why can't they just tell us whether we made it or not already?
it has been almost three weeks since we had our last paper.
i keep having recurring nightmares.
my maid, my boyfriend and my mum simultaneously tried to wake me up for school
but little did they know that i couldn't sit up because i had a nightmare that i retained. again.
it was surreal.
i was sitting in between nadia and syikin and all of us had the part that said "promotion status" folded.
we opened it and it said "RETAINED".
WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?
especially syikin? the most hardworking girl in the frigging universe?
(i do not think lowly of either of you, dreams happen that way.)
i dont know about the rest but i know that shaun and jonathan promoted.
if i can predict the future, i am FUCKING SCREWED.
i am trying very hard not to cuss as i type or not to type cuss words because i fear that God will hold it against me for cussing and decide to retain me.
do i sound paranoid to you? it is because i fucking probably am.
i swear i didn't feel this way during the olevels although i swear i didn't study for anything except maths because without maths, even ITE wont take you in.
i dont feel like going to school but i have to, for the sake of frigging maths.
i get really mad at my boyfriend when he said "youre not supposed to think too much about it".
it's not like i can help it?
he has art to fall back on when he failed.
his plan b came easily for him.
i fucking dont have a plan b.
i am just another individual swept up by the throes of an impending globalised society.
and if no one knows me by now, don't fucking tag "it's okay, you'll do fine, you're intelligent" shit because i know that it is bound to come out from some of your mouths.
being intelligent doesn't mean you'll make it okay?
you've got to fucking shove the whole john sloman economics text and all the countless history resource packages and then make use of the information to please the bloody markers because you have been disallowed to regurgitate all you have learnt!
(i fucking hate the word "regurgitate"! everyfuckingone uses it!)
it is not okay until i know that i am promoted.
the bloody school is postponing this promo exercise which is a hindrance to some of us who actually want to study for our h1 a's this year (maths, malay and pw).
for the two years i've been in mi, they have been fucking demoralising us just because we scored based on l1r4 below 20 and not l1r5.
with their track record, it is not insane to say that the school is purposely delaying the year 2 promo exercise.
i am going to end this with something my mother said, since she is an educator as well.
"there is no way only tenpercent of your cohort promoted because your school, your principal, your teachers have to answer to MOE on why their students are doing soooo badly".
i suspect they will advance some of us but the question is, will i be one of them?
or will i slip through the bloody cracks?
and then what do i do?
-it is obviously me, why the hell does qam have to be worried about promoting or retaining right?
and you, you're nowhere near in helping me get through this because i dont see how you can, with you being in another school within a different system.
i shall take 506 to school today.
