Round and Round She Goes!

and where she stops...

well, you know the rest.

You can't say I didn't try. I kept my kids separated, washed my hands to the point where I had the hand-version of that Home Alone moment when Kevin slaps the aftershave on his face. I slathered some hand-sanitizer on my hands today and about cried. So many little cracks in my skin right now. I tried really, really hard but darn those germs- so stubborn!

One kid was on the mend, the other two were fine and for a few glorious hours I was a genius when it came to germ warfare. Then the next kidlet mubled something about a tummy hurting. And there went any dreams I had of sleep last night.

This morning, we set out in the face of a predicted winter weather nightmare. I'll grant, it was windy. Scary windy. But no white-out's, no blizzard, even the roads were dry for the most part. But in the backseat, we had our own storm brewing.

Until then, I'd grab all offending infected items and haul them off for prompt washing, and I'd wash myself and the sickee up, and top it off with a generous dose of Lysol. The second I saw that look on her face-- I knew what I'd forgotten to pack. Baby wipes & hand sanitizer. Oh vey. I'd stashed a million bags for vomit, clothes holding, and whatever else we needed them for-- but something to mop it up with? something with some germ-cidal action?

I stood there with my tush toward the zooming toll road traffic while I hastily tidied with tissues. Cursing myself for the very important things I'd forgotten and wishing I hadn't been so cheap about the bags (save the gallon size for clothes, I thought- a sandwich bag will suffice-- not if your daughter reflexively squeezes the bag while she gets sick).

Tonight, I am waiting for the call... "Mommy!" They're across the house from us here. All in one room. My son will be the barf-crier. Poor kid.

I'm kind of glad we celebrated our family Christmas earlier. It makes this less of a let-down. Being so far from home, in someone else's home (though it's one I know well). The good news is, we'll likely ALL be better before heading home. You know, just in time to catch something new on the plane before they go back to school.

-your defeated reporter,
Lynn

one down...

It's been a long two days. Our littlest came down with the bug that so many school kids have right now. I thought she was doing better, nothing too awful since last night except a fever. Then tonight after she ate a very small, very light dinner (a few goldfish crackers and two slices of apple)- it all came back.

I sat there holding her in my arms tonight. Like she never let me do when she was a baby. She was the one I couldn't get to cuddle with me. Not long enough to fall asleep. She gave in pretty easy tonight. It was surreal. Me holding her, staring into her beautiful face. Even asleep she looks like she's hurting. And that breaks my heart.

But only a little.

I have some perspective right now. This is only a stomach bug. It'll be over soon and my baby will be back to normal, making animal noises and ordering people around.

Just a few miles away though, a mom is looking into her son's face knowing it's not getting better. That breaks my heart a lot. I am helpless to change it for her. She is helpless to change it for him.

And I think, a few hundred miles away, closer to where my dad lives, in Connecticut- there are dozens of moms who'd give anything to be swabbing up kid vomit if it meant in a few days, they'd have their perky peanuts back.

It's amazing how easy this sickness has been to handle. Sure, there's extra laundry, a smelly carpet I'm struggling to get a funky smell out of, the end of the Christmas package shipping, packing up for a trip, cleaning the house, and all the other crazy stuff this time of year brings-- normally, a bug in the middle of this would send me over the edge. I'd be crazy mom and I'd be barking at my family, a lot. I'm not proud of it- it's just what happens.

This time, though. I feel quite serene. This is nothing. Even if I end up spending all my time in the airplane's lavatory in a few days- so what? I get to keep my kids a little while longer and they have me. I even get in some cuddles that I don't normally get.

I'm actually sentimental about it. Feeling weepy over it. I'm the lucky one. I'm the one who gets to tend to her and kiss her warm brow and stroke the back of her plump hands. It feels selfish somehow. A relief to know that this is quite temporary.

Tonight, as I keep a close eye on my little one, spending another interrupted night on a chair in my living room, I will be praying at those odd hours when I wake to help her. Praying for my friend Erica. And praying for Sarah. (I can't claim her as friend, but my heart is breaking for her everyday.)

Just one more moment for them, and the next. Please.

the juxtaposition

It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm here, eyes swollen and nose running from all the sobbing I've done today. Every time my brain grabs hold of the horror that took place in Connecticut, the tears roll.

I thought I'd check in (electronically) on a local boy who is battling a vicious cancer. Maybe he had a good day today maybe I could focus on that. But the last post sounds like they're being forced to say goodbye very soon, maybe before Christmas.

Tomorrow morning we're supposed to have breakfast with Santa. It seemed like a good idea when we planned it. Now it seems ridiculous. I'm starting to wonder if I planned so much *magic* into this season because I (not the kids) needed an antidote to the saddness this year is ending on. The reserves of joy and hope are dwindling and though *we're* fine -- things are not fine around us. I am broken of heart and don't know how to alleviate it, even in small part.

But we'll go tomorrow. My kids will have a good time and it'll be a beautiful memory for all of us. It'll be good to hold it against the ugly memories that will linger from this year.

(edited for formatting/typo's-- can't do posts on my phone again :) )

Great Music for Christmas

 

The Piano Guys

 

 



Christmas Time is Here

I'm grateful that Christmas is on its way again. I don't know if I've looked forward to a Christmas this much in a long time. I planned ahead, made sure I got a lot of the things that required too much attention out of the way. Turned down some opportunities. And now, I am taking the deep breath I've needed. I feel like I can be the voice of encouragement this time, instead of needing the encouragement. It's a good place to be in.

Things around us are still hard, but in our little bubble of five, plus the cat and dog, we're okay. We're healthy, we're together, and we have what we need (more than we need).

This is year is fun with the kids, too. All three are in that strange place in life where they are equally eager for Santa's arrival as they are to celebrate baby Jesus's birthday. This year we even have some extra special help from a little elf named Alfie. You can see his pictures on Pinterest.

I'm taking a break from Facebook during December but figured I could post in our very sporadic blog. As you can see- I *decorated* the blog. And if you're curious what else I'm up to- you can check out a blog called Bump In The Night- it's at dldiener.com/bumpinthenight. It's a different kind of blog. It won't be for everyone, but I think some will find it a good thing.

Our Christmas letter is more of a note, so we won't be posting that this year either. Sorry. Someday I'll do nice long letters again.

Danny is getting excited about skiing with Dylan this winter- he learned last winter that Dylan is an excellent skiier. He's also hoping to take the girls out for their first (very introductory) lessons.

I plan on using this winter to finish the novel I started in November (well, 3 chapters were done before that). It's a story about the plan B's we have for our lives. When the worst happens, the unimaginable- there's that little voice at the back of our heads that says-- if that happened, I'd do this. It's just a keep-you-from-slipping-into-the-abyss thing. But my main character acts on it, and when she does, she realizes that life is every bit as complicated and rewarding as it was before she enacted her escape-from-grief plan. That's not my official summary by the way. That'd be terrible, all those hyphens.

These days the kids are hitting a stride of playing together well. Sure, there are the intermittent squabbles but for the most part, they are wanting to play together. They're also helping more with things around the house. Maybe not consistently or with great finesse but by golly, they're helping and every day (especially at meal time) they are scanning the Helper Chart to see what their job is.

That's probably a big enough peek into our world for now. Congrats if you made it to the end without a yawn. :)

my sad attempt at a Christmas picture for a card this year & why we went with a collage of the year instead

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Picture Day 2012

Every year I like to get pictures right around their birthdays. These are from today's portrait session.

I think they turned out pretty well.












Get your frames ready family :)

New Project

Here's what I'm working on at the house. We're turning our first-guest room, then nursery, then nursery again, then guest room again-- into an office for me/guest room.

I still haven't figured out what the old office in the basement will be. But that's for later.

(if you click on them, the large picture will open up, then click back)