I remember sonia saying that bobs cannot be my everything in response to my i-can't-be-bothered-with-people-i-don't-think-i-need-to-be attitude. And then i thought about it. True, bobs cannot be my everything. But even if i do not have him cause he cannot always be there, i don't need to make superficial friends. In fact, i don't think i need totally disgusting people to be my friends. That said, i shall not try to be nice anymore. I should just not bother. Ah. That means, even if so-and-so said hi, i'd just pretend i didn't hear. Finally a good wake-up call. Nothing is more important than studies in university level. Everything i had faith in for the year just crash on the floor like dirt. I feel stupid. Really really stupid. And most of all, i must have been blind. And i'll never be again.

And another lesson learnt, never plan your workload thinking that it's okay there'd be people to help you out, else you'd not get to sleep the entire night. Just like now! This is fantastic. And it's not like you get to sleep the next day. Now i really feel stupid.

I thought i hate it when people make broken promises. Then i realised that i hate it even more when people are not committed. I just don't think everything is a valid reason. Work is, perhaps something you paid a huge sum for is, but anything other than that just doesn't justify. You might have pledged commitments to many other things and didn't expect this very commitment of yours to crop up and require more time of yours, but these don't quite justify your stand if you're not willing to sacrifice any other commitment at all. I don't even get a single apology, or a simple word of thanks. And i actually thought i will not be supporting the weight alone anymore after valid justifications like work and etc are done with and through. I don't expect workloads to be accurately splitted up into equal portions. But i can't be doing >90% of everything on my own. I source for ideas all the time, think of what to do next all the time, meet the relevant people on my own, crumble and feel the stress on my own, then try to convince myself that i can still make it happen. And yet i still have to approach people to update them all the time. They don't even ask me or feel the need to be updated about things. Did i not mention i hate one-man shows? Like hello, i'm not interested in conducting a one-man show. And i hate it that i just cannot express my anger with people. I wonder why. But seriously i'm god damn tired, and if not for the fact that i have others to answer to, or that this is also for myself, i'd have given up already.

P.S. This might very well be my last entry here.

I think he's completely misunderstood by many and somehow i feel very sad for him due to his many tough experiences etc. Yet he loved and was involved in many charities, raising tonnes of funds. I think he's truly amazing and a truly talented man. His moonwalk is insanely smooth! Sigh.

4th October'1988;
Loves literally everything;
Loves and hates herself;
Acts like a kid sometimes;
Tends to bottle-up alot;
Often very insecure;

Be an inspiring doctor;
Help as many as i can;
Dance en pointe;
Complete piano studies;
Master the guitar by myself;
Do mom and dad proud;

t o g e t h e r . a l w a y s