It sounds like Fred isn't entirely concentrating on pleazin' his woman. Fiddling around with his electronic organ,and twiddling the wrong knobs when he should be giving her his full attention. What's more he seems to have shoved a microphone in her mouth, without a windshield, to record her half-hearted ecstacy. Not any wonder that this run through of the orgasm alphabet ends with a Zzzzzzzz.
Another downpoint is the version of "Bolero", which always brings me a horrific flashback of the winter Olympics in 1984 when Torvill and Dean won Gold in the Ice Dance with that terrible, traumatizing medal winning routine. Granted, I would have preferred Fred Miller's version to have pumped out of the speaker system,complete with the moans and groans of sexual monotony.
Yes, women do it better......no not sexual intercourse, I mean messing about with electronic toys....they being, synthesizers. So that segués us nicely from all this semi-erotic nonsense into the stone age of electronica, when women ruled the Earth!?
Tracklist:
1.Scented Wind 5:20
2.Black & Blues 4:36
3.Midnight Waterfalls 9:30
4.Pavane 5:30
5.Bolero 14:00
6.Piano Concerto No 21 7:30
The appropriately named Helen Gurley Brown,wrote Sex and the Single Girl, and was editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine for 35 years. During those times she released a handy audio guide to adultery as well. Including such essential advice for such romantic dead ends as,"Capturing A Man If You Aren't Pretty!"..easy, suck his knob..."Short Men Can Be Sexy!...especially if they've got a Ferrari; "How To Talk To A Man In Bed!"....simple...DON'T!
The solutions are in fact mine,as if you didn't know.Helen Gurley Brown's solution are rather more wordy,and....er... Brown.
Lucky for y'all that your scribe hasn't been asked to make an romantic advice record any time soon. It would be rather short....just like those vertically challenged sexy chaps and their Ferraris.
Tracklist:
A1 Getting A Girl To The Brink!
A2 Conducting The Affair
A3 How To Behave At Home When You're Misbehaving
A4 How To Love A Secretary!
A5 Short Men Can Be Sexy!
A6 How To Say "No" To A Girl!
A7 Keep Your Wife Seductive
B1 Capturing A Man If You Aren't Pretty!
B2 How To Say "No"
B3 Unfaithful Wives' Tales!
B4 The Love-Life Of Boss And Secretary!
B5 How To Talk To A Man In Bed!
B6 Keeping Your Husband Sexy!
Do you think the two characters on each cover are the same people at different stages of their lives?
There you go, we can pair up for life like Ducks do. Although i think volumes four to six would have been on Divorce for Adults, Teens and Children. We need more guidence on how to split up than how to have sex....that's the easy part.
These three classic forays in to how to patronize teens and adults are indespensible acquistions for child and adult alike. Not for the rather unreliable advice of Dr. Stanley Z. Daniels, but for the chance to hear children say 'Penis' and 'Menstruation', and hear the good Doctor's views on the sick and depraved existence of Homosexuals. There's some jaw dropping stuff on these ,so-called 'Educational' discs, and typically, they being American in origin, 'God' gets a hefty look in too.Ask your local preacher for advice, is Stanley's guidence at one stage.
The Doctors voice has a similar quality to Ken Nordines rich timbre,but more robotic, and far funnier.
Listening to this progressive-regressive modernism from the past is enough to put you off sex altogether, rather than want to do it properly.
The ignorance is an intresting insight into the thoughts and opinions of middle calss america in the seventies,that hasn't changed much even today, as well as being rather hilarious.
I notice its also only for whites too?
By far the best of the three volumes,if not just for the acting, is "Sex For Teens". The 'with it',but obviously square boy-teen is having an argument with his sister about her hippie boyfriend,when The Doctor enters the conversation to calm things down.....it all goes steeply downhill from there.The part on Homosexuality is priceless!
I'm sure this has been sampled to death.Now here's your chance.
DOWNLOAD the complete set HERE!
Another spoken word smut-fest from the John Waters school of acting, with dialogue from the The Sun (UK trash tabloid) school of journalism.
Back from the days when Lesbians were seen as perverts,or only did it because they weren't getting a good 'seeing to' by their husbands, we have some 'Bold Butchy Lesbians' indulging in ac/dc sex!?
Whatever a Bold-Butchy Lebian Freak is? I guess its, a slightly male acting female,whose wanton behaviour results in some "kinky nights of pure pleasure" with partners of the same gender?
Again the cover art is something special, but the poetry of the dialogue is only slightly less offensive than the preceeding 'Perverted Nympho Housewife" record;unless you are a Lesbian of course. Here lesbianism is portrayed simply as mere titilation for the male audience,and only an option if the young ladies in question didn't have a man to provide her with pleasure.
Tracklist:
A Fornicating Female Freaks (14:37)
B Fornicating Female Freaks (16:24)
As spoken word recordings go, this is more avant-garde than the avant-garde could ever hope to be. This could provide the lyrics to any of a dozen new Whitehouse albums,especially the rather uncomfortable Anal Rape scene!?Anyone got any complaints just explain it away as 'Art',which is always the last refuge of the Scoundrel. Subversive stuff indeed,its just a pity a legion of self-exposing pervs in dirty raincoats misunderstood this work of art as cheap smutty stimulation for self-satisfying solo sex for one.
Now you don't have to go to Denmark or Sweden for top quality sound poetry ,like it says on the cover, you could get this erotic masterpiece from your local smut peddler with the blacked out windows.The sleeve art alone is worth the few bucks,just to know that When Jimmy the grocery boy fucks a bitch.... she stays fucked!
Like many a classical rennaisance painter ,all the nice young ladies mentioned in this 20th century rival to Titian are said to be "Built Like A Brick Shithouse"! Oh the Romance of it all.It's no surprise the 'artists' involved wanted to remain anonymous.Not everyone wants to be famous y'know? And sometimes its for a very good reason.
DOWNLOAD this filthy deflowering of romance HERE!
