the grass is really dying on my side

Life gets harder as u age. Problems start to come, egos intensify and competition grows. With independence comes a lot of responsibilities. Finances to manage, dreams to accomplish, relationships to mantain.

I look back at a time not too long ago, back in secondary school, when i thought of adulthood as a phase i was willing to skip the teen years to leap into. A life of liberty. I would look through newspapers, magazines and imagine the perfect lifestyle i'd wish to adopt. A penthouse amidst the throngs of malls by Orchard road, that jacuzzi on the balcony, that car, the clothes and accessories, the companionship, etc etc. it seemed all so easy back then when all the fantasies seemed so far away. At 20, i begin to realize the harsh reality of life. The reality of life that hits 99% of the human population. Wake up ME. Fantasies will only remain fantasies. If u aint born into that life of luxury, most likely ure gonna end up dying with unsettled debts, unsatisfied, unfulfilled. It aint that easy to realize my dreams. gotta do something, but what can i do? im stuck, stagnant. there's only So Much i can do.... and the rest is really up to fate? luck? destiny? i think about it. and i think about life. if it is pretty much dictated by higher authorities, with prejudice, and is money-driven, even the most all-out perseverance will just lead to rejection... and all i'm left with is an unfulfilled life. and i will go with the flow of bill payments, taxes, just being the average human like the rest of them are.

it's time to change. it's time to go beyond conventions. i do not want a life so mediocre. i wanna fulfil my dreams. i wanna be who i'm meant to be. i want that glamorous lifestyle. i want that oh-so enviable profession. i want my colleagues to REALLY BE my colleagues (inside thing). but the cries of this speck of dust continue to remain unheard. i guess, i've just been rejected one time too many.....

Baby Wee Ee Xin Mishael Danial @ Noor Kasih

Name: Wee Ee Xin Mishael Danial

Pet Name: Noor Kasih

Finally she's out to meet us, my only niece for now... Sent the sis to the labour ward on the 11th of August, and it's been 7 days of waiting for her. Eventually, on the 17th of August 2009, at 10.30pm, Mum, Dad and i rushed out of the house and kak iqah rushed off from her workplace meeting or something, upon hearing news that sis was about to give birth, to Mount Elizabeth Hospital where we waited anxiously for her arrival... A long moment that was, with mum, sis and i constantly peering and taking sneak peeks of the interior of the delivery suite through the transparent glass regions of the door. And finally, when she was out.... She was pushed in the cot, to the Neonatal ICU and it was there where we first got a glimpse of her, then heard her first cry. Finally got to meet her when she as all set up in the ICU. The last time i came into contact with her, she was still in sister's womb. From Ayah to Atok. From Ibu to Nenek. From Along to Aunt Lynn. From Kak Iqah to Aunt Iqah. And from Boi to Uncle Hyno. All of us have been promoted by this naughty little girl full of surprises. cant wait to see her back at home.....

labour, false alarms.

Another one of those random, when i have the mood kinda posts.... hmm... so what happened todae???


My 3rd sister and i took off from work todae, just for totallie different reasons. funny thing is that, both of us decided to follow my mum and my pregnant 2nd sis to Mount E for her check up, thinking that it was just some normal shit, and that later on after that, we'd all check ION out. but guess what... BABY NIECE decided she had plans of her own and my sis was admitted into the LABOUR WARD. wtf??? hahaha... and there was some degree of fracas. we went to fetch my Bro in law from the airport, coz only the husband is allowed into the labour ward, to see my sis...


Anyways, i was kinda, KINDA disappointed the baby didnt come todae. haha coz i was near to ready to welcoming her to the world, and introducing her UNCLE HYNO, and Tok Janggot, and Nek Loudspeaker, Che' Iqah, Aunt Lynn and Uncle Fab in Romania thru Skype and the Rest of the extended family to her.... haha. but no worries, coz she will come soon. sooner than expected... like, maybe tomorrow after my sister gets scanned at 11am? whatever it is, i'm fucking excited coz in the immediate family, this baby comes after me... which means, i've NEVER been to a delivery session, or A NEAR TO delivery session, feeling this excited... coz the last was me, in the case of my immediate family....


So to Baby Mishael Danial Wee, if u see this post, when u're 15 or sumthin, just give urself a knock in the head, for making ur Uncle Hyno excited for nothing on this 11th August 2009. Altho, im not sure what i'll be calling u in MOM's Home tho, coz she has plans of calling u Noor Kasih.... (just to match ur names to our siblings, all with noors in front, and her obsession with sensasi and indonesian dramas) LOLOLOLOLOL....


Whatever it is, i'll be seeing u soon baby... my first direct niece. daughter to my second sis....

after a long time......

I AM 20!!!!!!!!!!! 20 on the 20th of MAY. once in a lifetime........

Man, how long has it been since i've last typed something in here........ one of the major updates on my life as of now.... FIVE more months to ORD.... five more months of no freedom, five more months of the rank system. five more months of having to do shit, all in the name of hierarchy and rank. five more months of feeling hopeless.

im starting to shed the weight i've been gaining over the past ONE YEAR since i passed out from trainee life. For those who knew me then, i've ballooned..... for those who just got to knoe me now, i used to be quite thin. not STICK THIN, but thinnER! fuck. why didnt i give a damn bout diets and calories then? complacency i guess coz THEN, i did exercise. which eventually came to a total HALT. double dang.....

fuck singlehood. fuck complications. fuck the crappy feeling i get everytime i think of ahemshemahem. basically, i feel like a pathetic lonely oasis in the middle of the sahara most of the time. loved ones, sigh...... why did i have to ever REACH puberty..... stupid hormones... i wanna get back that childish mentality i used to have back in primary school... (why do pple wanna have sex? isnt going to the water theme park, or sumthin like that, much more fun??). how wrong was i? anyways, with one problem comes the other. with this fat figure of mine, how am i ever going to get ahemshemahem to even look at me.... toned, fatfree figure... here i come....

just to get my thoughts over this crapped up feeling, i hope butter factory tonite'll be great. fozy, irra + fren, moi new clubbing mates.... F-fy, no cover charge? who knoes.... haha.... hope it'll be as random as the other nite......

stint at FireFighting Training Wing

my time at the department has been good. altho there may have been times, DAMN stressful ones indeed, i do enjoy my time with my Rota (a.k.a platoon). 2 batches of trainees, and todae is a special dae for me. it is EXACTLY ONE MORE YEAR to my ORD DATE.

34th FFC baby.

35th FFC baby.