Anal Cunt – "I Like It When You Die" (Earache Records – MOSH 169 CD) 1997

It had to happen.....an anal Cunt CD from the age when no-one released a vinyl Lp,and no-one was 'woke'. The dark dark days of the late nineties.

Artwork(?), forget about it, lyrics(?), who cared anyway(?),tolerable surface noise,not with compact disc's maaan...scratch the fucker and its dead.However CD's were very good for that Glitch fad from the early noughties,y'know (author stifles yawn) Oval,and other boring fucking clever dicks like that.Either that or using them to make a novelty clock to win favor with a friend or potential lover.

Anal Cunt sounded like completely fucked CD's long before Wire Magazine excitedly discovered Blectum from Blechdom; and Anal Cunt were also funny without stooping to the two twats and a laptop option.This shit was done with the same instruments the Beatles used!?

The song titles,apart from being vaguely amusing, usually doubled up as the entire lyrics for the tune in question.Iambic pentameter it is most certainly NOT.

Replace the words 'Gary' and 'Numan' from the following piece of constructive criticism last seen in a 1980 copy of Sounds with 'Anal' and 'Cunt',and you may get an idea of the far-reaching influence of this potty mouthed combo:

"Gary Numan (Anal Cunt) has managed to do for music what the Chimpanzee has done for William Shakespeare" (Sounds 1980-ish).

Scanning through the titles one can't help noticing the abundance of profound descriptions of the human condition in three words or less.

It's like Putnam is talking about me!?

You've Got No Friends,You're Old (Fuck You),Ha Ha, Your Wife Left You,You Got Date Raped,are devastatingly reflective...except maybe the date rape one.

Then we have the insightful: Pottery's Gay;Your Kid Is Deformed,Recycling Is Gay, and Windchimes are definitely Gay!?

And the whole French race is adequately summed up by "Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp"

Myself being an ex-european (I'm now British),there are spurious references to colloquial celebrities,of whom I know nothing except for Richard 'President Gas' Butler,who grew up a few junctions of the M1 south away from myself.

This album and concept,on the whole is a challenging work of Art that belongs in a pretentious gallery in East London......but to Seth Putnam that would be far too gay for him.

He died of a heart attack about a decade ago,which, in reference to the album title,gains a new sense of Irony which which one should find enjoyable.Maybe even funny?

I liked it when you died Seth Putnam.......but isn't dying a bit...er...Gay?

Tracklist:

1 Jack Kevorkian Is Cool 0:40
2 Valujet 1:28
3 You've Got No Friends 1:12
4 You Keep A Diary 1:12
5 You Own A Store 0:37
6 You Got Date Raped 0:49
7 Recycling Is Gay 0:36
8 You're A Cop 1:50
9 You Can't Shut Up 0:18
10 You've Got Cancer 0:30
11 We Just Disagree 0:32
12 Hungry Hungry Hippos 0:18
13 You Are An Interior Decorator 0:51
14 Pottery's Gay 0:39
15 Rich Goyette Is Gay 0:53
16 Branscombe Richmond 1:35
17 You Live In Allston 0:53
18 You Are A Food Critic 0:54
19 Just The Two Of Us 0:27
20 Your Band's In The Cut-Out Bin 1:10
21 You're Gay 0:37
22 You Look Adopted 1:17
23 Your Cousin Is George Lynch 0:10
24 You Have Goals 0:22
25 You Drive An Iroc 0:55
26 You Play On A Softball Team 0:57
27 Because You're Old 0:45
28 You Sell Cologne 0:30
29 Being A Cobbler Is Dumb 0:27
30 You Live In A Houseboat 0:45
31 Richard Butler 1:32
32 311 Sucks 0:39
33 Your Kid Is Deformed 0:40
34 You Are An Orphan 1:05
35 You're Old (Fuck You) 0:12
36 You Go To Art School 0:55
37 Your Best Friend Is You 0:53
38 You're In A Coma 1:18
39 Windchimes Are Gay 0:10
40 No,We Don't Want To Do A Split Seven Inch With Your Stupid Fucking Band 0:28
41 René Auberjonois 0:40
42 The Internet Is Gay 0:25
43 Ha Ha, Your Wife Left You 1:11
44 Hootie And The Blowfish 0:38
45 You Went To See Dishwalla And Everclear (You're Gay) 0:22
46 Locking Drop Dead In McDonalds 0:20
47 Technology's Gay 0:25
48 Your Favorite Band Is Supertramp 0:37
49 I'm In A.C. 0:20
50 You (Fill In The Blank) 0:26
51 Kyle From Incantation Has A Mustache 4:10
52 Bonus Track #3 0:09

DOWNLOADING is gay but do it anyway HERE!

Shit Scum – "Manson Is Jesus" (Ecocentric Records – E.R. #111) 1990

Seems like Napalm Death imports had even hit Newton, Massachusetts by 1989,and had entered the GG Allin obsessed, Seth Putnam's, delicate shell-likes, leaving a dreadful impression on this sensitive young man.

The formula was simple,replace UK Grindcore's lyrics about multinational corporations, nuclear destruction,and schoolboy politics,with about how Gays,Jews and Blacks suck,and you've got a nascent version of Anal Cunt called ,rather charmingly, "Shit Scum".

Upon hearing Napalm Death back in '87,I thought they could not be serious!?They were taking the piss surely?....turns out they weren't! 

Shit scum leave a similar taste in the mouth,and even manage to take it all down a peg or two,into the sewer.

Of course Seth's next Group would take it even lower,exposing the bedrock of awful taste below through which it is not possible,or advisable, to go........there's a challenge in there somewhere?

Young Master Putnam must have been ignored as a child,and now he's dead,ignored as a corpse.

However his vast canon of work lives beyond the grave,leaving an irremovable skidmark down the rear gusset of the human race's Y-fronts.

This 33rpm ep does, however contain the best ever cover of possibly thee worst ever pop group, Guns 'n' Roses' truly mind erasing "Sweet Child Of Mine";fittingly re-titled for our benefit,"You Fucking Cunt".

"Fag Bash" is a sludge metal classic;and i'm sure the bass-line to "Brady Bunch Massacre" is cleverly adapted from "Wrong Place Right Time" from The Fall's "I am Kurious Oranj" long player?

As for Manson being Jesus?He's got just as much  a case to make this claim as anyone. Trouble is that anyone who does is usually a blood craving nut job, a chief executive officer,or a high ranking banker.

One thing that Putnam definitely  has in common with both Chuck and Jesus (as in Jesus Allin),the other ,son of god Jesus,and Seth Putnam too;is that they were all ignored as a child. This explains a lot.

This goes out as advice to all those casual breeders out there......don't ignore your kids if you're gonna have them please;or just wear a condom! Going in bareback You could have just spawned the next Anal Cunt, or worse....a new religion!?.....or even worse than that.....a new Guns'n'Roses!!!!?

Not only can our latex friends protect us from HIV,syphilis and Monkey Pox,these magical prosthetic sheaths could have saved the world from Gun'n'Roses too.....and maybe even Charles Manson?! 

If these facts were made clear in the 1980's AIDS would have now been but a distant memory.....instead we got the only plastic ever released by Shit Scum.

Tracklist:

A1 Manson Is Jesus
A2 Brady Bunch Massacre
A3 Dog Sacrifice
A4 Shit Scum
B1 Fag Bash
B2 Beating On A Pacifist
B3 You Fucking Cunt

DOWNLOAD it here you fucking cunt!

Vaginal Jesus – "Beat Rodney Down" (Reich O Rama Records) 1993

"Vaginal Jesus" wasn't that a hit for Depeche Mode?.....

Don't you just wish that DM sneakily released a tune like 'Bloodnigger',and all those pasty-faced lost generation types in the USA didn't realise its sophisticated angle on bigotry as a mirror approach? As in the Ironic Bigotry of this hatecore masterclass by the superbly named Vaginal Jesus.

It is understood that Seth Putnam of Anal Cunt was in Vaginal Jesus?.....I dunno what gave the rumour machine that impression? 

I like a good  tasteless racist joke so i do, but it is certainly how you tell 'em that counts.

Of course there were stacks of Come Org records that plumbed the depths of good taste in the eighties,but that was 'Art' wasn't it? It never came close to recreating the knuckle dragging horror of actual real Racial prejudice. Now,this record is the closest I've ever heard to recreating the racial hatred of a KKK  Grand Wizard,without actually being one;so us confused white boys could understand.

Naturally, i could be reading far too much into this brutal sledgehammer of neanderthal driven Hate,but I figure that yer actual Bigot wouldn't want music, as civilisation crushing as this, anywhere near their fucking Churches.

These fuckers...racist Sasquatches all ....were running scared from Nirvana in 1993,so only their god knows what they would have made of a group with a singer/growler called The Honorable Reverend Fuckface Chainsaw,that existed in the same time frame as the woefully insipid Nirvana?

The trick, with Bad taste is that to understand good bad taste you have to have Good taste in order to recognise yer actual bad bad taste, and yer actual Good Bad taste.

I'm going out on a limb now by saying that Vaginal Jesus may well be Good bad taste......but, even if it isn't, I still like it...a lot. Who wouldn't want a record released with a Side Aryan and a Side Bigot on it?

Maybe without using your real name mind you...that's just asking for trouble;just ask The Honorable Reverend Fuckface Chainsaw.

There will,sadly, be person's,previously described as knuckle dragging Sasquatch fucking Neanderthals, who will be taking this record 100% literally.As they do with thar best-selling fiction book "The bible", which isn't surprising as its crammed full of lovely Elizabethan poetry,with lashings of  genocidal ,misogynistic, homophobic violence of the highest order. Just like yer average Anal Cunt record.

Tracklist:

Side Aryan:
A1 Slave Runaway 0:52
A2 Beat Rodney Down 2:17
A3 Die Homie Die 0:38
A4 Bloodnigger 2 0:12
A5 Planet Of The Apes 1:39

Side Bigot:
B1 X Marks The Spook 1:20
B2 Mocha Mistakes 1:29
B3 Fetch The Rope 2:21
B4 Niggers Are No Friends Of Mine 0:46

DOWNLOAD your contribution to racial harmony HERE!