I truly love being a mom but it seems the more I care and try to help my 13 year old get where she needs to, the more frustrated I get with her.
She is a great girl, loves the Lord, loves her friends which could be part of the problem here when it comes to school and priorities with grades. I am proud of her and all that she has accomplished, a lot of it on her own while I have been holding down 3 part time positions working 3 to 4 nights of 15 hours for almost 3 years. But her last progress report was disappointing. I don't expect A's but for her to always do her BEST. She has openly said she has not been doing all she can, so in the midst of the past week, she no longer has phone and social privileges. Thought we were heading in the right direction this week with all her early and late tutorials only to find out she is now failing Science. That strategy worked well!
Some days I wonder, why try and why bother? I have been trying to let her grow up and haven't been asking about her grades this past 6 weeks. Actually didn't think I had too! My point being that she seems to start out every 6 weeks with grades that are not where they should or could be so she and I spend the last 2 weeks trying to get her grades where they need to be.
This comes after she had been on probation for NJHS which she worked so hard to become a part of only to be dropped recently. Such a shame to work so hard for this honor in my opinion to have it be gone as fast as you got there! I know, this is not what defines her now or in the future but it all helps down the road should she decide to go to college, right? Also, I have spent a lot of time as well as her mentor from church, discussing doing the hard things and taking the time to do what you do, the best you can the first time.
So tonight I sit here ready to throw in the towel. At this point, I am going to let her go and will see where she goes from here. This is a tough spot to be in but when you get to this point, it seems no matter how much or what you say, the only thing that is going to help her mature is to find the way that works for her despite my willingness to help and make suggestions out of LOVE. (What do parents know right, nothing in the eyes of teenagers so it seems) I will always be here to pick her up so when she falls, it will be up to her as to how she responds and reacts to challenges. I feel like I have said my peace. So today, is another tough day. She gives back her I Phone and gets a phone to call out or receive calls only. I will see how hard she is willing to work to get it back as well as her social life which seems to be the most important thing in her life, along with going to church where she loves to share Him with those in her circle. (Why does parenting have to be so full of joys and frustrations?)
I know one thing, the more you care, the more you are disappointed when your efforts turn out differently then you pictured. I often think of how our Heavenly Father sees us when we fall constantly. We are no different then our children, I think that is why I want things to be so different.
On a sweeter note tonight, here is my angel!
Start Strong and Finish Strong is my new mantra for her!! Love these pictures of Demi and her squad for their spring photo shoot earlier in 2014. Aren't they beautiful? Love them and their families and this journey we have taken together. Demi made the cheer team again for her 9th grade year. We are looking forward to this year even more because two of her best friends made it too. It has been such a blessing and expensive, lol!
I will keep you posted so stay tuned to the story He is writing for us <3 p="">
So today I had lunch with a dear friend who I cherish and adore, she is such a blessing! I really needed to have some time to try to figure out which way I need to go with my career and life as a family. The road I am on is one that I am not happy and of fulfilled with and changes need to be taken and soon. I feel so drained which is another reason why I am at this point with Demi. My life is so out of balance and for amny reasons, I am sure you can tell by the way I am all over the place tonight.
I am sure I am not alone but isn't it funny when we experience life, we always feel like we are the only ones who must be bad moms and or can't seem to do anything right. I am so ready for God to take me somewhere wonderful and to open a door that I could never have dreamed up for myself, my family, and His Kingdom. I am so ready!!!
Praying you can find a few things to be thankful for as you go through your day. Today I am thankful for: 1. the gift of life, my daughter, my family, my friends, my 3 jobs even though I am soo soo tired, my health, a running car and the friend who has loaned it to me, the fact that I can buy simple things like TP, a DP from McDonalds, a night off to blog and read which by the way, will share some amazing books before I finish tonight, my prayer journal for Demi, the home are co-existing in, and the warmer weather today here in Texas.
Here are the latest books I have read and have loved: The Noticer and The Noticer Returns by Andy Andrews, The Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson, and Your Divine Fingerprint by Keith Craft. Right now I am reading The Traveler's Gift by Andy Andrews and In A Pit With a Lion On A Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. I am also reading and have started can i have and do it all please by christane caine. So many books, not enough time!!
So it is time to say good night until tomorrow so I can read and write in my daughter's journal while reading my bible to leave her a message and verse for the day. I have so loved leaving her messages and life lessons in her journal for her 13 birthday. I can't wait to give it to her someday.
Hugs and love and praying you know you are valued and loved too -
Diana aka BiT
