being a teacher is challenging

i have been a teacher for about three months now.

it's difficult, i tell you.

as a new teacher, you'll feel LOST. i don't know about you. but i feel i still don't know what teacher am I or what kind of teacher I want to be. I just go with the flow.

being a teacher, meaning being an adult, being someone the students look up to. #perhaps.  it comes with lots of responsibility.

there's this part in you that you are rooting for the students, why? because you were a students once. and you know how boring one lesson or one teacher can be.

than there's this part where you are the teacher. you are obliged to do your job so you really feel committed to finish your job or successfully teaching something that the students understand and enjoy.

the attitude of the students really makes whether your teaching difficult or not. sometimes you want to be a kind teacher BUT they'll will step on your head! and stomp it!

meanwhile if you're going to be a strict teacher, you'll be hated.

i'll try my best to keep writing about my experience or opinions about being a teacher. but sometimes the experience is too hateful that i choose to delete it from my memories.

expectation

people expect too much from other people.. especially for girls.

i think it was two days ago, it was Women's Day.
i think it was my first time hearing/reading about this 'day'.
and i support it fully. i think we need to appreciate women..

we have so many women role model in this world. but can you be one?
that's the question. being a future teacher in the future. i am blessed to be looked upon by not only 30-40 students but the whole school. i would say around 300++ students, teachers and staff.
that's on the side note.

when i say there are many role model of women in this world where we have Oprah Winfrey, Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah, Yuna, and many more. I can't help but think many women also look up to models, singers and actresses like Miranda Kerr, YooNa and Jennifer Lawrence. They have this perfect body figure which are to die for. How is possible for a women to look so lovely at all times. They have the perfect hair, perfect face, perfect smile, perfect flat tummy and a perfect skinny long legs.

I have to admit I'm starting to despise myself for not looking as they are. I want to be pretty like them and I want to be skinny like them. It's too much pressure for a girl to feel that  way. But that is what media is feeding us, they are brainwashing us to see the meaning of perfection by a women. You must have a flat tummy, your teeth must be white and perfect and you must have a thigh gap.

I want to share my story to you guys. There is this one fine day where I feel good about myself. I felt happy and doing my house chores as usual. During tea, i offered to go out and buy banana fritters. So I went out and I met the lady who sells these banana fritters. I know this lady as she was my friend's mother. The first thing she commented was I look chubbier than before. How dare she. You don't know me well enough and I just met you in a long time. And the first thing you asked me is my weight???? I will not forget about this incident for the rest of my life. It really scarred me.

Pengorbanan

When it's Aidiladha, I always think it is a holiday and there's nothing much too it.

Cause my family wasn't the kind where we celebrate Aidiladha as grand as Aidilfitrie.

But when it's Aidiladha,we often hear the story of our Prophet Ibrahim and his sacrifice. 

Everytime I hear this story, I always think WOW! His dedication is something admirable. 

And when I think of sacrifice, i think about my parents sacrificing their time n money for us five siblings and how can i be the same when i have my own family someday. 

This year has been different, when i think of sacrifice, i think about my parents n the time i had to sacrifice my trip to Korea because of my heart surgery. 

Well, my friends and I have been planning for this trip for almost a year. If you are among my friends, you'll know I'm obsessed with KPOP songs and Kdrama. And going to Korea will be a dream come true. 

However, a day before my trip, I received a call from the hospital that my turn was up to go through surgery (cause I was on the waiting list for quite some time). If I decline this call, I'll never know when the next date for my surgery. Maybe I have to wait another year for my name to come up again. So I was in dilemma, and I tell you It was the worst! It's either going there and have fun with friends and not knowing when is the next date of my surgery. Or go through with the surgery and I have to sacrifice all the money I spend in buying tickets to go there.  Either or, I still need to go through surgery. It's a heart surgery! After a long discussion with family and friends and I think, it's a matter of health and we can find money anywhere. I chose my heart and not Korea. 

The dilemma I went through, the sacrifice I made.. Sometimes it's difficult to choose which one to sacrifice.  Will it be worth it? What happens next? It's hard and scary at the same time. I'm thankful cause I have a very understanding friends and supportive family. Either one I choose, I know I will feel safe. 

 And now I wonder the feeling of other people who went through a bigger sacrifice than mine?

Lets Hustle!

I'm a big fan of the KPOP world..

I'm like the hipster of KPOP....

Hahaha...

Condemn me as much as you want..

But sometimes they make really really good songs either Pop or Ballad. 

I can't deny it.. 

Below are among my favourites for this month...

p/s: i know i'm biased. well~~~