why are they settling?

I feel sad when I read Facebook posts, or have conversations with people who have really just settled with the relationship that they have. Now, I am not saying that Ryan is perfect, or that I am perfect, or that our relationship is perfect. And we of course have our struggles. I wish that he had more time to spend with me and he wishes he had a wife that would do the dishes more often. Haha - ok while I'm sure he really does wish this, I'm sure its not first on his list of things that we would want better in our marriage.

I can't help but cringe and feel a little bit of pity and awe that women are choosing to put themselves into and stay in these relationships. I know that it is hard to get out of an abusive, or manipulative relationship, or perhaps they are kidding themselves into thinking that their significant other will change their ways. While change is possible, and we ALL need to strive to be better, I believe it is also naive to go into a relationship hoping this will happen. I have been there and it doesn't work (and it wasn't even close to the level of what I'll share with you - I was 'lucky').

One of my FB "friends" who will remain anonymous, has just graduated high school yet is in a situation with her boyfriend where FB statuses like this are shared - one instant her BF is the best thing to ever grace the planet and the next he's a scumbag (did I mention that he spent some time in Juve? Red flag #1):

#1 When you look at your boyfriend, and all you can think is "d*bag." its probably time for a break. ♥
#2 When he's broken all the promises he's made to me. What's left?
#3 I love My Boyfriend. ♥
#4 Those moments when all he does is hug you & tell you he loves you. Those are the ones I live for. ♥
#5 That moment when he calls me selfish.. HA. I've done more for you than you could imagine kid.

I just SERIOUSLY don't get it. I feel bad for women in these situations who either WANT to be in them or don't know how to get out of them. I really don't understand. Why would you settle for this kind of a relationship when you could have one where:

Respect isn't just a song from back in the day
You Discuss rather than Fight
Love is more than a passing fancy
Name calling consists of 'baby, darling, honey, & sweetheart'
When times are hard you pray together.
The peace of mind that you aren't a one night stand, or that he might leave you in the morning.
(and so very very much more)

I feel so lucky that even in our imperfect marriage, we have a lot of great things going for us. 


When my dad and I were in the car together a few weeks ago he told me that I sure did pick me a good husband. 


And he couldn't be more right. 

Drive In & Rexburg Rapids

Last night the cousins and we, us, whatever is proper English, went to the Drive In! I haven't been to a Drive In since I was little. Last time I remember was after a Cammack reunion (my maternal grandmother's side) - we took along some little cousin who I don't remember. He put his car right on a little ant pile and part way through the movie my dad had to take him into the bathroom and help him shake the ants out of his pants. I can't even imagine how bad that hurt! Ants in the Pants! NO THANKS!

We were lucky enough to have no such problems. We still don't have camping chairs (Well lets face it - we've gone 'camping' twice since we've been married - we're so lame.) I hope this summer we get to go a few more times than that! Anyways, we took our tarp and laid down our camping pads, so we got to snuggle through the movie which was awesome!! Ryan has been so busy that we really don't get snuggle time :(

We had a great time at the drive in though. It sprinkled just a little but it was light enough that we waited it through. It stayed SO warm last night (right now it is 1am and 69 degrees and I think it is cooler tonight). We were so blessed to have wonderful weather for this outing!

And a little smoochy picture from last night. We had such a hard time keeping our eyes open for a normal picture! And don't worry - that's my undershirt poking out ;)

Today I talked Ryan into going swimming. I'm such a wuss when it comes to deep, murky water - but I did tell him we could go to Rigby lake if he wanted. His favorite place is Sandbar because it has a diving board, but the current is strong enough and the water murky enough with tons of stuff growing on the bottom that I really don't like it. We opted to try out Rexburg Rapids. I think this will be more fun when we have kids, but I really enjoyed it. We didn't get slide passes because the lines were pretty long, so we just floated the lazy river and sunbathed. I loved it! Chlorinated swimming pools is really much more my cup of tea! Ryan didn't particularly like it, but he was a trooper ;)

Little Lost

I've been feeling a little lost lately. Lost in my own life. I felt like I made decisions that needed to be made, but now I just wonder if I'm just weak. I felt like I was supposed to pursue my dreams and hone my talents, but I feel like I haven't gotten very far in that direction.


Two months ago (seems crazy it was that long ago already) I started a new blog with the intent of my own little "Redo Me" to help me find myself. Well...THAT didn't last long! After just a few days I realized it wasn't quite the outlet I needed for myself. But the questions I had for myself then are just as relevant to me now.


I've struggled with trying to find "me" after high school. I felt like I had an identity with my friends and activities that kept me busy. Then after high school it was college with my roommates, and the mindset that I needed to graduate from college to make myself worth anything. And then I quit my job. And with quitting my job I lost my structure. And then I got married. And then school was becoming too much for my emotional and mental self (birth control I will forever blame you). And so I quit that too. 


And now my best friends have all or will all be gone by December. Hannah is gone. Marisa is gone. Megan is gone. Tasha has been gone, will be back for a few months and then will be gone. And Alyssa will be gone in one week. I feel like I'm losing all these things in my life and I really don't know how to handle it. I'm becoming a recluse and a loner. yay...


I think - I should get a real job. And then I don't look for one because I'm afraid that it will keep me from having the time to do what I want to do (Photography). And I don't even think about going back to school. Blah. Not for awhile yet my friends.


Sorry for the rant. It's over now. Now to go find myself...

Summer Wish List

I've been far too long away from my personal blog. I felt like I had nothing to write about. Nothing New. Nothing Exciting. Nothing Drastic. But I realized I kind of miss blogging. I would wish my life was more 'exciting' with personal things to blog about - but then I'd probably wind up pregnant. Haha. HECK NO.

To be honest. I'm bored. I can't wait for Washington. Having my family here was so wonderful because I got to go out and see and do things. And here, I just don't have that right now. Ryan is working really hard with school and I'm so proud of him for that! It's just that between school, work, and his calling - I don't get much of a husband left to me at the end of the day, if I'm even lucky enough to see him. I think today I spent a total of... hmm.. 1 hour with him?

I CANNOT WAIT for him to be done with school! 'Summer' can't come fast enough. I really hope we get to go do some fun and romantic things this summer since last summer that plan died a quick death.

Some of the things we'd love to have time (and money) for this summer:

Lagoon (I've never been...)
Yellowstone (This time with him)
Island Park Canoeing
Horseback Riding
BBQ with friends
Bonfire with friends
Camping
Game Nights
Stargazing in the Hammock
HIKING - Palisades, Tetons (so not in shape for this though)

I really hope he gets to come to Washington with me for some time so I can spend some time on the beach, in the mountains and view the beautiful side of Washington.

Wish us luck to actually get to spend some time together!

Family Reunion

Reunion was great but a bit too short. Last summer Ryan met a small portion of the family at the unofficial reunion (since now we're doing them every 2 years). This year at reunion we had 169 people at one point. NO JOKE. My extended family is huge. My grandparents had 13 children, and most of their children had 4+ children, if not all. I have so many cousins I don't even know some of them. My oldest cousin is 6 months younger than my youngest uncle if that puts anything into perspective for you.


I felt like this year at reunion I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with the people around me! I'm so grateful for the relationships with my cousins I've been able to form in the past few years. And of course it helps that they're board-gamers as well ;)


Friday night the family started it off great with the re-telling of classic stories. Ryan and I were in the group with the story of Sleeping Beauty. We made great dancing fairies and Ryan made great use of the props from the prop bag. I really wish he could have kept the pants, but I guess my aunt wanted them back - shoot!


We stayed up that night gaming - what else? Saturday had some structured activities but for the most part I got to spend the day in conversation with many different people. Saturday night was a fun talent show - with my cousins Laura and Brandon and their kids singing this song by Train I've never heard but thought was hilarious!


We didn't stay up quite as late partying Saturday night as we had Friday night, but we were probably feel a bit of the bug. Ryan got up in the middle of the night and was throwing up. THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT I HAD TO CLEAN UP BARF since being married... and I haven't had to clean up adult barf for a really long time. Last time he was sick we were at home and could make it to the bathroom each time. Luckily, he barfed on our tarp and not on the bed or the lovely old nasty carpet in the cabin. I don't know what I would've done if I had to smell that all night. It was bad.


Anyways. It was sad to have to send him home feeling that way, but that is the way it works :/


In all, reunion was great! I wish it really could have been longer. 


As my brother shared, 


"Life cheats you. School year is so slow, and the summer speeds by like nothing else."

Island Park & Yellowstone

My lovely parents and lil' bro came for a week-long visit before our family reunion. Pictures will have to come a little later, and will probably be in a separate post.

Sunday night after reunion my parents, Caidin, Alyssa and I headed to Island Park. My parents rented a little cabin out at Mack's Inn for the night. The other boys were headed back to their jobs and school and other real life and so it was just up to us to party! Well kind of... Some of the family got sick so most of our Sunday was spent napping and chilling on the couch with a couple of games.

Monday we headed up to Yellowstone Park. We didn't have a ton of time to spend in the park so we headed first to Old Faithful. . We walked around some of the walkways and checked out lots of the geysers. We saw our first of the wildlife - a buffalo hanging out about 20 yards from the path.

My favorite part was the drive back to West Yellowstone. We stopped at the Paint Pots, which had a beautiful blue pool, and pulled out in alot of the side roads. We also saw our second buffalo while at one of these stops! Some of the sights are just breathtaking. I can't wait to go back. I wish I had the money and the company to just travel, travel, travel, and see the sights.

Monday night we took in a show at West Yellowstone's Playmill! We were super excited to see the Drowsy Chaperone. Alyssa and I with our hubbys had seen it when it was on campus up here at BYUI. We were shocked to see that some of our favorite characters were the same! The 'narrator' is just hilarious. The musical is set during Prohibition and so the chaperone is always so drowsy because she's downing liquor. The whole show is ridiculous and funny. I love it.

Update :)

These past few months have been crazy! Alot has been going on emotionall, mentally, and with hormones. BLAH!

So here is what I am now doing:

Withdrawn from School. Will be graduating with my Associates Degree!

Building my Photography Clientele and trying to do more photoshoots!

Growing my Mary Kay business! Huge goals here and I am so excited!

We have some student loans that I'm hoping to have paid off before any interest accrues. So Lots of hard work is coming my way, but it is a good kind of stressful!

DOING WHAT I LOVE AND LOVING WHAT I DO!!!!!