#2

the Raptors grasp fails,
a pokemon i summon,
Charizard bitchslap.

nonsense. cheering myself up is a chore. so i save energy to cheer her up. something which i fail at at times.

qa.

#1

eyes glimmer with hope
your last ring is just ahead
have some mac and cheese

sonic the hedgehog pawnzxznxc,asn.df.

qa.

go on, expose your soul to the world.

for me, i would never dishonour my family.

i am fucking pissed that the gabrielites lost the finals today on penalty 5-3. they actually drew 2-2 with kent ridge. one goal, the stupid goalkeeper let in. he ole-ed himself!!!! stupid fucker!!!! he made a "soft save" and the ball rolled between his legs. MOTHERFUCKER. i think he was bribed or something. fucking idiot, he should be prosecuted for such a mistake. if i were one of the players (ie. my brother), i would lop off his balls and make him eat it. a perfectionist by nature, i fucking hate mistakes especially when it is a fucking TEAM GAME, when everyone worked their fucking ass off FOR WHAT? MISTAKES!!! THEY DONT DESERVE IT, YOU CARELESS FUCKS. DISGRACE TO THE TEAM. i demand nothing less than perfect execution and winners are ONLY MADE when EVERYONE demand nothing less than perfect execution. ok, nevermind. the gab's were at 2-1 but there was extra time because i don't know why. then in the first 2 minutes, the playmaker of Kent Ridge (no. 18) scored an excellent goal and equalised the score. ta dah, penalty. FUCKKKKKKKKKK gab's lost 5-3 on penalty because of the sheer arrogance of the coach. so what if you have produced a significant number of national players and that you groomed Haris (that youngest prick in S-league- next "Fandi Ahmad" as the newspapers have touted him) ? i cant believe you were soooooo arrogant and overconfident that you didnt allow 3 of your best players to play! on top of that, your players have never practiced penalties! EVER. that's why your goalkeeper sucked cum! SIAO. go and put in Hashim (who is that Haris blighter younger brother) who cant play for fuck, cant play EVEN IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT- I AM SO ANGRY. SO, since the boys didnt practice their penalties, this michael white go kick so soft like bapok and hugo go and balloon the ball!!! how the fuck can you let your team-mates down like that?? HOW CAN THE COACH LET THE TEAM DOWN LIKE THAT. your BEST playmaker and your BEST FOWARD AND 1/4 of your IMPENETRABLE DEFENSE WALL (which was not impenetrable today because of the extra which replaced the "1/4") WERE ALL AT THE SIDELINES DURING THIS CRUCIAL MATCH! IT ISN'T A CASE OF "CONFIRM WIN" OR "CONFIRM LOSE" CASE YOU KNOW!!! THEY WERE EVENLY MATCHED! ANY IDIOT CAN SEE THAT! the first game that st gabs played against kent ridge to qualify for the semis saw st gabs lose BUT that was okay because DUH st. gabs kicked the rest of the competition's asses, no sweat. it was to test KR's grounds, i understand. BUT FOR THE FINALS? WHY STICK TO YOUR STUBBORN POLICIES!!!! the boys are all like my little brothers because i've watched them play since they were 13 AND my brother is part of their team and they are all 16 now so i feel their loss. they have trained so hard. i feel extremely sorry for EXCELLENT players like RYAN PAUL who scored from a corner kick. a swift banana kick. not only were the opponents stunned, the spectators! fuck man, feels damn rotten to see a silver when you know you can get a gold. if they lost to a strong opponent, nevermind. somemore, my brother pissed me off! he managed to collect 4 yellow cards. so he is suspended for the nationals, FOREVER. NOT ONE MATCH. NATIONALS. I AM FUCKING ANGRY AT HIM?????? 1 of the yellow card was because he messed with the opponent and the other was because he "blocked" the opponent during a throw in (maybe the ref unreasonable but still!!!!). they feel cheated! i also feel cheated!!!!!!!!

i just got home from doing my hair and i hear this. so sad! and i am hungry now after ranting. even though i ate twice my weight during lunch with the DBSK freaks. (SX, aishah, li li)

i miss razorteeth.
xx
anna

the throbbing in my head

can you hear the sound? sometimes, i get the rush, i feel the power and the strength at the tips of my fingers, shooting out of my heels, the supreme call to act and react but i get irritated when nobody else can feel it. they just ignore the primal need to fight to death over..................... a rugby ball? like today. damn it, i need people to challenge me, to piss me off during the game (and satisfaction will be x10 sweet)... to play hard. that's why i like to play games with boys. they are rough and they show no mercy. too bad razorteeth, rusydi and j.wen left. i like to play for blood.

for all of you who think you know my boyfriend... i just want to say that he used to be a rugby player, an excellent one, national standard. #13 out of 50- selected to go to Perth to play rugby in 2002. alas, stupid decisions made by the higher order of his household put a stop to his career and he has only shown his bitter metallic side ever since. we need to make some rugby friends so that we can play a proper game. anyone interested? i am serious, son.

very restless now, unable to do my lit assignment because because i am restless. touch rugby is third to canoeing and rock-climbing. also, the person who is on my hate list doesnt know i hate... heh heh. guess who? i have valid reasons why. spoilt selfish motherfucker #1 ;)

xx
anna

ps. imelda marcos has THE ultimate shoe collection. FUCKING 5,400 pairs! i learnt it in history. the only fact that is retained in my head today.

i have no mood for anything now. as in right now. wah i can die of boredom. ok this is not boredom, its more profound. urgh fuck, i hate staying home. i miss my gf like crazygilerbabi.


shit i did in school

qa.

i got distracted by a bunch of studs and some loose cloth. i have fashioned myself gloves after 10minutes. on the prowl for more...

xx
anna

dead divination

i was nameless, and through you, let myself be named.

qa.

i just decided to unfriend some people. i weighed the marginal benefits and the marginal costs. apparently, some relations are in deficit on their side and i'm no longer sincere about anything i say (or will no longer be sincere). at least, i'm being honest about it. that's all i can give everyone.

i am watching the Blue Planet now. my boyfriend the irritant gave me the link.
happy sunday guys. (this, i am sincere about.)

fuck&die
anna

hello love

cheer up..

qa.

BALANCE OF PAYMENTS AND FOREX IS BULLCRAP

brain salad.
when did i ever had a brain?

i have nothing in my head now except love.

qa.

abraham said, dont be cute

enamoured with sick high european style, emma cook boots in particular. im such a cranky fucker.

the only thing that is stopping me from buying this is the fact that this costs 7grand! USD6595 thanks. i like to waste time looking at weird shit and this happens to be chanel, hence the inflated price. too bad for me.

anna

i cannot emphasise enough, the intensity of my hate for certain people in my school life. i have alot of plots that i would like to carry out to harm their very souls but unfortunately, carrying out these evil deeds will make me liable for expulsion. nothing to do but just grit my teeth until it's levelled. im already chalking up bad karma points.

please do not cling, it pisses the shit out of me, S.

xx
anna

The Blue Planet

i wish i had the knowledge of the universe. no i dont wanna be God. i just want the knowledge and survive its intensity.

there are undiscovered species of animals on this planet that reinforces my belief for the existence of digimon and pokemon. i swear some of them look like a small Lugia of somesort. i watched The Blue Planet yesterday and its like Digiland. there could be another parallel beyond the sea's twilight zone. maybe you can get eaten by a blue whale and let it take you to its home because blue whales are mysteriously mysterious until cannot mysterious.

i want an Agumon.
gonna meet vampiregirl later.

qa.

get well soon my henkka

the principal said (during HTP today) that it is not uncommon for people to study until they cry. although it did not come as a shock to me- mostly a semi-surprise- (i've acknowledged such a fact somewhere in my sub-conscious that such a thing was bound to happen to those who study way too hard), what a thing to hear. as of right now, im typing all of my cryptic thoughts as i sit on 174 (although as of right now, i am sitting at home, tip-tapping away on my laptop) on my journey to a Mighty Kites convention. im just going to copy and paste this later on diestrange (which is what i am doing now.) WOW, i am so predictable (private joke with myself).

anyway, there is this fucking chinaman sitting behind me, talking extremely loudly on his cellphone that i can hear him over lamb of god as background music on full blast. i am serious, son. my hearing is not as bad as i thought. wait, im not human so my hearing ought to be good anyway. another WOW; im exposing the mechanics of my mind to all of humanity.

so anyway, there is more to life than this rat race we're all in. the thing is, time is a factor that is invariable and our physical self (having only one body and one mind) is another. (having two or three bodies isnt necessarily a good thing. we should all learn from dana. she prayed to the devil and the devil who looked like james dean smoking an everlasting cigarette appeared and offered her a body double for a year. she regretted it because her body double was like an evil twin and when they decided to kill each other, one died and the other wounded up crippled, in a wheelchair). (stupid chinese man infront of me who is obviously irritated by the chinaman (i can tell because he keeps turning around to shoot the chinaman dirty looks (as if the chinaman cares)) but does not tell the chinaman off! see a problem, solve it dodo! why are you still alive when all the others of your kind were driven to extinction because they failed at preserving themselves).

ANYWAY, since the two mentioned factors (in case you got lost in my bracket marks, the two factors are: time and physical self) cannot be changed, i've come to a conclusion that people are in this academic rat race so that they can have more of the "more to life" later on in life. thus, this will be my position from now on else, i may decide to resign myself to a sweeping (road sweeper) career halfway through the year. our moms used to scare us with that options, did they not?

something to rid the eyesore:

fucking darling these shoes are. i would give my university degree away to anyone who can get me this whole collection in a fiver. (the university can reprint the certs again!)

let that shoe collection be another unattainable dream, just like all my other dreams. eyes getting droopy! over and out!

xx
anna

ps. got to stop this bracket bad habit.

fuck everything. even the word fuck itself.

qamarul asyraf.

urgh.

i never write a poem
that has no point or meaning;
that includes
this lyric crude -
it merely hides my scheming.

qa

open space. no humans. cold breeze. little light. you and me.

what time do we have now? fuck school. fuck time.

urgh


qa.

im still sick. worse now.
i feel useless and neglected.

qa.

my bed is (seriously) calling me

to the night recklessly i fly

routine is the mundane sequence of life. i hate school. i hate the canteen food. i like the old fishball noodle stall. i hate wooden chopsticks. i hate skirt-catchers. i like touch rugby. i hate people in touch rugby. i hate newbie cheerleaders. i like cheerleading. i hate both the skinny and fat who hate each other. this will not get me anywhere. routine is the mundane sequence of life.

i am counting on you guys.

anna

we promise you dreamless death

we were never part of this world. we scorn every bit of its existing policies and ideologies.
our restless weeks are wastelands of disassociative depression and existentialist boredom and the grand reason we're seperated every week. pfft. we are forced to nurse the brink of destruction searching for rest. whatever for? i just wish for one. i wish to be with you all the time. yes, we have had magical times but i want more more more. i hate how everything restricts our every move.

i miss you all the times you're not in my sight.
i miss you when i buy our food and you sit at the table.
i miss you when we seperate to go to the toilet.
i miss you now.
i missed you yesterday.
i miss you tmr.
i will miss you for all the times that i wont see you.

big sigh.

wolf.

ive to apologise to max for missing groupwork today.
what a stupid day. i too have many thoughts in my head today.
i hate being sick, i cant think for shiz.

tmr sch. VA DA FUK.
i miss my gf.
i hate the world.

qa.

alot of thoughts running through my head today, where are they from?
procreation is the oldest trade in the book and a cutthroat quote to live by:

"let me, if not by birth, have lands by wit"-Edmund in King Lear

i think that is the only quote i remember from King Lear. that and "pelican daughters!". i am seriously screwed over for the alevels.

xx

i will be back, i am sure.

it's a bright, sunny day but i can't think of what i'd like to do. what is there to do here in this country? i want to see other sights and hear other sounds (like other languages even though i may not understand shit) and live different lives all at once. i don't think governments have a right to put a price tag on access to their country. talk about globalisation having no/ little boundaries. wrong. the world used to be a wanderland; the human race (and the superior human-like race) were allowed to walk freely. cross the threshold of a foreign land but seek permission at your own risk; that was what life used to be like. if i lived in the medieval times, i think i would be a craftsman. i'd like to craft my own jewellery from unbent steel rods and molten bronze because yesterday, i got damn fed up trying to find jewellery that were the exact replicas of the ones i had in my head.

do fashion designers design clothes for the sake of fashion or for power, dominance, blah? my opinion is that, these fashion designers are kinda secretly evil people. they design clothes that the majority are subjected to. THEY decide. everyone has control on what they want to wear and they can pick separate pieces to piece up an ensemble for themselves but everything they pick depends on what others make! (except clothmakers themselves) THAT idea got me sick. why are they deciding what i want to wear!!! (except i don't mind band t-shirts, it's a universal language in itself.) but you know what's my stumbling block? i can't fricking sew and shit so i am relegated to the limited pieces available worldwide. anyway, clothes don't matter as much. JEWELLERY IS 10000000x more important.

i think brackets are my favourite punctuation marks. wow, too many words, so here's some visual dynamics!


christian louboutin, please.


this beats doc marts.

toa payoh-choa chu kang is a very troublesome distance. ich vermisse dich!

xx
anna

i am terribly sick and i dont know why.
who ever does?

girl, i want strawberry tea.

qa.

i want to kill then die.
if any secret government cyber FBI of somesort or shit gets this message on their ever so weak radar, that'd be helpful.

wolf.

my laptop is emitting weird sounds. i dont think it is safe to use my laptop. here i am hunched, 30cm away from this 32inch samsung monitor, too lazy to get a chair- i rarely use the pc, you see. i dont think im staying long here because i have nothing to say. time will tell if i have established structural/ situational friendships or not. :( (by the way, to the one who felt my black mood today and chose to ignore it; i am not your friend and i wont soothe your soul.)

cynic, i am and it doesnt help me like life better with the alevels looming like dementors ever prepared to give me the kiss of death. i wile away my time and each second wasted lessens my odds in achieving a near perfect score to satisfy the dictators of this country who established this spanish-inquisition like education system. detractors (of life)!

now i shall borrow my brother's itouch and play this game called taptaprevenge2 and tap away to techno music. freak.

anna

like a velvet cave that hides me from life
and so i live on you.

qa.

i miss my gf. i cannot function proper without her around. i get dull. i get sick. i get bored. i stone. i rock. i pebble. i boulder. i rubble. i debris. aiyah. ccb.

where are you?

the weather is amazing. yeah.
some uncle gave me a long inspiring lecture about art and its consequences.
i need to step up.

girl's in jb. im at home with a tired cook.

Love looks not with the eyes,
but with the mind;
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind
-midsummer's night dream

qa.

because i sleep with a gun...

the chancellor speaks.

blogging is an arduous, strenuous task if one does not have the mood for it. then why bother? why are you here? you are off the wall. thank you very much, see you later.

in need of a goooooooood shopping spree. found a similar ring to the Elizabeth & James one that i wanted since forever. still, i am hunting high & low (stratovarius; i am in love with finland since forever. talk about nuclear blast europe.) for chloe ankle boots.

anna

optimistic pessimism

i think im cursed. no one wants to take me in. ive been applying for jobs everywhere i swear. ive called kino like 5 times and all 5 times they didnt call. New Balance also. whatthefuck man. im like an ant in the Amazon. no one cares unless im a new species with horns or turbojets for wings or shit. this is now. im even more worried about art in the future. yeah artists have the knack to earn millions with just the effort of opening a bottle of soyabean milk but not all of em.

oh great its dark and my light's faulty. really adds to this post, the darkness. pfft.
my gf's holidays are here. mine's over. what stupid timing.
you know, if jealousy is a sin, i'd be well on my way to hellfire.

qa.

so long asswipe

hello ben. i hate you now. i didnt hate you for all the times you irritated me like fuck. even aiman irritates me but he's still a wak. damn it ben, you crossed the fucking line. never refer to my gf as "the bitch". you're the lonely bastard. you cant even live alone and you expect me to always be alone? grow up. find love. oh srry you cant. i have a life man. get yours. you say anything about her means your talking about me as well. OMFG I WANNA SMASH YOUR FACE. dont act as if you know me better. no one does except my gf.

done.

woe be unto ye

in the height of the cynicism, i have found many problems with a lot of the sayings our parents tell us. there are contradictions to everything ive heard to make me or anyone feel better for not fitting into the status quo of Singapore.

when they say i love you
now, im not saying that your parents hate you. they dont, and they never will. but the extent of that love is not all covering for all your fuck-ups. your parent(s) may love you, but if you screwed up, they will yell and scream at you. FACT: you were probably a dumbass. dont try to say that you werent because you were. im a teenager. my parents scream at me all the time because i was either a brat, bitch, or just plain stupid. So love is not all encompassing, so suck it up and shut up.

if a boy teases you, it means he likes you
no, he doesnt. he hates your fucking guts, and he will continue to hate you until he no longer exists within your vicinity. boys are testosterone filled jackasses designed to make girls hate themselves (woot!). The only time this saying is true is when your older brother is picking on you. if it happens to be another snot nosed little bastard, he hates you. he hates you so much that he might want to hate you to death. boys are jerks. they do not like little girls. if they punch you, they are punching you out of hate. burning, horrid hate. deal with it because the way you handle it will shape the way you handle hate later in life. im not a boy, im a male wolf. i hate everyone like this.


you have a great personality
FACT: if your parents tell you this, you are not pretty, cute or attractive. or they want you to think that so you dont have sex.

you’re just special
bullshit. im not special. im weird.

i am so angry right now.
i havent seen my gf for 2days.
oh shut up, you just dont love YOUR gf enough to see her everyday.

qa.

when we were kids, our future was so bright

how the neighbourhood was so alive.

everyone is messed up because of the CTs but you know what guys? there are 72 spots in the top 20percent and there are like 10 of us (cissy, aishah, sx, liwen, wei xuan, nura, cheryl, xin yi, syikin and myself). we just got to shove our way through.

fancy me talking about this when i haven't put sufficient effort in anything academic in my life. mom used to say that i invested too much time in canoeing and cross-country training and cheerleading but then, in those, the results are fricking obvious. 2nd in singapore! academic? not even 2nd in class let alone school cohort/ singapore.

bad news from our friend regarding my boyfriend's friend. the rest of you say no to drugs yeah, or at least dont get caught when youre not clean. it's your life, dont you forget.

yes, razorteeth, as do i.
anna

you ingrates. look at yourselves. how much space you have, how much freedom you have, how much time you have. you want everything when you have everything. i want everything. i will never get everything. this family i have is everything to me yet i hate everything about it. pathetic i am very.

my gf sent me a voice. of command and hope. how very bright it is. to survive, i need to listen.
and i shall.
i love her. very much i do.

qa.

"someone who is stronger emotionally than me
but will crush at the very absence of my existence.
someone who loves and cares and guides me the right way
but is crazy, crazy enough to be with me.
someone immune to my mood swings and someone who loves me despite this.
until he comes, i hurt others and others hurt me."

written before i came.

qa.

ALL ABOUT NIKE BOY

NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY
NIKE BOY

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
LOVE PISSING THE SHIT OUT OF MY BOYFRIEND :D

my gf plays around with my claws and is the only one who gets away with it.
what a dull day.

girl, i will tickle you until you cry.

qa.

my thoughts are sporadic/ i act like im an addict

when im done with school, i'd like to attend German classes, Finnish classes, Mandarin classes.
i'd like to give my time to some of the deprived in at least one developing country,
i'd like to complete a biathlon/ triathlon,
i'd like to go back to canoeing

but now i can't think of what else i'd like to do

our love outlast our skins.

wolf.

where did my freedom go?
oh wait, never had it.

girl i miss you.

things never go they way i want to. if it did, everyone would be dead.

qa.

Hey Anna!

I don’t know, where to start. Ok, first your favourite topic: Children of Bodom. You aroused my curiosity. After reading your e-mail I looked at youtube right away. I knew that I had to expect the heaviest heavy metal music. But you surprised me. The boys are quite good as far as my taste to music ( correct preposition?) is concerned. Above all I like the song “somebody put something in my drink”.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEX IS ADORABLE. COBHC FOREVER!

anna.

i am a witch

and i ask for no forgiveness. today, i shot down so many people. i replayed the scenes in my head and as i observe myself and my victim, i pity them for submitting themselves to my scathing remarks. today, i brushed off people i didnt want to hug or congratulate (they looked at me expectantly for congratulations. HAHA, my name is SITA and i am a witch, so STOP TRYING.) because i dont think that they deserve IT. the cheerleading competition this year was so weak. Garnet won by default. i salute khairil for being extremely patient with the squad. softheart.

on a lighter note, li wen and i took part in the Parluff event today (8 people in a team to complete 2km) and we emerged champion. i am so honoured to run with chan li li, the track STAR. and thanks for the spikes, they made me fly. (the event was so last minute)

anna and the track star


prepped for speedwalking :)


cissy and weixuan melting. + cheryl


the view from UP THERE (the treehouse in our homeroom).

and whatever and whenever, i am happy when i am hanging with razorteeth because he is my Henkka. (it means lover in Sinhalese, really. not Henkka from Children Of Bodom)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

anna (is not your friend and she wont soothe your soul.)

kaleidoscope

ahh your eyes.
your daunting haunting flaunting eyes
i love your anger on me
no fucking matter what or how it turns out to be like
your eyes, like a prism in hell giving colour to fire.

i miss you.
nosu eru edoc'sil

qa.

dear sarah cee,
nothing and nobody can ever replace him,
i know only you face this alone.
still, i care.
seek solace in prayers, or if you wish, a tiger or two or three but don't crack.

R.I.P. one who was and still is sarah's light&love.

-someone you know as diyan when we were wrapped in fafe fluff

--

my thoughts he cradles as i lay awake
my dreams he sweeps, in peace i sleep
the end of your time signals my apocalypse
i love q. vounte hellforge asyraf.

when you leave

God i cant imagine how it'll be like.

qa.

Lamb Of God

Face me once as I leave all that I despise
Face me as I unleash this hate refined
Face me as I leave all this far behind
Face me as I unleash this hate refined

-in your words

qa.

vampire

there are some nights that the sweet water whispers to you,
asks you for just a simple favor:
'kiss me,' it whispers,
shifting smoothly, soft blue velvet dancing with
moonlit silver tips. tempting you
im beautiful. i'll make you okay. i'll make
everything
okay. just k i s s me.'


and you walk forward, wading in up to your calves,
dipping your spine and lowering your hands and feeling the cold cold cold
its quiet. its alone.
its a promise.
you won't have to worry about
anything
anymore.

you're going under, lowering yourself beneath
your lover's surface,
icy liquid ghosting over the sharp angles of your hips
and melting through your lips and down your throat.
thrice, eternity bound.

some people dont get how submissive i can get with my girlfriend.
blame her bite, blame her spell on me, blame me for loving her too much.

wolf.

i love my brother to bits and pieces but draw the line when it comes to music and skating and sceneshit (his friends). they are so empty in the head. they refer to others as "scenekids". then WHAT ARE THEY?? PRAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY TELL ME! just once, i dare them to show their faces at what the boy and i would consider a metal gig.

i am the fucking reaper.

-anna

ps. piece of advice: don't fucking speak english if you CANT. or type in english. or whatever that shows how weak and tiny your braincells are.

i just replied her email and i severely miss her. my favourite "alone" time with her was that day in hamburg on my last saturday where we went sight-seeing, shopping and photo-taking (of people holding up the 'HELLO' sign for her project). the BESTEST part EVER was when we were at one of the H&M outlets in hamburg and i laughed myself silly until i cried because of the "Green Hat" incident. i am grinning away as i type this. i was also extremely happy that we managed to get seats at this bakery even though it was impossibly crowded. bex and i were starvinggggg and cold. we were also highly amused at this Christian fanatic who held a giant wooden cross and shouted himself hoarse while protesting against gays. these images burnnnnn in my mind. i told her to go attend a children of bodom gig on my behalf. i want to kick myself for not getting COB merch when i was there even though i already spent 250euros on metal merch. DAMN IT.

becci, i dedicate Somebody Put Something in My Drink by Children of Bodom to YOUUUUUUU! cheers to good times :) (you can ask andy for the song because i dont have it on my computer, only on my ipod.)

love,
anna