druummmm druummmmm tak

ive been trying all day to search for any filthy human being with the name of '.' but to no avail.
that figures.

NWO night cyling trip
team penyet not full la. cb.
well, it was fun.
after the fun, it wasnt fun.
yes correct.

my heart is clean and my mouth speaks truth. ti amo.
dihatimu,
Qamarul Asyraf

and you know you'll end up where else but in hell...

CIGARETTES OR BAYONETS
SEX WITH A CORPSE

EYES DILATED
ANNIHILATED
FUCK SCREAM DIE
SKATE AWAY

A BAYONET FOR A CIGARETTE,
ANNA

like Sita once said,
"HOW DO YOU SPELL BODOH NAK MAMPOS?!! MAMPOS NAK BODOH LA!!!"

saviour

muahahahaha.
i am saviour to thee, sh'tara.
thy love will be mirrored.

that poetic persona aside, i shall blog in modern time.

fucking bored man. just got the comp.
gf shooed her brother away to come online. hahxz.
i remembered our "msn nostalgia"..

"i know a stranger who likes you..."
*logs off*

wah idiot sial.
hahahaha.

now evolved to phone conversation la.
then bed conversation. hehxz.

day's still young. bored.
and i didnt know its xmas today.

MERRY CHRISTLESS PEOPLE!!

*storms out*
Vounte Hellforge

for weeks i watched you dancing in...

khalid and i,
RP orientation.

we had a contract,
it said 18 months and we did.
best friends for 18months
and we walk through
till the end.
and the end is now.
there will never be a slinky anna because for you
it died with the fall and the rise of the fucked Ragdoll Epilogue.

between the lies our dead language tongues
before the dawns our hearts they shall hunt
the smell of blood excites the nostrils
at first cut, the sanguinary worship of red

there will never be another,
vounte hellforge is my saviour.
anna

WACKEN

damn it man... Wacken.
i need to go to Germany (baby, 8more years we go?).

nanny nanny poo poo.
thats so childish..

NANNY NANNY SHIT SHIT!!
yeah, more like it.

anw, spent about 100bux at artfriend and creative arts at Taka.
i wonder whether that copic marker set would be fruitful. 60bux man.

after that... we moshed...
doink.
my brain empty (when has it ever been full?).

ahh yes, now i need to raise my arm to hold her hand. yes.

di hatimu,
Qamarul Asyraf

Nurse, Would You Please Prep the Patient for the Sexual Doctor?

psyfool, fa'at, azri, farhan, jackie

SHIT.
DK BROKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you cannot imagine my shock.
cannot.
they've been on since so long ago...
i thought this died so long ago?
i'll pray for this, i'll pray for this, one more time.
psyfool said he's moving on.
oh well.
all the best bro.

met the boyfriend today.
he wanted to buy the whole of art friend.
I will walk with you again,
This is my demented playground...
(i told you there's a library in ngee ann city!)

i hope cissy can come out and play tomorrow.
shit we've homework!

d*******k d****e-the black dahlia murder, my new favourite song.
anapuday.
shii anne

how silly he can be.
amusing.
i will never understand boys who don't entertain their girlfriends.
what's up with saving face?
she's your girlfriend for motherfucking sakes!

yesterday.

he who calls my boyfriend a jerk, is a peasant.

oblivious obviousness

remember when u saw me sitting across you being all quiet when you talk?

remember when i foolishly waited for you when the hope of you even looking back at me was slim?

remember when i threw away my ciggs just to stupidly impress you?

remember what it felt like to laugh our innocence away?

remember how you were so damn oblivious?

remember how you didnt know how i felt then, how broken i was when the day ended?

remember how insignificant i was?

remember? remember? remember?

remember when i fell in love with you...?

-Qamarul Asyraf

technicolour turned to grey.

OMAR LEFT ESCAPE THE FATE!!!
omfg.
i'm fucking sad!!
aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
i know they're really lame uh but so so so!!

ESCAPE THE FATE

robert (drums), omar (rhythm guitar), ronnie (vocals), max (bass), monte (lead guitar)
how can omar leave.
ohmygawd.
my favourite kental band.
they're really kental but whatever.
fuck scenekids.
you only heard about ETF since when?
i've heard it since theyre purevol days.
and i have their bad demo songs also.
):
how can there be ETF without omar?
(khalid will be so gleeful.)
and why the heck are sceneshit girls crazy over ronnie and max?
cus they're hot?
they're NOT.
urgh.
fake ETF fans.
go to hell.
how can there be an album scheduled for release next year without omar??
there is no ETF without omar!!!!!!!!
):

and this isn't the only thing bothering me.
cck - tp is taking a toll on me.

the fey and delicate child.

rape the wall, not the kids- KL graffiti

weather was good in all the three places i went.
everyone predicted my holiday will be a waste cus of the rainy season.
anyway, i shopped like fucking hell.
okay la, not fucking hell.
i shopped.
i fucking need to go to tokyo or new york.
i fucking worship vivienne westwood.
(i worship what you bleed, my love.)

damn it.
i couldn't believe it was 6 days!
fuck.
i just came back from the dead.

my baby's pretty as a car crash
sexy as a stinger
or a hornet in your arm
just another modern swinger
screaming "catch me if you can"
with a cigarette in hand and it's love
its heavy and it hurts and its love

DAMN IT.
I've gotta start on homework.

when my eyes are finally graced by your crooked smile
the familiar flames will lick inside.
i fucking lovelovelove my boyfriend!
anna the fey.

(the truth is we both have skeletons in our closets.)

the fruits of tragedy we'll taste
you'll be Adam and i'll be Eve.
we'll fuck and so create
and burn this planet in our wake.

how original a sin.

1more day

i pray for your safety.
i pray for your return.

baby, report quick.

1more day.
im barely alive.

Di hati mu,
Qamarul Asyraf

set it off motherfuckers..

my heaven.



UP, swish.
DOWN, swish.
headbang theory.



2.04mins
"this one goes out to all the hardcore kids in the pit *middle finger*"

amusing huh?

life is hopeless these few days.
this is not life at all.
i feel like im living the life i lived 10months ago but worse.
ALOT worse.
pathetic la fuck.

2more days.
pls oh pls come back, your canoe shirt lost its smell. sigh.
imissyou...

-Qamarul Asyraf

HOME SWEET HOME?!

FUCK LA KNNBCCB!!!!

I CANT FUCKING GET OUT AND SOMEONE FUCKING TOLD ME TO GET A FUCKING JOB?!?!
I ASKED WHETHER I CAN FUCKING GO OUT AND CYCLE ALONE.
NO.
I ASKED WHETHER I CAN FUCKING PLAY THE XBOX.
NO.
IM A FUCKING BORING PERSON?!
WHO'S FUCKING FAULT?!!?!

i dont fucking have anyone to talk to.
gf's away.
i really dont have anyone.
no one.

i dont need help.
i dont need anything.
FUCK MAN.

i need you back. 3more days.

i hate why people are opinionated.
i hate how contradictions contradict themselves.
i hate how people are becoming so full of themselves.
i hate knowing that something unnatural exists.
i hate knowing that there are alot of things i can hate.
i hate knowing that there's a limit to hate.
i hate knowing that one day, everyone needs to die (i only care for blood and love).
i hate knowing that some people are earning more than others.
i hate knowing that there's suffering in this damned world.
i hate knowing that people are fighting for peace and its still foolishly stagnant.
i hate seeing how childish adults can get.
i hate finding out that you cant drink vanilla liquor.
i hate how truly exaggerating a human can get.
i hate it when i cant draw.
i hate it when i see my mum wake up in the morning to work.
i hate it when i cant hate my brothers.
i hate it when you're gone.

lovely, come back safe and quick.

-Qamarul Asyraf

can you hear? can you touch? can you see?

im still devastated.
i text every hour, foolishly waiting for a reply.
i call everytime i can, foolishly hoping you're back.

9.56pm

i sat in my oh-so-haunted room.
my phone on the right. my sketchbook in front of me. a pen in my hand.
something's missing...

a voice to the ear. a voice i cannot fear.
the lullabies that last. oh my, its so vast.

my phone on the right.
my phone sits through the night.


4more days. your old letters. your baby picture.

miserable and fearful,
Qamarul Asyraf

8months

any guy who doesnt miss his girlfriend even if she goes away for 10mins, isnt fit to know life.

i cant believe you're away. really cannot.
i tried calling just to make sure you're gone.
you left.

"starhub is not able to get a response...bla3.."

tore my heart.
sigh.

helped mum.
read your letters.
drew abit.
ate.
blogging.
later drawing again.
then i dont know.

its our 8th month today.
you're gone for 6days.
i dont know what to do.
any fucker who tells me to grow up and fucking stop being mushy is dead.

5more days. canoe tshirt, diktionary, 8month collaboration card.

i fucking miss you.

-Qamarul Asyraf

to smoft.

Listen when I say,
When I say it's real.
Real life goes undefined,
Why must you be so missable?

Everything you take,
Makes me more unreal.
Real lines are undefined,
How could this be so miserable?

im going away in approximately 8 hours.
i'll miss you.
i am already missing you.
i love you.

beware a vampire's wrath humans.

gorgeous eyes shine suicide.
anna

adidas sweater.
black book.
card.
letters.
check.

i spent the day as a girly girl. =X

cissy brought me to my first ever mango sale yesterday.
fuck man!
i used to be proud of the fact that i've never shopped there because i found it chinky.
but whatever.
i've got new leggings.
cissy has the exact same one but she got it first.
this makcik tudung snatched a dress away from me when i was about to take it.
what the hell!
please!
how silly!
please remember you are wearing a tudung and you ought to behave.
tsktsk.
but whatever, i had fun with cissy.
and we didn't get new school skirts nor new school bags.
we didn't even get 2008's organizer.
the only school supplies we got yesterday were from kino.

anyway, i'l be leaving tomorrow morning for 6 whole fucking days.
i think i'm going to bring my homework.
damnit i'm going to miss alot of sales in singapore.

and now i'm going to meet small boy.
good day!

he wears a straitjacket and a gold watch.
anna.

the doe's ears were pierced.

Sita asked me today, "How come i always hurt the ones i love?"
and I had no answer for her.

Sita asked me today, "Do you think I can drink the pain away?"
Again, i had no answer for her.

So Sita asked me, "Can you bring me to a doctor to rid my mental instability?"
and i said, yes i can, if only i knew where.

Sita said, "I love him, like he loves the sun, scorching the blood in my vampire heart".

i fucking miss small boy.

off to meet cissy now.

i like my grindcore with milk.
anna.

i have a date with Cissy tomorrow.
school supplies!
then, i've my brother's soccer dinner to attend.

i want the Black Dahlia Murder's Nocturnal.

sheesh.
damn khalid for downloading!
i want Nocturnal!

my darling cold and blue,
i wonder are you dreaming still
tonight i'll lay beside you darling, in necromantic sin
pinned to the bed sheets like a prized butterfly
you're mine.

eye for the skies,
anne.

Hymn of Temptation

Dancing with me
Forever the black waltz
Dancing with me
Forever the black waltz

im rotting. fuck la, im sick of saying that.

*thinks*
.
.
.
.
.
im still rotting.
im dreading next week.
sigh.

This must be the moment they speak of in songs that make me roll my eyes and change the station.
This must be the moment when authors throw down the pen and stare into the white abyss of the paper, engulfed and helpless, crippled by the confines of human speech.
This must be the moment when both a child and a wise man must stop and realize that their lips burn with words that do not exist.
This must be the moment when the Divine One himself is reduced to weeping when,
for a moment,
two of His creations understand what He imagined when He created them.

love is real.

im reading your letters.

-Qamarul Asyraf

yesterday i spent ten minutes of my morning making sandwiches.
i've never made sandwiches in my life before, save for yesterday.

yesterday, boyfriend was waiting downstairs.
and i was upstairs.
so he waited, cus i was making sandwiches.
i've never made sandwiches in my whole life,
save for yesterday.

anyway, i found out that one can bounce on a piece of wood.
really, ask my boyfriend.
also, if you swing on the flat-board swing for long,
you can make your butt firm.
really, i swear!
don't take the U-shaped swing.
take the flat-board one.
you can work out while having fun.
(:


flyboy trapped in a spider's web.

my boyfriend is very strong.
we did cheerleading stunts.

and in the end of it all,
we threw away the sandwiches because we were wet.

a random yesterday photo.


satan eats xylophone.

sandwich maker,
anna.

Kalmah Black Waltz

i want the album.
along with all the other wants i want. -_-"

ok update oi.
yesterday you know, yesterday i went to Pasir Ris Park la you know.
then you know or not? i fetched my gf from her house la you know!
after that right, we went to Pasir Ris Park la then. stupid.

then right at Pasir Ris Park, it rained la oi!

bak pepatah orang-orang tua kami
"air itu rejeki.."


so we succumbed to the rain la then. after that right, everybody went looking for shelter la you know.
what only right?! hurhur la oi.
then right, we continued walking la! then what you think? buy onion?
then we walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk....still walking..
then we stopped. wah tired la siolk.
THEN YOU KNOW WHAT OR NOT?!
WE SAT DOWN MAN!!!
you know why?
because we tired.
ahhh, dont know right?

yeah, then we ate la sey.
we ate then after we ate la.
after we ate right, sh'tara discovered something la sey.
you can bounce on a piece of wood!
omg!
WOW!!
amazing!

Giant Spacenet
no biggie man. when i was 7, i could climb it with one hand la sey.
then got a group of manusia tudung. they wear tudung but the perangai like jantan man.

random theory: swinging on a flat board can make your butt firm. yes it can.

then after that right, rain again la. alamak, not happy is it?
but dang rain, i nearly froze to death man.
literally. you guys wont care anw.
bought milo.
but someone squeezed the milo (how to squeeze milo?!).
so the milo gone.
then it happy.

wah sehh.
then after all that right... i send my gf home la oi!!
fuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhxzxzxxzxzx..

anw, on my way home, i saw a group of makcik tudung smoking!!
yeah man.

ok wrappo.
oh gosh, iloveyou.
ku seronok semalam hari.

-Qamarul Asyraf

i want to take k2 apache. who wants to be my partner? you row infront and take control of the rudder okay. x.

REF: "technical la siolk. you think i want? you think i can?"

READ IT. "you think i can?" no you can't because you think you can't.
how silly is that?
you need a slam from me.
and yes, i can carry you. lolxz.
but really, i can.
canoeist + gymnast okay!!

there you go again.
if you don't want, fine but that doesn't mean you cannot.
you told me you tried once.
gee willikers boy!!
ONCE.
that's alot of tries!
that must show youre really horrible because the when you try it for the first time, you failed.
"oh, i'm so lousy because i'm supposed to ace it the first time i try it."
many critics say Shakespeare's early plays are unpolished.
SO WHAT??
he continued writing, (he had second, third, fourth, sixhundredsixtysixth tries!!)
and... he is english literature's favourite son, threenineone years after his death!
boy, you say youre a loser and i say youre right, *shrugs
although i happen to think know that you are powerfully talented.
and i know i'm right.
you're going to get a tongue-lashing from me after i post this entry.

i attended BHS canoeing camp 2007 on thursday.
it was fun.
for being their favourite senior,
i got rewarded with pails of water poured on me as they held me down.
thank you guys.
it was hell fun though.
their discipline sucks.
the current captain is so NOT fierce la.
the T boat is going to be obsolete.
i'm really pissed because everyone is accelerating like lightning fast to K boats.
they don't know what it's like to work up to K boats.
to take a k1 at 13 means youre a prodigy.
but that was before.
now it means nothing.
AND USELESS ASSHOLES ARE USING MY K1 RAPTOR.
and my school bought new regattas, apaches, scorpions and stingrays!
and my batch didn't get the opportunity when WE produced the MOST number of combined schools team/ national team members.
and our medal haul for Nationals '05 and '06 totalled to more than 15!!
beat that!
the current team can't even send 15 individuals/ pairs!
and we won C Boys'/ C Girls' Divisional Champions!!
alongside independent schools like SJI and ACS (I)!!
there are 5 ex-BHSS canoeists in the national team now.
all of them got into the national team when they were in sec three/ sec four.
and the rest of us got into the combined schools team.
like me and look where i am now.
fuck you MI!!!
how to train at bedok when MI is in bukit batok and i stay in toa payoh?
[i used to think bedok and bukit batok were side by side and i didn't clarify with anyone until my mum told me i was crazy to train this year cus the distance was too far -_-]
and if i went tpjc anyway, i wouldn't have met my silly boy who thinks he's not talented.
wait till i post a picture of him with my hair clip.
hell funny!

okay, whatever.
someone's getting lonely.

test me, i'm the ambassador of pain. I rule all those who oppose. -kataklysm
ANNAlovesasyrafthesmallboy
&shewantstheDKNYbagshesawtoday.

oh, its a marvelous night for a moondance

definitely is. sigh.

rotting at home man.
i realise i cant adhere to my mum's expectation for art. im more of a contemporary dude? yeah, thats it. she wants me to do charcoal portraits, watercolour landscapes and bla3. all technical la siolk. you think i want? you think i can?
oh bla da.
oh bla dee.
oh bla doo.

wei tembam, come back quick la sey. boohoo man.
rly, come back quick.
too bad you're going away on our 8th month. more boohoo man.
and you'll be going away for like 6days?! BOOHOO LA MAN!!

come back.
now?
can?
=(

-Qamarul Asyraf

i repent.
dear God, forgive me.

i'm so fucking pissed now at the biasedness of it all.

fuck you clumsy cheebye

i broke a plate.
i got mad at myself.
i stepped on my own finger.
i got mad at myself.
i accidentally hit my sis in the eye.
i got pushed (then i got mad at myself).

im clumsy and i dont like it.

i need you.
i'm mad at myself.

-Qamarul "clumsyfuck" Asyraf

kamus, my new bestfriend

a quick entry before i begin on malay tuition homework.
i'm doing it on the day of tuition itself.
like that would help.
i don't know where to begin actually, that's why i'm here.
my homework is to plan one karangan from this year's H1 Oct/Nov paper.
"Hidup sihat. Kehidupan lebih baik."
so am i supposed to agree/ disagree or discuss?
[great, i can't study at home. thanks mum. anyone for a study sessi?]
do i approach the question like a GP essay by defining the keywords?
the ultimate question is, why malay?
the malay language hates me and vice versa.
oh, the "cikgu" told me to NOT think in english.
how am i supposed to do that?
i can't just switch off the english mode my mind has been in for the past 17 years!
school blues creeping in already.
next year school will suck so bad i don't know what i'm going to do with myself.
no more breaking rules i guess.
i want to win the disciplinarian award next year. -_-
no more going to school with piercings or red hair.
i'm going to wear a knee length skirt okay?
[heck no.]
oh and i have to find all the meanings of the words if i don't understand for the imbuhan section.
standard of my malay: i don't understand 85percent of the passage.
today's going to be a long day especially when mum and i are playing minesweepers.

yang benar,
anna

ibu, engkaulah ratu hatiku..

my mum woke up at 4am on saturday and sunday to teach only 4people. i find that sad. i know whats running in her head. she lives for the family, for her children. im the eldest and i complain about what she does to me alot. i find that unfair. she didnt really had a childhood. she began life at 24 after she had me. 24 years of being trapped under an inevitable reign? thats something to look up to. if shes a stupid bitch, we'd be dead by now. my mum's the best.

my mum woke up at 4am on saturday and sunday to teach only 4people.
iloveyou ibu.

-Qamarul Asyraf

i didnt think a gig can suck. because the possibility of it sucking would be quite low due to the number of people coming to a gig.
but fuck man, how can there be so many fucked poseurs in such a small place?!

we came, we saw, we saw alot, we saw alot of poseurs!

they all dressed up, bangs, coloured hair, skinnies and all.
i was expecting something la.
the number of people who came were definitely more then MSE.
and wtf, MSE was waaaaayyyy better.
fucking poseurs man, come gig just to sit down?!
you fucking pay 10bux to fucking sit down?!
cmon man, dont waste your money man.
go help Africa or something (oh please).
the girls came for what?
act pretty?
tangkap lawa?
dammit la whores, my girl's prettier and she didnt even dress up. beat that!
oh yeah, you sluts bloody cant.

the guys were cowards. they look fierce? really meeeehhhhhhh?!?
fuck you poseurs. the normal, scene-less people look at you freaks in awe and you guys fucking sit down at a gig?!
thats something to look up to.
i didnt even bleed!
the second band played. i was fucking tempted to kill this shortfuck. omfg man.
too bad.

10 bux to sit down relax and listen to hard music.
*applause*
kudos fuckers.

i was so hyped when they announce,
"oh guys, i need you to form the legendary wall of death for me.."
WALL OF SPAZ MAN!!
omg.
even ants could survive that but well, ants are immortal.
and girl, i hate Ragdoll Epilogue even more. they're made of sugarbunnies man.
awh, look at you guys, so cute with all those piercings. *swings a hellhammer*

venom out.
-Qamarul Asyraf

my little boyfriend (:
he looks like he has a bullet cut (even without styling).
[i know the flower looks damn fake la but i can't resist.]

we waited two hours for the gig.
it started late.
organizer's fault.
don't know how to ask the bands to report early for soundcheck!
ragdoll reached at 1pm?!

anyway,
i was disappointed
because the gig was disappointing,
thus, the gig was a disappointment.

minority outburst?
what an apt title!
only a minority out of the 80 odd people who attended stood up to watch the bands perform.
the bands weren't half-bad.
Damnation in Enigma was hell good.
the vocalist was this well-spoken Chinese guy.
he could squeal, screech, scream, growl like.... damn well?
i daresay his "kwee, kwee" is as good as the Wreckage or Waking the Cadaver.
i really enjoyed their performance.
it was then boyfriend and i moshed.
with each other.
you know why?
because the others were chicken.
about 60 humans were sitting down, scattered throughout the hall.
the rest were standing,
sub-headbanging (no such word),
a few moshers moshing for like 10seconds each time.
i'm not exaggerating.
it's the worst gig i've been to.
all the stupid scenekids.
red hair, orange hair, pink hair, purple hair, blue hair, blondes etcetera, etcetera.
carefully lined eyes.
SNAKEBITES, NOSE PIERCINGS, SURFACE PIRECINGS, EYEBROW PIERCINGS.
all sat down and watched.
some even cringed to what they were hearing.
i mean like come on,
that's hard-on evidence you guys are in it just for the scene.
urgghhh, fuckyou.
the performers were quite disappointed with the crowd.
all they did besides camwhoring, were to ask one another whether they would like to mosh.
like what the fuck?
want to mosh just go in la.
i've never met such dicks in my life.
stupid cowards. (talking abt the guys here)
it was so obvious they weren't in it for the music.
fuck you scene kids.

the beginning of the gig had like 30 people infront.
the moshpit was so boring.
it wasn't compact and it stopped when i entered cus some girl who was taking photographs shouted that there was a girl inside.
so some idiot took me by the shoulders pushed me out and told me to relax.
WHAT??!
fuck you?!!
so i moshed for about 5seconds.
whee, such fun. (fuck you)

on top of that, my "BFF" khalid was non-existent.
thank you for being the way you are.
you guys are wimps.
except kamal.

OH.
i just remembered.
the first band, Someone Murdered Cupid,
PLAYED BLACK LABEL FOR THEIR LAST SONG!
!!!
IT SUCKED!!!
THE WALL OF DEATH SUCKED!!!
"oh guys, i need you to form the legendary wall of death for me."
a tiny square was formed but the two opposing sides didn't exactly run to slam each other.
-_-
need i say more?

and there were 5 chinky girls (groupies), with colourful hair and their chink outfits standing,
trying to appreciate music.
(they were trying not to cringe)
OH, they also had cameras
HAHHA!
if youre really in it for the music,
you wouldn't want to risk your camera because youre supposed to jump etcetera etcetera.
fuck you people.
burn in hell.

fuck everyone.
all the girls had cameras swinging from their wrists.
they carried guitars for their "mates".
when the gig ends,
they'll go home,
they'll blog, upload pictures and post a lie.
"I went to a deathcore/ metalcore gig today.
It was awesome.
There were a lot of poseurs there and they were disgusting.
I moshed along with _____, _______, and _______.
I should have broken my neck because a bitch dissed me in my face.
I felt like shit.
I cried and she killed me."

Okay, the last part was made up but you get the idea.
URGH.
i believe the boyfriend will post more on that.
the guys were chicken.
really.
when the boyfriend and i had th 2man mosh, they stepped away.
YAY!
YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOO HARDCORE!!!
SOOO FIERCE LA, YOUR PIERCINGS DAMN SCARY SIA!!
darling help me!
that guy's going to eat me!
i'm sooo scared!!
i don't want to die!!
i'm only seventeen!!
*faints.
HURHUR.
*rolls eyes.

the bottomline is,
everyone was worried about how they looked.
they were worried that they were going to mess up their hair.
eh faggots, go listen to My Chemical Romance and get emo la motherfuckers!

read my middle finger dicks &whores,
anna

ps. ragdoll, youre not worth my time anymore. distorted kids own.

SITA & KALIKA

Gotta love it, its so, so dangerous
Gotta love it, its so, so scandalous
Gotta love it, its so, so infectious

Gotta love it, its so, so dangerous
Gotta love it, its so, so serious
Gotta love it, you sense the sarcasm.

if you don't want to die,
you should have never been born;
anna

fucking get off my case people
leave me alone
when will you ever learn

-anne

im not a nice person. i do not care for others except the one. i have never wish to do charity, help others, make a difference. i once thought the African crisis was dumb. killing the entire nation would be a good solution to end that problem. their poverty is affecting the world. i hate the news. problems and issues all around the world. im not afraid that this post will get controversial.

but i know i cant die without being nice at least for once..

i have my whole life to try.

-Qamarul Asyraf

to explain my lethargy,
exercise with the boyfriend [hahhaha!]
and gym with cissy. (which is also quite funny)

a conversation between my mum and i.
Location: Yamaha @ Plaza Singapura
Objective: Survey electric guitars for Dad.

me: so i can go to the saturday gig right?
mum: no.
me: why not?? why?
mum: because...
me: asyraf's going with me. you said as long as he goes with me can right?
mum: so? i don't like you listening to hard rock.
(here, i was like WTF!! that's not even "hard rock". i wanted to tell her it was glam rock although we all know it's not... oh by the way, do you know my mum thinks metallica and iron maiden are satanic? like ZOMG -_-)
me: but why? my friends are performing!!
(here, i start to get hysterical [ get me a hysteric glamour shirt anyone? okay, nevermind] and my phone rings)
i pick up.

psyfool-distorted kids vox: hey anna! i've got the tickets for saturday already and youre the first to get our demo.
anna: oh.. erm.. thanks. so when can you pass it to me? friday?
psyfool: we stay so near... anytime can. so how many tickets you want?
anna: erm... i'm not sure whether i can go...
psyfool: why???!!
anna: erm... call me tonight or meet me online to confirm okay?
psyfool: okay................ please come.
anna: take care bro.

that's so satanic of psyfool. in mum's opinion.
it's because he provides me "first-class tickets" for Minority Outburst.

yes mum.
no mum.

I'M GOING NO MATTER WHAT.
come on, it's Jennifer's last gig till godknowswhen!
this is my first Ragdoll gig! [they've never forgiven me for not attending the rest]
and there's Distorted Kids!
they're so major! they're even known in malaysia!
in fact they're performing there next week!
what if they migrate there?
i won't get to hang out with them!

i'm so fucking ready to get bloody in the moshpit.
ANNA.

ps. imagine if i ask my mum whether i can go to the Slaughterhouse gig. SHEESH.
pss. my mum didn't know electric guitars need amps! whatthehell!

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

let's try this as politely as possible.
please get off my case.
i spend my money as i please.
no, i'm not into drugs and i don't smoke.
no, don't ask questions about my boyfriend or friends.

okay i'm shaking with anger.

FUCK!!!
GET OFF MY FUCKING CASE!!!

EFF-YOU-CEE-KAY!

oh and what the fuck?
Kyle from Destroy the Runner has to return to college now!!!
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
(okay i'm in a really bad mood.)

oh-so-fucking-sincerely,
anna

You Can't Pretend This Is Fiction.

i was supposed to go to the gym with cissy.
but something came up and i went over to boyfriend's.
and then everything went black...
[for the Messe Noire?]

the power went out, i turned on the radio.
the power went out, i turned on the radio.
the power went out,
i heard a voice.

mortui vivos docent,
Sh'tara

ps. go tune your piano please.

Bird of Ill Omen

i welcomed love into my house just now. such fun. such pleasure. pleasure.
oh my.

and so yesterday. yesterday yesterday. i still feel light. light as a feather? oh pls.
to be able to compose that crazy symphony through a stupid Nokia, i didnt think it was wise. you werent there. i felt that i couldnt relate everything to you through a phone.

Mother Teresa- "There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread..."

indeed, there was much hunger. i was ravenous. desire. it was more than a desire. obsessed. mad. i was a lunatic to even feel what i was feeling. i just wanted to give and expect nothing in return. i just wanted possession.

glass door opens. girl comes in. guy looks at her.

then it starts..


"oh hell, i didnt want it to fucking start. what the fuck am i getting into?"

and so i thought.


i didnt want it to stop either. i was sure it would destroy me if it didnt work. i let myself go.
BEGONE. GO. TAKE PLEASURE IN THAT YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

and i bloody did.

i loved. i did it with vigor. i did it for nothing in return. did it just so i'd stay sane because i believe i was gone from myself. i had everything to lose. i hated that place. i found nothing except burning madness. i loved.

i stupidly hoped someone would notice. but that person would pay though (told you im mad). so ultimately, no one can know. even me. that was why i became mad. i knew what it was. and still, i stupidly hoped someone would notice.

i waited. till late. again, i was foolish. who was i to you then? nothing. but you were everything, you still are. i went home alone. cold and hot..


i was happy and mad. bloody mad i was. i knew who i was. what? im numb and cold hearted? i wasnt then. it was pure and complex. it was tainted and simple. it was just that.
but i didnt try to get to know you deep. i was too occupied with the heart in my brain.

you were still ignorant at that point of time. maybe a hint here or there. but you didnt know.

until yesterday..

Sh'tara, i am yours.

-Qamarul Asyraf

directions?

anyone please, (mainly for iqa aka At)
if you know how to get to bukit batok cc
from bukit batok mrt station please tell me by this week.
because right, khalid the mangkok doesn't know how to get there.
khalid! don't know how to go there how to perform la dey!

you don't mean a thing to me.

I'll tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there lived a lady.
She led a passionate life.
Tonight, she died a tragic death.
I promise to never visit her grave. Ever.
(She wove me a sorrow)

Her name I can't remember but i know she was vibrant.
Miserably so.
She carried a double-edged sword and she died.
Just like that.

She was very sick.
One year into her illness, she came out of remission for the third time.
Three times were all they allowed.
Three strikes and you're out.

We can't ask her.
She's dead.
How do you ask someone who's dead?
(My powers can only do so much)
Now I feel so displaced.
Aye, her life was sad.

In loving memory.
Rest In Peace, my dearest friend. [if she ever was one]

let her go anna,
live your life.

thank you boyfriend.
"Bid me lurk where serpents are,
and i will do so without any fear or doubt,
if by doing so,
I can remain the unstained wife of Romeo"
-Shakespeare
spake thy words, ti amo.

and to be so stern with me- khalid.

amen.

ANNOUNCEMENTS.

1) THAT'S THREE BANDS I'M SUPPORTING NOT FOUR.
2) I'M NOT GOING IF YOU'RE NOT GOING.
3) seems the gig thing is more important than how my "friend" maimed my honesty

yay.
you don't go, i don't go.
& i won't apologise to them,
for what?
i missed all of their gigs this year.
what's another one?
(but i'm fine with it, if you want me to)

i shouldn't post out of anger but i am.

it's anna again.

the guitar rift on RE's first original.

four bands i want to support.
(because the members are my friends)
Murder for Revenge,
Distorted Kids,
Jennifer Deathwish,
Ragdoll Epilogue.
their timings are so far apart. sheesh.
okay, that's not what i'm annoyed at.

i'm annoyed at johnny.
yes john, only i would lie about not wanting to meet you guys
and give a silly reason like "IT'S MY MUM'S BIRTHDAY!"
and no, OF COURSE I DON'T CARE SARAH'S LEAVING SOON.
believe me now?
you probably would because you think i'm a pathological liar.
sorry johnny, you only think i'm a liar when my schedule does not parallel yours.
so what i tell you i've to do instead of hanging out with you guys are all LIES.
and you know me for how long?
a whole five years?
THANKS BROTHER.
THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME.
[and Sarah, OF COURSE I FUCKEN CARE.]
what will it take you to believe me?
just like all the times in secondary school john.
i told you i have training every single motherfucking day of the week
and you didn't believe me.
you thought i went to meet my external friends [Ragdoll & company], instead of hanging out with you guys.
now that youre in dragonboat, you know how training schedules are like.
you know you will stop at nothing for a medal.
so you train your balls off for your undying passion.
like hello?
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
the reason why i don't hang out with you guys EVERY WEEK is because,
frankly, i'm really sick of your training updates
so i hang out with you guys maybe... once a month?
twice?
like you would realise how your training shit makes me feel rotten.
you've still got a long way to go john,
and i'm not boasting here,
but i believe that my national medal is enough of an evidence?
(oh, i was in the combined schools team as well you know)
so don't talk to me about water training or gym training as if i'm ignorant of all the stuff that goes on there.
in fact, i believe i am the first to excel in water sports in our little cosy FAFE clique?
and don't tell me about your trials and tribulations because frankly, if you're so damn "on" about DB, then keep it to yourself, and grit your teeth like every rower would do.
share the joy?
share what joy?
you know it's making me miserable.
i try to accommodate you guys but i'm tired of it.
i guess i'm not a nice person after all.

all of you poly kids,
i'm really fucken sorry (sarcasm) that i'm not in poly.
2007's going to end and you're still asking me to go to poly?
even in that "joking" manner, which is supposedly your alibi?
(that what you are saying is just a joke?)
you guys know i'm perfectly fine sitting for my a's in two year's time.
tonight is "FAFE's night", since it's a FRIDAY, i know but it really IS my mum's birthday so... till the next time i see you guys.

for the record:
i tried hard not to be venomous and that's the best i can do.

right, so my original entry was not supposed to be about john.
it was supposed to be about the 1st Dec gig.
oh well, the poster is up.
Distorted Kids promised me that i'll be the first to have their demo album when it's released on the 26th, so let's see if Psyfool's words hold true.

ps. it's time i fucking do something about my malay language cus i just found out that i dont understand a kid's collection of stories regarding the 25 Prophets. does that show how sucky my malay is now?

sometimes i'm not so delicate,
ANNA.

youre only worth what you can pay.

I LOVE PINK SPIDERS.
I LOVE PURCELLS.
I LOVE BOYFRIEND.

boyfriend's homemade sandwiches/ burgers,
poptarts,
salmon spread
and lots and lots of mineral water.

heavens ablaze in our eyes,
we're standing still in time,
with the blood on our hands as the wine,
we offer as sacrifice.

pleasures; shatter, blind.
Anna the Fey & Delicate Child.

ive got soo much "stuff" in my head now.
oh my, i wonder what they are.
so pure..
so innocent..
whoppeee.


home's a bitch. stupid thing to disclose really. so i shant elaborate.
i need to get my portfolio done fast. and freaking do it proper. like some people, anyhow apply, never do portfolio and think they can just talk their way through the audition.

"oh please sir, i'l do my freaking best. i can be the figure drawing model if you want me to sir. *does a lapdance*..."

thats so amusing, sorry im getting dirty. stupid wiki.

i have alot to blog about now. you guys wont be interested. trust me, you wont be. heh.

off to LJ now.
patience love.

-Qamarul Asyraf

anthrax on a bar of chocolate.

it's time for me to grow up,
but i plan to grow up when i complete my studies at the university.
hell no,
guess what?
i have to grow up now.
right now.
i wish i was five again.
*rolls eyes

expectations.
what the fuck?
and having friends = too troublesome for me
because i may offend my lethal.
[so swing from a rope if you dare.]

ive got my bitchy cissy next year.
i hope i survive 07a1's fucking piranhas next year.

that's one body that will never be found,
anneee.

now i dont mind how God has made us.
because im a vampire,
and you fucking tramps suck.

ps. a warning, i'll probably update more than qam.

because the drugs never work.

i am home.
my solo study session failed.
one and a half paragraphs of the international history holiday assignment.
stoned at starbucks.
it rained.
i abandoned my study plan and headed to the apple centre at wheelocks
to service my ipod.
brandon the second is a wanker.
last week, he couldn't be detected when connected to the pc.
this week, he didn't play for me any songs.
wanker.
well, it's okay now.
now i'm off to cook my second bowl of maggie noodles.
it is official,
I CAN COOK!
amen.

anna, anna, anna

this is called, DOMINATION!!

DRUMS..
GUITARS..
SHREDS..
YEEAARRGGGHHH!!!

omfg, i miss moshing. gig moshing (and our moshing love, heh). damn.

i need a fucking job to pay for fucking stuff.
just called Kinokuniya, the lady on the phone was deaf. sheesh.

me: Q-A..
lady: sorry, i cant hear you.
me: Q, as in Q for Quilt. A for America..
lady: what is it? T-U-A..?
me (thinking): wtf! im not TUAMARUL!!
me: no miss, its Q-A-M-A-R-U-L
lady: ahh yes ok.
me: *audible sigh*

very fruitful conversation.
now im waiting for chubby to get home.
lalala.

-Qamarul asyraf (and thats Q, not T-U-A)

*trumpets and horns

grand opening siolk.

imagine ants with guns. omg, destruction, mayhem, chaos.

well, we decided to delete our blogs and merge. our blogs got married. oh jolly.


a bloody venomous and frigid note from us: FUCKING FUCK OFF IF YOU HATE US. dont fucking bother to read further than this sentence. hope you fucking die.

well, thats a good friendly start.

sexy la you.
heh.

-Qamarul Asyraf

our new life.
links up soon.
we're sharing a blog.
so both our friends,
hello (:

yours sincerely,
anna