talent search. i cant help but not think david, justin and henry did'nt get in. it was so obvious that they did so much better than the dance group which practically had no cordination at all. to hell with the judge.

aces day was fun by making a fool of myself standing on top of the stupid bench and not knowing how to do a shit. luckily i was behind. :)

finally..FINALLY! i watched charlie and the choclate factory!. ha wei rong... lemon barley... here i come!! woot........

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:19 PM-

boo..

school was funny. nikki's pen was half spoilt. there was still some ink, so she told me to try and help her fix it. so i hit it really hard on its tip. kinda used a little too much force it ended up poking a hole through 7 of my papers. ok. so it ended up being even more spoilt cause no ink came out. so i took a scissors and cut the tip too much and i ended up cutting the whole ball. and all the ink started coming out and it was too much. =)

for a matter of fact, im cursed too. yesterday, i was talking to zhang during physics and mr wee made him stand behind the class. today, i was talking to keith and mrs tan made him stand outside the class. opppz.
x) tralalala.


we lost for interclass soccer. second aint that bad.

subway rules.


im bored. aces day is gonna suck. woot. im so unfamilar with all the steps and im gonna have to stand in front. SOS.


curses>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:59 PM-

Funeral Of Shattered Hearts

bullshit.
just sums up everything.
my life. my day.
everything.
i need to do something constructive.
not just wasting my entire life away.

training sucked like shit.
never have i felt so embarrased and pissed during training for quite a while.
i dont wanna play for the freaking carnival.


oh yea, we are all the same.
we are young and lost and so afraid.
theres no cure for the pain
no shelter from the rain.
all out prayers seem to fail.


ENJOY THE SILENCE MY FRIENDS.



curses>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:43 PM-

changed

im doing my homework!

IM DOING MY HOMEWORK!

IM-DOING-MY-HOMEWORK!


havent done homework during the weekends for a loooooooooooooooooooooong time.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-10:00 PM-

Meet My Maker

theres nothing wrong with being a loser. it just depends on how good you are at it.

fact of the day: shan rules at being a loser.

i wasted 21 hours of my damn life today.
doing nothing.
just to think about it.
i waste every damn day of my life.
its no point. no use.
stab me to death.


still thinking how to decorate and design my room. *attic.
i dont even have a fucking door. i have a gate. how cool is that. how many people actually have gates! x)

FONGIE: i need your help! =)


kindness.
so much for it.
im not gonna give a shit.
typical.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-7:57 PM-

The Truth

being angry is more interesting than feeling good. dont you just agree.

i realise my life is filled more with anger than happiness.

whatever...


i aimed for peace
but hatred just surged in instead
why are things turning out the way they arent meant to me.
"kill me please" she yelled.
it was never real.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-7:22 PM-

tralalala... i just rule at spending money.

1. lovely misfits shirt!! : $38
2. three quarters: $36
3. bracelet: $7
4. ya kun kaya toast: $2
5. bread talk: $1
6. lime mag: $3
7. earrings: $7
8. more earrings: $6

total: $100 on the dot.

-----------------------------(it was saved as a draft)-------------------

i was super super happy.

until i came home.

it killed everything.

my stupid father let my stupid aunties take my little kaizer(my dog) to their house. ok well my grandma's house. i just bathed that little thing today. it took such great pains to bathe it. i washed it. and even hair dried it. never in my life have i taken such a long and hard time to bathe a dog. and there, my stupid father lets them take it to the house. BY THE WAY: MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE IS THE FILTHIEST AND MOST DISGUSTING HOUSE IN THE FUCKING WORLD! they played with kaizer on the grass. they let him play with their other dogs which are stinky too. my cousin even brought him to his damn friends house. wtf. arghhh!!! fuck them to death. i hate them so much. i dont even look at them or say a hi when they are right in front of me. my mom's a shit too. why cant she just stop being a fake. i shouted as loud as i could to her. hoping those witches would prolly hear me. ok. i shoudnt get mad at my mom. she wasnt home. my dad's such a fag.

call me petty what-so-ever.

im getting angry over such a small matter.

im such a wimp.

no amount of words can express shan's hatred for them.

die please.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:01 PM-

Demolished Me.

Its all about power. About taking control.
Breaking the will, and raping the soul.
They suck us dry till theres nothing left.

never dominate me. never.

the difference between and you and me :

i do what i like.
you do what you're told.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:29 AM-

function on impatience

i dont get my chemistry teacher at all.
she told me a few weeks ago that i was too noisy in class and said that she was going to change my place if i don't quieten down.
i listened. for once.
and today, she told me that i daydream too much and my mind keeps on wondering off.
so what do you want me to do asshole?
people are never satisfied creatures.
we're seriously better off dead.

ok, maybe my attention span is just way too short.
just like how i cant even study straight for 10 mins and how i can talk to wei rong on the phone and fall asleep just like that halfway.
but nice me woke up.
x)


why does school always suck so much.
it makes my life miserable.
like a living hell.
i dread every single second of it.
whats more, its such a bore.
who wants to join me in my act of terrorism and bomb the shit outta school's up.


i made a "voodoo-ed" paper version of zhang today and stabbed him with my needle.
we are all suckers for tragedies.
R.I.P.



i still seriously dont understand.
how at all did i ever get involved and entangled in your relationship, which was apparently over by the way.
but as shocked and as clueless and god-knows-what as i am,
i dont give a shit about everything.
stupid things are said.
stupid things are done.


Why do we need this
Who was it that said great things come to great men
Well that fucker lied to us
There's nothing here but a wasteland
And I can still see the graves of the dead
I'm sick and I'm tired of always being the good guy
Senseless and I'm not sure why.


i wish i could just expire at times. like you know...
DATE DUE: 26 august 2005
PRODUCT: shanti the great
boil me up! cut me up! chew me up! eat me up! swallow me down! digest me up! shit me out!
x)


my patience is wearing thin.
im starting not to be able to stand you.
FATS. >
take a gun called hate up against your heart and pull the trigger.
thank you.
be oppressed by me.
WOOT.


damn. i havent blogged so much so long.

are we the waiting...

sorry for the abrupt ending.
=)


CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-7:25 PM-

To The End.

im so immune to failing it gets the best out of me.


my chemical romance rules. im loving every single bit of them right now.

thanks for the chocolate fongie! i didnt win the GOLDEN TICKET as much as i wanted too! boo. x)


people.
minds.
individual.
haters.

fit the pieces together yourself fags. total bullshit.


I keep a gun on the bunk you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load.



im still not done with my stinking chinese compo which is utterly retarded.



people come.
people go.
nights grow.
memories fade.
everyone's all the same.
it makes no difference to me anymore.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:09 PM-

shit happens

so much shit is happening. so much that i dont give a damn about anything.

to: _____.
sorry but i hate the way you judge people just because they are apparently "flirting" with your boyfren. zoom into the picture please. whose right and whose wrong. get your facts right. u're becoming so blahhy and god-knows-what you seriously piss the shit outta me.


PEOPLE CHANGE.
LIFE STILL HAS TO GO ON.
SO STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE WTH HATE AND REGRET.


ok, im so smart. i failed 5 subjects so far and counting.

loserified is the word for me. Period.


CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:29 PM-

I'm the patron saint of the denial.
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal.




CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:49 PM-

why cant you just respect people's privacy.


"DONT TELL"

is it so fucking hard not to understand these 2 simple words?
cant you just shut that gap.
i seriously dont understand what is wrong with you.
lesson learnt.
Period.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:37 PM-

ok. today sucked shit.
school was bullshit. i failed all of the 3 tests i got back.
training sucked. i wasnt in the mood at all.
i need to find a new interest.
help needed.


wan fong! dont think too much about your maths k. :)

did i mention i got a new dog? hahaha. i love my lil baby. woot!

im wonder why people get so edgy over the slightest shit. i know its none of my freaking business. and nobody listens anyway. deaded.

america's next top model rules. as much as i hate tyra banks.

BOO HOO HOO.

i hate school so much i could kill myself. lets die wr. lol.


im whinney
im whimpy
im cranky.

NEXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

tmr would be a better day. hopefully. stop all the bullshit. now die.


CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:39 PM-

rules are meant to be broken.
i live my own life.
i make my own choices.
i'm finding the person i wanna be. as an individual.
sifting through the darkness to find the real me.
patiences.



went to watch them jam today. nikki's bbq yesterday was ok i guessed. even though getting pushed into the pool sucked. people are shit creatues.

.....

CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-11:18 PM-

hear me rant: WTFWTFWTF.

im feeling all hyped up now. don't ask.
why are things turning out this way. don't ask.
fuck everything. don't ask.


THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.


curses>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:34 AM-

yippeeee... common test is finally over... the day ive finally been waiting for. i slept at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning just to study my freaking geog and chem. and in the end, i didnt even finish studying and im gonna fail both my papers. yays!
im not going to school tmr! wooopie....
i just so love ponning school :)

anyway.. after school. went out with wei rong, virnice, shu yi, justin and henry. keith, kester and zhang were supposed to come too.. stupid freaking asses. well, watched bewitched. shit show. dinner was cool. we were all telling jokes the entire time. charlie and the chocolte factory is still waiting for me at cinemas!!



Well I'll choose the life I've taken, never mind the friends I'm making
and the beauty that I'm faking lets me live my life like this

typical.

CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-10:51 PM-

o0o... slipknot's in singapore playing now!!

a maths and social studies sucked. the first question of my ss i used the freaking wrong source. who gives a shit.

after school, i went to eat katong laksa with wei rong =). i feel my fats bubbling by the second.


activities coming up

• nikki's bbq
• ice skating
• virnice's birthday
• wei rong's birthday
• corpse bride :)

PLEASE NOTE: SHAN WOULD BE A HAPPY GIRL IN TWO DAYS TIME.

dreams dont come true.

do you believe in a thing called fate and destiny?

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:09 PM-

fuck hitler
even though i think you're cool
you made my life hell.

total bullshit.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-7:47 PM-

die.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-8:13 AM-

i just went for one of the most horrible dinners i ve ever gone in my life.


fisrtly, i wasnt my my parents and 2 of their friends. i was the only kiddo. like.. what am i supposed to do! i didnt wanna go. but my mom forced me.

secondly, my dad was like already half fucking drunk before we even reached there. bitch.

thirdly, we went to cafe cartel, AGAIN! im so sick of that freaking place. i have been like going there almost evey single week.

fourthly, i was already in such a bad mood and totally pissed.

fifthly, it just sucked. big.

whatever...

im gonna flunk my common tests. yea.. ive said that a million times. well i just cant seem to study. aint my fault.
blame it on the brain. o0o. that sounds nice. x)

someone learn and sing funeral song to me everyday!


CURSES>

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-10:04 PM-

boo. im freakin bored. i just feel like dying. i cant study. i just cant. god kill me please. need some help here.

i feel like going out. to a rock concert.
YES! YES!
ive got all the energy trapped within me right now.
imagine if green day or the used come.
ok. ill shut up now.

rock out and all that crap.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-5:51 PM-

mug. mug. mug. we human beings are such pathetic lifeless creatures.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-8:51 AM-

feel like im stoned.
wanna be alone, just for awhile, unknown.

yesterday was such a great day. minusing the school part.
wan fong and i went to support My Broken Lullaby. [david.justin.jonathan.reagan's band]. those guys are hot shit man. =) . they'll probably make it through the audition. by the time i reached home was like 9.45pm. it was so fun. hahaha.

nikki didnt come to school today. asshole. common test is on monday. im so deaded. i haven exactly studied. past attempts all failed miserably. im giving up....

wan fong and i had a really wierd convo on the bus concerning which songs make us cry.

funeral song by the rasmus is screwing up my entire brains. im addicted to it and loving it...it just makes me wanna cry.

P.S. : SOMEONE PLEASE PLAY IT ON MY FUNERAL. THANKS.


The Rasmus - Funeral Song

It's happened before
Can't take it no more
These foolish games
Always end up in confusion
I'll take you back
Just to leave you once again

I died in my dreams
What's that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire

I've failed you again
'Cause I let you stay
I used to pretend
That I felt ok
Just one big lie
Such a perfect illusion
I made you mine
Just to hurt you once again

I died in my dreams
What's that supposed to mean?
Got lost in the fire
I died in my dreams
Reaching out for your hand
My fatal desire

go listen to it and kill yourself.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-6:50 PM-

the national day parade is going on now. i seriously think thats the dumbest shit in the world. it serves no point. just to show loyalty for this stupid island? hmmm.

i watched the bicentennial man last night. man i love that show. made me realise that the purpose of living life is to be what we really are. that makes each and every one of us so different. i suck at phrasing my thoughts. x). just reminds me for the anthem.

I dont ever wanna be like you.
i dont wanna do the things you do.

we should be what we really are. i hate fakes. like HATE hate.
even though i like the way "im a fake" sounds. x). ok thats dumb.

come to think about it. what are we achieving with the bullshit that we're fed. the bloody schools overload our minds with useless crap. we're gonna die sooner or later. just a matter of time. ok, maybe thats not the deal. i dont even see how what we are taught relates to our future.




had our fashion show in school yesterday. LOL. even though we did'nt win, had loads of fun. woot. ponned the aces day shit with saira. after that, went to bugis with wei rong. my whole weeks allowance is gone. thanks to neoprints. -.- . gee. i love her camera. we took sooo mnay pics. =) then went to my house to "study". we really wanted too! i think my house is jinxed. its flooded with sleeping powder. went to my lil attic to study. we kept on yawning n yawning non stop so we decided to use the com for a while. after that we tried to studing in the master bedroom. we both literally slept with our heads on the table for almost an hour!! boo hoo hoo. im gonna flunk my common test. ok, so we didnt study the entire day. hahaha.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-7:11 PM-

i dont feel me. i dont care about the stuff happening around me. i hate people's comments but yet i'm so over sensitive towards them. someone shoot me please. i might seem happy on the outside but sometimes....

i might have everything in this life. a family. a home. friends. is that all we need? but do people love me for who i am or what i am. i dont like my parents caring for me and showing me concern. friends. lets not even talk about it. but thanks wei rong, wan fong saira for being there for me the most. the rest........i dunno whats wrong with me. giving up......

im a pessimist. the more i listen to the young and the hopeless, the more it gets to me.

P.S. wr: go to school by bus tmr with me! =)

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-6:24 PM-

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

these eyes have seen no conviction. just lies. and more contradiction.

ALRITE LITTLE KIDDOS. ARE YOU READY? COME ON. LETS REIGN IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-8:29 AM-

hmmm. went to school today for maths. i seriously thought i was going to be late.

shan: oh fuck! i think im going to be late
nikki: oh my god.. i just woke up.. and your sms woke me up..

lol. it was funny. but in the end we ended up reaching school on time and at the same time.

after school we wenna macs with nikki, clar, keith, tara, chermaine and zhang. sausage mac muffin with egg! =). the wierdest thing thing was that like almost half of my class was there. so near yet so far. keith lost his hp. left it at macs.oh wells. at least we got him his 7-mths belated bdae present to make up for his loss.

i forgot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RA!! i still owe you your present.=)

do not comment on anything thats got to do with me. ill hate you for that. sue me if you wish. it just puts me off.

im changing for the better. i treat my friends well. and what do i get in return. fuck you.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-1:54 PM-

its me against this world and i don't care.

great. im failing practically almost everything in my shit school.

http://www.jerryhunt.org/JerryHunt/kill.asp

check it out if you feel like killing youself using the inhalation of carbon monoxide gas. yea.

had my freakin chinese oral today. bet you im gonna fail. x) .

clarisse, faith, chermaine, tara are coming soon. i dont mind them coming at all, but like just to discuss for the fashion show on monday??! wtf... its retarded.

i hate people who think they are smart and try to argue for their "rights" when they make no sense at all. trying to show that you're smart? stupidity's the perfect word that fits you right. rot in hell please, you plain dumb freak.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-6:59 PM-

friends. i possess a rightful amount of them. its so easy just to make them. but seriously. how many of them are actually true. how many of them actaully stand by you in times of trouble. yea. its hard. people are selfish. well at least, i am. i usually think of myself alot more than i think of others. people bitch. people backstab. i bitch too. im trying not too. who can you trust? no one. the only person you can is yourself. so shut up. i just felt like saying that. the world is a bad place to begin with.

im feeling all shittified and thrashed up now. beats me why too.

you look like ass
yoou smell like shit
why are you such a dick
you walk around like you're the tits
you always make me sick.

wenna jam today. it was ok i guess. i broke a test-tube. yays. go away.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-9:06 PM-

bahh.. utter retarded day today. to spoil my entire day, first thing in the morning, found out we werent chosen for talent search.[THE CURSED RULE!].. im was pissed. like wtf. ok damn. im such a wimp. at least we tried our best rite guys? haha.. training sucked like shit. bloody bok had to come when we ended and we had to like what.. stay back an extra hour. and all for us were already melting in the freakin sun. god bless our souls. damnit. bullshit day! im not really in a mood to blog. im such a sucker.

:: WORDS ESCAPED ME AT ::
-6:14 AM-