! so out of safety, i dont wna text unless necessary k. amy checked out arrival time. its 16th dec 4.45pm or sth. but not confirmed yet. next week then confirm k. our transit in istanbul is like 8hours. siaooookaoooo. abraham (who is the one who sent a text t u cus no one else online) said ur having ur driving shit now or whatever. tsk la u! i shall go read the blog now. i miss u. talk t u earliest monday ok, if i cnt get to chat with u later. xoxo

---

From: qamarul_asyraf@hotmail.com
To: scorpiana-@hotmail.com
Subject: yes i remember
Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2008 15:43:04 +0000

i remembered the first time i saw you. angry little thing you were. i still cant describe how i felt. it was alien i swear. i started looking out for you after that. i was so nervous when i saw that you were in the same class as me (oh look you just texted). but my instincts told me to be indifferent. ahh, but i was weak. for love kills your every action. you were a magnet. i couldnt let you out of my sight. didnt notice that huh? i doubt you even knew i existed. oh well. i felt this urge to hug you everytime we were a feet apart. but who was i? we started talking and all and you were surprised that i can even write proper english (on my blog). SIAO. of course i can. but then ppl think im a no brain malay boy. so cant blame you. we started hinting each other. some were obvious, some werent and it was fun. with that silent acknowledgement, we were bonded even without our knowing of it. it was fun. i remembered the first time we walked home tgt. you know, i never was comfortable around girls. i mean i dont talk much. it was new with you. it was so fresh yes. i loved you even then. you didnt know. i would care for you like no other. even if you werent mine, i would think you were. you were precious to me. and you still are.

then we got tgt. it was a blur i suppose. haha. felt strangely nice after that night. i never regretted it. 150407.

i love you O ruler of my heart.
i love you Sh'tara.
i love you.

one of our emails towards the end of my germany trip. i feel like hugging lycanboy now but he has some school shit. i should study now. i have been neglecting my studies since prelim 2 ended. i swear to God. fuck me cos my life is so FML-worthy now.

CANT WAIT FOR AFTER A LEVELS K.
AnnA

i love my boyfriend

Sita

i miss you.

wolv.

(Sita's song)

Bring your secrets to me/ just give me your hand and I'll let you feel the wounds they put in me

If you believe in me/ how can I keep dissolving/ if you believe me/ I'll tell you everything

Do you fall too (everytime that I)
(Everytime that I) Yes I fall

Do you want to (try to pacify)
Fall into me

Fall into me

Your sins into me, begin the poisoning.
AnnA

We are no one, we are one.

i'd get annoyed at me if i were you

i seriously dont see how a guy can mistreat a girl.
guys are like this, if they cant get you to like them for who they are, they "try" to change for the better. thing is, you get better WITH the person, not FOR the person. im starting this cheesy chivalry shit again. forgive me. no i dont give a fuck.

i love my girlfriend. i'd do anything for her. challenge me. i'd still fucking do it. what? wake up at 5 and fetch her at toa payoh at 7? done. meet her for half an hour even if you're sick and dying? done. rush work just to see her for lunch and have her go back to school and let you wait till 6.30pm? done. affection for another human and still love her to fucking bits? done. and all this is what i want to do and not what she expects me to do. she said so herself i've a choice to be whoever i want. and i choose boyfriend/lover/caretaker/pillar/killing partner.

ok after As/assessment, we're gonna cruzzzzzz everywhere (nilah is cordially invited). we can worry about london later girl. smile. if not rayan throw lego at me again because he thinks im bullying you.

qa.

THIS SHIT IS BANANAS

K BEST BIRTHDAY SURPRISE EVER.

K I WILL STUDY HARD SO I CAN CHILL OUT AT CAMPUS WITH NURNILAH JUMAT. 8 DAYS LEFT.